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“Alright, look! If this is just a big joke to you, then forget about it, all right?! This means something to me! And if it doesn’t mean anything to you, then you should get out of there, otherwise you’re just an idiot in a box!” Joey argued to the box where Chandler was. If getting inside a box would erase his betrayal to his best friend, he would get in the smallest box of the world. He should have said Joey he was in love with Kathy before kissing her, it was the very basics of a friendship! Not kissing your friends’ girlfriends!
“You’re right, and I’m sorry! This means a lot to me! I want you to be my friend again! I swear, I won’t say another word tonight.” He moved his hands where he heard the voice though Joey couldn’t see him.
“So are you gonna start taking this thing seriously?” Chandler shook his head.
“Absolutely!”
“That sounds like another word to me! Are you gonna take this seriously?” He, then, shut his mouth up and waited. No more words. He had to think. “Okay.” He heard how Joey sat down at the table with the others.
“Don’t say that I have no sentiment!” Rachel said really upset, but Chandler didn’t really focus on the argument his friends where having and concentrated on the fact he, indeed, betrayed his best friend with the woman he was seeing and how he felt awful about it.
He had to think, he had to think… Could he be in deeper thoughts? The facts were that he had tried to stop this incident to happen at the beginning, but Kathy’s lips… They were so plump and soft… He had to kiss her, it were his manly instincts telling him to do something. But it was wrong, and he knew it. He should have stayed stronger in front of temptation.
He wished he could go back on time and redo everything. He wouldn’t kiss her, even in the case if that meant he would lose her forever. He’d rather lose Kathy than Joey. He was his best friend! And you know what they say: pals before girls; and he didn’t want to break that stupid and childish rule.
He allowed himself to venture on the consequences his action could have carried: Joey moving out the apartment, again. He wouldn’t be able to bear that situation once more. His guts twisted and he tried to get a bit more comfortable, but it was true that one of the reasons he was in the box was of punishment. He had backache and he was hungry. However, he knew the pain was worth it. He would break up with Kathy if that got Joey to smile to him again.
He really missed Joey even if it was a short time since that happened, and he feared that it would be prolonged for days or weeks. Chandler knew that Joey was a bigger part of his life than he liked to admit, and the risk of losing him again was at its peak.
How long had he to be there for Joey to open the box and give him an awkward hug? He had so certain his priorities, where his best friend was on top of it. But why? A voice inside his head seemed to inquire. The same voice of his conscience that told him the things he had to do, or he had to know that were important. The same voice that screamed at him the night of the kiss to not to do it, which he decided to ignore.
But why? Why was Joey so important to you?
It was obvious. Chandler rubbed his eyes, frustrated and slightly annoyed about the laughs and noises outside his dark box. He was so important because he was his best friend. His roommate. He would do any stupidity to make him happy. And he had done it several times. That’s what friends are for! All for one and one for all!
Are you sure? You said you would dump that beautiful girl for him.
Now, that voice sounded somewhat like his father. He didn’t like that. He was not like him. He wasn’t gay. No, not at all. Nope. He was as straight as a ruler. Nothing about Joey made him otherwise. It’s not like he would get enchanted when the other laughs, nor he’d find his silliness adorable, nor he’d admire the light in his eyes, nor he’d think his hair is soft and he would like to… No! Chandler stopped himself in the middle of the thought and jumped on his seat, thumping his head on the lid of the box. It hurt.
Those things he was thinking of were the things he loved about Kathy. Not Joey. Of course he didn’t have a crush on Joey. He. Was. Not. Gay. He started repeating this as a mantra on his head. He was not gay, but maybe he was. And it filled him with anxiety. His logical part couldn’t stop telling him that it was obvious, that all the evidence was shouting this at him. But he was the boyfriend of Kathy, and Kathy was a girl. And he loved kissing her, and holding her hands. And he loved giving her warm hugs. Warm, big hugs like Joey’s… No, no, no, no…
He took a moment to ease his breathing when he finally realized he had quickened it. He had to be calm, peaceful. He realized how much damage had caused to everyone with his mistake. Even Kathy was worried about their friendship! Breath after breath, he was calming down. His head ached a bit and his mind was kind of foggy, but he was alright.
