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Fareeha knew by the look on Angela’s face that she was in trouble. She could see her blue eyes turn stern, her lips pursing and her arms crossing violently over her chest. It had been so long since she had seen her like this and as ever it sent a cold spear through her chest. Perhaps this would be the time. The time when Angela would give up and let her go. She had never threatened as such, but there would only be so many times that her girlfriend could watch her get hurt over and over before she distanced herself from everything.
It was unlucky that there had been no other medics around aside from Angela who was free to tend to the large wound in Fareeha’s thigh. The shrapnel that had been imbedded in her flesh had stuck out at all angles, and now, even with the wound hidden beneath the bandages and stitching, she knew that Angela could still see it in her mind. Another close call after a moment of recklessness. The tension within the air felt as though it could be cut with a very sharp knife as they stayed in silence, the nervous and frustrated energy radiating off of Angela in spades.
“Well?” Fareeha spoke, her voice raising slightly in the silence. “Yell! Scream! Say something… anything?”
Still the silence continued as Angela shook her head. As if a switch had been flipped, the woman before her seemed to sag slightly as she leaned her hand against the edge of the hospital bed and her other pressed hard against her forehead. Her eyes closed tightly as she let a heartbreaking, shaky sigh escape from her lips.
“Ange…”
“Why must you be so stupid ?” Angela asked, her voice shaking as tears slipped down her face.
“I needed to save that kid, Angela. She would have died otherwise!”
“No, I was talking to myself. I... know, why you did what you did. I know that. I’m just… I’m a doctor! Seeing you in this state shouldn’t affect me as much as it does. Your wound was treatable, especially with the quick response time and I have cleaned the wound sufficiently so that the chance of infection should be at its minimal. I can’t… I know all of these things, yet my heart hurts and I had to force myself to stop shaking. You worried me, Schätzli.”
Seeing the tears rolling down Angela’s eyes, Fareeha instantly pushed herself up in the bed and tried to pull her girlfriend in for a hug. She grimaced slightly as she felt a radiating pain in her leg at the movement, but she did not care. It seemed even Angela had forgotten the injury for a moment, as she didn’t scold Fareeha has she normally would, instead wrapping her arms tightly around her lover’s waist and burying her face in the crook of her neck.
“You shouldn’t have been the one to tend to me, you know that,” Fareeha said, smoothing down Angela’s hair and rubbing soothing circles on her back. “You may be a doctor but you’re only human.”
“Being human isn’t good enough sometimes,” Angela sniffed, burying her face harder into Fareeha’s neck.
“What would you rather be? Mercy, the immortal angel?”
“That would be better, yes.”
Fareeha laughed, shaking her head and pulling Angela back so she could look into her eyes. Cupping her cheeks, she pressed small kisses from her forehead to the tip of her nose, enjoying the faint, breathy laughter that escaped from those worried lips.
“What have I told you before, ya amar?”
“To stop sleeping in my office for two hours before getting back to work?”
“Yes, and?”
“To stop leaving my coffee mug in the sink when we have a dishwasher for a reason?”
“ And ?”
Angela sighed, a soft smile gracing her lips as she finally opened her glistening blue eyes.
“To stop berating myself for being human.”
“There we go! You work harder than anyone I know Angela. You did better today than most would ever be able to do. But you aren’t infallible and you cannot expect to see your loved ones in pain and not feel something, especially after the fact. I love you, ya amar, you make me so happy.”
For the second time, they embraced, only this time it was Angela who threw herself into Fareeha’s arms, the injury once again forgotten. She held her tightly for a few moments before leaning back and placing a soft, lingering kiss on her forehead.
“You need to stop assuming I’m going to leave after every injury,” Angela spoke, raising an eyebrow as if she were scolding her.
“I… how did you…?”
“You had fear in your eyes and you raised your voice. I know you, Fareeha, that’s what you do every time.”
Flushing slightly, Fareeha looked down in shame, feeling guilty that she had let that seed of anxiousness spread within her. That fear that one day Angela would look at her and decide that enough was enough was one that she alone seemed to keep alive. She knew this and yet…
“I should have spoke sooner, it is alright. I do not blame you for fearing the worst. You needn’t beat yourself up over it, schätzli. After all, you are only human.”
“You’re using my words against me now? Et tu, Angela?” Fareeha scoffed, unable to resist the smile that crept across her face.
“Of course I did,” Angela laughed, finally moving away from Fareeha with a parting kiss to the lips. “Now, get some rest, Captain Amari. Doctor’s orders.”
And with that, Angela gave her one last smile before she reluctantly left the room, no doubt to hand in paperwork before returning to Fareeha’s bedside as she always did when she was not needed elsewhere. Gingerly moving so that she could lay down again, Fareeha closed her eyes and allowed a content smile to spread across her face. Hopefully she could rest easy now, knowing that her love would return to her, just as she always did, no matter how much Fareeha feared that she would simply stop.
After all, she was only human.