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This was it. This was the moment, one Stiles was sure he would always remember whatever the outcome. It had to be done, he couldn’t take the longing and uncertainty any longer. It was eating away at him never knowing what to say or how to act, trying to keep his feelings hidden-an almost impossible task when you run around with a bunch of hypersensitive werewolves that can smell your emotions. Regardless, something had to be done before he had a nervous breakdown or worse ended up dying a lonely virgin because he never found out the answer and could never move on.
Inhaling deeply, Stiles knocked tentatively at the loft door. Derek would have known he was there from the moment his jeep pulled up but it was more of a formality than anything. A muffled come in echoed from the other side of the door. Breathing in deeply once more for good measure, Stiles slid open the heavy steel door and stepped inside.
His shoulders deflated in involuntary relief when Derek was nowhere to be seen. Assuming he was either in the bedroom or bathroom, he knew he had minutes perhaps seconds to better prepare himself for what he wanted to say. He was a jittery mess at this stage, nerves eating up his stomach.
What was he going to say? How would he start? He had trouble enough staying on track in a regular conversation that one this world-changing was bound to go wrong. Maybe this wasn't such a good idea... after all it was probably going to end up with him being thrown at a wall and most definitely in heartbreak. Yes he and Derek were now a lot more civil with each other -he would even go as far as saying they were almost friends- but he had no doubt that that was as far as Derek's affections went. And no doubt they would disappear completely after the upcoming conversation.
Maybe he should just leave, pretend he forgot to turn the stove off at home or something.
The opening of the bedroom door prevented any further opportunities of retreat and all thoughts of escape flew out the window. In fact all thoughts in general were wiped from Stiles' mind when derek emerged wearing only a pair of low hung sweatpants, his chest bare with a fine sheen of dampness left from where he had obviously just taken a shower.
The sight made Stiles’ heart stutter and his stomach swoop dangerously, making it that much more difficult to breathe.
“Stiles.” Derek nodded, walking towards him and grabbing a t-shirt off the back of a chair. Thank god. Stiles didn't think he could have gotten through this with him looking like that.
When he continued to remain silent, Derek’s brow furrowed impressively and he drew a step closer.
“Stiles what’s going on? Your heart’s beating a mile a minute.” he asked concerned, his gaze roaming over Stiles as if searching for any injury which could cause the current palpitations in his irregular heartbeat.
Stiles opened his mouth to speak, croaked, cleared his throat and tried again.
“Hey uh, I mean hi Derek...um….so listen I gotta tell you something, and it's gonna seem like it's out of nowhere, which it kinda is but isn't, I mean I've been meaning to say something for a while now but things kept getting in the way with all the werewolf drama and hunters coming after us and stuff but anyway I hope you don’t hate me after this and-”
“Stiles.”
“-I guess its ok if you do but try not to throw me across the room cause that seriously hurts and I'm only human-
“Stiles.”
“And god I'm just rambling on now and i can’t even stop-”
“STILES!” Derek growls in frustration.
“I love you.” Stiles blurts, and then his stomach drops with the realisation that he said it, it's out there and there's no going back now for better or worse
Derek, who had been growing more and more irritated with Stiles’ inane babble now was frozen on the spot, his body unnaturally still and a look of complete shock on his face that in any other situation would make Stiles laugh. However in this moment he was more inclined to vomit than anything.
“Wh...What?” Derek managed out his brows furrowing impossibly lower over his eyes, an expression Stiles couldn't decipher on his face.
“I um, I love you. So yeah…hah” he let out a deflated laugh, running his hand nervously through his hair. He sighed and his shoulders slumped in defeat.
“I just, I needed to say...something! Before I went insane wondering what would happen if I told you, what if there was some miniscule possibility you felt the same. I couldn’t keep it in any longer! And I know that telling you was just fruitless hope that it could lead to something more and I don't want to ruin the almost friendship we have now and I really hope we continue as if this never happened.”
Throughout this entire speech, Derek remained stock still. Stiles wasn’t even sure if Derek could hear anything he was saying, the shock had hit him so hard- and that stung. Deep down Stiles had hoped Derek would already have had some inkling to his feelings for the older man and was just afraid to make a move or was waiting for Stiles to confirm it.
Derek's silence spoke it all. Stiles had to leave before he further embarrassed himself.
Turning to go, he had gone no more than a step when a strong hand gripped his forearm. Spinning around, Stiles jumped a little at Derek's proximity, his face now only inches from his own. Derek was no longer frozen in place, his mind seemed to be whirring and his face hurtled through many emotions in seconds, morphing from confusion, to uncertainty and then finally settling on determination as his eyes scanned Stiles’ face for something, what he didn’t know. Stiles’ own heart was thumping painfully in his chest and the place where Derek's hand lay on his forearm burned with his heat.
“You love me?” Derek asked quietly, his eyes still roaming Stiles’ face. Stiles nodded his head tentatively in assertment, and then unable to handle the intensity of Derek's stare any longer, turned his head away.
“You love me.” Derek repeated, this time a statement more than a question. Stiles flicked his gaze back up to werewolf’s face to find his eyes still locked firmly on his and his heart finally stuttered to a halt. Derek's eyes burned with such intensity and an emotion, that Stiles might believe to be wonder but could not be certain as Derek had always been difficult to read with what little emotion he displayed on a regular basis.
Stiles had stopped breathing a full minute ago and his vision was starting to go slightly blurry from lack of oxygen and most probably an incoming panic attack, the uncontrollable urge to flee now blaring loudly in his head and yep he could definitely feel a panic attack coming on now and he was going to break free of Derek's grip and run for the hills.
And then Derek's other hand was coming up to cup Stiles’ face and his thumb stroked along his cheek gently, his expression now clearly full of wonder as if he was only properly seeing Stiles for the first time. His face drew closer to Stiles, closer still and then Derek's lips brushed against his and Stiles breath finally rushed in, in one big swoosh. Derek kissed Stiles gingerly, tenderly, his lips just catching gently on the younger man's bottom lip as if he was afraid to break him or scare him off. Stiles’ eyes fluttered closed as Derek captured his lips again a second time, this time firmer, as his other hand came up to cup the other side of Stiles’ face. Derek swiped his tongue along Stiles’ lower lip causing him to let out a whimper, which any other day would have him shrivelling in mortification but the hitch of breath the sound caused Derek made a whooshing noise in Stiles’ ears and a heat to burn through him in a way he had never felt before.
Derek drew back with a small smile on his face and pressed his forehead to Stiles’. The knot in Stiles’ stomach began to untwist and the weight on his heart started to lighten up with every passing second that Derek held him.
“Does this mean you’ll stop throwing me up against walls?” Stiles asked, pulling away from Derek slightly. Derek grinned and huffed out a laugh, pulling him in for another kiss.
If derek ever did throw Stiles up against a wall after that, it was with completely different intentions. And that he didn't mind quite so much.
The End.