Detaching himself from his feelings, he began to think with his more rational and cold being. Maybe he had a crush on Joey because he was confused. Maybe he was bisexual, as he recalled Pheobe saying something about this topic. He was sure he loved Kathy, she was the woman of his dreams, of course. But about Joey… Chandler felt a little tingle of panic on his body as he approached the forbidden topic. Joey was something else entirely different. Maybe it was only strong platonic love. Yes, it was the most reasonable thing. Even if something on the back of his mind warned him against that judgment.
But then, there was that New Year kiss that left him craving for more...
Chandler heard a knock on the door and some movement of chairs.
“I’ll get it.” Joey got up the table and opened the door to the hallway, carefree, but his smile went down when he saw Kathy on the other side.
“Oh.” Chandler immediately started to focus on what was going on at the sound of his girlfriend voice. She, however, looked really uncomfortable to Joey.
“Hey.” Joey tried to be as neutral as he could.
“Hey. Listen, I want you to know how sorry I am…” She began to apologize.
“That’s okay. Chandler’s the one I’m mad at.” Chandler winced involuntarily at the harsh words.
“Well, I’m still sorry. Is he here?” Kathy looked over the room, searching for him.
“In the box.” Joey signaled to it, taking a step back to let Kathy in. It was a bit awkward moment. She had a very sad face as she neared the big box on the room.
“Chandler?”
“Oh, he-he can’t talk right now.” Pheobe said quickly to explain the situation. However, the puzzled face on Kathy indicated she would need more explanation.
“Why not? What’s going on?”
“He’s just trying to show Joey how much he means to him.” Pheobe smiled briefly.
“By being in a box?” Kathy was skeptical, but decided to just go along.
“Joey had reasons." Rachel said nodding towards him.
“They were threefold.” Pheobe quickly added to the response of her friend, briefly startling Kathy, who then sat by the box to talk to Chandler.
“Oh. Well uh, you not being able to talk may make this easier. Listen umm…” She looked at the others, asking for some privacy at and they took the hint, leaving the lovers alone. However, they were attentive to the situation going on. Chandler waited for her to continue. “Listen I don’t wanna be someone who comes between two best friends. I just, I can’t stand seeing what this is doing to you guys, and I don’t wanna be the cause of that. So, I don’t think we can see each other anymore. I’m gonna go to my mom’s in Chicago, I’m gonna stay there for awhile.” Was she… was she breaking up with him? But he didn’t want to end that. He loved her too much. He was going to cry. If Joey didn’t forgive him even after this, he didn’t know what to do “I think this could’ve been something really amazing, but you know this is probably for the best. You know? I’m gonna miss you. Good-bye, Chandler.” He could feel his own heart shattering.
Then, painfully, she got up and left the apartment. At least Chandler waved good-bye to her with the index finger he had extended through the air hole.
Ross glared at Joey, who couldn’t believe what happened. He didn’t want this to happen. He didn’t want them to break up. He only wanted to punish Chandler and somehow forgive him. This was too much; he felt the tears growing in his eyes.
“Open the box!!” He ran frantically to the box to do it for himself, there was no time to waste.
“What?!” Rachel looked at him stunned.
“He can still catch her! Come on, get out of there!” Quickly, he opened the box and smiles as Chandler looked up at him “Get out of there!”
“So?” Chandler had to know if he was forgiven before running for her.
“Yeah, we’re gonna be fine! Get out!” He started moving his arms to hurry up his friend. He wanted to give Chandler this last opportunity!
“Yeah?” However, Chandler didn’t move towards the door. He simply looked at Joey’s eyes.
“Yeah, you did some real good thinkin’ in there.” Joey simply smiled at him. Everything was going to be alright.
