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‚You can get addicted to a certain kind of sadness‘
Yuri knew that. Don’t ask him how, he wouldn’t tell you anyway, he’d probably just started screaming at you and then left with tears of anger, sorrow and despair running down his cheeks.
He would tell a very few creatures on this planet about his problems, three of them, more specifically. His precious cat Potya, his dearest friend Otabek Altin, and the love of his life, Katsuki Yuuri.
It had been six months since his grandfather died. It crushed him. Nothing more and nothing less could be said about how he felt. Not that he wasn’t expecting it, but he hoped, hoped and hoped.
But you know what?
Fuck you, hope. He said.
They called me angsty teen before, but maybe that’s just who I am and who I always will be. He thought to himself one afternoon. One of those afternoons.
On those afternoons, he just liked to sit in his room, in the Old man’s and Katsudon’s apartment and remember. The times he had spent with his grandpa, the day he made him the Katsudon phirozhki, the day he came out to his grandpa as gay and he accepted him so lovingly and happily, the day they had a family dinner with the Old man and Katsudon, the day he won the Grand Prix final and his grandpa cried happy tears and also the funeral. He remembered the funeral a lot.
It was a beautiful one as far as funerals go. Yakov and Lilia helped organizing everything but it was up to him to choose the decorations and the music.
It was surprisingly easy. For decorations white roses and for music, On love – Agape. What else, right?
When it was done, he remembered coming home (to the annoying lovesick couple’s apartment) and feeling numb. He locked himself in his room and just sat. But then that pig, no, Yuuri, came to his room with a bowl of soup and warm look on his face.
The soup was left untouched but he ended up falling asleep in Katsuki Yuuri’s arms for the first time on that night, soaking his shirt with his desperate tears.
Even though he suffered, he still remebered how Yuuri smelled and how warm he was. And how much he envied Viktor. He couldn’t bring himself to hate him though, because how could he hate someone who made the person he loved so happy?
Since then the similar scene repeated several times. Him crying in Katsudon’s arms, slowly falling asleep.
And God he knew it would be easier if the Katsudon wasn’t so nice, polite, open minded, welcoming and just fucking perfect all the time. He was one of the very few people whose presence helped him relieve the pain from the loss of his grandfather.
On one of those nights, Yuuri fell asleep before he did. That was when Yuri realized he was in love with that man.
He was fifteen years old when he knew, that Katsuki Yuuri was his Eros.
He was seventeen when he realized he was also his Agape.
So yeah, he knew that when the sadness you are experiencing brought you closer to the person you loved, it somehow wasn’t that agonizing. It was that kind of sandess you could get addicted to.