Chapter Text
They often met like that. In the middle of the night, when the need and the lust drove them together and made them lose their minds. They both needed it. Josh needed it because he loved Tyler more than trees love the rain and Tyler needed it because he couldn't be alone after he got high. Tyler was never in his right mind. Not even once. Always high on something, always babbling and stumbling, pulling Josh's clothes right off his trembling body without ever asking for permission. He didn't need to ask. Josh always wanted him, always needed him. No matter how many times they had sex it was always mindblowing. Tyler was crazy; he did things Josh would never ask of him to do, but he still did them anyway. Josh often wondered would he do it if he was sober? Would he even sleep with Josh if he wasn't always on drugs? He almost asked Tyler that question a couple of times, but his lover always silenced him with kisses and bites.
They often met like that. Tripping on drugs, drunk with love and booze and adrenaline. Tyler was younger than Josh and way more attractive and interesting than Josh could ever hope to be. His body was made for sin, lean and strong and soft in all the right places. His face was one of an angel and he definitely sang like one. His elegant fingers played the piano as exquizitely as they played every nerve ending on Josh's body while setting it on fire. He was talented and beautiful, while Josh was shy and awkward. They were a strange pair. Hell Josh wasn't even sure if they were pair at all. They weren't together, never showed up in public places together, never held hands, never met each other's families. They had sex and then Tyler would leave, never telling his lover where he's going. That drove the other man crazy and sometimes it hurt so much he wanted to dig out his heart and set it on fire.
Tyler was restless at night. He almost never slept in Josh's bed and when he did, terrible nightmares would wake him up and send him stumbling down to the bathroom where he'd throw up and then get high all over again. Josh would hold him as tighly as he could afterwards, silent, listening to the younger man's heartbeat. His mind was racing with a thousand thoughts per second, trying to come up with something to say, but what was there to say anyway? Stop using? Run away with me and start a new life far away from this hell? Love me? Trust me? It was useless. Tyler only loved drugs. He couldn't live without them and he could easily live without Josh and his empty words. Promises meant nothing if you were dead inside.
"Please stay with me?"those words were whispered so many times in the dead of the night, they were soaked all over the walls of Josh's apartment.
"Don't leave"
"I love you"
"I don't want to be alone"
Nothing made Tyler stay. Not even the promise of safety and love. No matter how many times Josh told him everything was going to be okay he never believed. He never stayed.