Chapter Text
Crumbling Breath
Prologue/Chapter 1
Breathe.
It’s a simple action that keeps you alive. If you want to live you have to be doing it even if it hurts. There is no way around it, and for Kurt Hummel the only way to be happy in his head is to stop doing this action. Leave his dad and boyfriend behind. But the guilt he feels by doing this is what stops him from swallowing those pills or jumping of the top of high building.
And instead he’s found another way to cope with this stabbing, insufferable pain.
And breathe’s.
He walks into the house, knowing his dad and Carol are at work and Finn at football practice. He walks up the stairs quickly and into his room. The bathroom door slams shut and gets locked as soon as the porcelain boy walks in. He digs about his bag and pulls out the razor blade that is hidden in a compartment with bandages and rubbing alcohol.
He slides down the wall and sits on the cold white tiled flooring. He pulls up the sleeve of his purple button up shirt and undoes his black stylish waistcoat before breathing in deeply and letting it out again. The hurt feeling in his chest remains and lingers. He has to do this in his head. This is the only way to be able to let all these emotions out, all this frustration and pain. No one could ever hurt him as much as he can hurt himself.
The cool metal digs into his already scared wrists; he drags the knife over the width of his wrist pressing moderately hard. He waits a few seconds, knowing the blood with bubble up and fills up the almost invisible indent in the skin before spilling down onto the pure white floor and tainting the cleanliness with crimson.
And then he repeats going into autopilot.
Knowing if Blaine ever saw his scars or he found out somehow he’d break up with him and call him a freak. He’d tell him what a failure as a human he is, and Kurt couldn’t let that happen. Blaine is the best thing that has happened to him since god knows when.
Kurt looks at his bleeding arms before reaching for the bandages near him on the floor, and wrapping it tightly before getting up and going to sleep, reminding himself to clean up after his nap.
And breathe.
Kurt intakes a sharp breath as a jock slams him into the lockers and leaves him to fall and nurse a probably broken and bleeding nose. The bullying got worse when he transferred back from Dalton; soon after his boyfriend transferred with him it became more physical and less verbal.
He loves Blaine deeply, he is his soul mate but how is he supposed to tell him he’s so weak that he’s getting beaten up on a daily basis and then does an unspeakable thing to sooth the pain that others make him feel.
The bell for next class rings loud, the people in the hall fleeing to the classes. Kurt stands and stumbles to the nearest bathroom, knees weak from the shock of most likely having a broken nose along with blood now on his long sleeved white striped shirt, and going to a stall not registering the other people in that maybe in bathroom with him.
He sits on the floor against the door not even bothering to lock it trusting his back to keep it closed for him. Someone knocks on the door, startling him before answering in a shaky broken voice.
“W-what?”
“Kurt, you okay? You looked like shit when you walked in here. I’ll beat the crap out of who did this to you.” The voice replies sternly.
Well isn’t this just the best thing that could happen, Puck.
“Why do you care?”
“Cause’ you’re my boy. Can I at least come in and clean you up? If you don’t I’ll climb over the top of the stall, your choice.”
He doesn’t answer and hears the stall door next to him open and Pucks head is poking over the other stall with a stupid smile on his face.
“Puck you idiot, get down.”
“Open the door?”
Kurt sighs and shuffles over to make a big enough gap for Puck to fit through. The other squeezes through and frowns slightly at the state of the other boy. Puck sits opposite him on the toilet and gets some tissue to start patting the still fresh blood away. Puck reached forward to pull Kurt’s hands towards him wiping blood up with the tissue. Realising his shirt was basically covered in blood he wiped under the shirt up his wrist, while Kurt was leaning his head against the door with his eyes closed.
The blood soaked up from the nose bleed were he’d been holding his nose to his hands to stop the flow of blood. With most of it gone Puck was able to see the scabbed over wounds and the multitude of scars adorning his play slim arm. Kurt yanked his arm away as panic set in his eyes going wide at Puck.
“K-Kurt?”
“I’ve got to go.” Kurt replied running out of the stall and to the parking lot breathing deeply and unevenly as he got into his car, tears once again streaming down his face for the god knows how many time this week. He felt so week. His secret that he’d kept for the past year been exposed to Puck, of all the people. His skin suffocating him, nails sinking in to his shoulders as he hugged himself, knee’s up to his chest trying yet failing at calming down.
He heard a knock at his car window and the voice of his boyfriend, “Kurt, baby can you unlock the door for me please?” Worry etched into his voice. Kurt complied, tears not stopping as Blaine climbed into the passenger seat.
Blaine took in the battered boys’ appearance and felt like his heart was going to break. He reached over and hugged Kurt tightly to his chest hoping the other would calm down enough to talk. He’d seen Puck chasing him and stopped him thinking he was trying to hurt him like he used to but when he told him what happened in the bathroom stall he didn't waste any time running after him.
He saw the other was calming down and realised him slowly, his hands and looking him in the eyes.“What happened?” He asked softly.
“Nothing, I fell over in the hallway.” Kurt lied to him hoping Puck hadn’t opened his big mouth yet.
“D-don’t lie to me Kurt, not me of all people. I’ll understand anything you tell me.”
“Did you talk to Puck?” He stated solemnly looking away out the window; he heard Blaine sigh and shift to the door before he heard it slam. Thinking his boyfriend had left him he sunk into his seat.
The driver’s door opened and Kurt was been told to move over so the other could drive. Blaine drove them both to the Hummel-Hudson house.
And he ties to breathe.