Archive of Our Own ^beta

June comes with August heat this year. Nothing but hot wind and yellowed leaves blow down the identical streets of the suburbs, kicking up dirt from the identical, unfinished gardens. Brightly painted houses line the freshly paved streets, their newly built beams creaking under the heat of the summer sun. Mothers send their kids out to slow cook on their porches, fathers spend more time taking a drink break than mowing the lawns. Hissing beetles drum up a dull drone that buzzes in the background like the sound of highway just outside the back border of the collection of homes.

Sehun is sitting on his porch in this heat. His gangly legs burn in the sun where his blue jeans are too short to cover his ankles, while the rest of his body sweats in the humid shade of the sun awning. He’s been banished to the front yard, his mother tired of him hovering behind her boredly as she works around the house. It’s only been a week since they moved here, but Sehun’s already unpacked his entire room, planted most of the backyard, and ridden his bike just about everywhere there is to go in the neighborhood.

Sitting on the porch would actually be normal, if Sehun were seven years younger. This morning, he’s seen all sorts of younger kids waiting for their friends to come by to play, meeting each other in the front yard and scattering down the streets. But Sehun isn’t a little kid. And he has no friends to come pick him up. It’s unfair. He’s been moved across the country by his father, none of his supposed friends have called him like they promised, and all he can do is sit around and do chores for his mother because all of the other boys his age have their own friends, their own cars. They all can go out and do things, and Sehun is left behind. It’s the summer before his senior year! It should be perfect! He should be having adventures with his friends, being delinquents, making memories.

All he can do here is make memories of cleaning the garden. He feels pathetic.

The green painted front door that he’s leaning against yanks open behind him, and Sehun falls heavily onto the doormat, looking up at his mother’s surprised face. Somehow, she got the idea into her head that if she got Sehun out in front, he’d magically find some friends and distract himself for the day. Obviously not.

“Sorry honey. I was just coming out to see if you were still here.” As if he’d be anywhere else. His mother stops for a moment, and Sehun pulls himself off the floor. “Do you mind running to the grocery and getting some vegetables? I want to make a salad tonight.” Already knowing that Sehun has nothing better to do than help her, she holds out some money. “Here, I think there’s enough for you to get lunch, too. Your father and I have been wanting to go in to the lunch counter there, why don’t you try it out?”

Sighing, Sehun nods and accepts the cash, stepping out of the shade and instantly regretting it. The sun burns him through his thin shirt, and he can feel the hot wind against the sweat on his hairline. “See you later.” He nods to his mother, and sets off.

The walk to the grocery is boring. It sits on the edge of town, between the borders of the residential neighborhoods and the small downtown, just close enough that the work of digging out Sehun’s bike from the mess of the garage isn’t worth the sweat in the heat. It does mean he’s spending more time in the sun, but it isn’t terrible when he starts moving. Grossly, he’s sweaty enough that the small breeze cools him down as he goes. The streets are dead empty the entire way. No one wants to go anywhere.

The grocery is a big building, originally very old, but just recently patched up and fitted with air conditioning. In the few times he’s been there, all for his mother and her attempts to get him out of the house, Sehun’s seen that a lot of families are just shopping to be in the cool. Maybe he is too. He certainly takes longer than needed picking out some salad fixings. When he’s finished, he heads to the lunch counter in back. Unsurprisingly, it’s crowded, and it looks like one cook and one waitress are the only ones taking care of things.

Finding a seat and dropping his groceries, Sehun gratefully sits down on a stool. Almost instantly, the waitress hurries by with a pitcher of ice water and points to the menu above the cook’s window. Sehun gulps down the water and feels energy stolen by the heat seep back into him.

There isn’t much on the menu, just a few sandwiches, burgers, hot dogs, and various drinks. But Sehun still takes his time- he’s got nothing better to do, and like he’s said, this place is air conditioned and he’s able to drink copious amounts of cold water. He’s just about ready to order when he’s interrupted by a tall boy who runs up to the counter and almost kicks over his paper bag of vegetables. Sehun’s about yell out for the boy to watch it, but when he looks at him, his mouth goes dry. The boy looks cool. He’s wearing close to the same clothes as Sehun- a light tee shirt tucked into blue jeans, but his hair is styled nicer somehow, and his tanned skin is scratched in places, like he lives rough.

“Sorry.” He smiles down at Sehun, and the cool aura intensifies. He just looks charming. He turns to yell at the cook behind the window, still in Sehun’s space. “Chanyeol! Make us all burgers and one for yourself! We’re heading out after your shift!”

The cook behind the window, Chanyeol, apparently, laughs loudly and waves his spatula in the air. “Anything for you Jongin!”

The cool boy looks at Sehun, seemingly seeing him for the first time. “Oh, sorry. Do you mind if I stand here? I won’t be long.”

“Uh, yeah.” Sehun replies, surprised. He hopes the boy didn’t catch him staring. “I mean, no, I don’t mind.”

Thinking that’s that, Sehun goes back to staring at the menu above the window. He wonders if they’re still serving breakfast...

“Are you new here?” The boy’s voice cuts in. Sehun forgets his words for a moment.

“Yes- how did you know?” He manages to get out. “My father moved us here last week.”

“I have an eye for it.” Smiling, the boy holds out his hand. “It helps that the town is small, too. I’m Jongin Kim. What’s your handle?”

“Sehun Oh.”

“So, Sehun Oh.” Jongin leans closer, bumping Sehun’s shoulder conspiratorially. “Know anybody here yet? Other than me?”

Sehun knows him now? Okay... “No, I’ve been working on the house mostly. You’re the first one my age that I’ve met actually.”

“Honored.” Jongin bows jokingly. “Have you had lunch here yet? Ordered anything?”

Sehun shakes his head. “I was about to-”

“Get it to-go!” Jongin says, laying a warm hand on Sehun’s shoulder. “I’ll show you around! My friends are waiting in the car outside.”

Sehun’s brain freezes for a minute. Did this boy- Jongin- who he just met at a lunch counter less than a minute ago, just invite him to go out with his friends? Is this some small-town thing he doesn’t know about? Picking up random newbies like you’ve known them?

“I couldn’t- I don’t want to put you out-”

“We’re just going to the pool, Sehun!” Pouting, Jongin leans in. He has thick lips, made for the expression. “You just said you don’t know anybody! Come out and meet everyone!”

“And you know everybody?” Sehun replies dryly, leaning away from the close proximity of Jongin’s face.

Jongin shrugs. “Yeah, pretty much.” Changing his attention, he yells again through the serving window, “Chanyeol! Add another burger to our order! We have a friend coming with us!”

Chanyeol, Sehun supposes the cook is called, yells something unintelligible through the din of him banging around in the kitchen. Something is on fire, and Sehun can see the glow through the window.

“That’s Chanyeol Park by the way.” Jongin passes some money to the waitress, and Sehun hastily adds his own to cover the burger that was apparently ordered for him. “He’s a riot.”

“One of your friends?”

“Our friends!” Jongin winks. Sehun feels something move in his stomach. Probably hungry. “There are three more waiting in the car. You’ll meet them soon. I’ll make one of them sit in the back if it matters to you. Usually we just cram in though.”

“That’s fine...” Sehun looks helplessly at the bag of groceries by his feet. “I just have to get these vegetables to my mother...” Great. He looks like such a square. Mama’s boy doing mama’s chores. Jongin won’t want to take Sehun to his house, or wait for him.

“You probably live in the new housing development, right?” Jongin asks, and Sehun nods. “I’ll swing you by there.” He doesn’t sound anything less than genuine. Like he actually cares about having Sehun’s company enough to go out of his way driving.

“Jongin! Let’s agitate the gravel. He coming?” Chanyeol pops out through the kitchen door, holding a large, already grease-stained bag in his hands. He’s tall and lanky, like Sehun. His hair is mussed up and his clothes are covered in food stains. Sehun likes his carefree-looking style. Not a lot of people are willing to be seen messy.

“Yeah! Let’s go.” Jongin grabs the bag of food and Chanyeol wipes his hands on his jeans. “Chanyeol, this is Sehun Oh. Sehun, this is Chanyeol Park.” Jongin says over his shoulder as the three walk out into the heat. “He’s new.”

“I was wondering.” Chanyeol slings a long arm around Sehun’s shoulders. What is it with these people and being so friendly?

Just a few feet outside the store, in the shade of a fruit tree, three boys sit in a bright red Ford. Two are roughhousing while the other looks on disinterestedly. It feels like it’s too hot to move, but they seem to have plenty of energy.

