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After another long night of having to socialise with all his Father’s old acquaintances and pretending that he actually wanted to be there or cared about their conversations, Toby was more than ready to fall into bed. He made his way over to the bar one last time with the pretence of taking over some empty glasses. He wanted to say goodnight to Adil, who wouldn’t finish his shift for another hour or so. Before he was able to open his mouth, Adil beat him too it.
“Come meet me when I’m done?” he whispered, making sure not to look at Toby too long, but long enough for Toby to see the longing in his eyes.
“Yes, of course.” Toby replied immediately without hesitation, all previous thoughts of sleep completely gone. He lived for those moments, where it was just the two of them alone. He handed him a glass and let his fingers linger like they used to all those months before. Before he knew what having more felt like.
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“You’re tired,” Adil commented when he slid into the room and closed the door behind him a while later.
“I’m always tired, but I would rather spend time with you,” he answered, striding over to meet Adil with a lingering kiss.
“So here we are, in our secret place…” Adil muttered against his lips.
Adil had been the one to suggest this particular part of the hotel as their rendezvous point. It was quite a small, barren room near the employee area. Toby wasn't sure what it used to be used for, most likely some type of storage. But now, no one ever ventured to this area of the hotel. So that's why they had decided to make it their place, somewhere they could meet without being seen or raising suspicions. There wasn’t much in the room, only lots of empty boxes, a desk and a couple of chairs as well as a broken record player.
There wasn't a bed or anything, so they occasionally had meetings in Toby's room. But that didn't bother them much, and it was safer.
“I love it here, the sound of the crowd is so far away,” Toby mused, his mind drifting back to the events of the evening.
"What's wrong?" Adil asked him, obviously recognising the look of sadness on his face even though he tried to hide it.
"It's just Freddie. He keeps coming to me feeling all down about his situation with Emma. I feel for him, I really do, but I'm going through the exact same thing with you - being in love with someone society will not let me be with - and I can't talk or complain to anyone about it!" Toby exasperated. Adil grabbed onto his hands tightly, and Toby felt like being home.
"You can talk to me. Always." Adil reminded him, making him feel calmer already.
"I know, but I don't want to waste what precious time I have with you complaining about how unfair life is, you already know that." Toby pouted.
“If you need to talk, we’ll talk. I don’t care what we do, as long as at the end you are the happy, loving Toby that I adore.” He smiled at Toby and his heart melted.
"Freddie spent the whole night looking out for Emma, watching her when she was in the room. And he was being so obvious about it. God, if I ever act like he does please knock some sense into me because we'd be found out in an instance." Adil had to agree with Toby there, he didn’t think Freddie even knew the definition of subtle.
"He was dancing with this girl, a Lady, and all the while I knew he was thinking about having Emma in his arms. And I'm thinking, if he really wanted to he could probably have a dance with her. The guests might be a little surprised but everyone at the hotel knows that we've all be friends basically our whole lives. Maybe one or two people would bat an eyelid to begin with but then they'd have forgotten about it by tomorrow. But if you and I danced together, the whole room would stop and then the next day we'd be all over the papers or something."
Adil knew this, he knew how biased and discriminating this society was and he hated the way it made Toby feel. Toby felt like he needed validation and acceptance, which was something he was unlikely to ever get. All Adil could do was show him how much he loved him and hope that would be enough.
"It is quite sweet how he's pining after her. Everyone in the staff knows about it."
"What, really?” Toby exclaimed, taken aback by this new piece of information.
"Yes Toby, you know what the gossip down here is like," Adil joked.
"What about you? What sort of things do they talk about?" Toby teased, leaning down to rest his head on Adil’s shoulder and looking up to him with a look of mischief in his eye.
"As far as they know I'm just a boring barman with no love life so I'm never the centre of attention." Adil spoke truly, never being more thankful for his apparent plainness.
"You are the most far from boring person I've ever known." Toby told him honestly.
"You know, I've never seen you dance..." Adil pondered, unable to get the thought out of his head since Toby had mentioned it. Thinking back to the years he's worked here, there had always been woman like Theresa but he'd always brushed them off or come up with some sort of excuse. Now Adil knew why, but he was still curious to see it.
