Chapter Text
“Who’s that, Richie’s talking to?” Eddie asked Bill, looking across the front lawn of their high school.
Bill looked to where Eddie’s gaze was directed, “Oh th-that’s Heather. I h-h-have Chemistry with her.”
“Why’s Richie talking to her? Do they have a class together?”
Bill shrugged and turned to join the other Losers conversation.
“What the fuck,” Eddie exclaimed as Richie and Heather had started kissing.
The others turned to see what he was going on about.
“Oh wow,” Stan frowned, looking away. “No doubt another of Richie’s flings.”
Eddie was well aware that Richie had had a few ‘girlfriends’, if you could call them that. He would date them for a few days, make out a lot, and get bored. Fortunately, before now, he was lucky enough to avoid seeing Richie with one of the girls. He didn’t have to realise until now how sick it made him feel. His stomach clenched, his vision blurred, and he dug his nails into his clenched palms. He felt sicker than he had when he was being fed the lies from his mother.
“I’ve got to go,” Eddie said, as he reached for his bike.
“I thought all of us were going to hang out?” Mike asked. It’d been a lot easier organising to hang out with Mike since he convinced his grandpa to let him go to high school with the Losers.
“I just remembered that my mum told me I have come straight home,” Eddie said lamely.
“When w-was the last time you l-listened to your mother? B-before It?” Bill asked.
Eddie shrugged and awkwardly waved them goodbye, before mounting his bike and riding off.
It didn’t take long for the tears to come.
When he got home his mum was asleep in the lounge room, obviously not expecting him home already. He went straight up to his room and stayed there, his face in his pillow.
~
It was Saturday when Richie decided to invite Heather to a Losers club outing. They were heading to Aladdin to watch a new film called Jurassic Park. All of them where extremely excited for it. Or everyone was excited. After what they’d been through with It, the gang were inseparable, to the point where they weren’t exactly welcoming to outsiders. Especially not welcoming to any of the girls that Richie dated because they all knew it wouldn’t last. Once Richie introduced her though, the friends noticed that he seemed genuine in his intension to introduce her to the group. While they waiting to be let into the cinema, all of them seemed to warm up to Heather. All except one.
Eddie felt sick again. All he wanted to do was leave; he didn’t even care about the film anymore. He avoided conversation before excusing himself to the bathroom, where he sat on the lid of one of the toilets. He was in there until his watch read the time that the session would be starting. Slowly, he left the bathroom to be met by Bev.
“Hey, you okay?” She looked at him with concern.
“Yeah, I just- I needed some space,” He answered fairly honestly.
She looked at him silently for a few seconds then nodded. “I stayed back to wait for you.”
“Thanks,” Eddie said, grateful that it was her.
They approached the seats and Eddie just about turned around and left when he saw that the gap left for him was between Richie and Bill. He would have just left the seat empty and sat on the end next to Bev, if the row of seats hadn’t ended at her. The funny thing is that he would have loved to sit next to Richie under any other circumstance. He always sat next to Richie when they all when to the see a film because he was the only one who could put up with Richie’s constant commentary and jokes. In fact, most of the time he enjoyed it more than the actual movie. He knew today would be different though. Richie would be doing all the things they usually did but with Heather instead. They wouldn’t even be sharing popcorn like usual. This was going to be the longest two hours of his life.
“What took you so long Eds?” Richie asked, nudging him and lifting his eyebrows suggestively.
Eddie rolled his eyes, “Beep beep, Richie.”
“Wow, giving in already? Okay, okay,” He eyed him suspiciously before turning to Heather.
Eddie took a breath and turned his body towards Bill.
“Do you th-think it’ll be as good a-as we think,” Bill asked he and Stan, who was beside him.
Stan shrugged, “I hope so.”
Eddie nodded in agreement, grateful for the slight distraction.
It didn’t last long, as when the film begun, he saw out of the corner of his eye Richie putting his arm around Heather. It was like a punch in the stomach.