“Boys!” Chanyeol bellows. Sehun feels his deep voice in his chest. “We have a new friend!”

The two boys messing around in the back seat freeze, heads swiveling to face Sehun. They’re silent for a moment, before erupting into chatter. Sehun can barely follow the back-and-forth between the two, but he can catch that they’re talking about things they want to do to him? Or show him? But it ends up being a fight about whose mother has the bigger butt?

“Cut the gas you two!” The third boy eventually interjects. “We all know Baekhyun’s mother is big. Be good for a minute huh?”

One of the boys, presumably Baekhyun, cries out indignantly, while the other leans back with a sly grin.

“Mr. Oh,” Jongin lays a hand on the grinning boy. “This is Jongdae Kim. Our friend facing harsh reality is Baekhyun Byun. And our impartial judge is Kyungsoo Do. Boys, this is Sehun Oh. He’s new here.”

A chorus of greetings come back at Sehun. They all look inviting- well, Kyungsoo looks neutral, but that might just be him, if Sehun’s picking up on his behavior correctly. Either way, it sets in that Sehun is really going to go somewhere with these people. He might even be making friends? His mother would be so proud. As well, Sehun clutches her groceries in tight on his lap in the back row, crammed in the middle of the bench between Kyungsoo and Jongdae. Baekhyun’s narrow frame is between Chanyeol, in the passenger seat, and Jongin, who’s driving.

“We’re going to the pool today.” Jongdae turns in his seat to face Sehun. He has a unique smile, one that turns up at the corners. “The love of my life works there.”

“Nerd!” Baekhyun tries to turn around to face Jongdae, ending up halfway in Chanyeol’s lap. He looks excited for a chance to poke at Jongdae.“She’s gaga for Jongin and you know it.”

Jongdae rolls his eyes. “She’ll come around. I’ll woo her with my manly charms.”

“Yeah, ‘cause you look so fit in your little red swimsuit.”

“Better than you! You look like a stick!”

The jabbering continues, but both boys have wide smiles on their faces. It’s definitely just playful, with no real animosity behind it. And looking at the calm of the others in the car, Sehun guesses that this is an everyday thing. Confirming, when Sehun looks over at Kyungsoo, he just laughs lightly.

“Don’t worry. They’re cousins, and Baekhyun lives with Jongdae’s family. They’re around each other too much.”

“Oh.” Is all Sehun can say. He tries to commit the fact to memory. He’s got a lot going on in his head, having just met five new people. Jongin is cool and outgoing, Baekhyun is thin and lives with Jongdae, who has a special smile, Chanyeol is tall and works mornings at the grocer’s food counter, and Kyungsoo is small and quiet. Okay, got it.

Soon enough, the group is pulling up to Sehun’s house, and he has to climb over Jongdae to get out. The boy doesn’t seem to mind- he’s still in some feud with Baekhyun that Chanyeol is working to fuel with the occasional witty quip. Sehun’s mother is quite obviously peeping out the window, and appears almost instantly at the front door, before Sehun can even touch the handle.

“Who are they honey?” She’s beyond excited, absolutely beaming as she snatches the groceries. “Are you making friends?”

Sehun shrugs. “I think? The driver guy- Jongin- we met at the lunch counter. He just decided to take me with him.”

His mother squeezes his shoulder. “Don’t let me keep you then. Do you have your wallet?”

“Yeah, I th-”

“Sehun! Grab a swimsuit!” Chanyeol’s yell startles him and his mother.

“Wow, what a loud one.”

“Yeah,” Sehun shrugs again. “They’re all kind of wild.” He moves by his mother, running to his new room.

“Do you have a swimsuit?” She asks from the kitchen. “I think your father-”

“Got one!” Sehun dashes out the door, green shorts in hand. “Bye!”

His mother waves proudly at the door, watching with a huge smile as Sehun jumps into the car and Jongin pulls away from the house.

“Love you mom!” Baekhyun yells towards Sehun’s mother. He blows an exaggerated kiss. “Mwah!”

Sehun flicks the back of his neck. “Don’t harass my mother!”

Baekhyun turns around, a surprised, apologetic look on his face, but sees Sehun’s sarcastic grin and changes his face to mirror that. “Mothers love me. Even ones I haven’t met before.”

“Not a lie.” Chanyeol comments. “My parents love him more than me.”

“That’s ‘cause I’m the only one who tells your mother they love her.”

“Are not- I love her!”

“Not as much as me!”

“Drop dead twice!”

“And look like you? No thanks.”

Jongin meets Sehun’s eyes in the rear-view mirror. They’re scrunched up with joy. Sehun can’t help but smile too.

—-

By the time the boys all get to the public pool, the food has begun to wilt in the heat. That doesn’t stop them from eating it- they’re teenage boys with empty holes for stomachs. It’s good. Sehun ends up yelling so a little too loudly, and Chanyeol sprays a little coke laughing- all he does is warm up some frozen meat on a centuries-old grill.

The pool is jammed full of people on a day like today. Children scream across the pool deck and mothers are too busy gossiping to care. There’s the occasional hairy father walking around, but most are probably at work. Jongin’s crew are probably some of the only boys their age there, other than a few of the lifeguards. Jongdae points out his so called ‘love of his life,’ and she’s pretty, yes. All Jongdae can talk about is that, though, so Sehun has to wonder how much he really cares about her.

“What do you like about her, other than that?” Sehun asks as he‘s finishing his fries.

“Huh?” Jongdae scratches his nose.

The rest of the group laughs, and Jongin slaps Sehun’s shoulder good-naturedly. Props for getting that out of Jongdae, he guesses.

The afternoon goes on much like that. Jongdae fawning over the girl, and the rest of the group mercilessly teasing him. A few of the female lifeguards even come by, and Chanyeol makes cheesy remarks about needing CPR while Baekhyun’s dumb ass actually throws himself in the pool and fake-drowns. (A male lifeguard rescues him, and he gets endless shit for almost receiving mouth-to-mouth). Sehun doesn’t really feel their fixation on girls, but he’s never really felt that way, and Jongin doesn’t really participate either, so he knows he won’t look too weird. Whenever some girl drifts over, and Chanyeol, Baekhyun, Jongdae, all do the most, Jongin just sits back and watches, a content but also barely embarrassed smile on his face. Like he’s happy just to watch the boys make fools of themselves without doing anything himself. Maybe he’s just too cool for it. Kyungsoo seems like he’s staying out of it too, but Jongin tells Sehun at some point in the afternoon that he’s too timid.

He finds himself watching Jongin more than the others. He notices little things, like how he licks his lips when he’s talking and how he pulls on the ends of his fingers without realizing it. Sehun wonders why- not why Jongin does those things, but why he sees them so much. He definitely pays more attention than normal... Jongin is cool. That’s why. Sehun’s just thankful that he took the time to take him out, a total stranger. That’s it.

“Hey.” Jongin pulls into Sehun’s neighborhood at the end of the day. He’s dropped everyone else off at their own houses, except for Kyungsoo, who walked home from the pool. Apparently he lives close, but no one really knows exactly where. Sehun’s slowly migrated across the car until he sits passenger, and Jongin can easily talk to him as they drive. They’ve been joking around, with Jongin explaining little bits about the town to Sehun. However, his tone changes, and he parks the car across the street from Sehun’s house and turns in his seat to face him. “I, um.” Jongin licks his lips. “I wouldn’t normally ask this of someone I forced into hanging out with me for the first time, but- well, Jongdae and Baekhyun have no room, and Chanyeol’s parents are kind of done with me, and I don’t know for the life of me where exactly Kyungsoo lives- could I- could I stay the night at your house? I don’t- Home isn’t good for me tonight.”

“Oh.” Sehun takes a second to process what Jongin is asking. He wants to stay the night? At Sehun’s house?

“I just feel like I can trust you? Is that bad? I know we just met-” Jongin continues to try to explain himself, and Sehun finds himself grabbing the other boy’s shoulder without realizing it.

“You’re fine. You can stay here, but we don’t have an extra room or anything...”

“It’s okay I’m just- glad I can. Thank you.” Jongin is nothing but earnest, brown eyes looking deeply into Sehun’s own. Uncomfortable with the attention, he opens the car door and grabs his swimsuit out of the backseat.

“Let’s go. And uh,” Sehun tries to pick the right words, so it doesn’t sound so ominous, “Don’t let anything my dad does get to you- he’s not... Not himself right now.”

“I’m used to it. Don’t worry.” Jongin cryptically replies. “Now let me see your pad! I’m curious about the new development.”

