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The boy who ran off into battle as if it were some game died long ago; his journey a long and tedious exercise in self-discovery. During every step of this journey of self-destruction and self-discover he was watched, and watched carefully by the man who was sworn to protect the realm. The same realm he recently discovered to be more to him than he previously thought.
As Thor sat in his chamber on their newly commandeered ship, he couldn't fathom how he had not come to this realization before Asgard had been thrusted into turmoil. For all of his desire to shirk his responsibilities to his homeland and return to Earth, his second home, Asgard had always called back to him. Most of the time he eventually obliged it’s call, but this time he had waited too long.
He truly understood now that his place was with his people. Only he knew that being with his people meant giving up many of those carefree moments he had been able to have over roughly the past decade or so -a second in the life of an Asgardian.
The crystal tumbler in his hand felt heavier than before, the stakes higher, and the need for a drink greater. After Loki came to him, he thought more upon what had happened between them and where they needed to go next. Loki was complicated, their relationship more complicated, and even if he appreciated what he could, he just needed less complication at the moment.
So when he heard a knock at the door, he paused, not wanting to open it. Being alone was uncomplicated. Silence was welcomed, and if he opened that door, there would be no silence. Only complication would await him no matter who it was. Thor was the new king of Asgard though; he had an obligation and eventually he need to open it.
When he did open it, before him stood the eyes of the realm, Heimdall. He stood tall, rugged from his days in exile; worn and serious in the way he carried himself. Despite gravitas of the other man, he was a sight for sore eyes even with his altered appearance.
Thor stepped aside letting him in. Heimdall was perhaps the only person who would not be an unwelcome visitor; Thor knowing that he would not have to have the long drawn out conversations he had with almost everyone else. The former keeper of the Bifrost knew most of what had happened and what was happening, and even if he didn’t, he would never press Thor for an answer. If there was anyone close enough to be his equal, it would be Heimdall, not that he would ever tell Loki that.
“You’ve seen the healer, I see. It seems to be a tradition that the ruler of Asgard have some sort of facial accessory to accentuate their features.”
His low voice contained a bit of humor in its weariness. Thor knew Heimdall mourned like all of them, but he was also hardened more than before, if that were possible.
“Yes. A parting gift from my father, delivered by my sister. A fitting family reunion.”
Bitter, sadness -It was all he could feel after causing the destruction of his home planet. Watching it burn and then explode had been more traumatic than even his own father’s death in some respects.
And when he felt a hand upon his shoulder, he reflexively put his hand upon Heimdall’s hand. It was comforting to know he wasn’t alone, and that he had someone there for him. Someone he could trust.
“Thank you my friend. If not for you, all would have perished.”
“I did the very minimal for our people. Anyone else would have done the same.”
Closing his eyes, he wanted to believe that, but he knew that making a choice to take on such responsibility did not come lightly. Thor wasn’t sure he could have been up to the task in his youth.
“And now, we must start anew. Are you up to that task as well?” Thor asked in earnest.
He raised his eyes to meet the other man’s, and Heimdall nodded his steady nod.
Taking a seat across from Thor, Thor searched his face for his feelings. He guarded himself well, but there were always tells. The intensity in his expression could not be held back in times of great distress. He was very different from the others around him. Different from his father who had been quick to temper, or Loki, quick to all sorts of emotions. Heimdall was like his mother in a way, steady and wise. He was admirable.
His breath caught in his throat for a second. It was the same sort of response he had felt with Jane. It was curious, but unsurprising if he thought about it. The way their eyes connected, and their mutual respect and understanding at this point in their lives.
Maybe the Hulk had been right, he wasn’t the raging fire he once was. Still, he had that fire inside, and it was very much alive at this moment. Only he couldn’t say or do anything. He couldn’t be sure that his affections would be returned, and they both had a very big task in front of them. As the ruler of what remained of Asgard, he would need all the help he could get. Still his heart yearned for affections. Although a few were at his side now, only Loki and Heimdall could truly understand what the future held for him. It did not help that with only one of them did he feel comfortable enough to share his concerns.
“I am not a mind reader, but I can tell everything troubles you to the point that you wish to sequester yourself inside here for the rest of your days. I feel the same.”
“Is there a future for Asgard?”
“Where there is hope, there is a future. I for one will not give up hope until the last one of us is gone.”
“You sound like my parents. Wise, but you lack the chastising tone,” Thor laughed.
Heimdall smiled slightly in sympathy.
“Your father had a great many strengths and flaws, but he will be remembered for the good as most rulers have been.”
“But should he? How is it that I had lived my life without knowing of my sister? How could he turn her into such a person?”
“I was a mere child at the time, but things had been dire. He did what he thought was right, but he couldn’t deal with the consequences. I am not saying it was right.”