Eddie sat through the film painfully as he heard the inaudible ramblings from Richie. It was worse when he heard the tell tale sign of kissing.
It was safe to say, Richie Tozier ruined Jurassic Park for him. When asked about how he liked the film he would lie and say what everyone else was saying.
~
The next week flew by for Eddie, in a sea of gut wrenching jealously. Heather had joined the Losers for lunch during school hours and had even hung around with them after school. Eddie couldn’t escape the couple. Richie had never brought any of his previous girls to hang out with them; sometimes he wouldn’t even bother to tell the group the girl’s names. Eddie spent more and more time avoiding his friends, even spending one whole lunch in the bathroom. Not only did he feel terrible from wanting to be with Richie, there was also the guilt of wanting to be with a boy. But by far the worst part for Eddie was seeing Richie be happy with someone that wasn’t him. Sure, he was happy for Richie but he couldn’t help resenting his happiness when Eddie was so miserable.
~
The first time Eddie was with the Losers for a significant time without Richie and Heather, their first conversation was about Heather. They were by the quarry, which had become their normal hang out spot since the It incident. Their conversation had turned to Richie and how strange it was for him to be with a girl for this long. The group were discussing what they liked about Heather.
Eddie had remained silent throughout. Of course the only time that he wasn’t around Richie and Heather, he had to hear about the couple instead.
He thought he silence was unnoticed, until Ben asked, “What about you Eddie, what do you think of her? You are his best friend after all”
Eddie winched a little before shrugging and answering somewhat bitterly, “I just don’t get it, she’s not that great.”
The group exchanged glances that didn’t get past Eddie.
“What was that? What is it?”
He was met with silence.
“Come on guys, what aren’t you telling me.”
“We just think that perhaps the reason you don’t like Heather is because she’s with Richie,” Bev answered delicately,
“I- I- why would that effect whether I like her?” Eddie’s stomach was churning; he should have never said anything.
“J-jealousy?” Bill looked guilty as he said it.
“I don’t like Richie, I’m not even gay,” Eddie blurted out. But of course he knew he was gay. He’d known for years and had labelled it under the category of ‘sicknesses I have’ but one he knew there was no cure for.
The group looked mildly shocked and looked to each other once again. Eddie registered that they could have meant jealousy because of his and Eddie’s close friendship, but it was too late for him to realise that now, he’d already said what he said.
“Shit,” He said then scrambled to his feet and bolted into the trees towards where he’d left his bike.
“Should we give him some space?” Ben asked, breaking the groups’ silence.
Beverly turned to him exasperated, “No! Quick we have to catch up to him and let him know we don’t care.”
The rest of them agreed and they took off after him.
Eddie had tripped over a tree root in his haste to escape. He looked down at himself covered in dirt and cringed at how filthy he was. He tried to brush some of it off and noticed his hands were also covered in dirt. He was hyperventilating now, grabbing for his inhaler as tears rolled down his cheeks cutting through some dirt smeared there.
He was sitting on the ground with his head between his knees when he heard the footsteps approaching. He didn’t bother to look up from his position.
“It’s okay if you hate me,” He chocked out. “I understand.”
Beverly knelt down in front of him, “Eddie, why would we hate you?”
“Because being gay is wrong.” He looked up into Bev’s eyes that looked glassy, on the verge of crying. His own eyes still streamed with tears. “I’m sick,” He said.
At this the boys dropped down, joining Bev, surrounding Eddie. They all placed a hand somewhere on him, a shoulder, an arm, his head, his knee.
“The worlds changing Eddie, there’s a lot of people like you, there’s nothing wrong with you” Mikey said.
Eddie shook his head, “There was a lot of Nazis, doesn’t make them right.”
Stan gasped, “God, Eddie how could you compare yourself to a group who tried to commit genocide?”
Eddie winced, “Sorry, Stan.”
“No, screw you Eddie. How dare you.” Stan grabbed his face in his hands and looked him dead in the eyes. “We didn’t fight It together for you to go and think shit like that, okay?”
Eddie nodded as he wiped some tears away with the back of his hand.