Sehun leads Jongin to the warm yellow lights of his house. He can faintly hear the new television set his father bought through the open windows, and his mother is visible in the kitchen, probably bustling around and cooking dinner. (Sehun hopes. She could be doing the dishes after dinner, which would be a shame because both he and Jongin have been complaining about hunger). He’s a little embarrassed of the house. Although he’s fully unpacked, the rest of the house isn’t, and boxes are still half-empty and scattered across the rooms. He’s not allowed to touch a lot of his father’s things, which is why he can’t really help.

Bracing himself for embarrassment, Sehun pushes open the front door and invites Jongin into his crowded house.

All of the houses in the development are basically the same, just painted different bright colors. There’s a living room right when you walk inside, a kitchen and dining room to the right, and a hallway with three bedrooms to the left. There’s not much to them. Although, there’s pretty nice construction- the walls have wood paneling up to about waist level, and plenty of power outlets for lamps. In the daytime, they aren’t even needed because the windows are bright enough.

Predictably, Sehun’s father is in his armchair, watching a Western on the new black and white television. Those two pieces of furniture were almost the first things unpacked and set up. Sehun’s mother almost instantly comes to the door, wiping her hands on an old apron Sehun had bought for her birthday a few years back. Her face is sweaty, probably from being over the stove, and she‘s in her relaxed house clothes.

“Oh, you must be Sehun’s new friend!” She smiles widely at Jongin, who nods back just as happily. There’s something about Sehun’s mother that draws people in, he knows. She’s beautiful, and gentle. But her energy- she’s almost always in a good mood. She cares for Sehun more than anything in the world.

“Yes ma’am. I’m Jongin Kim” He replies. “I met Sehun this morning at the lunch counter and knew he was a fine guy.”

“Well that’s just wonderful, Jongin.” Sehun’s mother turns to call to his father. “Darling! This is Jongin Kim! Sehun’s friend!”

“Hello si-”

Jongin is cut off by Sehun’s father, and Sehun winces in anticipation. “Now what are you doing here so late, son? And you’ve just met Sehun today?”

“Yes sir, I-”

Now it’s Sehun’s turn to cut Jongin off, but more nicely. He taps the boy’s shoulder and nods, smiling in apology and offering to take it from there. “Pop, Jongin’s going to stay over tonight. He needs someplace to sleep.” Hastily, Sehun adds, “Please?”

Still not getting up from his chair, Sehun’s father begins to crossly remark something about Jongin being a stranger, when his mother drifts over to him and squeezes his shoulder. Smiling coldly down at her husband, she quite obviously takes control of the situation. “Now dear, if such a kind boy as Jongin needs someplace to stay then I’m sure we can welcome him here.”

Puffing to himself, Sehun’s father reaches for a cigarette and mutters his reluctant agreement.

“Boys, why don’t you come in for dinner. Father and I have eaten but the leftovers are still warm.” Sehun’s mother leads the two to the kitchen, Jongin following like an excited dog. Food!

True to her word, she’s made a fresh salad from what Sehun bought at the store, and hot garden vegetable soup. Jongin devours it like he hasn’t eaten in years. (Sehun’s really hungry too, but he’s used to his mother’s great cooking and takes it a little slower).

“You’re amazing Mrs. Oh.” Jongin almost moans between spoonfuls. “I don’t ever get home cooked food like this.”

“I‘m sure your mother would hate to hear that.” Sehun’s mother swats Jongin with her dishtowel, clearing away the two’s empty salad plates.

Jongin looks up, pausing with something like sadness in his face before he quickly brushing it away, smiling softly. “Yeah, I guess she would.”

—-

The couch is covered in boxes. Sehun realizes this only after dinner, when he’s looking to set up a bed for Jongin. The couch is covered in boxes, and so’s the floor, so’s the hallway, and putting Jongin in his father’s office is out of the question. Shit.

“Now ain’t that a bite. I’ll sleep on the floor.” Is all Jongin has to say, shrugging and asking where Sehun’s blankets are. “That’s what I usually do at ’Yeol’s anyways.”

Shaking his head, Sehun turns Jongin in the direction of his room. “You can’t do that. You’re a guest, sleep in my bed. Cmon.”

Protesting all the way down the short hallway, Jongin almost refuses to step into Sehun’s room when he sees that the floor is wooden. “No. No. I can’t let you sleep on the wood floor of your own house. Are you serious?”

An evil smirk crosses Jongin’s face, and Sehun doesn’t have a moment to even think of running away before the boy shoves him into his own bed, piling on with a blanket in hand right after. “We can both sleep here!” Sehun almost hyperventilates. Jongin is so close to him. He can feel Jongin’s warm skin through his thin pajamas, and when he looks over, Jongin’s smiling face is just inches from his own. Why does he feel so attacked by this? It happens all the time, doesn’t it? Boys can share beds...

Jongin seems to sense Sehun’s apprehension. His eyes soften and he scoots away in the bed, giving him as much space as is available in the twin. “Sorry, is this...”

“No, no.” Sehun pulls himself together. “This is fine.” He rolls onto his back, staring at the ceiling. He feels Jongin shift around too, and their shoulders press together. Glancing over, he meets eyes with Jongin. Something passes between them, and Sehun feels like he can talk about anything and everything and it will be safe, as long as it stays within this moment. He feels… secure. With Jongin, this person he’s just met, he feels like he can say whatever he wants and he will be understood for what he means.

“What made you stop this morning? Like, why did you decide to take me out?”

Jongin purses his lips, looking past Sehun and out the window into the night, lit up by a streetlamp on the other side of the road. “You just looked lonely. I don’t know if you even were, or if you realized it at all, but you looked like you needed somebody.”

Sehun doesn’t know how to respond, because it’s all true. Jongin hit the nail on the head. “I guess I was lonely.” He finally says. “Thanks for doing that.”

Jongin bumps Sehun with his elbow. “You turned out to be one cool cat Sehun. I’m glad you came with us.”

Sehun doesn’t know how to process the compliment. “Uh- Goodnight!” He mumbles, ears warm.

Jongin ends up falling asleep almost right away. Sehun tries to pay attention to his even breaths like he would pay attention to counting sheep, but he’s just so overwhelmed. His life has changed so much in just a little bit of time. Does he have friends now? Cool friends that play around and almost get kicked out of public pools? He can’t believe that Jongin just brought him into the group, like it’s no big deal to drop someone brand new into a group of old friends. And the rest had accepted him so fluently? It’s amazing.

And Jongin... Jongin is something else. Sehun really wants to be friends with him, more than anyone else. Real friends. He wants Jongin to be able to talk to him, wants to know Jongin well enough to predict what he says, well enough to have a million little jokes that can get them both laughing without even saying anything. Sehun wants to be close to this boy who showed up in his life like he was always meant to be there.

Eventually, Jongin’s breathing does lull Sehun to sleep. Although he’s almost falling off his bed, what, with two almost grown boys sleeping shoulder-to-shoulder in a twin, he feels more comfortable than he’s ever felt in this new, strange house.

—

Jongin leaves early in the morning, quickly borrowing Sehun’s shower and putting on his same clothes from yesterday. He says he has big plans for a party coming soon, and needs to go out of town to get ‘supplies.’ Sehun doesn’t know why he winks when he says it, but he can only guess that there’s going to be some sort of illegal activity.

Either way, Sehun ends up eating his breakfast alone, and wondering why Jongin didn’t invite him along. Of course, it seems a little entitled for him to think that since Jongin invited him to hang out once so nicely that he would do it every time, but Sehun can’t help it. He’s drawn in my Jongin’s energy, and his entire group’s, too. They all seem so full of life, like they have true meaning to be living. Sehun’s old friends, if he can still call them that, had nothing going for them. They lived to get through school, and then go to work. They didn’t do much just for the fun of it, and certainly didn’t invite strangers along just because they were new, and looked like they needed a friend.

So yeah, Sehun’s a little hurt when he doesn’t hear from Jongin for a week. He should have asked for his phone number, but even then he might not have been able to reach Jongin- if he doesn’t sleep at home very much, why would he ever be there during the day? Sehun’s curious about that, too. It’s not his place, but he wonders what could keep Jongin from being home with his family at night.

Sehun’s days end up going by much like they did before he met Jongin. He works on the yard for his mother, bums around the house, sneakily uses his father’s television, and goes back and forth from the grocery store. He always stops in at the lunch counter to try to say hi to Chanyeol, but the boy is always slammed with work, and can’t say much other than a quick, garbled yell to affirm his place among the living when Sehun calls to him through the window.

