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“Lexa, what’s wrong?” Clarke said worriedly as she walked into the school’s locker room. It was empty right now save for her girlfriend sitting in the far end corner on one of the benches with her head in her hands. “Hey,” She tried quietly, making her way over to her.
She was in class when she got a text from one of her best friends. Octavia had texted Clarke in pretty much a panic when Lexa had walked out of class without a word. Clarke was in history when she had received the text, knowing her friend and Lexa were in the same class right now. Octavia said she looked a little panic and walked out without even responding to the teacher when he had asked if she was okay. So Clarke kind of did the same, she knew Lexa was having a bad day, well week probably, she’s just been off since Monday.
But well, Clarke did ask before leaving the classroom and pretty much taking off running in the hallway, not really knowing where Lexa was. She figured Lexa would want to be somewhere quiet and empty, usually that would be outside but given how it was pouring right now, she had to be inside. The library was Clarke’s first guess but when she saw how packed it was, it was a no brainer that Lexa was in the locker room.
And she was right.
“Lexa?” Clarke tried again, sitting down next to her as she didn’t get a response. She was breathing heavily, almost like she was out of breath. “Are you okay?” She responded this time, but didn’t speak, only shook her head. “Did something happen?”
“I can’t breathe.” Lexa gasped, she was breathing but it felt like no air was reaching her lungs. Fucking panic attacks, is probably more of what she wanted to say right now but words weren’t really coming out.
“Yes you can.” Clarke told her, a hand going on her back, trying to calm her because this wasn’t the first time she had seen her like this. “Just deep breaths okay? In and out.”
But Lexa shook her head, “Not working,” She added breathlessly, “I don’t-” She was short of breath and it was hard to even get the words out because Clarke could see Lexa was practically gasping for air. “I don’t know what’s happening.” She did, she knew what it was. But she didn’t know why.
Clarke nodded at her, taking Lexa’s hand in her’s, “Close your eyes,” She tried. “Try to relax, it’ll pass. It always does.” She gave her a small comforting smile and to her surprise, Lexa nodded. “Tell me what you’re feeling.” This was a good place to start, Lexa usually calmed down a bit after getting things off of her chest. This was actually Clarke’s best strategy right now against Lexa’s panic attacks, just ask her how she’s feeling, and what she’s feeling, why too if it was relevant. And as she talked, she calmed down.
Lexa did as Clarke asked, closed her eyes and tried to focus on her breathing before answering. “Overwhelmed.”
“By what?”
“Everything.”
“Class?” Clarke asked because she had just run out on it and it was usually the root of most of her stress. Lexa nodded. “Why?”
“It’s too much.” She added. It was, the pressure was too much, the pressure to do good and get good grades and just meet everyone’s expectations was too damn much sometimes. “I can’t keep up.”
“You can.” Clarke told her gently, Lexa opening her eyes and looking at Clarke with an unconvinced look.
“Maybe not this time.” Lexa let out a sigh, feeling herself calm down. “I burned myself out last year.” She really did, by the end of her junior year, she was probably getting 3 hours of sleep a day. “And now…I don’t know where to start with anything.”
Clarke nodded understandingly, “Did something happen in class?”
“Right now?” Lexa asked before shaking her head, “No, I just have no idea what’s going on and it was too loud and there were too many people and I-”
“It’s okay,” Clarke said calmly, stopping her, she had just started to get calmer and Clarke didn’t want Lexa to get worked up again. “It happens.” She rubbed her thumb over the back of Lexa’s hand, making small circles. “Tell you what,” Clarke started, “Don’t pressure yourself to pay too much attention in class today, okay?” She told her. “After school, come down to my place and we can work together, and I’ll help you catch up with whatever you couldn’t do today.” Lexa thought about it for a moment, not responding but just waiting for Clarke to continue. “It’s not ideal, I know. Especially for you.” She added lightly, it really wasn’t for someone with a 4.0 GPA. “But hey, your mental health matters too.” Lexa nodded this time, a little reluctant because she was one those people who were like I want to die but I got an A so it’s fine. “And just…try to take it easy from tomorrow.” Clarke added. “You probably won’t but it’s worth a shot.”
“How do you calm me down so quickly?” Lexa asked her, a little amused by it.
Clarke shrugged, she didn’t really know. “I don’t know, I kinda just figured, you need to talk sometimes.” She told her. “So that’s what I do. I make you talk.”
“Well, I appreciate it.” Lexa replied, watching as Clarke stood up. “I appreciate it.”
They were a couple of dumbasses really, there wasn’t much more to their relationship than just that one fact. Dumbasses.
“I appreciate you too.” She held out her hand, waiting for Lexa to take it before standing. “Now come on, back to class.”