Work Text:
King's College London, Department of History, "Britain in the Victorian Era" Module, Final Year
LITstory 2k17
queen v
⁃ hey so i know we all introduced ourselves in the lecture but i thought we could have a group chat????? then like if we fuck up n dont go to the lecture bc we're gattered we can still catch up on work maybe ????????
⁃ that and also idk who all of u are :/
iliketrains
⁃ Well you know who I am.
queen v
⁃ shut the hell your mouth albert
iliketrains
⁃ You're just salty bc you can't play Schubert.
queen v
⁃ schubert can suck my d i c k and your screen name is so 2010
iliketrains
⁃ Ernest set that okay I have bigger things to worry about likE THE READING HW.
EinsZweiDrei
⁃ hello yes I heard my name
emmarino
⁃ wait you all know each other ??
queen v
⁃ ye albert and ernest are my cousins but I'm obviously the better looking one
iliketrains
⁃ debatable.
emmarino
⁃ SAVAGE
⁃ anyway i'm Emma Lascelles and you are???
queen v
⁃ victoria kent-strathearn n those two nerds are albert and ernest coburg
ShrubsRGr8
⁃ wait what'd I miss.
iliketrains
⁃ Introductions.
ShrubsRGr8
⁃ nice, I'm Harriet Howard
⁃ nice to meet you all
The Governess
⁃ Drina (ﾉ◕ヮ◕)ﾉ*:・ﾟ✧
queen v
⁃ MOTHER (ﾉ◕ヮ◕)ﾉ*:・ﾟ✧
emmarino
⁃ HOW MANY RELATIVES DO YOU HAVE IN OUR COURSE JFC
queen v
⁃ shes not my actual mum lol she homeschooled me when i was younger and lbr my real mum basically roasted me for my entire childhood amiright @The Governess
The Governess
⁃ I have no clue what most of that meant but I'll agree with you Drina.
ShrubsRGr8
⁃ wait now I'm super confused i thought our professor called you Alexandrina????
queen v
⁃ lmao that's not my real name either
emmarino
⁃ is anything about your life real?
ShrubsRGr8
⁃ ILLUMINATI CONFIRMED
queen v
⁃ I WISH
⁃ nah my birth name was alexandrina victoria kent-strathearn but who tf is called alexandrina nowadays
⁃ now i'm just victoria tho i really need to tell him that
The Governess
⁃ I can do that for you if you want.
queen v
⁃ i can do it alone but ty mother <3
The Governess
⁃ <3
Princess Peaches
⁃ Sorry I was at church and had my phone off.
⁃ Flora Hastings here.
⁃ Anyone get a bad vibe off Professor Lamb? He's such a liberal AND he criticised Theresa May - the pay cap is necessary.
queen v has removed Princess Peaches from LITstory 2k17
queen v
⁃ NO TORY SPIES IN MY LOBBY
⁃ anyway that reminds me i need to tell him about the name change bye y'all
queen v
⁃ hey Prof the syllabus said messaging you's better than emailing??
Rooks PhD
⁃ Yes, I never get emails when I'm out on my estate so messaging's better. Alexandrina Kent-Strathearn, if I'm not mistaken?
queen v
⁃ that's what I wanted to talk about with you!!
⁃ i don't really go by alexandrina anymore, i prefer victoria
Rooks PhD
⁃ That would explain the screen name then.
queen v
⁃ fuck
⁃ SHIT
⁃ I MEAN
Rooks PhD
⁃ Don't stress over it, your Majesty. We're both adults.
queen v
⁃ so why's a uni prof called Rooks PhD??
Rooks PhD
⁃ 1) I like rooks, they're sociable creatures.
⁃ 2) I have a doctorate.
queen v
⁃ nice. well i guess i'll see u at the next lecture byeeeee
Rooks PhD
⁃ 'Til next lecture, Victoria.
LITstory 2k17
emmarino
⁃ @The Governess we still dont know ur name
The Governess
⁃ Johanna Clara Louise Lehzen but most just call me Lehzen.
EinsZweiDrei
⁃ NO ONE CALLS JOHANNA CLARA LOUISE LEHZEN A THIEF
ShrubsRGr8
⁃ NO ONE'S GOT THE TIME
EinsZweiDrei
⁃ ayyyyyyyyyy a fellow memer
ShrubsRGr8
⁃ so Lehzen I gotta ask so like Victoria said you homeschooled her but you're also attending uni at the same time as her????
The Governess
⁃ Drina's parents employed me to teach her half sister Feodora but then Mr Kent (God rest his soul) died soon after Drina was born and Feodora was already 14 by this point so I became her governess. I was 18 when I came over from Germany and I never got a chance to get my degree and Drina was applying so I followed where she went.
iliketrains
⁃ Germany is far better though
EinsZweiDrei
⁃ rt
⁃ though British girls are far more delicious ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)
iliketrains
⁃ I just got a message from someone and I think it's sarcastic but I can't tell????
⁃ nicetoseeyourememberedme.jpg
emmarino
⁃ ye thats sarcasm. I forgot he was in the lecture lol add him for us pls
iliketrains added AlfieP to LITstory 2k17
iliketrains
⁃ Blame Victoria for not adding you.
AlfieP
⁃ I just scrolled up to see what i missed.
⁃ @EinsZweiDrei I'm kinkshaming you.
queen v
⁃ I HECKED UP Y'ALL
⁃ i said the f*ck word and the sh*t word to the prof
AlfieP
⁃ why are you censoring those????
queen v
⁃ bc i dont want innocent Lehzen seeing that
⁃ also who r you
AlfieP
⁃ Alfred Paget, I think Prof Lamb figured I didn't need introducing since Im retaking final year.
⁃ @iliketrains was the one I remembered so I messaged him about it.
iliketrains
⁃ why me???
queen v
⁃ albert u've has that tasche since puberty its pretty distinctive lmao
iliketrains
⁃ ALSO @AlfieP i'm autistic so sarcasm + me = not a good idea.
AlfieP
⁃ I got you fam.
The Governess
⁃ @queen v I've literally walked in on you during a one night stand I think I've seen the worst of you.