"That's because I can't." Toby declared firmly, worming his way out of Adil’s embrace to sit down. He folded his arms across his chest, something Adil knew he did when he was feeling self-conscious.
"Everyone can dance!" Adil encouraged. He was pretty sure that both the Hamilton brothers would have had some sort of dance lessons growing up the way they did.
"Then I can't dance well," Toby emphasised, glaring at Adil but with a twinkle in his eye. If he was trying to look intimidating he was failing miserably.
"Come on, get up." Adil announced, bounding over to Toby. He still had his uniform on but had removed the waistcoat and tie. He held out his arms to Toby.
"You're being serious? Right now?" Toby laughed, slightly incredulous.
"Why not? It's a good a time as any!" Adil reasoned.
"We don't have any music! If only the record player worked..."
"We don't need it, just imagine it in your head," Adil begged, a pleading tone to his voice.
"Oh, fine then. But I will warn you I won't be any good." Adil couldn’t help laugh at Toby’s stubbornness.
"Dancing is a big part of Indian weddings. I only know how to lead though, is that alright with you?"
A few months ago, it wouldn't have been. But now Toby didn't care, all he wanted was an excuse to hold Adil in his arms, where he belonged, and he didn't care how that came about.
"I'll do anything you tell me to," Toby promised.
Adil reached out slowly to intertwine his left hand with Toby’s, the other man just standing there watching in anticipation. He then snaked his other arm around Toby’s back, placing it firmly above shoulder blade before applying more pressure to pull him closer. Toby’s breath hitched, and Adil could feel every beat of his heart.
He paused for a moment, just to take in the atmosphere around them. Being so close and together in this way felt strangely intimate, a secret moment for no one else to know about.
“I don’t know what I’m doing!” Toby admitted, sounding panicked as if he felt he was going to ruin everything.
“Shh, it’s alright. You just have to follow me. 1-2-3, 1-2-3…” Adil started to move, envisioning the box for the waltz movement in his mind. He counted the beats aloud to help Toby find the rhythm, and after a few moments he had fallen into step with Adil.
“See, that isn’t that hard, is it?” Adil grinned, noticing the look of triumph on Toby’s face.
“I guess not. I haven’t stepped on your toes yet so that’s a start,” he replied, beaming.
“You remember the last song they played tonight?” Adil queried, beginning to hum the tune softly.
“Of course,” Toby replied. He thought it had been beautiful. Adil began to spin them slowly, now that Toby had mastered the basics.
Toby closed his eyes and let his memory take him back to earlier in the evening, the live band playing softly in his ear and Betsey’s heavenly voice filling the room. Adil was small enough to lay his head on Toby’s chest as they swayed and turned around the room.
“Let's take tonight and never let go.” Adil whispered.
“Let's take tonight, to carry us through the lonely times,” Toby smiled, before leaning down to capture Adil’s lips with his own. For a moment they continued to dance but once the kiss deepened Toby had to divert all his concentration, so the movement stopped.
“I don’t want to leave you,” Toby frowned after they pulled apart, still holding on each other tightly. Their foreheads were pressed together so that he could still feel Adil’s breath on his face. He tilted his head slightly so that their noses rubbed against each other. Adil was silent in contemplation, but he didn’t need to say anything for Toby to know that the feeling was mutual. It always was.
Now Toby understood why people liked dancing so much. Being so close to the person you loved gave you an indescribable feeling that nothing else could. He knew that they would be doing this many more times, hopefully with some proper music.
“No matter how far or where you may be, I just close my eyes and you’re in my dreams. And I’ll always be here,” Adil promised, reluctantly freeing his left hand to place his palm right over Toby’s heart, revelling once again in the sensation of feeling it beat so close to him. For him.
Toby knew right there and then that he loved this man with all his being and more than anyone else in the entire world. And with the lingering notes of a distant song still playing in Toby’s head they kissed like there would be no tomorrow and he knew that he would treasure this moment for ages to come.