Work Text:
queen v
- I JUST HAD SEX
- AND IT FELT SO GOOOOOODD
iliketrains
- IT’S BEEN A MONTH STOP ANNOUNCING WHEN YOU HAVE SEX.
queen v
- N E V E R
- come on Albert, me getting dicked isnt the problem. u and ur boyf just need to bone
iliketrains
- What did you say?
The Governess
- Don’t say it again.
queen v
- i said you two need to bone
iliketrains
- hhhhhhhhhowwwwwww dare you Victoria Alexandrina Strathearn-Kent I aM YOUR YOUNGER COUSIN
- B O N E
- Whatever happens in my bedroom is none of your business.
- BOOOOoooOooOOoooOONE
- Don’t ever speak to me like that again.
queen v
- now that albert’s finished being a meme lovng fuck we can now get back to how great that sex was
AlfieP
- Please stop talking about dickings.
EinsZweiDrei
- says the most flamboyant dude in this chat
ShrubsRGr8
- Dude ur pretty flamboyant after enough jaegerbombs
EinsZweiDrei
- okay so when Gheorghe goes down on Johnny it’s “relevant to the plot line” but when i go down on someone it’s “inappropriate” and “not what club toilets are for”
queen v
- @ShrubsRGr8 pls control ur boyf
ShrubsRGr8
- I can only control one of them at a time and this deutsch dick doesn’t get that once i’ve exfoliated and put night cream on I’m not going to drag him back home
AlfieP
- WAIT WAS THAT GOD’S OWN COUNTRY
EinsZweiDrei
- Y E S
NancyNotEliza
- is that the film where i got a snap of some white dudes w/ their entire dicks out
AlfieP
- ,,,
- Listen. It is art.
emmarino
- it isn’t art if you’re just using it for jerk off material
AlfieP
- Excuse you, I have my boyfriend for that. He’s like a vacuum.
emmarino
- ??????????
AlfieP
- Great at sucking.
The Governess
- VATER UNSER IM HIMMEL
- GEHEILIGT WERDE DEIN NAME
iliketrains
- Are you ever going to introduce him to the rest of the squad?
AlfieP
- He will never be defiled by this group’s sinning.
queen v
- unhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh i wanna know the dude who fucks u so good i swear you’re more chill
EinsZweiDrei
- the magic of a good lay
iliketrains
- Shoving your dick in someone repeatedly doesn’t count.
NancyNotEliza
- 999 THERES BEEN A MURDER
ShrubsRGr8
- lads I just got a text saying that I need to defend his honour
EinsZweiDrei
- THAT WAS
- P R I V A T E
ShrubsRGr8
- OUR SEX LIFE WOULD BE PRIVATE IF YOU KNEW HOW TO KEEP YOUR FUCKIN MOUTH SHUT
queen v
- sis im so sorry for the loss of ur sex life
ShrubsRGr8
- nah it’s all good, he gives great head.
iliketrains
- I’ll add that to the list of things I never needed to know about my brother.
The Governess
- I’m with you on that front.
emmarino
- @god Why do you allow suffering.
queen v
- morgan freeman up there in the Sky just like “bc bants”
NancyNotEliza
- are u implying god is a lad
AlfieP
- I’m getting distinct vibes that he goes to Nando’s every week.
EinsZweiDrei
- He would so get lemon and herb thats so peak
queen v
- fuck you lemon and herb is good at least it doesn’t burn your entire fucking mouth, you batteryless hitachi wand
iliketrains
-iconic.
- How was your date with Melbourne?
The Governess
- You really had to ask, didn’t you?
queen v
- IT
- WAS
-AMAZING
- we went to Kew Gardens and he taught me all this shit bout flower meanings and other romantic stuff
- i brought up the whole belgium thing and he was hella chill
ShrubsRGr8
-wait what.
- The fuck did I miss???
- Belgium????
queen v
- oh yah i forgot to mention
- Im probs going there for a placement, uncle leopold pulled some strings so im gonna be working at the national archives or some shit
NancyNotEliza
- damn that’s some fancy shit goin on there
- good luck on placement
- So he took It well???????
queen v
- he was so fuccing sweet about it
- he said he didn’t want to hold me back n that distance might keep up calm with the whole thing plus i have a feelin he’ll feel better about it if im not around whilst he’s still teaching but he said he’ll come visit me and i’ll be back for christmas so we get to kiss under the mistletoe
- i fuckin love being in love
iliketrains
- Gay.