EinsZweiDrei
⁃ aleXANDRINA VICTORIA KENT-STRATHEARN
emmarino
⁃ NO WAY
AlfieP
⁃ I'm kinkshaming you.
queen v
⁃ do u kinkshame everyone
AlfieP
⁃ Kinkshaming is my kink.
ShrubsRGr8
⁃ how many kinks could a kinkshamer shame if a kink could kinkshame
AlfieP
⁃ I regret bein added to this chat.
queen v
⁃ ANYWAY
⁃ so i messaged melbourne-lamb n he was totally chill with the name thing and then he called me out on my screen name so i called him out on his screen name
iliketrains
⁃ What is it??
queen v
⁃ Rooks PhD
⁃ he said its bc he likes rooks and he's a doctor
AlfieP
⁃ Melbourne is a tru lad
⁃ I got smashed one night and tried walking halfway cross London and he was outside a pub having a screaming match with this woman and he saw me like falling over face first and drove me back to my flat.
⁃ It got worse though bc he was driving and the woman was in the front seat and I was dying in the back seats and she was all like "you care more for your students than for your wife!!!!" and then he was like "at least I'm not cheating on my spouse!!" and then I asked him to stop the car so I could vom outside and mid-throwing up his wife said "I want a divorce" and just. Fucking walked away.
queen v
⁃ wait whats his full name
AlfieP
⁃ William Melbourne-Lamb why?
queen v
⁃ im gonna stalk him in fb
⁃ OKAY SO
⁃ prof's profile photo is him and maybe his son, it seems like its taken somewhere warm seeing as theyre wearing shorts???
iliketrains
⁃ are you MI fucking 6???
queen v
⁃ he hasnt got many friends but theres a tagged photo from six years ago with a woman holding a newborn???
⁃ turns out thats caroline ponsonby and all she does is post those annoying minion memes about wine and complain about her son staying at her ex-husbands house on the weekends
emmarino
⁃ He's friends w/ my parents and honestly he's so nice and he loves Augustus so much
ShrubsRGr8
⁃ he sounds straight out of Dream Daddy
queen v
⁃ @EinsZweiDrei if u make a daddy joke rn i'm sending u back to germany
iliketrains
⁃ Retweet.
The Governess
⁃ Retweet whatever that means.
ShrubsRGr8
⁃ so what actually was the hw????
queen v
⁃ S H I T
Rooks PhD
⁃ Apologies for messaging you on the weekend but I received an email from your mother.
queen v
⁃ wtf is she doing emailing you??????
Rooks PhD
⁃ She said you've "made a mistake studying history at "such a low ranking university" and that you "ought to return home to Kensington".
Rooks PhD
⁃ I'm probably breaking some kind of confidentiality rules telling you this but it concerns your continued studies.
queen v
⁃ ??????
Rooks PhD
⁃ She says that you must come home because John (?) has left her and she intends on returning back to Germany?
queen v
⁃ WAIT WHAT
⁃ CONROY LEFT HER?!
⁃ FUCK IT IM GETTING CHAMPAGNE THIS CALLS FOR CELEBRATION
Rooks PhD
⁃ May I ask for an explanation?
queen v
⁃ oh shit yea sorry lol
⁃ papa died when i was really young and tbh mama only married him for the money and he employed conroy to look after her money and then he married mama when i was like four??? i think idk he was pretty much always there bUT NOW HES GONE BLESS UP i bet hes gone back to wales
Rooks PhD
⁃ Ireland actually.
queen v
⁃ so long as it isnt near me idgaf
⁃ tbh i havent received any calls from her so im surprised she went to you
⁃ speaK OF THE FUCKIN DEVIL SHES CALLING ME
Rooks PhD
⁃ Are you going to pick up?
queen v
⁃ pfft no i went to uni just to escape her tbh
Rooks PhD
⁃ I'm getting a call from Kensington excuse me for a minute.
queen v
⁃ WAIT THAT MIGHT BE HER IF IT'S A WOMAN WITH A THICK GERMAN ACCENT
⁃ LIVETEXT TO ME
Rooks PhD
⁃ Thick German accent confirmed.
⁃ How did she even get my personal number?
queen v
⁃ we have Connections TM
⁃ whats she saying???
Rooks PhD
⁃ Well she's crying and saying it's so hard without her husband and her dearest daughter.
queen v
⁃ conroy was literally her third husband im contemplating the possibility she killed off her other husbands to marry for money
Rooks PhD
⁃ Wow.
⁃ She's saying that "university is no path a silly girl like my Drina should take".
queen v
⁃ what a bITCH UNI IS THE BEST THING THAT EVER HAPPENED TO ME
Rooks PhD
⁃ Now she's threatening legal action against the university.
queen v
⁃ WHAT THE ACTUAL F U C K
⁃ i dont wanna leave i have friends here mama never allowed me to socialise
Rooks PhD
⁃ I've told her that given that you're so close to finishing your degree, management won't let you leave.
queen v
⁃ wait thats a thing???
Rooks PhD
⁃ No but I thought it would deter your mother. She hung up on me.
queen v
⁃ you totally just saved me shes tried taking me out ever since freshers week
⁃ i owe you
Rooks PhD
⁃ You really don't.
queen v
⁃ ye i do come on lemme get you Costa or something i'll bring it to the next lecture
Rooks PhD
⁃ ...
⁃ Large cappuccino with extra froth.
queen v
⁃ done :)
LITstory 2k17
queen v
⁃ okay prof melbourne-lamb is the tru unproblematic fave
AlfieP
⁃ well we know that already but why?
queen v
⁃ strap urselves in lads
⁃ heads up @iliketrains idgaf if u like mama
iliketrains
⁃ IF YOU WON'T APPRECIATE THE OLD MASTERS SHE WILL
queen v
⁃ SHUT
⁃ mama never wanted me to go to uni n now she wants me back home bc her THIRD husband left her and she wanna go back to germany
The Governess
⁃ Conroy left her?!
queen v
⁃ Y E S IM YELLIN
⁃ so she was tryna call me and i wasnt picking up and then she somehow got profs no.
The Governess
⁃ Probably Uncle Leopold
queen v
⁃ its always uncle leopold
EinsZweiDrei
⁃ rt
iliketrains
⁃ RT.
queen v
⁃ she started threatening all kinds of shit to get me to leave and prof made up some shit to get her to give up
ShrubsRGr8
⁃ like???
queen v
⁃ she thinks bc its so close to graduation KCL wont let me leave
emmarino
⁃ I told you he was nice !