Even his own mother is making him feel like a loser- she’s always asking when Jongin will come back, and if Sehun’s new friends are going to pick him up today. He feels stupid when he says he doesn’t know, and feels even worse when the pitying look comes into her eyes. She ends up baking a nut cake one day, which helps a little, but Sehun still feels... rejected?

It comes as a huge surprise one day, about a week and a half after Sehun’s last seen him, that Kyungsoo pulls up into Sehun’s driveway in an actual mint-green 1950 Corvette stingray. The sun is going down, and he looks like a shadow sitting in the driver‘s seat. A cool shadow.

“Get in.” Is all he says as Sehun comes out to greet him. It takes Sehun a minute to process what he’s saying, and even then, he needs a little more information than that. However, Kyungsoo seems satisfied, like he’s said enough and Sehun should already know what’s going on.

“What?”

Kyungsoo heaves a great sigh. “Jongin’s been moaning about missing you, and he’s making drinking... not fun. So, get in.”

Jongin’s missing him? Why hasn’t he talked to Sehun then? And why did he send Kyungsoo? Better yet, why did Kyungsoo even come? He was the one that talked to Sehun the least when they met, and he seems still a bit... intimidating.

Well... He definitely wants to hang out with the group again, Sehun decides. “Mom! I’m going out with my friends!” He yells towards the house, and slides into the car.

Kyungsoo smiles at him, a big, special smile. “Good! Let’s go.”

Almost instantly, though, Sehun regrets getting in. Kyungsoo drives fast. Like, forty in a twenty fast. He seems like he’s in control, but still. Sehun’s gripping the sides of his seat.

“So you moved here a few weeks ago?” Kyungsoo asks, turning to glance at Sehun. No no no, please focus on the road, Sehun begs with his mind.

“Uh, yeah.” Sehun can’t take his eyes off the road as Kyungsoo turns onto the highway leading out of town, and floors the gas. “I came from across the the east coast, actually.”

“I’m from New England.” Kyungsoo responds. “Moved here about three years ago.”

“Did Jongin find you, too?” Sehun tries to laugh, but it sounds a little forced because he’s still anxious. 

Kyungsoo shrugs. “In a way. I was a little more resistant than you were. Jongdae annoyed me a lot. Baekhyun hadn’t moved in yet, and if they were both there when I was new...” Shaking his head, Kyungsoo smiles to himself. “I would have been straight out of there. Those two are batty.”

“They’re not so bad.” Sehun finds himself saying. His impression of the two isn’t so terrible. Sure, they’re loud, and when Chanyeol joins in to their banter the inane stupidity is almost intolerable, but they’re also entertaining, and there’s nothing too offensive about their personalities. Kyungsoo seems like he has a low tolerance for it, though, which Sehun can respect. Sensing his disagreement, Sehun changes topics. “So what did make you stay?”

“Some older friends.” Kyungsoo takes his eyes off the road again, and Sehun wants to scream. “You’ll meet them tonight, actually. They’re taking a gap year from college and were all busy with work when we took you to the pool during the week.”

“What are they like?” Sehun feels a little bit nervous. He’s never had older friends, and meeting them while he’s so new to the group- it’s making him worried, and he doesn’t really know why.

Kyungsoo waves a hand. “They’re all right. Just be respectful. Jongin’s worried you might- I don’t know. They’re all good people.”

“Like I might what?”

“Don’t pay attention to that.” Kyungsoo seems to be nervous himself, and evades the question. “Just. Keep an open mind.” Changing the conversation, he asks, “So what made you move.”

“My dad-” Sehun catches himself. “My dad got a job offer from the high school here. He’s going to teach biology.”

Kyungsoo nods. “Weird that he’d accept from some random town like ours. I’m sure it wasn’t worth it to move all this way?”

“It’s...” Sehun winces. How does he say this? “There’s more to it than that.”

“How do you mean?”

Sehun laughs, glancing over at Kyungsoo. “What are you, writing a book or something?” There’s no mal intent. Not from either end of the conversation. Kyungsoo is just curious, and Sehun is just private. That’s all there is to it.

“Fine, fine, I’ll leave you alone.” Kyungsoo smiles slightly, no offense taken. “We’re here, anyways.”

Sehun looks out the front window of the car. They’re in a dirt lot at the base of a large hill, sitting in the complete dark other than the headlights of Kyungsoo’s car. A few other cars, including Jongin’s, are parked around the lot, at Sehun can faintly hear some yelling coming from... somewhere. Teenagers have an affinity of climbing onto high places and messing around, so he assumes that it’s coming from the top of the hill. And sure enough, Kyungsoo pulls out a bag from his trunk and a flashlight, and begins to lead Sehun through the sparse trees and up the steep incline.

“So what did you mean, ‘keep an open mind?’” Sehun asks. “In the car- you told me- are your friends thick or something?”

“What?” Kyungsoo looks over at Sehun, eyes taking on a wide, owlish look in the flashlight beam. “No, I just mean that they’re different. But good different. You’re not- Never mind.”

“What do you mean?” Sehun prods. “Please, I don’t want to mess up-”

“What are you, writing a book?” Kyungsoo tosses over his shoulder as he speeds up walking, quoting Sehun from earlier in the car.

“Fine!” Sehun almost runs after him, how can such a small boy walk so fast?

At the top of the hill, Sehun finds a large campfire, surrounded by what look to be old vinyl benches taken out of cars. A radio is playing the classic rock channel and Chanyeol is moving his limbs in what could possibly be a dance. The rest of the group is there too, scattered around on benches, and the instant Sehun comes within the light of the fire, Jongin is up from his seat and passing him a drink.
“Welcome Sehun!” His voice sounds warm and inviting, but his eyes look nervous. What is going on with him? Is he really worried about his mysteriously different friends? “I’m glad you made it. Kyungsoo was so nice to bring you-”

“I’m the only sober one out of you miserable lot.” Kyungsoo interjects, a beer already in his hand as he collapses down onto one of the low benches.

“That’s a lie!” An unfamiliar voice calls out. “I’ve only had one rum and coke and you know that Jongdae mixes weak.”

Sehun cranes his head to look for the person that has to be one of the older friends Kyungsoo was talking about. Three boys are sitting across the fire from him, one surrounded by Blue Ribbon beer cans and the other two leaning on each other, one with a drink in hand and the other, the supposedly sober one, talking over Jongdae’s indignant defense of his drink making capability. He’s slim and gentle looking, with soft eyes and a full, dimpled smile.

“You must be Sehun!” He reaches around the other boy leaning on his shoulder to clap his hands. “I’m Yixing Zhang. We’ve heard lots about you! I would get up but,” He looks down, the boy leaning against him is almost in his lap, drunken eyes lazing around the circle. “I’ve got this.”

“Joonmyeon Kim.” Jongin supplies tensely. “That’s Joonmyeon Kim.”

Pointing across the circle to a smaller boy, the one quickly downing beers, Jongin again adds, “And the one drinking himself to an early death is Minseok Kim. They aren’t related.”

“I’ve got... A lot to think about.” Minseok slurs.

“His girlfriend cheated on him.” Baekhyun jumps in, a little too chipper for the sudden revelation. “The two were going steady for a year and a half when it happened. Pinned and everything.” Quickly, he dodges a clod of dirt that’s thrown at his head, laughing the entire time. He’s a giggly drunk, Sehun realizes. Energetic, loud, and obnoxious.

Turning his attention back to Yixing and Joonmyeon, the latter of which Sehun still hasn’t introduced himself to, he freezes. Joonmyeon’s shoulders and head are fully in Yixing’s lap, and the two have their faces just inches apart. Yixing is playing with Joonmyeon’s hair and softly whispering something that the two are both widely smiling at.

“You two must be... Good friends.” Sehun forces out. Wait, what the fuck. Why did he just say that. Why did he comment. Why is he so bad at speaking to people. Why. “I mean, you look almost like a couple, you’re so close...” Why is he still talking. Holy shit.

Yixing glances up at Sehun, giving him a somewhat disbelieving look, as if he has no clue what could possibly be going through Sehun’s head to say something like that. And really, he shouldn’t have a clue, because Sehun doesn’t even know, himself.

“We’re gay, Sehun.” Yixing says, straight faced. Startled, Sehun notices that every single person on the hilltop is looking at him. Even Joonmyeon, who looks like he’s had quite a few too many, is staring at him, judging his response through blurry eyes. Jongin looks at Sehun like he’s drowning, pleading for a response that Sehun doesn’t quite know how to give.

