Chapter Text
Rhyella couldn’t feel her toes, despite two pairs of wool socks and a pair of fur-lined boots. She shouldn’t be surprised, of course; she’d never been particularly fond of Ferelden weather and it didn’t seem to care much for her either. And it wasn’t even winter yet.
She shivered and shook her head, pulling her cloak in tighter around her while she continued down the road. Cullen couldn’t have thought to settle somewhere warmer, to ask the Divine for a piece of land on a nice tropical island. But no, somehow, she’d always known he’d wind up back near Honnleath.
That foolish, aching feeling she’d been trying to bury in her gut came back to life, squeezing at her insides. Was she a fool for doing this? Why had she waited so long to see him? She’d spent time with everyone else since the Inquisition disbanded, but she could never quite bring herself to do more with Cullen than exchange a few cordial letters.
Maybe because every time she thought about it her hand started to sweat.
Or maybe it was because she thought Cullen might think her young and naïve for still looking for… him .
She’d spent the last 4 years travelling across Thedas, turning over more dead ends than she could count. It was like trying to catch smoke. The more she faltered, the more times she came back from being so close to just seeing him one more time, the more furious she grew. And it weighed on her until she felt she couldn’t breathe.
Her friends had helped where they could, and she’d aided them in their affairs like no time had passed at all. But, oh, time had passed, and she was tired . Exhausted and angry in her bones, in her soul.
And there was only one person left who might understand what that feels like.
She crested over the hill and spotted the sanctuary below. It was a compound of various buildings, built of sturdy dark logs and winding dirt paths. A few people milled about, mostly floating between the largest building and the smaller Chantry. A pair of men sparred in a ring near the entrance.
It felt warm and healing, the mountain air crisp with the smell of burning wood and baking bread. In all this suffering, Cullen had succeeded in building a place of peace. Despite herself, she smiled.
“Well done, Commander,” she hummed to herself. “At least one of us has had a bit of success.”
She followed the road to where ended before what she assumed was the main building. The handful of people outside cast her curious glances, realization dawning on the few who managed to spot her lack of a left arm. Thankfully though, no one fell to their knees with throes of Inquisitor or Herald . She reached out towards the great door and paused.
Her stomach lurched suddenly. This was a bad idea, she could turn back now and maybe he’d never know she’d been there.
Creators, though, why was she so nervous?
She was about to turn on her heel when a series of thunderous barks echoed across the sanctuary.
Whirling towards the ruckus, she spotted a mabari bounding across the lawn with its tail wagging and tongue lolling from the side of its mouth. It took a moment for it to register, but when it did she dropped to her knees before the whole courtyard. Her heart seized and her throat swelled. Remus remembered her and he was running towards her like they’d never left Skyhold.
He leapt into her arms and managed to erase all evidence of tears with his slobbery tongue. It was all she could to not to collapse onto the ground entirely. Remus had specks of grey in his coat now, and he was more fat than muscle, but he was still just as excitable as the last time she’d seen him.
She buried her face against his neck and laughed, letting her hand drag through his fur to scratch behind his ear. The words almost disappeared in a strangled sob. “I’ve missed you too, boy.”
Maybe this wasn’t such a stupid idea after all , she thought. But then she heard Cullen’s voice calling over his mabari.
“Maker’s breath, Remus, please don’t eat the guests before they can even get through the door!”
She froze until his quickened footsteps stopped just on the other side of Remus.
“I’m so sorry, my lady,” he said. “He usually doesn’t act like this, I don’t know what’s gotten into him.”
Rhyella took a breath before looking up. He inhaled sharply when he saw her, and her eyes widened at the sight of him. No armor, no fur mantle, no army to lead or world to save. Just Cullen, looking more well-rested than he ever had at Skyhold.
Her lips turned upwards. “I think he just missed me,” she said softly, but not before finishing with a tease, “ Commander .”
His mouth hung open a moment before he snapped it shut, color appearing high on his cheeks. The scar on his lip peaked just above…oh good grief, was that a beard ? She couldn’t stop staring at it before she started to blush herself.
He swallowed. “Inqu- Rhyella ? What are you doing here?”
Her gaze flicked back to his eyes. Still warm and golden despite the very present shock. “I thought I should come see what you’ve been up to these last few years.” She tried to keep her tone light and friendly, but she was failing miserably. A shadow of hurt passed over his face and she looked away, suddenly interested in the grey on Remus’ snout. “But I should go, I should’ve written.”