AlfieP
⁃ He's so contradictory tho
⁃ Like his students are basically his children but he gets pissed off if you call him anything less than Prof. or Professor Melbourne-Lamb
queen v
⁃ ¯\_(ツ)_/¯
⁃ @emmarino u kno him well what do you call him???
emmarino
⁃ I call him William outside of lectures and seminars
EinsZweiDrei
⁃ weird
emmarino
⁃ I did help him tho after the divorce
iliketrains
⁃ Like????
emmarino
⁃ like a year before the divorce Caro had a stillbirth and William took it really hard like he called me that evening and he was blackout drunk and wouldn't stop crying on my shoulder over Alice and every year on her birthday he takes a sick day to get drunk and cry. Then after Alice Caro started cheating on him with Byron over in English lit and EVERYONE knew but he couldn't do anything and he was really fucked up after it all :/
iliketrains
⁃ Fuck.
⁃ I mean I'm not the greatest fan of him bc he's so laissez-faire but now I kinda feel sorry for him.
EinsZweiDrei
⁃ now's not the time to start complainin
iliketrains
⁃ I'M JUST SAYING.
⁃ HOW CAN RICH PEOPLE EXIST WHILST PEOPLE ARE DYING.
⁃ KARL MARX DIDNT DIE FOR THIS.
ShrubsRGr8
⁃ didnt marx die of a std or something
emmarino
⁃ I literally leave to get some water and come back to this
AlfieP
⁃ Remind me why I joined this group
queen v
⁃ ¯\_(ツ)_/¯
---
queen v
⁃ hey prof can i talk to u about somethin
Rooks PhD
⁃ Of course, I am your dissertation tutor for a reason.
queen v
⁃ i cant think of a polite way to say this so
⁃ im fucked,,,,,,
⁃ like i have no idea how the hell im gonna write this
Rooks PhD
⁃ What have you decided as your dissertation topic?
queen v
⁃ thats the problem idk what to write it on
Rooks PhD
⁃ You still want to do it on Victorian England?
queen v
⁃ ye its interesting
Rooks PhD
⁃ Well you were top of the class for the essay on the treatment of Chartists.
queen v
⁃ that was a fluke
Rooks PhD
⁃ You're not usually like this. Has something happened?
queen v
⁃ its nothing really
Rooks PhD
⁃ You can't see me but I just sighed.
⁃ I am your lecturer and, I hope, your mentor. Maybe I can help?
queen v
⁃ ur too kind. i havent really told anyone apart from lehzen about this
⁃ its just that mama and conroy always told me that i'd never do well in anything, that i was unformed and reckless and how else could a girl like me get by in life
Rooks PhD
⁃ They're mistaken. I've seen the fire in your eyes when you get passionate in a debate with Flora.
queen v
⁃ ye she hates me bc i kicked her out of the group chat
Rooks PhD
⁃ For any particular reason?
queen v
⁃ she said some shit bout u
Rooks PhD
⁃ Well I'm honoured you defended me but trust me, I know her brother and the entire Hastings family is full of dries.
queen v
⁃ lmao havent heard that since thatcher
Rooks PhD
⁃ You're not even old enough to remember Thatcher.
queen v
⁃ ye but my uncle worked for her
Rooks PhD
⁃ As I was saying, they're wrong. I've seen you grow and I will freely admit I've only taught you for this module but believe me.
⁃ You're every inch a student.
queen v
⁃ ... i think i'll do it on the chartists. ty
⁃ prof m :)
Rooks PhD
⁃ :)
emmarino
⁃ have you forgotten our Costa lunch???
Rooks PhD
⁃ Shit.
⁃ I'm on my way, I'll catch a cab.
emmarino
⁃ you're so old, just call an Uber???
Rooks PhD
⁃ I'm literally only turning 40 next month.
emmarino
⁃ my point remains
⁃ old man William had an siesta maybe???
Rooks PhD
⁃ Victoria Kent-Strathearn messaged me about her dissertation.
emmarino
⁃ ah. She was having issues with it
Rooks PhD
⁃ Evidently. It appears there's more to it however.
emmarino
⁃ like???
emmarino
⁃ also what's your ETA?
Rooks PhD
⁃ Five mins approx.
Rooks PhD
⁃ It appears she has issues with her mother and stepfather.
emmarino
⁃ yikes. She did cry on my shoulder once about how her mum always looked to him and then her :/
emmarino
⁃ she's so nice tho. She said I was charming and she let me play with her dog when I was stressed and she knows way more about the monarchy then I ever thought someone could
Rooks PhD
⁃ That does seem like her.
emmarino
⁃ do you want me to order you your drink?? just venmo me the money
Rooks PhD
⁃ Venmo?
emmarino
⁃ jesus f u c k i n g christ i'll just wait for you old man
Rooks PhD
⁃ Am I correct in thinking there's a group chat for the Victorian module?
queen v
⁃ ye im the admin of it how come??
Rooks PhD
⁃ We have a last minute arrival, I was hoping you could add her to the chat and help her settle in?
queen v
⁃ sure sounds good get her to message me okay
Rooks PhD
⁃ Understood.
LITstory 2k17
queen v has added NancyNotEliza to LITstory 2k17
queen v
⁃ welcome to our personal corner of dissertation year hell
NancyNotEliza
⁃ Yikes
⁃ Nice to meet you all, can I get intros ?
queen v
⁃ victoria kent-strathearn, you'll probs see me with my dog in a lecture at some point
The Governess
⁃ I am
ShrubsRGr8
⁃ LEHZEN N O
The Governess
⁃ Johanna Clara Louise Lehzen, the German one.
EinsZweiDrei
⁃ goddammit
iliketrains
⁃ There's like three and a half Germans in this group.
⁃ Albert Coburg, human personification of the "is there anything better than pussy? Yes, a really good book *synthesiser noise*" vine
NancyNotEliza
⁃ 3 and a half??
emmarino
⁃ emma portman, the mum friend
EinsZweiDrei
⁃ Ernest coburg, prolly drinking coffee and red bull at the same time
ShrubsRGr8
⁃ Harriet Sutherland, thirsty for fashion
AlfieP
⁃ Alfred Paget, everything that inconveniences me is homophobic.
iliketrains
⁃ Why the username @NancyNotEliza.