EinsZweiDrei
- says mr i-got-a-boyf
NancyNotEliza
- Omg that’s acc so cute tho can we meet him????
iliketrains
- I can ask.
- He has a meeting so he can’t get back to me at the moment.
emmarino
- thats so grown up lmao “i have a meeting” my main meeting is with this can of dark fruits
queen v
- the nectar of gods
emmarino
- say goodbye to dark fruits now ur in Belgium
AlfieP
- wow can you hear that tiny violin.
queen v
- @EinsZweiDrei im counting on you to bring me dark fruits when you go home
EinsZweiDrei
- Im German????? Coburg is home????
The Governess
- If someone tells me what dark fruits is, then I’ll bring it to you
queen v
- (ﾉ◕ヮ◕)ﾉ*:・ﾟ✧
iliketrains
- If I have to drag my boyf into this everyone else has to drag their S/O into this franken-group chat.
queen v
- what is this, fucking love interest HQ?????
EinsZweiDrei
- hell yeah now we got Business
ShrubsRGr8
- how bout i do,,,,, ~anyway~
AlfieP
- I see your sneaky plan and I raise this: fuck off
NancyNotEliza
- fuck yea my gf loves y’all anyway
NancyNotEliza has added catolic to LITstory 2k17
catolic
- babe are these all the gays you told me about????
AlfieP
- Hello, head gay here, welcome to our personal corner of post-grad hell.
NancyNotEliza
- this is my gf Cleary
The Governess
- Quite an odd name.
catolic
- english people fuck up my first name all the time lmao so i just use my surname
queen v
- what is it??????
catolic
- Saoirse
- and yes, like the actress
queen v
- i could go gay for the actress
catolic
- Join the club
emmarino
- quick question are u a catholic who can’t spell
catolic
- nope im a catholic who loves cats
- In the name of the father the son and my cat
iliketrains
- I love you already.
NancyNotEliza
- hands off youve got a boyf.
catolic
- we adopted a cat together I’m pretty sure we’re in a committed relationship
AlfieP
- awwwwww Gay.
queen v
- hold ur fuckin horses im not letting you go on this
- at this rate we’re going to start guessing who this mystery man is
AlfieP
- id like to see you try
EinsZweiDrei
- alexander romanov
AlfieP
- Youre so wrong it’s homophobic
emmarino
- That cute guy who worked at lush
ShrubsRGr8
- god he was so dreamy
EinsZweiDrei
- Hotter than me?
ShrubsRGr8
- easily
EinsZweiDrei
- binch
- Wb Alberts man?
iliketrains
- Hey quick question
- What the everloving fuck?
The Governess
- is he out of his meeting yet.
iliketrains
- Unfortunately yes and now I have to add him.
iliketrains has added PotatoPeeler to LITstory 2k17
iliketrains
- First off, I’d like to apologise for everything you’ll have to read in this group chat.
queen v
- hey thats not nice you love ur fave cousin
PotatoPeeler
- Victoria I presume.
queen v
- in the flesh
AlfieP
- ROBERT I WILL LITERALLY PAY YOU IF YOU DON’T TELL THEM ANYTHING ABOUT MY BOYFRIEND
PotatoPeeler
- ???
EinsZweiDrei
- he’s convinced we’d defile him with our group chat sinning
AlfieP
- at this point it’s just because it’s annoyingly you all.
NancyNotEliza
- @PotatoPeeler if you say yes we’ll never find out anything more than his first name
catolic
- yah but money
PotatoPeeler
- I have no clue who anyone is, who in God’s name is everyone?
