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Seb felt like he was suffocating. He felt like crawling out of his skin, disappearing into thin air, and right now he needed to get away from the press, he needed to get out of the paddock, he needed to breathe.
He felt dizzy as the white noise seemed to grew gradually while he fought his way back to the Ferrari hospitality coming straight from the press pen, with his PR team forming a phalanx around him.
Nothing mattered anymore. He briefly thought about what would Britta do if he threw up in front of everyone. But that couldn’t happen, he needed to get himself under control. Just for a little bit longer. A little bit longer.
He couldn’t afford to fall apart now. Not right now.
He needed to breathe.
He felt like crying instead.
All those faces around him seemed to blur into one, all those chatting, laughing, carefree faces. Their world didn’t end like Sebastian’s. They had no clue about the chaos he felt inside himself.
He had no idea which part of the paddock they were currently going through, Britta’s hand on his arm being the only thing anchoring him to the present as she navigated him gently through the sea of people.
He felt numb.
He felt like he couldn’t breathe.
He pulled his cap more into his face as he moved onward on autopilot and the motion brought his head up high enough for him to saw a figure standing a couple of meters ahead of him, surrounded by a bunch of other people he couldn’t care less about right now. He suddenly felt the desperate urge to cry from relief.
It was Mark.
He moved without thinking, Britta’s hand slipping from his upper arm.
He felt crazy with a desperation he couldn’t explain. He didn't care about the live coverage happening in front of him, he didn't even realised it until later on. He didn't notice the pat he got on his back as he went straight to Mark. Mark. He needed Mark.
Sebastian touched his shoulder firmly, clinging to him for a split second. As soon as he turned toward him, Seb felt the breath caught in his throat. He felt his hand trembling as he extended it towards Mark, his smile shaky, small, desperately thinking please, please understand and Mark looked back at him first surprised and then worried before quickly arranging his expression into a casual smirk.
He understood.
Seb let out a breath. He felt like never letting go of Mark’s calloused and strong hand, anchoring him, always, always.
They looked into each other’s eyes for a stretched out moment, the handshake lasting far longer than necessary. Suddenly Mark inclined his head almost unnoticeably, giving Seb a hint of the smile reserved just for him.
He barely registered David’s pat on his back as he turned toward him, letting go of Mark’s comforting palm to shake his hand.
His mind was elsewhere though, focusing on one person in front of him. Even as he turned away to continue his way to the hospitality, he couldn’t help turning around several times, searching for those deep brown eyes that felt so familiar, so comforting.
The eyes that felt like home.
Mark looked back at him one more time, giving him a reassuring smile that said see you later, and I love you, you will get through this.
And Sebastian knew he would.