NancyNotEliza
⁃ ,,, short story me + my cousin look super identical ,,
⁃ turned out my boyf was sleeping with both of us (she didnt know about him n me) and he said her name when we were fucking
EinsZweiDrei
⁃ holy sHIT
NancyNotEliza
⁃ his dick wasn't even that great tbh :/ he just made good food
queen v
⁃ wait is this that italian dude
NancyNotEliza
⁃ ye he tried to move somewhere else for a culinary job and make me leave london and I was like "nah fam" and broke up with him
NancyNotEliza
⁃ ofc after he baked me about ten cakes
queen v
⁃ francatelli is great for food he made me my 19th bday cake but i can't believe he did THAT
EinsZweiDrei
⁃ is bday cake a euphemism
⁃ ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)
queen v
⁃ ernest no
EinsZweiDrei
⁃ Ernest yes
The Governess
⁃ ...
⁃ Ernest yes.
AlfieP
⁃ WAIT WHAT
emmarino
⁃ VICTORIA YOU FUCKED FRANCATELLI?!
queen v
⁃ THE BIRTHDAY CAKE WAS THAT GOOD OKAY
⁃ ANS THAT WASNT A EUPHEMISM
NancyNotEliza
⁃ wtf
iliketrains
⁃ rt
EinsZweiDrei
⁃ hey @ShrubsRGr8 do you wanna get some birthday cake ;)
emmarino
⁃ CAN WE GET AN AMEN PRAISE JESUS
⁃ Harriet is Pure and Innocent leave my sweet summer child alone
AlfieP
⁃ @NancyNotEliza you'll regret being added to this chat soon enough
queen v
⁃ anyway whered u come from??
NancyNotEliza
⁃ Chiswick, did BTEC hospitality and some french
queen v
⁃ vous parlez français? quelle merveille, personne d’autre ne sait rien de la mode parisienne en dehors de harriet
NancyNotEliza
⁃ fuck me not that much
iliketrains
⁃ You'll fit in well.
queen v
⁃ i got some qs about the dissertation but i dont wanna go on campus
Rooks PhD
⁃ Kingsway Costa?
queen v
⁃ i'll be there in 20 see ya later prof m
LITstory 2k17
queen v
⁃ yoooooo i got a study date with prof m (ﾉ◕ヮ◕)ﾉ*:・ﾟ✧
AlfieP
⁃ Prof M??
emmarino
⁃ he allowed a nickname??
queen v
⁃ what,, like it's hard,,,
AlfieP
⁃ You're such a teacher's pet.
queen v
⁃ wha?????
ShrubsRGr8
⁃ He's always smiling around you
emmarino
⁃ he talks about you all the time
iliketrains
⁃ He's giving up his free time ON A FRIDAY EVENING to get coffee with one of his students.
The Governess
⁃ Drina I don't think that's a good idea. He's disreputable!
queen v
⁃ nevertheless i will meet him alone. its just coffee and him helping me with some old reports on the chartists
NancyNotEliza
⁃ methinks the lady doth protest too much
queen v
⁃ can u not
⁃ y'ALL
⁃ so i get into costa and hes already sat down and then he got up and kISSED MY H A N D
iliketrains
⁃ W H A T
queen v
⁃ he said it was force of habit what kINDA HABIT IS THAT
⁃ anyway i ordered my usual medium raspberry lemonade and i was getting my purse out and he was like "i'm getting it" and told the barista to make it a large
EinsZweiDrei
⁃ Wow prof's a sugar daddy
⁃ ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)
queen v
⁃ shut ur thirsty mouth binch
ShrubsRGr8
⁃ maybe pay attention to your Costa date???
queen v
⁃ he's on the phone talkin to someon
⁃ caro methinks ??
⁃ i'll send a voice message
queen v sent a voice message
queen v
⁃ can one of u do a transcript for albert i gotta learn me a thing now
emmarino
⁃ I got you
⁃ William: [in an indignant tone] Yes I know that Augustus hates Byron but do you really think I'm petty enough to teach him that?!
⁃ Caro (most likely): [responds back]
⁃ William: Well if you decided to run your lovers past your son first, he might like them
⁃ That's it
iliketrains
⁃ You're the real MVP
Rooks PhD
⁃ Sorry to interrupt your highlighting but why is that man at the door staring at you?
queen v
⁃ fUCK
⁃ yeah can i just dELETE MY ENTIRE EXISTENCE
Rooks PhD
⁃ ?
LITstory 2k17
queen v has added Rooks PhD to LITstory 2k17
AlfieP
⁃ Professor Melbourne-Lamb!!
queen v
⁃ ur probs wondering why ur here
Rooks PhD
⁃ I'm wondering why I'm here.
queen v
⁃ @The Governess @iliketrains @EinsZweiDrei GUESS WHO'S AT COSTA
iliketrains
⁃ My will to live?
emmarino
⁃ damn Albert back at it with the nihilism
queen v
⁃ ALEXANDER ROMANOV
EinsZweiDrei
⁃ NO WAY
The Governess
⁃ I thought he transferred to Copenhagen after first year?
Rooks PhD
⁃ Can someone fill me in?
queen v
⁃ alex and me dated during the first year but his dad thought i was a bad influence on him and sent him to uni of copenhagen to clean up his act
queen v
⁃ YEET
⁃ he ended up sleeping with every girl on campus and their boyf
Rooks PhD
⁃ And now he's coming over to our table.
⁃ Do Russians have to be so.
⁃ Touchy feely.
NancyNotEliza
⁃ my my, professor, are you getting jealous?? ;)
Rooks PhD has left the group
NancyNotEliza
⁃ BOI HE HAS A CRUSH
queen v
⁃ NO HE DOES NOT!!!LEAVE US TO OUR COSTA DRINKS
NancyNotEliza
⁃ he so does tho
emmarino
⁃ FINALLY SOMEONE ELSE WHO SEES IT
⁃ like since his divorce he's been really depressed and I'd like to flatter myself but Victoria's made him come back to life
NancyNotEliza
⁃ she once asked me if i thought he was handsome
emmarino
⁃ i got a drunk voice message from him like last week and he never said her name but he kept going on about a girl with bright blue eyes and how she was (i quote) "artless... and yet..."
