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The little conversations
If I tried my very best
You know I never could say anything
In twenty words or less.
Somewhere, sometime, down the line
Someday I may confess,
And spill it all. that's all
Dean shoots up violently, sweat running down his back. His stomach roils and he takes a deep breath trying to stop the whiskey from making an encore appearance.
He swings his legs off the side of his bed - regretting it instantly. His head feels like he went ten rounds with Sugar Ray. He shuffles over to the bathroom eager to wash the nightmares away.
Purgatory- his new favorite.
He keeps inventing new and horrible ways for Cas to slip through his fingers. Leviathan. Werewolves. God even Benny betraying him and bleeding Cas dry while he watches- helpless. He thought Cas being back would put his mind at ease but it hasn’t seemed to make a difference.
Thinking about Cas makes something itch in the back of his mind- he isn’t sure what he is trying to remember. The shower makes him feel more human but he needs coffee.
He lumbers down the hall in search of caffeine. His head still pounding.
“Glad to see you’re still alive” Sam says from over his laptop- a curt nod in the direction of the full pot makes Dean bite back his retort.
“Mmmm” Dean sighs happily as he takes his first sip, collapsing in the chair across from his brother.
“You have a visitor. I told him you should be presentable soon- sent him into the library with your laptop and Netflix password.” Sam says without looking up.
“Cas? What’s he want?” Dean feels like he there is something he should remember but his mind is not working with him.
“I don’t know- said you texted him to come over” Sam shrugs getting up and putting his breakfast bowl in the sink. “I’m going to town-we're low on supplies, should be back in time for dinner” With that he walks out in the direction of the garage.
Dean feels his skin break out with a cold sweat. He is filled with a sudden sense of dread- he texted Cas? He reaches into the robes’ pocket for his phone and scrolls till he finds his history.
He thinks the might throw up after all.
4:34 am "Heeeyy Cas"
4:35am "Hello Dean."
4:36 am "Igotta aks you sumthin"
4:37 am "Have you been drinking?"
4:38 am "Geesz you sound like sam"
4:40 am "What do you want to know?"
4:41 am "Samms says you like me"
4:42 am "Of course, I like you Dean."
4:42 am "No no. he says you LIKE me."
4:43 am "Dean?"
4:44 am "Like me. Like boyfriend like"
4:50 am "Cas?"
4:51 am "Dean you should go to bed."
4:51am "Dude! You do!!!"
4:52 am "Come over."
4:59 am "Cas! C’mon"
5:00 am "You are drunk Dean"
5:01 am "Cas baby come over. I gotta see you"
5:02 am "Please. I need you"
5:05 am "Dean."
5:06 am "Sweetheart come over I wanna see that face. I miss you."
5:07 am "Dean I will see you tomorrow."
5:08 am "If you come now I will make it worth it…"
5:15 am "Cas?"
Oh God.
Oh god.
Dean feels like his whole world is falling apart.
He propositioned Cas, his friend. His angel.
Oh god.
He feels the bile rising when he remembers that same friend is here. Waiting for him.
How is he supposed to face him? Oh man, he needs to leave, he needs to get in the car and drive as far away as possible. Then he remembers Sam took off with the Impala.
Fuck. Sam. This is all his fault! Talking to him about feelings and shit. That crap always bites him in the ass.
He pushes back from the table the chair scraping violently on the kitchen floor. He loses his balance when he almost trips over the loose tie of the robe but rights himself at the last second. He is barreling at the door still looking at his feet when he slams into something solid.
Strong arms reach out to steady him and he wants to cry. Cas. Of course, its’ Cas. Who else would it be- fuck his life.
“Dean are you alright?” all gravel and Dean’s heart skips a beat.
“Yeah, yeah I’m fine” he mumbles trying to back out of the mans’ personal space. Still looking at his feet, cause God he can’t look him in the eyes.
“Dean we should talk” Cas says so calmly that it makes Dean want to push past him and never look back. He sounds so casual. Like Dean didn’t practically beg him to come over last night- and the texts flash through his mind making him flush. He wants to puke again.
He called him baby. Shit.
“Listen about last night man…” Dean starts not sure where he is going with this but Cas cuts him off.
“I do not wish to hear you explain your way out of this Dean.” Cas says in a surprisingly curt and abrupt way. Dean’s eyes snap up to look at him.
“It has taken me some time to understand what I feel for you. Talking with Sam made me realize that I feel differently about you than I do him. I love Sam. But I love you differently.” Cas says holding his gaze – not even blinking.
Fuck. Did Cas just say he loves him? He opens his mouth to say something then closes it again. God he thinks – say something!
“I believe that I am in love with you Dean. And based on my understanding of human interactions I believe you wanted to have intercourse with me last night. This leads me to suspect that you return my feelings. Is this true?” Cas finishes that weighty statement with his signature head tilt and squint.
Dean feels like his skin is on fire. He is fairly certain he’s blushing from head to toe. His brain seems to have abandoned its’ post. Cause all he can do is stare- wide eyed and slack jawed at this gorgeous creature in front of him. Cas is being so direct and it’s kinda working for Dean. His pants are very loose and he needs to close his robe before he embarrasses himself.
Yeah, he wanted to have sex with Cas last night. God, he still does. He can’t remember a time before when he didn’t want to take a tumble in the sack with this man. But he isn’t just a man. He's his best friend and an angel. He was going to hell again.
“Dean” Cas frowns at him. Shit he should say something.
“Cas” his voice cracks and he swallows thickly. Fuck it.
He grabs Cas by the lapels of that stupid coat and pulls him in crashing their lips together.
If he goes to hell for this- it’s worth it.
Several hours later Sam comes back from his supply run. He really hopes that Cas and his brother actually used the time he gave them to talk cause this was starting to wear on him.
He is carrying the groceries into the kitchen and almost trips over something on the floor.
God Dean is such a slob when he is hung over.
He puts the bags down on the table and looks back at what almost brought him down.
He walks over to pick it up frowning until he realizes he is holding Castiel’s coat.
He looks up and spots his tie a few feet away in the door way leading to the room they use to watch TV. His frown deepens.
Following the bread crumbs.
He stops dead in his tracks at the sight. There on the couch is Dean and Cas. Tangled in each other. Their hair sticking up wildly. Purple marks visible on both their throats and naked as the day they were born. Well in Deans case anyway.
He wants to yell- cause dammit Dean- that’s where they watch TV. But they look so peaceful. Snoring softly in each other’s arms and he is tempted to snap a picture but then cringes. He does not want to see that again. He settles for teasing them from now until the end of days.
But after they wake up.
Smiling he leaves for his room- sometimes talking about things really works.