“Man, this is…” Chandler was really moved. He could have his friend and his girlfriend! Joey mumbled something unintelligible and Chandler hugged him with all his strength, burying his head on his neck and feeling Joey’s arms on his back, comforting him.
Getting away, Chandler watched Joey fondly for a brief seconds that seemed hours. They were the duck and the chick, they were inseparable. As Chandler rushed to find Kathy, Joey was left behind, staring at the door with a sad smile and a feeling of dissatisfaction. He still wanted to be hugged by him, he realized. He kind of wanted to be the only one that could make Chandler run like that, so in love that was beautiful.
Chandler found Kathy and they fixed everything, they said they were in love with each other. She kissed him with all the passion that could be expressed, and even more. He didn’t want to imagine why it had felt a bit empty as they walked hand by hand down the streets.
God, if he was stupid… He couldn’t believe that he was cheated on. Well, he could believe it. Chandler never had luck with women. It was obvious that this relationship would go as great and perfect as the others. He freaked out about the possibility of Kathy sleeping with Nick as they had lost passion on the stage. He shouldn’t have paid attention to Joey’s advice. ‘Yeah, Chandler, it’s a great move to follow advices from someone who couldn’t find Belgium on a map!’ he kept thinking.
However, he deep down knew it wasn’t Joey’s fault. He had been an idiot, doubting Kathy. He should have grown up. And he knew their relation wasn’t the best those last weeks. He had stopped caring, he had stopped loving her as he used to. It seemed to have been a fleeting crush. Brief, but intense. She could be a great friend, but nothing more. And now… It hurt being betrayed like this…
He just wanted to go home and bury himself on his sheets and maybe watch some TV with Joey.
“Hey!” Ross greeted him when he entered the apartment.
“How’d it go?” Joey asked, curious.
“Well, she wasn’t sleeping with him.” He started to elaborate.
“Oh good!” Phoebe cheer nearly made him want to cry.
“She is now.”
“What are you saying?” Ross’ confusion was obvious from his voice.
“I’m saying that she… is a devil woman!” Chandler knew he was about to ramble but he couldn’t help it when everything he was feeling was so weird “You know, I mean you think you know someone and then they turn around and they sleep with Nick! Nick, with his rock hard pecs, and his giant man-nipples! I hate him, I hate her! Well, I don’t hate her, I love her. This is all my fault really.” He was always the one that screwed everything.
“How? How is your fault?” The looks of his friends were so worried he even had a hard time answering Phoebe’s question.
“Because, I-I should’ve called! Y’know if I had just called her after our big, stupid fight, she never would’ve gone out with Nick, and they would’ve ended up in bed together. I threw her at his man nipples!” Was this what Joey felt when he kissed her?
“Honey, this is not your fault, just because you guys had a fight, it does not justify her sleeping with someone.” Rachel tried to comfort him.
“Well, if-if she thought they were on a break…” Ross tried to justify the situation pathetically, only receiving an ominous glare from them all, shutting him instantly.
Then, they tried to change the subject trying not to push Chandler, but soon they left the apartment to go to Central Perk, guessing Chandler needed some time alone. However, Joey stayed with his best friend.
Chandler laid on the couch, exhausted of all the things that had happened. He felt so weird, so anxious… He covered his face with his arm.
“Hey, Chandler, are you ok?” Joey asked sitting on the armrest and trying to get a better look of his friend.
“Of course, Joey, it’s not like I have been cheated.” Chandler said exasperated.
“You made her cheat on me too; you shouldn’t answer me like that.” Chandler sat up quickly. Was he really shoving that on his face right now?
“I said I was sorry! You forgave me!” It was incredible. Chandler couldn’t believe it. “You made me stay in a box for hours!”
“Wow, keep calm. I was only saying what happened.” Joey seemed to back down on that, seeing how sensitive his friend was. He was just trying to help. “Tell me, how you feel?” Arching a brow, Chandler relaxed once more and left space for Joey to sit down beside him on the couch.