He looked at Heimdall with an intensity that called forth energies he had not meant to call forth. Sparks were at his fingertips, but he managed to calm himself..
“If we ever have our history books again, I won’t allow for him to be idealized. I loved my father, but to find out he was such a man.”
Thor sighed before closing his eyes for a moment. It was like a dagger to the heart. The pain tore through him more than he had expected, but still it was nothing compared to the thought that they had no home anymore. Tonight, he would lick his wounds, and then he would go out and deal with the rest.
“You are and will be a better man. I have seen you, Thor Odinson, warts and all, so I know I have put my faith in the right place. I like to think myself a good judge of character. You will not rule like your father.”
When he opened his eyes, Heimdall was looking at him in a way that could not be read as anything but affectionate.
“I need you, Heimdall. More than you know. I don’t know if it is the drink talking, but you keep me honest. Never have you let me get away with things that others might and have always lended me help in time of need. I can’t help but ask why?”
“Simple your highness, you care for your kingdom as I do. For that, I can be nothing but loyal. In return, I know you feel the same about me.”
“Wise,” Thor murmured.
They couldn’t help but keep staring at one another; amber eyes meeting blue ones, sincere in their gaze.
Unexpectedly, Heimdall rose from his seat, walking over to the shelf where the liquor was sitting. Pouring himself a glass, the most unguarded Thor had ever seen the man, he sighed. Thor continued to watch with rapt attention.
“Things will be different now. My position is uncertain with no Bifrost to protect. Of course, I will remain the eyes and ears for the kingdom, if you so wish it.”
At that moment, he knew he had to keep Heimdall close, but he could understand if the man would be wary to take on such a position. Thor had nothing to offer him in return.
“The kingdom that is no longer a kingdom.”
“As long as there is someone to lead us, there will always be a kingdom.”
Thor nodded as Heimdall came to sit closer on the chair that was positioned at his side rather than the one across from him. Heimdall was always right there next to him. It was poetic in many ways, but also made him feel a lot of things he was not quite sure of.
They spent the rest of their meeting in quiet, contemplating the future.
.oOo.
“Are we going to keep pretending that this is not going on? I mean it’s your life and all, but take it from me, a guy who’s been living unaware on a garbage planet for the last two years, you don’t want to run from reality,” Bruce piped up.
It was a few hours after he had taken the ‘throne’ and they had set a course for earth.
“I have no idea what you are referring to.”
“Come on, your ‘friend’ on the ground and you have been giving off sparks since the moment you got on board. Look, I know the rest of them can’t say anything, because you are their king and all, but you gotta live a little too. Otherwise why fight so hard?”
Thor stopped in his tracks, hanging his head a little lower out of exasperation. It wasn’t as simple as Bruce would like to believe. Midgardians couldn’t begin to understand the consequences of such an entanglement.
“He was the keeper of the Bifrost, the guardian and protector of the realm. I am now King of Asgard.”
“So? Do you just think of him as the guardian of the realm?”
He had forgotten how irritating Bruce Banner could be. At this moment, he wished he had Hulk back. Although he wasn’t sure the Hulk would not be giving him the same unsolicited advice.
“Are you worried about continuing the royal lineage?” Bruce asked.
It wasn’t that. It wasn’t that at all, especially given the freer allowances to the definition of family that Asgard would proabably allowed their peoples now.
“I do not have the luxuries of my father. He had wars and he had peace, but I have to rebuild everything.”
Yet, he was content with having Heimdall by his side even in a platonic or work related capacity. There was no way he would jeopardize his ally for a fleeting desire or possible temporary attraction. It wasn’t as though Heimdall even indicated that he would be interested. Why would he even take a chance with it? There would be little to gain and everything to lose.
And he could curse the Norns for finally making him realize that he no longer could follow his desires. He could not go back to the Thor of yore.
“I think you’re just scared.”
“And how is Nat by the way? Have you sent her one of those electronic messages everyone goes on about?”
Bruce laughed at him. “You think this place is connected to the internet on Earth? When we get to Earth, I’ll take care of that. But now, I’m gonna try to make sure my friend doesn’t run away from something that is good for him.”
Thor shook his head out of exasperation. Everyone had their opinions, especially when he had not asked for them. He knew this, and would need to get used to it. He had observed his father and mother when they entertained those who had good intentions but bad ideas more times than he could possibly count. Odin often dismissed them with a thunderous reply, while Frigga had been much more diplomatic in her ways. He needed to find a good balance, so he would try to do so starting with Bruce.
“I understand you want the best for me. I appreciate it and will think upon your words.”
The response seemed benign on the surface, but surely a multiple degree holder like Bruce picked up on the real meaning. Bruce sighed, but seemed to accept his response. He hope that would be the end of that.
As Thor walked through the halls, he decided that he had made the right choice.