⁃ she's like Caro
NancyNotEliza
⁃ caro????
emmarino
⁃ the ex. She was really wild but she ended up cheating on him and they got divorced
NancyNotEliza
⁃ she defo has a crush on him even if she doesnt know it
NancyNotEliza
⁃ ,,, its not illegal
emmarino
⁃ surely it has to break uni rules
NancyNotEliza
⁃ just had a quick search n it says """strongly discouraged"""
emmarino
⁃ maybe its just a crush and it'll pass.
NancyNotEliza
⁃ or maybe they love each other and its only a couple of months before we finish and they'll finally get together
emmarino
⁃ ... tenner says William's too self-sacrificing to do anything about it
NancyNotEliza
⁃ ur on
LITstory 2k17
queen v
⁃ guys i fucked up again
iliketrains
⁃ Do you ever not fuck up.
queen v
⁃ BOI IF YOU DONT
queen v
⁃ anyway alex was texting me and he was like "heyyyyyy wanna get drunk ))))))"
The Governess
⁃ With all the unnecessary brackets?
queen v
⁃ its some weird russian thing ANYWAY i panicked and accidentally said that our lecture group needed to go out somewhere and tl;dr i invited everyone and prof m out drinking
EinsZweiDrei
⁃ boi if u don't
NancyNotEliza
⁃ where when how much i'm broke
queen v
⁃ dw i'll pay for you
NancyNotEliza
⁃ <3 (where do u get all this £££ tho you don't work??)
queen v
⁃ papa set aside a shit ton of money for me
⁃ tmw night @ the buckingham
EinsZweiDrei
⁃ Victoria dearest
queen v
⁃ yes i'll pay for u too
⁃ fuck it entrance/drinks are on me
emmarino
⁃ (ﾉ◕ヮ◕)ﾉ*:・ﾟ✧
queen v
⁃ idk how to explain this
Rooks PhD
⁃ Hm?
queen v
⁃ so alex texted me n i panicked n said we'd meet up w/ him
Rooks PhD
⁃ I still don't quite understand?
queen v
⁃ we as in our class + u
⁃ I PANICKED OKAY
Rooks PhD
⁃ I'm sure Mr. Romanov would attend to you well without my presence.
queen v
⁃ hes far too foreign to be entirely comfortable
⁃ pls?
⁃ for me? its just drinks @ the buckingham
Rooks PhD
⁃ ... Fine. Luckily I should be free after 5pm.
queen v
⁃ oh shit u got plans??
Rooks PhD
⁃ Nothing important, just visiting my brother at Westminster.
queen v
⁃ woah he must be rich to live there
Rooks PhD
⁃ Oh no, he works there.
queen v
⁃ westminster
⁃ as in parliament westminster??
⁃ ur bro's a civil servant then?
Rooks PhD
⁃ No, he's a Peer.
queen v
⁃ a peer. as in an actual fUCKING MEMBER OF THE LORDS??
Rooks PhD
⁃ Yes, Victoria, Lord Melbourne.
queen v
⁃ YOU CANT JUST SPRING THAT ON ME
Rooks PhD
⁃ Apologies?
queen v
⁃ so like if he dies ur the next lord melbourne or???
Rooks PhD
⁃ Oh no, I was Lord Melbourne briefly. Freddie's my younger brother and after both my father and older brother died, the title was left to me but politics didn't make me happy. My wife wasn't particularly over the moon about no longer being Lady Melbourne but I gave it up anyway.
⁃ Now I'm just Prof. Melbourne-Lamb
queen v
⁃ thats. A Lot
⁃ imma add u to the group chat so we can sort tonite out
LITstory 2k17
queen v has added Rooks PhD to LITstory 2k17
iliketrains
⁃ STOP ADDING AND REMOVING HIM VICTORIA ITS ANNOYING
queen v
⁃ im sorry husband dearest forgive me my angel
Rooks PhD
⁃ Um what?
emmarino
⁃ calm down William jealousy doesn't become you.
Rooks PhD
⁃ I am not jealous! Merely curious!
NancyNotEliza
⁃ ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)
AlfieP
⁃ Someone care to explain your sudden marriage?
EinsZweiDrei
⁃ aunt Marie (Drinas mum) and our uncle Leopold want them married to each other
NancyNotEliza
⁃ what the f u c C
ShrubsRGr8
⁃ Ok but victoria and ernest are so alike
iliketrains
⁃ TBH I agree with you but Ernest is sleeping his way across Europe, marriage won't stop him.
The Governess
⁃ Professor, thoughts?
Rooks PhD
⁃ I do not think marriage between first cousins is wise.
queen v
⁃ @Rooks PhD, pls tell that to mama
⁃ anyway, the buckingham tonight @ 9, im paying so just tell brodie and jenkins to put it on my card
iliketrains
⁃ This is why Vatti wants me to marry you (also I'm not going, too loud and dark).
queen v
⁃ go marry into some other rich family it worked for mama and uncle leopold (its chill)
EinsZweiDrei
⁃ SHOTS FIRED
NancyNotEliza
⁃ how rich tho sign me up i can be a sugar baby ᕕ(ᐛ)ᕗ
The Governess
⁃ Well, Leopold married into the Belgian royal family and Drina's father has distant relations to the House of Windsor.
queen v
⁃ TALKIN OF ROYAL CONNECTIONS
⁃ @Rooks PhD WANNA SHARE SOMETHIN W/ UR LECTURE GROUP
Rooks PhD
⁃ Must I?
emmarino
⁃ You heard Her Majesty, fess up William
Rooks PhD
⁃ I merely mentioned in passing that I was a member of the Lords and that I passed my title onto my younger brother.
queen v
⁃ yoU DONT JUST DROP THAT KIND OF THING PROF M
iliketrains
⁃ RT.
emmarino
⁃ i mean i knew,,
ShrubsRGr8
⁃ rt
EinsZweiDrei
⁃ retweet
AlfieP
⁃ RT
NancyNotEliza
⁃ RE FUCKING TWEET
The Governess
⁃ You didn't know?