The Governess
- @queen v you started all of this, you ought to introduce everyone
queen v
- can someone play the benny hill theme in the background i feel like we’’ll need it
- I’m Victoria, cousin to the Coburgs, v in love with my boyf
iliketrains
- WE HEAR ENOUGH ABOUT YOUR SEX LIFE ALREADY
queen v
- F U C K
- O F F
- You know albert and Ernest already
- @The Governess is basically my mum in all but blood
- @emmarino is emma
- @ShrubsRGr8 is harriet, in open relationship w/ ernest
- @AlfieP is alfred n we’re tryna find out who his boyf is
- @NancyNotEliza is nancy, dating @catolic, call her cleary
catolic
- y’all wanna hear a funny story??
- Nancy’s ex is my stepbrother
queen v
- WAIT WHAT
- FRANCATELLI?!
- AS IN BIRTHDAY CAKE FRANCATELLI?????
NancyNotEliza
- family dinners are awkward af
- as a bro he’s alright
emmarino
- @queen v add William to this.
queen v has added Rooks PhD to LITstory 2k17
queen v
- PROF M (ﾉ◕ヮ◕)ﾉ*:・ﾟ✧
Rooks PhD
- Well this is unexpected.
queen v
- we’ve turned this chat into love interest hq
Rooks PhD
- not sure if I should be honoured or not.
iliketrains
- ¯\_(ツ)_/¯
PotatoPeeler
- Prof M?
AlfieP
- He was one of our lecturers at university and they were pining for a g e s but now they’re together
queen v
- yo so i found someone who knows your ur boyf is
AlfieP
- At this point I’ve given up
- I have no fucks left
- Look upon the field upon which my fucks grow
- You will notice it is barren
emmarino
- are you done?
AlfieP
- If I have to be.
queen v has added minace to LITstory 2k17
Rooks PhD
- I swear this group chat wasn’t always this crowded.
PotatoPeeler
- I don’t even entirely know what I’m doing here.
iliketrains
- Do not fret, Liebes.
queen v
- @Minace hit us up with the juicy gossip
Minace
- First off, @AlfieP i’m surprised you’ve kept it a secret so long.
AlfieP
- It’s fun watching them get increasingly pissed off w/ me.
Minace
- I will say tho that the only reason why i know who he’s dating is bc i walked in on them fucking.
EinsZweiDrei
- who was on top??????
AlfieP
- stop harassing my dearest Mina.
- Fuck it
- I’ll add him
AlfieP has added drummieboyy to LITstory 2k17
drummieboyy
- You finally caved?
AlfieP
- you haven’t had to deal with their shit it’s tortuous.
PotatoPeeler
- Drummond.
drummieboyy
- Mr Peel.
catolic
- hmmmmm?
drummieboyy
- He’s my boss - we work at the same regional tory group
iliketrains
- @queen v now is not the time to bring up your political inclinations.
Rooks PhD
- Ditto.
queen v
- did i say anything????????
- wait so how old are u @PotatoPeeler
PotatoPeeler
- 29
emmarino
- @iliketrains I can’t believe you have a sugar daddy
AlfieP
- Great now I have to kinkshame more people why are y’all so kinky.
drummieboyy
- babe that wasn’t what you said last night.
AlfieP has removed drummieboyy from LITstory 2k17
queen v has added drummieboyy to LITstory 2k17
queen v
- SO WHAT IS THE TRUTH
AlfieP
- EDWARD CHARLES DRUMMOND
- DON’T YOU D A R E
EinsZweiDrei
- someone get the popcorn
drummieboyy
- Don’t pretend you’re some virgin mary I saw what was in that Ann Summers delivery this morning.
- Remember how we got together????
Rooks PhD
- I’ll just mute this chat.
drummieboyy
- when we first met
- You LITERALLY asked if I had a lighter and when I got it out of my pocket you LITERALLY said
- “How well equipped you are”
AlfieP
- In my defence, I was drunk.
drummieboyy
- In my defence, you did blow me literally an hour after I gave you my lighter, bought me shots and proceeded to grind on me
AlfieP
- ¯\_(ツ)_/¯
- It worked tho right
drummieboyy
- it did sweetheart <3
- Are you at home right now?
AlfieP
- Wanna come test out what we got in that Ann Summers package? ;)
drummieboyy
- I can be there in 15 xxx
The Governess
- Do I want to know what Ann Summers sells?
queen v
- for the sake of everyone’s sanity
- nope