“Gay, like, homosexual?” He finally asks. His mouth is dry and the words come out awkwardly.

“Gay like I want to marry this man...” Joonmyeon slurs, “And wake up next to him after we make love-”

“Thank you Joonmyeon,” Yixing delicately places a hand over Joonmyeon’s mouth- his- his what, boyfriend? “Sehun, Joonmyeon and I are both men, and we are in a relationship. I can answer you if you have any questions-”

“No, um.” Sehun finally has a voice. “My father- my father’s not a hom- he’s not gay, but his cousin- he’s not part of the family but I think- He had a boyfriend? I’m not sure I just-”

“But what do you think?” Yixing asks. “Are you okay with Joonmyeon and my relationship?”

Oh. That’s it. That’s what everyone is nervous about- if Sehun is going to understand. If he’s going to put up a wall, or even attack the two for their… orientation. The group trusts him enough to introduce him to Yixing and Joonmyeon, but that’s it. The two are vulnerable now. Sehun knows what they want to keep secret. It’s a delicate situation: if any of this got out to the public, Joonmyeon and Yixing could face violence for the rest of their lives. They might not be able the stay in town, wouldn’t be able to find work, friends, the list goes on. Sehun’s the deciding point- it’s all on him. Will he be okay, or will he be the tipping point that could actually ruin their lives?

“I’m- I think-” Sehun’s words are failing him. “Yes. I don’t think you’re bad? You’re just gay? That’s... Okay?” It’s so much more than unsatisfactory, but it’s all Sehun can force out in the moment.

“I’ll take it.” Joonmyeon abruptly breaks the silence, speaking with a satisfied tone at something… not so satisfying.

And like that, the group goes back to normal. Baekhyun and Jongdae pick up their conversation, Chanyeol continues to flit around Minseok and bother him, Kyungsoo drinks in silence and Yixing and Joonmyeon do... Whatever they’re doing. It’s relieving. They can just go on with life, and this is just... a natural part of their time together. Joonmyeon and Yixing are a couple. That’s not too hard to understand, right? There have been couples in Sehun’s friend group before. It’s just never been like this. But different... isn’t bad, right?

Jongin turns back to Sehun with a smile on his face. It looks much better than the apprehensive way his brows were drawn earlier. “I’m glad you’re not an asshole.”

“I’m... glad too.” Sehun doesn’t really know what he’s expected to say. “It’s normal, right?”

Jongin nods. “Yeah. They can get gross sometimes, but we love them just the same. Steer clear of Joonmyeon when he’s drunk though. He goes hard every single time and gets really clingy. And just because he doesn’t know you doesn’t mean he won’t latch onto you.” Scratching his ear, Jongin glances across the fire. “Maybe Minseok too. He won’t snuggle you, hell no. But he’s working through some stuff.”

“Yeah, I heard.” Sehun replies. “Is everyone looking to get plastered then?” He licks his lips. He’s been drunk before. A few times, whenever he and his old friends could scrounge up enough liquor to get a buzz. But this isn’t warm beer in somebody’s basement. Sehun’s with people, grown people, that he wants to impress. He wants to seem at least like he’s worthy of being around them, and not like he’s a little kid that doesn’t know what rum and coke really is.

Laughing, Jongin slings an arm around Sehun’s shoulder. His skin is warm to the touch, like the sun is still inside of him even after it’s been gone for hours. “We’re young. Who doesn’t want to have some fun?”  He sounds like an author or something, with his wise observances on the teenage life. Whatever.

“I can get behind that.” Knocking his cup against Jongin’s, Sehun proceeds to get drunk.

—-

Forget Joonmyeon, Jongin should have warned Sehun about himself and his clingy ways. Joonmyeon was busy with Yixing; Jongin decided to make Sehun his target. The entire night, Jongin’s warm body was pressed against Sehun’s, whether they were on one of the small car benches together, dancing shakily to the rock and roll station, everything. Sehun doesn’t necessarily mind, but he worries for a moment that Jongin could be sending signals... like Yixing and Joonmyeon. It’s only a fleeting thought, but it does trouble him. Could Jongin be...? No, that’s rare. Jongin is just friendly. Sehun is just his friend. He’s being nice.

Baekhyun proves to be one of the most entertaining drunks Sehun’s ever met. He dances like bullets are at his feet, leaping around, screaming and waving his whole body like a puppet toy. Chanyeol tries to keep up, but can’t. Baekhyun is a force. A force with weird motivations.

Baekhyun and Jongdae end up naked. Sehun doesn’t really know how, or why, but they do. He sees a little too much pale ass running around on the grassy hilltop, and makes a comment about the moon being out early that earns him a lot of laughter. He feels pretty proud of that one.

The night goes both interminably slowly and scarily fast. It seems like hours go by while the boys tell stories in a circle, revealing little bits of themselves that Sehun tries to piece together to form a full idea of them in his head. Not a single boy in the group is boring. Far from it. Jongdae has his one-sided love story, Baekhyun is a prank king, Chanyeol races hot rods… Everyone has something about them that makes Sehun feel like he’s missing out, not living life to its fullest potential.

But it’s okay. As he hears the disjointed stories that form a stained-glass image of the groups lives together, he feels like all he has to do to be satisfied is live while they live too. Just being around them is enough for him. Sehun doesn’t need some crush, or a rich family, or a girlfriend as supposedly beautiful as Kyungsoo’s (who he won’t let the group meet for fear of them ‘ruining her’). All Sehun needs is to be with them, experience their lives as if they were partially his own, like friends do- they share themselves with each other until they can’t quite tell where one of them begins and the other one ends. 

The entire night just feels full of energy. It seems like the world around Sehun has died away, and all that there is and all that there will be is this moment, singing and dancing and drinking around a fire. Nothing outside of the ring of light on this hilltop matters. Nothing can touch him here. Not his past, not his present, nothing. Everything is new and different and beautiful.

The party never really ends until the early hours of the morning. It’s about four when the fire finally dies, and the liquor is long gone. Kyungsoo takes home Chanyeol, Baekhyun, and Jongdae while Yixing and Sehun work to haul Joonmyeon, Minseok, and Jongin into the cab of Yixing’s truck. Sehun never saw Jongin drinking as much as Joonmyeon or Minseok, who both passed out in a drunken kind of sedation, but still, he’s pretty much unconscious when he’s dragged to the back bench of the Dodge.

Yixing is a much slower driver than Kyungsoo, but that might be because he’s a little buzzed too. He’s only had two drinks all night though, and he swears he can drive.

“Precious cargo.” He responds, looking at the back seat when Sehun mentions the speed. (Or lack of).

The silence feels a little bit uncomfortable. Sehun is itching to ask Yixing questions about his… relationship, and everything. He doesn’t really know where to start or what would be considered okay to ask; he doesn't have a clue what he’s doing but he supposes he should ask like he would ask a normal person- not that Yixing or Joonmyeon is abnormal, right? Right.

“So um.” Sehun clears his throat, attracting Yixing’s attention. Thankfully, he still watches the road after briefly glancing at Sehun through the corner of his eye. “How long have you been gay?”

Yixing rolls his shoulders back, sighing. He looks like he was expecting this, but not really looking forward to it. Sehun feels like he should shut up. “Since always, Sehun. I was born gay, Joonmyeon was born gay, just like you were born straight. Probably.”

Was he? Wait, what does he mean ‘probably’? Sehun is. He’s straight. “Okay.”

The atmosphere seems still tense, but Sehun thinks he can move on. Yixing looks like he’s ready to get angry, snap on a thin string, and Sehun feels like he should really stop, but he has to know. Something is driving him to ask. “Sorry. Um. Do your parents know? How did they…?”

Yixing furrows his brow, as if debating something in his head. “Yeah, my parents know. They caught me in bed with him and threw me out that day. Joonmyeon’s parents travel more than they are at home, and they haven’t even noticed that I moved in a year and a half ago.” He shakes his head. “Nothing can be too good, not now.”

“But you can really love him? Another man?”

“Listen kid,” Yixing presses his lips together, adjusting his grip on the steering wheel. “If you’re going to be disrespectful, I’m not going to answer your questions. I don’t know why you’re so fascinated anyways; are you questioning something?”

Questioning something? What could Sehun be- oh. “No, no!” He quickly defends himself. “No, I’m not quest- I’m not gay. I’m normal- sorry, shit, I just want to know you, so I can understand?”