queen v
⁃ ofc u knew dearest mother ily <3
⁃ alex said he'll be there
Rooks PhD
⁃ Must I still attend? You seemed to enjoy his company at Costa.
queen v
⁃ pretty pls?? i reckon ur a better dancer than him n hes no substitute for u
Rooks PhD
⁃ You flatter me. And like all men, I'm weak for flattery.
queen v
⁃ ◕‿◕｡
NancyNotEliza
⁃ BLATENT. FLIRTING
emmarino
⁃ I wonder what tonight might bring
queen v
⁃ does this outfit scream "im well educated but also dtf"
⁃ yayornay.jpg
emmarino
⁃ swap that for the gold low cut shirt i got you and put on the necklace your mum bought for your 19th
queen v
⁃ ur my fave
emmarino
⁃ Who are you getting your tits out for hmmmm ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)
queen v
⁃ im forgetting bout my dissertation for a night my tits will be out for everyone and anyone
queen v
⁃ prof m where r u we're getting cold ans the bouncer took forever to check my ID IM 21 NOT 11
Rooks PhD
⁃ Apologies, it was rather busy at Westminster, I'll be approx. five minutes.
queen v
⁃ hurry up i wanna get turnt
Rooks PhD
⁃ I won't ask what that means.
⁃ Just around the corner.
queen v
⁃ FUCKING FINALLY THERE YOU ARE
queen v
⁃ i kno u said you'd pay for your own drinks but i'm getting jagerbombs so when u finish powdering ur nose u better come here n do some shots
Rooks PhD
⁃ Jägerbombs? Really?
queen v
⁃ come on it gets u fucked up an just bc u drink whiskey now doesn't mean u can't become 18 again and get drunk on cheap alcohol
Rooks PhD
⁃ So long as you don't make me drink Apple Sourz.
queen v
⁃ gimme some credit we're not 15
emmarino
⁃ are you just going to keep staring at her?
Rooks PhD
⁃ I believe she is enjoying Alexander's company.
emmarino
⁃ neither of us are drunk enough for this Im getting vodka
AlfieP
⁃ I can't believe I'm agreeing with Melbourne but surely Alex can keep his hands off her
ShrubsRGr8
⁃ he might as well be fucking her on the dancefloor
AlfieP
⁃ okay where his hands are must be illegal here and in Russia.
emmarino
⁃ WILLIAM DO SOMETHING IDGAF ABOUT UNI RULES
NancyNotEliza
⁃ that ur doing?
emmarino
⁃ I told him to do something. I didnt expect him to actually dance with her
⁃ At least he's honourable enough to keep his hands off her arse
NancyNotEliza
⁃ THERE MAY BE STROBE LIGHTS BUT LOOK AT HIS SMILE
emmarino
⁃ he hasnt smiled like that for a while
iliketrains
⁃ How's hell?
The Governess
⁃ V. loud. Victoria's dancing with our professor, Alfred pretty much tore Alexander off her for some unsavoury behaviour, Emma and Nancy are gossiping and drinking wine with straws and I have no clue where your brother is but I'm inclined to say he's with Harriet.
iliketrains
⁃ Is that what normal people do?
The Governess
⁃ Apparently so.
Princess Peaches
⁃ Maybe you shouldn't dance with your professor. They call you Mrs Melbourne on campus.
queen v
⁃ fuck off flora i didnt kno they let tory snakes into clubs
Rooks PhD
⁃ Where are you? I lost you after we danced.
queen v
⁃ proooooooooooooooof mmmmmmmmm
⁃ ur s ohandsome
⁃ yourw fuckinf smart aF
⁃ tol as h ell
⁃ fuck i mean likr im smol
⁃ how coukd we doi t
Rooks PhD
⁃ You're tired, I think you should go home.
queen v
⁃ dont wanna go homw
⁃ wanns dance w u
⁃ not waltzinh or w/e u lords do
⁃ thr horizontel dance if u feel me ;))))))))
Rooks PhD
⁃ You'll regret this in the morning. I'm your professor and you need to go home.
queen v
⁃ mak e me
emmarino
⁃ WILLIAM MELBOURNE-LAMB ANSWER YOUR PHONE
Rooks PhD
⁃ I'm trying to find Victoria, I received many a drunk text.
emmarino
⁃ she's currently lying on the bathroom floor trying not to throw up
⁃ you're the most sober of us all get her home
Rooks PhD
⁃ You sound sober though.
emmarino
⁃ I'm pretty sure I can see two Victorias and I'm using voice dictation
⁃ I'll get her out of the bathroom, you sort her out, I'll figure out the others
Rooks PhD
⁃ I just received a minute long voice message from Victoria. Is she really that drunk?
emmarino
⁃ she's a fucking lightweight
emmarino
⁃ william's looking after victoria, u okay?
NancyNotEliza
⁃ i've drunk stronger stuff at breakfast
emmarino
⁃ wow
⁃ do you know where Harriet and Ernest are???
NancyNotEliza
⁃ p sure theyre making out somewhere
NancyNotEliza
⁃ maybe victoria and prof melbourne are making out
emmarino
⁃ nah give it another month
Rooks PhD
⁃ EMMA HELP
emmarino
⁃ what'd I miss
Rooks PhD
⁃ I didn't want to leave Victoria at her house so I took her to my flat in Dover House and put her in the guest bedroom and I thought she was out of it since she was just muttering and mumbling about something and then when I try to cover her up with the duvet she grabbed me by my collar and it nearly fell on top of her and instead I was leaning over her and she said in the most sober voice that I was all she wanted and I thought she was trying to kiss me and I pulled away and then she passed out and she's still asleep in my guest bedroom.
emmarino
⁃ wow that was a ride
Rooks PhD
⁃ THIS IS GOING TO BE AWKWARD IN THE MORNING WHEN SHE REALISES SHE TRIED TO KISS HER PROFESSOR
emmarino
⁃ oh for fucks sake
⁃ do you like her?
Rooks PhD
⁃ She's the most studious of you all and she's so bright, she'll be going places regardless of her connections.
emmarino
⁃ ty Professor Melbourne-Lamb but i asked William
emmarino
⁃ do you like her romantically?
Rooks PhD
⁃ It's against university rules.
emmarino
⁃ but you admit it
Rooks PhD
⁃ ...
