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Sarah Jane, Harry and the Doctor have been going out for a while now. Ever since their run in with Davros and the Daleks on Skaro (often referred to by Harry as “the dreadful business with that Davros fellow”), they have found their relationship getting stronger, until you could easily consider them in a proper polyamorous relationship. And Sarah loves their relationship, knowing she has the kindest and just best partners a time traveller could have.
But she has to wonder if something is wrong. Sarah and Harry have sex fairly frequently, but the Doctor never seems to join in. They try to ask him if he wants to join them for some intimate time together, but the Doctor always declines, looking awkward and uncomfortable. Obviously, she doesn’t want to force him into anything he’s uncomfortable with, but Sarah sometimes wonders if there is a reason why.
So, one day, she decides to ask him. She locates the Doctor in the TARDIS kitchen, eating cereal despite it being the middle of the afternoon. He has his feet propped up on the table, reclining his chair back in a way that just screams ‘accident waiting to happen’.
“Doctor?” she says, and the Doctor’s head snaps up.
He grins, and Sarah notices that he has jelly babies in the bowl along with the cornflakes and milk. How odd.
“Sarah! Hello, there. Would you like some cornflakes?” he says, offering her the box.
“No thanks. Actually, there’s something I’d like to ask you about.”
The Doctor stares at her. “What’s that then?”
“Well, it’s about our relationship,” Sarah says, sitting down beside him.
There is flicker of fear in the Doctor’s eyes. “Really?”
“Yes, because, you see, I’ve been thinking, and I was wondering if there’s a reason why you never want to… have sex with me and Harry,” Sarah babbles, her face blushing.
The Doctor blushes too, tipping his hat forwards so she can’t see his eyes. That isn’t a good sign.
“Doctor?”
His breathing hitches and the Doctor bites his bottom lip. When he finally speaks, his voice seems hollow. “Err, yes… I think there is, actually. You see, the thing is… well, the act of sex… sexual intercourse utterly repulses me. The thought of having sex with anyone just makes me…” the Doctor gives an exaggerated shudder, shaking his head.
But then he sits up sharply, putting his bowl down on the table and turning his head away. “I’m sorry if that offended you. I wasn’t meaning to be offensive. It’s really nothing personal. And even… and even if I did ever feel like having sex (not that that will probably happen, but you never know), I wouldn’t want to do it with anyone I’m not attracted to.”
Sarah’s eyes widen. Did he really just say that?
The Doctor’s head snaps up and he reaches for Sarah’s hand. She still can’t see his eyes.
“Sorry,” he says, stumbling over his words. “Sorry. That sounded horrible. But… but it’s true. I’m not attracted to you, or Harry for that matter. I love you both dearly, but… not like that. Does that make sense?”
Sarah is about to answer, but the Doctor doesn’t give her a chance. He clasps her hand between both of his own, and he’s biting his lip again.
“I’m sorry, Sarah, but it truly isn’t anything personal,” he says, and his voice wavers. “I’ve never been attracted to anyone. It’s just normal for me, I suppose. To not experience attraction towards other people. To be… broken…”
He trails off. The Doctor’s voice barely breaks, but his body language changes rapidly. He hunches forwards, wrapping his arms around himself. His face scrunches up, and the Doctor’s breathing hitches again. And then he swipes at his eyes, and Sarah is hit by a horrifying discovery.
The Doctor is crying. He never cries, not even when he is terrified or has been captured or is worried about Sarah or Harry. She supposes that he must have cried in private in the past (after all, everyone has to cry), but she has never, ever seen him cry in front of her. So to see him sobbing as he sits beside her is just awful to see. The Doctor, a Time Lord, one of the most powerful beings in the universe, is crying. Crying because he thinks there is something wrong with him.
“Doctor?” Sarah says softly, hoping she won’t get tearful herself (she’s awful around people who are crying).
The Doctor sniffs, digging his hand into his pocket. “Sorry. Things just… get to me sometimes.”
“Don’t be sorry,” Sarah says, putting her arm around him, pulling her partner close. “It’s all right.”
He pulls a tissue out of his pocket and wipes his face. He accidentally knocks his hat backwards, exposing his eyes again. Sarah sees puffy red eyes and tears running down his face. Seeing him like this hurts so much; Sarah needs to help him feel better.
And then something occurs to her, and she wonders why she didn’t think of it earlier.
“Doctor?” Sarah says. “Have you heard of asexuality?”
The Doctor looks at her, confusion in his tear-filled eyes. “Asexuality?”
“You know… a sexual orientation, like being hetero or bisexual,” she says. “Me and Harry are bi because we’re attracted to two genders. An asexual person is attracted to—”
“Zero genders?” the Doctor says, cutting her off.
She looks at him. Through the tears still shining in his bloodshot eyes, Sarah sees a flicker of his normal grin. He seems to understand. But how can he not know about this? Are Time Lords as awful about asexuality as most humans from Sarah and Harry’s time? For such an advanced race, the Time Lords really seem to lack knowledge in some areas.
Sarah nods. “Exactly.”
A smile starts to form on the Doctor’s lips. He wipes his eyes and looks at her. “Really?”
“Really what?”
“Does it really exist? Is it a thing? Are there really people like me?”
Sarah squeezes his hand. “Would I lie to you? Of course there are. It’s perfectly normal for lots of people. You’re not broken, Doctor.”
The Doctor stares at her, his smile getting bigger. “Asexuality… I think it’s far to say that that might be the label for me.”
Before Sarah can say anything in reply, the Doctor wraps his arms around her and pulls her into a hug. She ends up with his scarf in her face, and she can hear his hearts drumming inside his chest. Sarah leans into the hug, rubbing the Doctor’s back.
“How do you know about this, anyway?” the Doctor asks, resting his chin atop her head.
“Remember that time we were on 21st century Earth? Well I had a chat with a lovely young woman who spotted my bi pride badge. She had an asexual badge, so when we struck up conversation I asked her about it and she told me about asexuality. She thought I was pretty sheltered to only know about being straight, gay or bi, and I just had to play along and pretend I wasn’t from the 1970s. But what she told me was really interesting, so I made sure to remember it.”
“I see,” the Doctor says. “Thank you for telling me. I feel much better now.”
Sarah smiles, remembering how she felt when she first learned about bisexuality. “I know what you mean.”
---
“So, the Doctor and I had a chat earlier, and there’s something he’d like to talk about,” Sarah says, taking Harry’s hand as he joins her and the Doctor on the sofa.
Harry looks a tad anxious. “Has something bad happened?”
“No, Harry, nothing like that,” the Doctor says, moving to wrap his scarf around both Harry and Sarah. “If anything, it is good news.”
“Really?” Harry says, smiling.
“Yes… well, Sarah and I had a long talk earlier about how I never… um, get… intimate with you both, and it led to the revelation that I’m probably asexual.” The Doctor’s cheeks burn red, but he doesn’t cover his face this time. “You do know what that is, don’t you?”
Harry glances at Sarah, obviously remembering the rather rushed lesson she gave him earlier. He nods his head. “Yes, old thing, I do. And I’m glad you know who you are now.”
The Doctor smiles. “So do I.”
And he holds Harry and Sarah’s hands and presses a kiss to their foreheads in turn, and he gives Sarah a lovely smile, looking so happy.
“So do I.”