He isn’t actually sure why he wants to know what Yixing’s life as a gay man is like. Sehun doesn’t think he’s gay. He can’t be. He dated that girl in freshman year, who was soft and nice and easy to talk to… He’s not gay. But he just wants to know what it’s like for Yixing? It confuses even him, so he’s not sure he would be able to explain it to Yixing if he asks.

“Well, what do you want to know, then? How I could possibly love another man? I don’t know. I just do.” Glancing at Joonmyeon in the rear mirror, Yixing sighs. “I love everything about him. He’s absolutely horrible sometimes, like some punny old man, and sometimes he gets so stressed over such small things. But he’s mine, and I’m his, and he’s perfect. I just love him.”

Yixing leans back in his seat, something like sadness washing over his expression, sagging his shoulders and pulling at the corners of his lips. “I wish there could be a day when the whole world knows how in love we are.”

Sehun doesn’t know what to say. “I’m sorry.” He ends up forcing out, awkwardly patting Yixing’s shoulder.

“Can’t change anything right away.” Yixing shrugs. His mood seems to pick back up, like all he needed to do was get that little thought out of his head to move on. “What street are you on? We’re entering the housing developments.”

Sehun scans the dark streets, Yixing slowing down practically to a crawl. “Here. Songbird. Second from the corner.”

Yixing cuts the engine and drops his hands into his lap. “We have to get Jongin in.”

“What?” Sehun asks, freezing in the middle of opening the passenger door.

Yixing looks just as confused. “Jongin said he was staying with you? Did he… ever tell you that?”

“No,” Sehun looks at Jongin’s sleeping face in the back bench. Shaking his head, he concedes. “Yeah, as long as we push him in my bedroom window he can stay. Can’t have my parents waking up to see me pulling a drunk almost-stranger through the front door.”

“Deal?” Yixing nods, still looking perplexed. “How do you want to do this?”

Sehun frowns, sizing Jongin up. “If you take his ankles and I take his shoulders, we can shove him through like a board.”

Yixing nods, and follows Sehun as he pulls Jongin out of the cab. He’s heavy, less like a board and more like a sack of bricks. Unwieldy and squirmy. He keeps giggling whenever Sehun adjusts his grip on his armpits. However, after a lot of sweat and stumbling, Yixing and Sehun manage to get him inside. He flops through the window and hits the ground with a dangerous-sounding thump, but he’s snoring loud enough that Sehun assumes he’s okay. 

Thanking Yixing, Sehun lets the elder get on to doing whatever he’s going to do with Minseok and Joonmyeon and turns back to his house. He did it. He went out at night with his friends, partied, drank- Who said he wasn’t going to have an amazing teenager summer?

He shuffles through the front door quietly, toeing off his shoes and creeping along the hallway to his room. Exhausted, he barely is able to haul Jongin into his bed and forgoes even changing into pajamas in favor of getting into bed faster. As tired as he thinks he is, though, he finds it hard to sleep.

He wonders why Jongin seemed so nervous about Sehun’s reaction to his gay friends, why he looked more than relieved after Sehun had been… okay about it. There was something in his attitude that didn’t scream ‘supportive friend.’ It seemed like it was relief for his own struggles, Yixing and Joonmyeon just a side bonus. Could Jongin be gay?

Being gay is rare though. Sehun’s only ever met three gay people in all his life, two of them just now. How could- it doesn’t make sense. He doesn’t know anything, and it frustrates him. Jongin can’t- no one- Sehun doesn’t know. He doesn’t even know how he feels about Joonmyeon and Yixing being gay. This is too new and too different and he doesn’t know what’s going on, or why he feels funny whenever Jongin is close to him or why he wonders so much about Yixing’s life… It’s too much.

But there’s Jongin, passed out in Sehun’s bed next to him, his breath fanning the younger’s face. He’s a calming force, melting the tension Sehun holds in his shoulders from the car ride with Yixing and pulling him towards the lull of sleep. Sehun feels so at ease around him, despite all his doubts about what could possibly be going on with Jongin and his family, sexuality, motivations. Why did he even decide to make Sehun one of his friends? Why can't he sleep at his own house? Why is he so nervous about Sehun’s acceptance of homosexuality?

God, what Sehun would do for some clarity.

Of course, again, Jongin is asleep. It’s close to dawn, and Sehun better be falling asleep soon too. It’s surprisingly easy despite his bed being so cramped.

—-

Sehun is really sweaty when he wakes up. His blanket is balled up on the floor, but there’s still something warm almost surrounding him. Hot air is blowing against his ear in the crook of his neck, and it tickles. What- shit. It’s Jongin. Jongin is pressed with his chest to Sehun’s back, face tucked into his shoulder and arm wrapped around Sehun’s waist.

Sehun freezes. His body lights up like it’s on fire, and he can't think. This is nice. This is too nice. Why is this nice? Fuck. Panic makes his hands shake as he slowly pulls himself out of Jongin’s arms. He can’t do this. Jongin- men don't hold other men when they sleep. That’s not- fuck.

A migraine is building behind Sehun’s eyes., He can’t deal with this right now. Traipsing into his bathroom, Sehun pulls out a bottle of Tylenol and heads to the kitchen. When he gets back to his room with two glasses of water in his hands, Jongin is up and rubbing his sleepy eyes.

He looks beautiful in the morning, even though he’s probably hung over as hell. His hair is puffy around his face, eyes soft and tired, and lips pulled into a pout at being up so early (ten a.m.) Sehun has to notice that, of course. Why does he notice that?

“Here.” Straight-armed, Sehun holds out the water, and after Jongin takes it, pours two Tylenol pills into his hand.

Jongin looks clueless. “Are these painkillers?”

Sehun laughs a little. “Oh, yeah, that’s Tylenol. My mother thinks it’s a gimmick but it works when I have a headache. And I bet you have one worse than mine.”

Jongin shrugs, swallowing the pills. “I honestly think I’m still a little bit drunk.”

“Then it’s preemptive.” Sehun replies. He rolls his shoulders, looking up at the ceiling, avoiding meeting Jongin’s eyes. “Your car is still on the hill.”

“Damn. You’re right.” Jongin sighs. He shakes his head, drawing his lips together. “You got a bike?”

Sehun balks. Ride that far on a bike? He’s only got the one his grandfather gave him years ago, and assuming the tires even have air in them, it’s miles to go to reach the hill, and again, he’s only got the one.

Jongin, however, doesn’t let up, and Sehun eventually has to face his enthusiastic stare. “You’re serious.”

Comically frowning, Jongin shrugs. “Yeah? So do you have one, or not?”

Sehun groans.

The bike is made for one person. One person that probably isn’t Jongin or Sehun-sized, at that. It creaks dangerously with every turn of the pedals, and Sehun’s thighs burn just by the time they get out of his neighborhood and onto the side road by the highway. Jongin gets the easy part- all he’s doing is standing on the pegs at the back tire and holding onto Sehun’s waist.

If they were making a return trip, Sehun would be sure to force Jongin to pedal. But, even sweeter, the two get to return in Jongin’s car. There, no one has to pedal. Technology is amazing!

Honestly, Sehun’s pretty okay with pedaling. In fact, he would have been fine to just go by himself and bring back Jongin’s car. But Jongin… he’s so distracting. Sehun can feel his laughs vibrate through their chests where they touch, and his surprisingly strong arms around Sehun’s waist have him feeling… Almost like a girl would. He thinks. He feels enthralled by Jongin.

Of course, Sehun’s not a girl. And Jongin is nowhere near perfect. He can’t keep balanced, burps whisky-breath into Sehun’s face, and won’t stop talking. Realistically, Sehun should be fed up and tired of such a person, and if it were anyone else, Sehun’s sure he would have made them walk the rest of the way.

Sehun’s not a girl, Jongin’s not perfect… They’re both just different.

The car is a sight for sore eyes, what feels like hours after the boys first set off. Both of them are drenched in sweat- the summer sun has long ago come up in its full ferocity. They’re exhausted, and melt into the searing hot vinyl seats the second the door unlocks.

Still breathing heavy, Jongin glances at Sehun. They hold eye contact for an immeasurable moment, and then Jongin starts laughing. Great, gorgeous peals of laughter, that shake his shoulders and scrunch his eyes. He can’t stop, and Sehun is caught up in the moment too, even though he has no clue what’s so funny.

Laughing with Jongin just feels so good. It’s special. The two of them, sitting in Jongin’s oven of a car, laughing at God-knows-what with a nearly broken bike wedged in the back.