“So you a-agree? There’s nothing wrong w-with you. You just l-love someone unconventional,” Bill shrugged.
Eddie whipped his head around to Bill, “Hey! I never said that I loved Trashmouth.”
Yet again the Losers exchanged a certain look.
Eddie sighed, “What am I going to do guys?”
“About what?” Ben asked innocently.
He rolled his eyes, “You know what.” Before they could turn to each other again he said, “And don’t you dare look at each other again!”
“We don’t know Eddie,” Beverly replied.
He sighed again, “I suppose I’ll just have to deal with it.”
“If you need to talk to any of us-“ Mike started.
“Yeah I know, thank you guys.”
~
The following the next couple of weeks Eddie felt as good as he could considering the circumstances. This was thanks to everyone making the effort to distract him from the couple.
Mike and Ben would talk to him about the new comic series they were reading, even giving him copies to read. Reading the comic took up a lot of his free time alone which was a fairly useful tool in stopping his own thoughts from completely clogging his brain.
Stan had become the person he could banter with and receive good comebacks in return. He had even joined Eddie in making fun of other students around the cafeteria under their breath.
Bill basically appointed himself as Richie’s replacement. They would do a lot of the things that Richie and he would usually do together like studying together, visiting the record store and playing video games after school. Though this was usually done with others around, Bill made sure to provide the usual conversation that Richie had.
Thank god for Beverly though. She not only was a constant distraction while they were hanging around the couple, but she’d also taken to hanging out with him alone. Because they were alone, they could discuss what boys they found cute and all the stuff he had always been too afraid to talk about. This took some warming up to, due to his reluctance to accept any of it but Bev somehow just made it easier with her encouragement and her relaxed demeanour.
It wasn’t like Richie had disappeared. He was around the group any time he and Heather weren’t off alone doing what Eddie didn’t want to know. However when he was with the Losers, Heather always accompanied him, Eddie wondered whether she had any friends of her own and why she wasn’t with them.
Richie had started talking to the group as a whole rather than individually, which made it even more surprising when he noticed Bev and Eddie enter the cafeteria together one day.
“Oi, Haystack, better watch out, looks like Eddie’s trying to steal you’re girl. They’re always hanging out together these days,” Richie said while nudging Ben.
Everyone in the group except Richie and Heather were silent for a few seconds before they burst out in laughter, for obvious reasons.
“What is it? What’s so funny?” Richie asked, confused.
Ben just patted his back and said, “It’s okay Richie I think I’ll be fine.”
The rest of them tried to contain themselves because they were sure to be raising suspicions.
“What do you think Bev, wanna have a go of it?” Eddie asked raising his eyebrows at her and was met by laugher again with no sign of dissipating.
“I think I’m missing something,” Richie said.
Eventually they started talking about something new, but all Eddie could think about was how Richie had noticed who he had been hanging out with lately. Maybe Richie was also missing his best friend.
~
The Losers were sitting by the quarry having just spent the morning swimming in the sun, summer was coming and all of their moods were already brightening with the approaching holiday.
“When’s Richie getting here?” Eddie asked. “I mean, Richie and Heather.”
Bill checked his watch and looked at him sympathetically, “P-p-probably soon, he s-said he’d after he and H-Heather hung out a-a little.”
Eddie bit his lip, “I don’t think I feel like seeing them today, it’s just been really good I don’t want to-.” He didn’t have to finish, his friends understood that he was trying hard not to let it get to him but sometimes he needed space from it. “So I think I might as well head out now to avoid making an excuse, I’ll leave that up to you guys.”
They shared a brief laugh at that. In the last month the group had gotten very creative with their reasons for Eddie’s absence that if Richie wasn’t suspicious yet then there was probably something wrong with him.
They exchanged goodbyes and Eddie headed out.
He was too busy thinking about how he’d spend the rest of the day that he didn’t notice Richie was coming towards him until it was too late to hide.
“Hey Eds, you leaving already?” Richie said.