Thor Odinson, the god of thunder, the ruler of New Asgard, and a member of both the Avengers and the ex-Revengers, had more important tasks ahead of him. He had to make sure that his people would prosper once again. One day, he may find comfort in another, but that day would not be anytime in the near very future.
.oOo.
Many years passed since they had settled upon the Earth, in a pocket of space and time where they would not disturb the Midgardians. Set up by Loki and the wizards of Earth, their people began anew. Although their numbers had dwindled quite a bit, they welcomed other beings into their realm of New Asgard and they had started to rebuild. It actually got to a point where boredom set in for Thor. Everything was peaceful. There were no wars aside from some skirmishes that some of his friends were involved in. There were no famines or strife. Even Loki seemed to entertain himself by often taunting the Midgard wizards in order to pass the time. There had been a few instances that almost boiled over, but since the Supreme Wizard and him were friends, they were smoothed over eventually.
Thor knew that if he were bored, then his friend was probably bored, too. As the days passed, he thought more and more about said friend, as they rarely met these days. They met once a year or so. A year was not very long to an Asgardian, but it was also not the daily occurrence it had been when they first settled.
He decided one afternoon to travel to the small village Heimdall had established in the last few years. There had been nothing else for him in the small city they had developed, and he needed to be useful, taking the poorest of citizens to start afresh.
When he arrived, the town looked like one of those pictures in his history texts when he was a boy. The buildings, built by hand, proved Asgardian Stone masons and wood builders were worth their weight in gold when it came to their skills. Gardeners as well in this town had green thumbs. The fields brimmed with healthy crops nearing harvest; their plump gifts begging for a week or two more until they were fully ready. It was amazing to see how much their lifestyle had changed with the little that remained. At times, Thor resembled more a mayor than the King his father was. They had so little, yet, everything was a bit more satisfying this way. They were still rich in the things that they needed and that was all that mattered.
As he walked through the small town filled with the elderly, the poor, the young, and those less fortunate, it seemed very removed from the capital city of New Asgard in many ways -including its smallness. It didn’t take him long to find Heimdall, who was in the town center working on a building with some of the other citizens.
When the citizens looked up, he found that they bowed recognizing him. Even Heimdall lowered his head a little, making Thor cringe inwardly for a moment. He understood why his friend had done that, but it still didn’t make it comfortable, and he urged the other citizens to continue on their work or their day.
“What brings the King of New Asgard to our little town?” Heimdall asked, brushing off the stray dust from his hands.
“I need to see how my people are doing, even though I know they are in good hands here.”
Heimdall gave him a small polite smile, and Thor grinned back. He motioned for them to take a walk, away from the others, who were now whispering about why their King was in their town. He had not been before, even if he did receive reports from Heimdall regularly.
“I fear you are not here only to check up on our progress,” Heimdall said glumly.
“You are right, but it is nothing to be worried about. I came because I need you once again.”
Heimdall continued to usher him down a path of trampled grass that separated one field of grain from a field of gourds. It gave them a bit of privacy despite the field containing occupants.
“Is there a problem with something? Are there disturbances in the realm? I feel like I would have known before this.”
“Nothing of the sort.”
“Then, how can I be of service?”
He took a deep breath, but decide it was best to get it out.
“It has nothing to do with New Asgard. I only would like some company without having to explain or people expecting to have to agree with everything I say. I have missed your frankness that I became used to after we resettled.”
“Ah, I see.”
He looked over at Heimdall and saw the man smiling to himself. The way the sunlight hit him and shown down upon the green to the side of him took away Thor’s breath. At that moment, he realized he had not come to seek out his friend for council, but rather wanted something a bit more. He wanted a companion. For the first time in his life, he knew that he had found someone who made him a better person and ruler. Who would not put up with his more negative personality traits, but gently guide him onto the right path. Only, he couldn’t hope that Heimdall felt the same. Thor often felt lacking, still trying to find his way.
“What is bothering you so much that you have come all the way here to ask this of me? One does not make that face when there is not something.”
Thor had come without thought and without letting anyone else know of his plans. His heart had called to him so, and he still had to work on his patience. There were parts of him that were still very un-kingly.
“Nothing bothers me. At least not anything of any importance.”
Thor sighed. After he said that, he realized that it had not been a great idea to come after all.
Heimdall stopped on the path and turned to look at Thor seriously. His golden amber eyes seemed to bore holes into Thor's soul, as if he could see intent along with seeing images.
“Yet, still you come to seek out my company.”
“If you're going to give me a hard time about it, I guess I will have to go,” Thor replied half-heartedly.
Heimdall continued to walk, holding his hands behind his back.
“I have missed your company as well, but there are still those who need us. So we continue to think of them first. As King, I’m sure you understand.”