When it dies down, Sehun asks Jongin why. He says it’s because he’s happy, and doesn’t really have an explanation.

Sehun is happy too.

—-

Jongin and Sehun eventually make it to a diner where their group of friends apparently frequents. It’s a fun place- air-conditioned, with a jukebox and good food. It’s cheap, too, and the waiters are all friendly. Jongdae used to work with them, but quit after a while because his hands hurt from carrying hot plates. Sehun had been a little confused by that, but whatever. Jongdae does what he does for reasons that don’t seem likely to other people.

They’re late when they show up, and Chanyeol, Jongdae, Baekhyun, and Kyungsoo are already seated. A few extra heads are facing away from Sehun, but he assumes they’re Minseok, Yixing, and Joonmyeon, especially by the way two of the heads are so close together. It’s interesting. Sehun would have never noticed all the subtle things Joonmyeon and Yixing do with each other, never thought they were out of the realm of a touchy friendship. But suddenly, with the knowledge of the two’s relationship, he can see so many minuscule acts of love that pass between them.

He wonders how many times he’s missed things like this in his life. How many people he’s gone by with a life so different from his own.

“Have fun?” The moment Sehun sits down, Baekhyun asks, passing him a cold bottle of Coca-Cola. “You look like you ran a marathon.”

“Probably biked one.” Jongin says, stealing the drink from Sehun’s hand before he can even bring it to his lips.

Sehun wrinkles his nose at the absolute disrespect and whines, “You didn’t bike at all! You just rode on the back pegs and held onto me!”

Jongin makes a kissy face at Sehun, winking and sucking on the bottle.

“Romantic.” Jongdae quips.

Sehun rolls his eyes, and glances around the table. No one’s food has arrived yet, so it probably isn’t too late to order. Thank God for that- he’s hungry as hell. A waitress comes by, and Sehun can barely get his order in between all of Baekhyun and Chanyeol’s obnoxious attempts at flirting with her. Baekhyun looks like he’s trying to pull off a hot-rodder, bad boy look, complete with a matchstick between his teeth, while Chanyeol just… makes a fool of himself. She looks like she gets it all the time from those two, based on the way she just smiles fondly and smacks Chanyeol, the closest, with a menu.

The conversation consists of casual disrespect on most ends- this group seems to get along most when they’re dissing one of their own. The target shifts from Baekhyun, and his false badassery, to Chanyeol, and his unwashed shirt, and eventually to the volume of Jongdae’s voice, which seems to be a much debated topic, one that never really ends because Jongdae never really lowers his volume. At one point, Chanyeol tries to start something about Kyungsoo’s hair- he got a pretty unfortunate new cut- but he’s quickly shut down. All Kyungsoo has to do is say, ‘Seoyoung’ and Chanyeol shuts up like a clam. Sehun will have to get the meaning of that from somebody later.

The boys have ordered enough food to feed an army, and Sehun briefly wonders how they’ll pay for it all. He’s only got about a dollar in change right now, but he supposes someone has to have a little more. Either way, he enjoys the food while he has it. His family doesn’t ever eat out, not with his mother being such a good cook, and his father being frugal, so it’s something else the way the food tastes in the diner.

The talk eventually shifts to the Fourth of July, which is fast approaching. With all the fun he’s been having, Sehun hasn’t really noticed the passing of time. But all the sudden, it’s July, and the Fourth is coming up on Saturday. Apparently, it’s been tradition ever since Jongin, Chanyeol, and Jongdae were little to go to the beach and spend the night on the sand. Which all sounds fine and good, but Sehun’s never been camping before. Not even while his father was into the whole, ‘involved-dad’ kick. Plus, the tiny, much trodden-over good-kid part of his conscience is a little worried about going two hours out of town with just a bunch of teenage boys. (And however old Minseok might be). Sehun’s long since learned to mostly ignore that part of himself- he’s gotten up to plenty of delinquency with his new and old friends, but still- a road trip to the beach is new territory.

Joonmyeon seems to notice Sehun’s hesitation, and grabs his hand from across the table, asking what’s wrong. Not wanting to seem like a little kid- he’s already the youngest out of the bunch- Sehun just shakes his head, muttering out a quick nothing. Joonmyeon seems to know what’s going on, though, through something like a fatherly instinct, and gently reassures Sehun that nothing will get too out of hand. Sehun hopes so. The boys can get pretty wild, if their borderline illegal escapades during the hot summer nights were to say anything.

By the end of the lunch, Sehun is stuffed, and begins to scrape together his change to cover his meal. However, none of the other boys seem to do anything, just look at the check with shitty grins on their faces. Sehun freezes.

Sighing, Joonmyeon reaches a hand out to pick up the bill. “You boys outdid yourselves this time… Twelve orders of fries? Really?”

Chanyeol looks up like a deer in the headlights from his plate, covered in a mountain of french fries.

“He’s got it, though.” Yixing sweetly says, curling a hand around Joonmyeon’s bicep. “Treat the children.” He says, exactly like Sehun’s mother says when she half-forces, half-charms his father into doing something.

“They aren’t exactly eating off the kid’s menu-“ Joonmyeon starts to whine, but Yixing just fixes him with a large smile, and he relents. “You freeloaders owe me.”

“Love you papa.” Baekhyun sings as Joonmyeon pulls out a surprising amount of cash from his pocket. Sehun thinks he sees a ten dollar bill or two in there somewhere. Obviously, Joonmyeon’s traveling parents make a lot of money. That, or the job he occasionally dips out for pays really well.

In the parking lot, Joonmyeon and Yixing split off to Yixing’s truck to head out somewhere on their own. Baekhyun and Jongdae leer at them for a reason that briefly goes over Sehun’s head, but when he gets it, he can’t even look the two in the eyes. Jongin laughs and slaps his back.

“They do a lot of that.”

Sehun groans. “I don’t need to know about- that’s gross- wait, that doesn’t make me-“ Quickly, he catches himself, whispering the last bit. “That doesn’t make me homophobic right?”

Jongin snorts out a laugh, not answering. Sehun frowns, but eventually starts laughing too. Jongin just has that effect.

—-

The few remaining days leading up to the Fourth of July are uneventful. Sehun makes sure to break the topic of camping on the beach to his parents carefully- it could go two ways for each of his parents. His mother, on one hand, could be proud that Sehun’s making such great friends, and growing up so well. Or, she could become entirely too worried and bar Sehun from even stepping foot out of the house on the holiday. Likewise, Sehun’s father could jump at the chance for Sehun to get out and do kid things, and have him out of the house, or he could shit all over Sehun’s fun just because he can.

Thankfully, they both react fairly well, especially when Sehun lies and says that Joonmyeon’s parents are taking them out for the trip. It doesn’t feel the best to lie to his mother like that, but he’s gotta do what he’s gotta do- he wouldn’t miss this Fourth of July for the world.

There’s always something to do during the day, usually revolving around the girls that Baekhyun, Chanyeol, and Jongdae have the hots for. Joonmyeon, Yixing, and Minseok are working, and Kyungsoo sometimes leaves to be with his elusive girlfriend. Most of the time, the remainders of the group play the wingmen role, for Jongdae at the pool, Baekhyun in the diner, and Chanyeol whenever he can force the group into the rerun-playing cinema. (They don’t do much other than talk over the movie, mainly because it’s boring, and a little bit because it makes it so Chanyeol’s crush has to come tell them to be quiet). Ultimately, though, the three just make fools of themselves, and Jongin and Sehun plan conspiratorially how to make them look like even bigger dodos.

Despite all the fun he’s having, Sehun catches himself doing weird things sometimes. He’s barely noticed it, but all the sudden he and Jongin have become a package deal. Wherever Jongin goes, Sehun isn’t far behind. And Jongin makes sure of it. He’s constantly bringing Sehun along, pleading with him to hang out and acting like an excited golden retriever when Sehun always comes through. It wouldn’t be weird, if Sehun hadn’t been thinking about so many things.

Mostly, about Joonmyeon and Yixing. And how Jongin seemed to be the most worried over Sehun’s reaction to them. As well, Sehun’s been catching Jongin doing similar things to him that Yixing and Joonmyeon do to each other. Nothing like cheek kisses, or hand holding, but sometimes, Jongin will pat Sehun’s thigh, and his hand just lingers there. Or maybe he’ll lean up against Sehun like his old girlfriend used to, making himself smaller against Sehun’s side. Jongin’s always watching Sehun, too. Whenever Sehun’s eyes catch Jongin’s, he’s already staring, a fond, soft smile on his face.