⁃ You know how I was after Caro. I felt so alone and meaningless. And then she came into my life and suddenly there was colour and someone who ranted about her parents and bought me Costa and pointed out typos in my Prezzis and made me laugh.
⁃ She's artless.
⁃ And yet.
⁃ I went to go leave water and painkillers for her in the morning and like a fool, I leant to kiss her on her forehead but she woke up and grabbed my hand and told me to stay and now she's fallen back asleep and I can't move.
emmarino
⁃ you gotta sleep my dude
⁃ sleep with her
Rooks PhD
⁃ EMMA LASCELLES
emmarino
⁃ IN THE INNOCENT SENSE YOU DIRTY MINDED MAN
Rooks PhD
⁃ Only because it's 3am and I'm not young anymore.
⁃ Christ, Emma. I'm 40 and she's so young. I'm her professor and I'm nearly twenty years younger than her.
⁃ I can't allow this happiness.
emmarino
⁃ you should really talk to her first before denying your own happiness
LITstory 2k17
emmarino
⁃ everyone get home okay?
ShrubsRGr8
⁃ ernest is crashing on my sofa
AlfieP
⁃ Got an Über with Nancy.
Rooks PhD has left LITstory 2k17
ShrubsRGr8
⁃ what about Victoria and prof.
emmarino
⁃ leave them to me
emmarino
⁃ theyre sleeping in the same bed
NancyNotEliza
⁃ !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
emmarino
⁃ I kno you're asleep rn but read these when you wake up
⁃ whatever William says, know that he's spent so much of his life alone, without someone to depend on. A true friend. He used to be so sad and then he became our professor and now he laughs bc u sent him a cat photo
⁃ don't let his duty stop you two being happy
⁃ Nancy and me are tired of you two pretending to not have crushes on each other
LITstory 2k17
AlfieP
⁃ im suffering but my boyf is looking after me.
ShrubsRGr8
⁃ you must be fucked if even the great Alfred Paget isn't using correct grammar and punctuation
EinsZweiDrei
⁃ who's the male love interest???
AlfieP
⁃ Someone who will never come in contact with the hellscape known as this group chat. Albert knows him.
iliketrains
⁃ Ooooooooooooooooooooh Edward, he’s a friend of a friend.
ShrubsRGr8
⁃ @EinsZweiDrei why the bulge pic at 3:41 this morning
EinsZweiDrei
⁃ i meant it for these girls back home
The Governess
⁃ Plural?
iliketrains
⁃ Don't ask Lehzen. I never needed to see so much of my brother.
The Governess
⁃ :O
ShrubsRGr8
⁃ what's happening w/ Victoria and Melbourne?
NancyNotEliza
⁃ dw its under control
ShrubsRGr8
⁃ I can't believe u took a bulge pic on my fucking sofa
ShrubsRGr8
⁃ unasked for but impressive. 8/10
EinsZweiDrei
⁃ ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)
queen v
⁃ NANCY I NEED UR HELP
NancyNotEliza
⁃ what do u need amiga
⁃ also cleary says get some water in you
queen v
⁃ who to heck is cleary
NancyNotEliza
⁃ my gf for like the past year,,
queen v
⁃ wow im observant
⁃ ANYWAY
⁃ I JUST WOKE UP WITH MASSIVE HANGOVER AND I THINK IM IN PROF M'S BEDROOM
NancyNotEliza
⁃ nice (actually ur in his guest room)
queen v
⁃ NO NOT NICE I READ THRU MY MESSAGES AND I TRIED TO FLIRT WITH HIM
NancyNotEliza
⁃ fucking finally
queen v
⁃ ihatemyself.jpg
NancyNotEliza
⁃ oh sweetie u basically sexted him last nite
queen v
⁃ he must hate me
NancyNotEliza
⁃ oh ffs HE DOES NOT HE LIKES YOY
⁃ do u like him ??
queen v
⁃ i dont know what i'd do w/o him. all i want to do is make him smile bc when he smiles something inside me feels so bright
⁃ thr texts i sent last night were super sexual but like. i want to go on dates with him. read books in front of a fire place. snuggle w/ him when its rainy outside. go to a fairground with him + try win a teddy bear for him. maybe even kiss him but hes too good for me. im just his student ans he's my lecturer
NancyNotEliza
⁃ so u admit it - u like him
queen v
⁃ ofc. he's all i desire
NancyNotEliza
⁃ I think now's the time
emmarino
⁃ I was just bout to text you that
emmarino
⁃ let's get our fave professor and student together.
HMS Vicbourne
emmarino
⁃ williamlikesvictoria.jpg
NancyNotEliza
⁃ victorialikeswilliam.jpg
emmarino
⁃ Now you two need to read those screenshots and talk
NancyNotEliza
⁃ cuz me and Emma are tired of you two being all heart eyes at each other n not doing anything
NancyNotEliza has muted HMS Vicbourne
emmarino has muted HMS Vicbourne
Rooks PhD
⁃ We should talk.
queen v
⁃ agreed. i'll come downstairs
Rooks PhD
⁃ I'll put the kettle on.
LITstory 2k17
NancyNotEliza
⁃ victoria and melbourne are busy talking about last night's events so theyll be gone for a while
The Governess
⁃ Do I want to know?
emmarino
⁃ I think she'll want to tell us what she wants us to know :/
NancyNotEliza
⁃ anyway i realised something
⁃ y'all got some weird names in this chat what gives
The Governess
⁃ I was her governess.