Thor watched him for a little, following a step behind, reeling from the statement before.
“You have?”
“I have. I’m not oblivious, Thor Odinson. I can figure out your true meaning.”
“You can?”
“But we have our duties and we should remember them. It is what makes you a good king, once you realized this point anyways.”
“Our lives are not ours, I guess.”
They went quiet as they walked side by side for a while. Eventually, Thor realized they had walked in a big rectangle back to the town, where people were abuzz that their King had come for a visit. In the time that he was gone, they had gathered and begged him to stay for a fest in his honor. Even though they had little, it was the most satisfactory feast Thor had participated in since the destruction of Asgard.
Although he would not admit it, the best part of the night was having Heimdall next to him once again. Heimdall, the man who made him feel more at ease in this strange place than he had felt during his entire time in the capital of New Asgard.
When he returned to his home, the emptiness returned, but he had a renewed sense of responsibility for his people.
.oOo.
Thor kept returning to the small town, often bringing things to help them in their quest to prosper. At first, the visits were spread out, once every few months, then shortening to once every two weeks, and finally once a week. He tried to made them brief and look official, even though his motives were anything but. Often Heimdall would show him around, introducing to various citizens. As his visits became more frequent, they often had a drink together in a villager’s house that also served as a place for drink. Thor gladly bought a round for anyone there and soon enough they became such a staple that no one even bat an eye to the former gatekeeper of Old Asgard with the King of New Asgard. Slowly, they opened up more and more with Thor talking about his current issues, mostly concerning the fighting nobles of the city who were becoming more and more displeased with laws Thor had been putting in place to restrict their influence and wealth.
He had come to the realization over the years that although his father had made many changes for the good, he made even more changes for the worsening of Asgard as well. Not knowing and having it beyond his control was part of the problem, but now it was time for Thor to fix it.
He needed the days or evenings that he had with Heimdall to keep his sanity. And slowly, things started to change between them as well. Heimdall started to open up to him, telling him at first stories of the old days, before moving on to current concerns. Once Heimdall started to confide in him, Thor knew that things had really changed in ways he couldn’t have imagined.
One night after a few drinks and a hard week, Heimdall’s normally reserved demeanor soften even more towards him, and he asked Thor to stay the night. In Thor's state, he wasn’t quite sure of the full implications of the offer, since Heimdall had also gently rejected his previous feeble attempt at making advance.
When they got to the small cottage, Thor was surprised how warm and small it was. In his opinion, it was the most comfortable place he had ever been. He had never lived or stayed in such a place, but he felt he would like to, if he had not been born into his life. If he could only change his position, or hand it off, this is exactly the kind of thing he would like. He could live in a similar type of house and learn some type of trade, like metal work or masonry.
Thor stood in the entryway, looking around and he felt the warm air of summer kiss his skin. Heimdall, who stood in front of him, looked around as well, before his gaze fell upon Thor.
When he was a child, and Heimdall was first beginning his work as the gatekeeper, Heimdall always scared him a bit with his gaze, but now he knew how safe Heimdall was, partially because of his gaze. Long ago, the man had towered over him, and made him feel so small, but now as they stood in front of one another practically at the same eyeline, he thought of those days as his silly follies of youth that probably had lasted way too long.
“Are you having second thoughts?” Heimdall ask, pulling him away from reminiscing.
“On what? Staying a night? The people at court will survive.”
“Not only about that.”
“Oh.”
The realization that Heimdall had intended for them to take their flirtation to another level made his heart beat a little faster, a little harder. Yet, he waited for Thor, and Thor smiled a small smile to himself. He could see the great vast universe, but at times he was blind when he wanted to be. Heimdall actually seemed a little scared to make a move, second guessing himself like Thor.
Thor took a step forward so there was practically no space between them, and he then took Heimdall’s hand in his. It was an odd moment even when he knew that they both wanted this. Heimdall was the one he had wanted for a very long time, but it had seemed one sided at first.
The stakes seemed higher as the pressed their mouths together, at first lightly, before deepening the kiss. It surprised him how much easier it had been than what he had imagined it would be like before. Heimdall was just as gentle as he expected, but the kiss also had a stiff quality that surprised him. When they were more sure and his confidence steadied, it went away as he became warmed by all the sensations assaulting him. It had been a long time.
Pulling apart, they took a second to steady themselves.
“I have needed you for such a long time. Yet, you always seemed distant,” Thor finally admitted.
“It took a while to come to terms with a great many things. This path has not been an easy one for you, and having seen that, it had influenced my decisions. Now, things are more equal and separate between us.”
Thor took a moment, because he understood.
“I’m glad you’ve changed your position.”
Heimdall smiled a warm smile at him as he pulled Thor closer. For now, they were good. Thor felt that whatever would come, would come, and they would meet it head on, just as they always had.