“Yeah, I’ve got to- ah- where’s Heather?”
“Oh, she um-“ He hesitated. “We broke up.”
Eddie didn’t want to be happy. He was sure she was actually a great girl and that he would have gotten along with her had she not been dating the boy he was in love with. But boy was he happy. It hit Eddie that he may be the happiest he’s been in a month, but the person he cared about the most was probably in pain.
“Are you okay?”
“Yeah, I’m fine. It was just a bit of a shock.” When Richie spoke, Eddie really did believe that he was okay. He didn’t seem as hurt as he should be, for how close the couple seemed.
“Why’d you break up?” He blurted without thinking better of it.
Richie hesitated, and then took a breath, “She knew I didn’t like her as much as I should.”
Eddie’s brow furrowed, “What do you mean? How could she tell?”
Richie suddenly looked quite uncomfortable, “Well she could tell I liked someone else…more than her. A lot more.”
“Oh?” Eddie gulped. He couldn’t mean…
“And she thought that the other person likes me back,” He continued, looking intently at Eddie.
Richie closed his eyes, took a deep breath, stepped toward Eddie, and opened his eyes, “So do you? Like me back?”
Eddie’s breath hitched and he slowly started to nod.
That was all it took for Richie, before Eddie even finished his first nod and dove towards him, catching the shorter boy’s lips with his.
All Eddie could think about were Richie’s lips and the fact that he never wanted to pull away from them. Unfortunately for Eddie that meant he forgot about all basic thought, including the fact that he had to breath.
Richie noticed quickly that Eddie’s breathing had become more than the usual ragged breath that comes with making out. He caught Eddie before his legs fell from under him.
“Eddie!” He cried out.
Eddie was wheezing for breath, holding onto Richie, “M-m-my medicine, I didn’t-“ He shook his head, frustrated. “I didn’t bring it,” He finally got out.
I’m going to die, he thought, I’m going to die because I finally got to kiss Richie. Richie is literally going to be the death of me.
Before Eddie could continue his rambling thoughts, Richie was holding an inhaler to his lips and yelling at him to breathe it in.
As soon as he was in the clear Richie was yelling at him. “You fucking idiot, I can’t fucking believe you aren’t carrying one of these around. Just because you mother lied to you about your other shit doesn’t mean this is fake. And I don’t care if it actually is, you still obviously need it.”
Eddie was only half aware that the others had come running to them when Richie started yelling his name.
“I’m sorry,” He croaked out. “I just- I wanted to see if I actually needed it.”
“Yeah, well maybe you could have thought of the fact that you might die if you actually need it,” Richie sounded angry but his face was filled with concern.
Eddie dropped he head to Richie’s shoulder, he was still wrapped in the taller boys arms, “Where did you get that? The inhaler?”
“I carry one with me in case you need it, you’re lucky I’m the smart one right now,” He said with a more gentle tone.
“You were the one who almost killed me,” Eddie retorted.
Richie reached his hand to Eddie’s hair and started running his fingers through it. “Maybe you should learn to breath when you’re kissing someone.”
There was a laugh from one of the Losers, who were apparently still standing there.
“I hate you,” Eddie groaned.
“You love me,” Richie said it as a statement, but his unsure eyes bore into Eddie’s turning it into a question.
Even though it was obvious at this point how Eddie felt, he supposed Richie was used to being uncertain about being loved, what with his parents neglect.
“I do,” He whispered.
Richie sighed in relief, “I can’t imagine why.”
“I can list a thousand reasons why,” Eddie challenged.
Someone shifted their feet, as if to retreat from the interrupted moment.
Richie’s eyes lit up as if finally noticing the others around them. “Ha- I bet they’re all about my hot bod,” He said loudly, his regular defence mechanism kicking in.
Eddie laughed a little to ease his tension, “Maybe so, but I could name a thousand more not to do with that.”
“Eh, great not another chummy couple. You guys might even beat Ben and Bev on the annoying couple scale,” Stan said, rolling his eyes.
They all laughed and walked back to the quarry.