NancyNotEliza
⁃ ngl i always think of the chase whenever you post
iliketrains
⁃ Trains are A*. (And my special interest)
ShrubsRGr8
⁃ First time I got drunk at a friends party her parents found me passed out in the shrubbery and the first excuse i thought of was "shrubs are great" and she won't let it die down
NancyNotEliza
⁃ lmao what the fuck
AlfieP
⁃ My name's Alfred Paget
emmarino
⁃ prep school nickname that stuck
EinsZweiDrei
⁃ ,,, sometimes you gotta count how many women r in ur bed
ShrubsRGr8
⁃ fucking hell
The Governess
⁃ Victoria is obviously a queen. She once told her stepfather that he had her permission to withdraw from the room.
iliketrains
⁃ Yep that's Victoria.
queen v
⁃ i heard my name?
emmarino
⁃ u finished talking with William?
queen v
⁃ yeah. we've agreed that we have feelings for each other but hes worried that im just crushing on him and that i'll end up regretting dating someone as old as him
⁃ we compromised. we're gonna wait until i've finished uni n if i still want to go out w/ him we'll figure it out during the summer
NancyNotEliza
⁃ EMMA WE DID IT
emmarino
⁃ ITS BEEN A Y EA R OF US HAVING TO DEAL WITH YOUR LOVEY DOVEY SHIT
queen v
⁃ just have to wait a month now
NancyNotEliza
⁃ Good luck lmao
The Governess
⁃ Even if nothing comes of it, if he ever dares hurt you, I'll hurt him twice as much.
iliketrains
⁃ Retweet.
EinsZweiDrei
⁃ rt
emmarino
⁃ I'm happy that you two finally got ur shit together but my fiancé's sad all this drama's ending
queen v
⁃ FIANCE ?!?!?!?!?
emmarino
⁃ ye my lad's in the RAF
queen v
⁃ WHY AM I ONLY JUST FINDING OUT ABOUT PPLS RELATIONSHIPS
iliketrains
⁃ To be fair, you were preoccupied.
EinsZweiDrei
⁃ so is Albert ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)
iliketrains
⁃ B R U D E R N O
AlfieP
⁃ Who's the lucky guy/gal/non binary pal?
iliketrains
⁃ ...
⁃ His name is Robert. Joint classics and maths. He likes trains.
AlfieP
⁃ WAIT THATS THE DUDE EDWARD KNOWS
⁃ ROBERT INTRODUCED US
queen v
⁃ im so happy for you husband dearest!!!!! <3
⁃ well today has been dramatic. im still kinda hungover so i'll be in my onesie watching b99 eating beetroot crisps
iliketrains
⁃ Peasant food.
queen v
⁃ SHUT
LITstory 2k17
queen v
⁃ WHY IS HE MAKING ME WAIT I JUST WANT SOME DICK IS THAT TOO MUCH TO ASK FOR
⁃ sorry @The Governess
The Governess
⁃ I'll pretend I never saw that.
AlfieP
⁃ Come on it's only another fortnight. If you're that desperate I'm 99% sure George Cambridge in war studies is dtf.
queen v
⁃ noah fence but i'd rather use a cactus as a dildo than force myself to be in his presence
ShrubsRGr8
⁃ thats a no then
queen v
⁃ proooooooooooof m
Rooks PhD
⁃ Yes darling?
queen v
⁃ ok wow that did things to me
Rooks PhD
⁃ I can stop using that if you prefer?
queen v
⁃ pls dont
⁃ how long until summerrrrrrrrrrrrr
Rooks PhD
⁃ You know it's two weeks.
⁃ I promise I'll make it up to you.
queen v
⁃ ur lucky we're not in the same room bc i'd be riding u rn
Rooks PhD
⁃ MY SON SAW THAT NOTIFICATION
queen v
⁃ FUCK
⁃ SHOW HIM THIS PHOTO OF MY DOG TO DISTRACT HIM
⁃ dashy.jpg
Rooks PhD
⁃ I think that worked. That was close.
queen v
⁃ maybe i should stop with the vague sexting
Rooks PhD
⁃ Don't. It'll make the wait even better darling.
queen v
⁃ ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)
LITstory 2k17
queen v
⁃ guys im gonna cry prof m's been sending me fresh flowers every day this week
⁃ DO YOU KNOW WHAT THE END OF THIS WEEK IS
iliketrains
⁃ You haven't shut up about it this entire week.
queen v
⁃ HE'S BEEN GROWING ME FLOWERS BACK AT HIS ESTATE AND HAVING THEM DELIVERED TO MY FLAT EVERY MORNING
NancyNotEliza
⁃ what was todays??
queen v
⁃ lookattheseorchids.jpg
emmarino
⁃ he closed down the Brocket Hall glasshouses after his divorce. You really have brought him back to life for him to grow flowers again
queen v
⁃ im so heart eyes
queen v
⁃ BUZZ BUZZ DO U KNO WHAT DAY IT IS
Rooks PhD
⁃ I believe you finished university yesterday.
⁃ Well?
queen v
⁃ if we dont go out on a date tonight im gonna yell
Rooks PhD
⁃ Your wish is my command, Your Majesty.
⁃ Perhaps darling, you'd like to stay the night as well.
queen v
⁃ (｡♥‿♥｡)
emmarino
⁃ I'm currently chilling at Victoria's flat bc she has Amazon Prime and I'm way behind on The Man in the High Castle (I swear John Smith looks like William) and Victoria just walked past wearing matching underwear putting make up on
NancyNotEliza
⁃ she gon get a dicking
emmarino
⁃ i want confirmation
LITstory 2k17
emmarino
⁃ well??? @queen v ????????????????
EinsZweiDrei
⁃ come on cousin even Albert's fretting over this
AlfieP
⁃ Lehzen's stress organising her folders.
queen v
⁃ ...
⁃ ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)
The Governess
⁃ DRINA
emmarino
⁃ FUCKIN FINALLY
NancyNotEliza
⁃ PAY UP EMMA YOU OWE ME A TENNER
EinsZweiDrei
⁃ albert's calling our uncle n calling off any engagement plans he had for victoria + albert n staring off dramatically into the distance
iliketrains
⁃ Ernest just dabbed someone send him back to Coburg.
ShrubsRGr8
⁃ do I need to come round with booze
EinsZweiDrei
⁃ if he won't get turnt i will
iliketrains
⁃ pls don't he's a horny drunk
EinsZweiDrei
⁃ ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)
ShrubsRGr8
⁃ my boyf's fine with that
EinsZweiDrei
⁃ WAIT YOU HAVE A BOYFRIEND?!
queen v
⁃ does the student union still have free condoms??
The Governess
⁃ D R I N A
queen v
⁃ in september u said prof m was too liberal
⁃ YEET
⁃ TOO LIBERAL WITH HIS DICK ITS MAGICAL
Princess Peaches
⁃ Please never contact me or my family ever again.
queen v
⁃ (ﾉ◕ヮ◕)ﾉ*:・ﾟ✧