“No!” He took a step towards her before stopping, like he’d caught himself about to do something foolish. “No, I mean, it’s fine! You’re more than welcome! I’m just…surprised you’re here.”
Remus nudged his head against her chest and she stood, absentmindedly running her hand over her left shoulder. She sighed. “That makes the two of us.”
When she looked up again he was staring at her, trying to take everything that had changed about her. Guilt crawled up her spine. She’d been nineteen when they’d met, a scrawny little elf with an apparent penchant for being at the wrong place at the right time. They’d saved the world together, and maybe she owed him more after that than showing up as a twenty-six-year-old stranger.
They tried to speak at the same time.
“Cullen, I’m so sorry-”
“You cut your hair-”
They stopped, red-faced and falling back into their nervous tics. Cullen rubbed the back of his neck and ground the toe of his boot into the dirt.
She almost laughed, tugging at the white-blonde hair that now barely brushed her shoulders. “I did. And you have a beard.”
The corners of his eyes wrinkled. “I thought I’d give Blackwall a run for his money.”
That made her laugh in earnest. They stood in silence, soaking in each other’s company but unsure of what to do or say next.
It still felt unfinished, like there was an infinite number of things left to be said. But for just a moment, Rhyella felt like she could breathe again, if only a little bit.
A soft smile tugged at Cullen’s mouth. “I’m glad you’re here.”
She snorted to break the tension. “Don’t say that yet. Bad luck tends to follow me around, so who knows what trouble I’m going to get you in while I’m here.”
He paled briefly before shaking it away with a shaky laugh. “Well, I can’t say I haven’t enjoyed the peace and quiet. Maybe we’re overdue for another apocalypse scare.”
Solas’ voice echoed in the back of her mind and she sucked in a breath.
I will save the elven people , even if that means this world must die .
A phantom pain sparked up what remained of her left arm. The ache of stolen magic suddenly ripped away. She hissed and groped for what wasn’t there. As easy as falling, she was sucked back to that time and place.
Searing, white-hot pain in her arm. Sickly green light spills from her skin. It’s pulling at the place beyond and ripping it open with claws that seek to bleed.
The anchor is killing her.
She is going to die, on her knees before a god she loved. But he’s here. Oh gods, he’s here and he’s real and she’s missed him.
A world of Eluvians, and red-flowered branches that grow through a forgotten empire. Golden armor. A wolf pelt over his shoulder. Then she understands.
Immeasurable sorrow on his face. It feels like her heart is going to break through her ribs.
Solas, var lath vir suledin!
I wish it could, vhenan.
He kisses her and takes the hand that aches.
Remus butted her legs and brought her crashing back to the world before her. She curses herself because she’s crying again , doubled over with Cullen’s hand warm on her back. But the pain was gone and she was still alive.
Working lungs.
A thundering, working heart.
Cullen’s voice saying her name and the distant sound of birds in the trees.
She smells Remus and wood and leather.
Alive .
Solas had not destroyed the world. There was still hope. A life to make. Somewhere, somehow.
She clenched her eyes shut and shook her head before opening them again. “I’m fine. I’m sorry.”
“Maker’s breath, I shouldn’t have said that. I’m so sorry.” She felt his fingers tighten on the fabric of her cloak and Remus whined at her feet. “You should come in and rest, I’m sure it’s been a long journey. One of the healers can look at you.” Concern, true and deep unlike anything she’d heard in a long time laced through his words. She shook off the thought.
“Apparently I’ve come to the right place.” A bitter laugh escaped her lips. She stood and gave him a weary nod. “But I mean it, I’m okay. It’s just-”
He gave her a half-smile that didn’t quite reach his eyes. “A bad day,” he finished.
She let her eyes close again. “Yes. That. I seem to have a lot of those.”
“At least let me make it up to you with food and a bed.” He dropped his hand from her back and moved to push open the door. “Please.”
She was still shaking, fighting back the memories that wanted to drag her away from the present. But she nodded. Her stomach growled and the numbness in her toes had started to spread to her fingers.
She’d come all this way to help Cullen’s home for ex-Templars, to help heal those who had already given so much. She’d been good at that once. Helping. Leading. Healing.
But she supposed it was fitting she’d end up somewhere in the Frostbacks again, the place where this whole thing had started, for healing of her own.