“What do you think? I’m sad.” Joey was looking at him as asking him for more details. Chandler groaned before explaining “Okay, I’m sad and I feel guilty about the fact that Kathy cheated on me, but… But I think I don’t mind that much that we had broken up because I have been less attracted to her recently and it’s not because she hasn’t got a incredible body or that the sex wasn’t mind-blowing, because I assure you it was and I really enjoyed it, but because I felt as the love had died and I don’t know how to explain this.”
Joey looked attentively to him; with big brown eyes that seemed light the room. Chandler cursed himself on his mind; he shouldn’t be having those thoughts.
“Okay, it’s fine, Chandler. I suppose it happens sometimes. Never to me, but…” Joey smirked a bit “I’m happy you’re not very upset. Do you want me to look some hot blonde for you?”
“No, I just…” Chandler trailed on his thoughts, his mouth moving before he realized what words he was saying “I think I’ve lost the interest in Kathy because I’ve been thinking I might be in love with-” He shut his mouth as quickly as he could. Oh no, he nearly spilled it. Joey was looking at him surprised and the smirk on his face grew. Joey knew he had to know who Chandler was referring to. It was funny how big his eyes had become because of the surprise.
“In love with… who?” He nudged his side with mischievousness. Chandler felt how his face was getting hot.
“With nobody in particular!” His voice was high pitched “I’m in love with the world! With life! Isn’t it wonderful?”
“Yeah! It is!” Joey agreed nodding happily “But I know you didn’t mean that! C’mon, Chan, you can tell me!”
Chandler looked at his hands, nervous. He had thought about it again sometimes, about his feelings for Joey. At first, he was in denial. He couldn’t be gay. No way. But then it started to sink on him. How he longed seeing Joey more than Kathy after work. How he liked more his laugh than hers. Then, he couldn’t stop picturing Joey when he had sex with Kathy and it freaked the hell out of him. And then there was no doubt that his crush was as real as the moon. But there is a little difference between knowing you are in love with your male best friend and actually telling him that. Moreover, he was sure Joey was straight.
Joey’s gaze was crushing him, pressuring him to say something. He was drowning on his nerves.
“Well, you see…” He started talking “I’ve been thinking about this a lot and there is someone of our group of friends that I really really like and everything else but, you know, it could get weird if I actually tell them about this, like what had happened to Rachel and Ross. I just can’t come to you and say that I love you because it would mean that the stability of our group might break. And this person might never want to talk me again and I couldn’t bear that. So-”
“Have you just said that you love me?”Joey had lost his smile. When had he said that? Chandler wished he could control his tongue in situations like this. He just could stare back at Joey in silence “Chandler?”
“I… No.” He managed to answer after a few seconds.
“Yes, you did.”
“No, I didn’t.” They weren’t moving a muscle “What makes you think I did?”
“I heard you. You said you love me.” The great Chandler Bing had made a disaster of himself again.
“Well! If you had heard me, then why do you ask?!” Chandler immediately got up, angry and anxious “You can stop talking to me right now if you want!” Then he started walking towards the door. He needed to exit this hell right now.
“Wait!” Joey jumped of the couch too, catching Chandler’s hand with his own to stop him from leaving “It’s okay, Chandler! It’s okay because I think I love you too!”
Chandler froze where he stood and slowly turned his head to look at his friend. There was a smile on his face and some tears on his eyes. His heart was pounding hard against his chest. Time stopped between them for seconds.
“It’s all right to be frightened.” Joey said softly “I was, too. But now I know you love me too and I couldn’t ask for more.”
“But I’m not gay.”
“Are you sure?” Joey giggled “Because I can see how you are staring at my lips.” Joey pulled him towards him and kissed his lips softly.
“Well, maybe I can be gay for you.”
Then, it was Chandler’s time to kiss him with all the repressed love he always wanted to share with him.