Frighteningly, Sehun likes it.

It’s the night before the Fourth that things turn a little sour. Jongin is sleeping over at Sehun’s house again, and they’re just settling into bed when Sehun’s father walks into the room. Sehun panics, admittedly- he and Jongin are in his bed together- they’ve kept up their routine and share instead of having one sleep on the floor. Each time Jongin’s done it, Sehun’s gotten to be more okay with it, but his father?

His father takes in the scene, jaw working on itself while he scans the entire room, glaring at every minute detail, and lingering too long on Jongin. “Sehun, a word?” His father tersely commands, stiffly opening the door for Sehun to walk with him out into the hallway. Once he’s out, and the door shuts behind him, his father looms over Sehun. He’s not taller, but he’s bigger. Sehun’s never been too afraid of him, never had a reason to, but now, he looks terrifying.

“What is the meaning of this?” He asks, face reddening.

Sehun gulps. “Jongin and I- I didn’t want him to sleep on the floor, and he didn’t want me to- and we just- shared? There’s nothing- I know what you think, but there’s nothing- it’s not like-“

“I won’t have any… faggotry… in my house, Sehun Oh.” His father punctuates the sentence with a growl. The smell of cigarettes and sweat rolling off of him is suffocating. “Is that what this is? Is that boy trying to make you into a queer?”

“Pop, no!” Sehun tries to placate his father. “I swear, I swear there’s nothing. I’ll sleep on the floor, I’m sorry- I swear it’s not that!”

“I think that fairy needs to leave my house.” Sehun’s father says. “I don’t want to see him back here- I knew he was no good. I oughta- has he touched you?”

“No!” Sehun finds himself yelling. “I swear, he’s not, and I’m not- we’re friends.”

“Hunnie?”

Sehun’s father looks like he’s about to say something even worse, but his mother interrupts, coming out of her bedroom at the end of the hall, hair loose and dressed in her nightgown. She must have been drawn by Sehun’s yell, and looks a little startled.

“What’s going on?”

“Sehun’s little friend-“

Sehun takes the chance, not thinking of the consequences, and interrupts his father, to get his own story out first. “Jongin and I were sharing a bed so neither of us would have to sleep on the floor, and Pop is taking it the wrong way.”

“Sehun Oh…” His father warns.

“You boys are sharing a bed?” Sehun’s mother looks troubled. Is this a mistake? Sehun thought he could trust her to de-escalate the situation. Is he wrong? “Darling,” She turns her attention to his father. “I hardly think this is worth losing sleep over. It’s just a bed. My girl friends and I did it all the time.”

“But he’s a boy-“

“He’s just a boy, exactly. Sehun isn’t a queer, he’s our boy. Calm down.” His mother softly walks towards his father, wrapping her arm around his waist and pulling him towards the bedroom. “They’re just kids, darling. There’s nothing wrong like that going on here.”

Sensing his chance, Sehun escapes, shutting and locking his bedroom door behind him. He leans heavily against the door, sighing to himself. Jongin is wrapped up in Sehun’s thin summer blanket, and only his eyes peer out of the front.

“Sorry.” Sehun apologizes. “He’s not- he’s a little drunk.” He moves to the bed, sitting next to Jongin and staring at the wall. “It’s a little embarrassing.”

“Better than my own dad.” Jongin says. He falls back, nearly hitting his head on the wall, and sighs, a deep, heavy sound. “My dad’s wasted even during the day.”

“Oh.” Is all Sehun can think to say for a moment. Jongin has never talked about his home life- his friends never bring it up, so neither does he. This is the first of anything Sehun’s hearing about what goes on to make Jongin avoid his home like the plague.

Apparently, Sehun’s response is enough, because Jongin goes on. “My mom left him when she found out about an affair. And then the affair left him too. Now all he has is me, and a bunch of regrets. And liquor.”

Jongin looks over at Sehun, grasps for something in their eye-contact. Sehun leans back too, pressing his shoulder against Jongin’s and tilting his head to the side. Intimately, the two just look at each other, searching for strength.

“I’m sorry.” Sehun says. “About your mom. And the affair. And your dad.”

“Yeah, well…” Jongin licks his lips. “I didn’t exactly earn his favor when I told him to rot in hell as a fourteen year old.”

“I said the same thing to my dad, but that was just this year.” Sehun chuckles, finding dark humor in the moment. A gateway has opened, and he feels like he can share anything with Jongin. “He’s bipolar, and doesn’t take his meds sometimes. A lot of times. When he does, he’s just angry and depressed. When he doesn’t, and he’s manic…”

Jongin urges Sehun on with his eyes.

“We had to move because the sheriff found him naked in the center of downtown, raving about how he was God and was sent to judge whoever dared walk by. Can’t exactly have a person like that teaching at the local high school.” Some sort of pressure in the back of Sehun’s head releases, something that slackens the tightness he didn’t know he held in his shoulders. He’s held this in for so long, never talked to anyone about it. Sure, it was his dad, not him, but still: the shame he’d felt, the way he was teased… He never got one word of explanation out of his father, either. Not even a ‘hey, sorry for causing our family to become enough of a laughingstock to have to move across the country.’

“Wow.” Jongin laughs, and then looks mortified, clapping a hand over his mouth. “Sorry.”

Sehun shrugs, and giggles a little himself. “No, it’s pretty funny. Terrible, but funny.”

“Whenever I see him now I’m only going to be able to think of him like that, God, Sehun.” Jongin moans into his hands. “I don’t want to think of your dad naked!”

“Shh!” Sehun rolls on top of Jongin, pressing his hands over his mouth. “Shut up he’ll hear you!”

Jongin does shut up, but for a different reason, which Sehun only realizes after a few moments of confusion- Sehun’s entirely on top of Jongin, hands on either side of his head, faces incredibly close. It’s… unnerving.

“Sorry.” Sehun rolls off of Jongin, like he’s burnt. Jongin makes a tight noise in the back of his throat.

This isn’t what normal boys do. Sehun thinks. They don’t go and get wrapped up in moments like that.

“I guess I should continue with the trend of deep revelations.” Jongin finally says. Sehun manages to look at him without wanting to die.

“Yeah?”

“I’m gay.” Jongin spits out the words quickly, instantly searching Sehun’s face for a response. He looks like he’s drowning. Sehun supposes he should feel betrayed, or freaked out; his best friend is a que- gay. But he doesn’t. He feels… nothing, really. That’s just who Jongin is, another part of him. Besides, the thought has already crossed Sehun’s mind. Jongin. Gay. Jongin is gay.

Sehun’s okay with that.

“I was wondering.” Sehun says after some consideration. “You gave me a feeling, a few times.”

Jongin blushes, a sweet, pink tint to his tanned cheeks. “I can sleep on the floor, if you want. Your dad-“

“Who cares.” Sehun boldly replies. “Jongin, you’re still my best friend. I don’t care that you’re gay.” Taking Jongin’s hand in his own, Sehun stares. They’re both the large hands of boys, long fingers and short nails. Jongin’s darker skin makes Sehun look even paler. They suit each other.

“You’re sure? I mean, I know you accept Yixing and Joonmyeon, but I thought it might be different, coming from me… You know me better.” Jongin doesn’t take away his hand, brushes his thumb over the back of Sehun’s.

“I think that’s what makes it easier.” Sehun says. “I know you well enough to know that this is just one part of you, not something that defines you as a person.”

Jongin nods, sighing. He leans his head onto Sehun’s shoulder, and Sehun relaxes at the familiarity. Jongin is always warm.

Eventually, Sehun breaks the moment, forcing Jongin to get up and change into pajamas. Like always, he makes fun of Sehun for his matching sets. Like always, they get in bed, shoulder-to-shoulder and almost falling off. Nothing is different. and Sehun is glad. Jongin doesn’t impose any distance, not after Sehun catches him and calls him out for it.

Jongin falls asleep almost as soon as Sehun turns off his bedside lamp. For Sehun, it’s harder. Somehow, knowing that Jongin is gay has raised some of his own questions, most of which he doesn’t know how to answer. Sehun’s only had one relationship in his life. A sweet girl, back in his hometown. They’d dated for a year, and Sehun had been fine with it. Enjoyed it. She was kind, vibrant, and could make Sehun laugh like no one else. She was the one that broke it off with him, unsurprisingly. She said he wasn’t enough for her. She wanted kisses, touches, more. Sehun didn’t even know if he liked kissing her. Was it her, or was it Sehun? Is there something wrong with him? He was so lucky to have her. They were the talk of the school when they were together. And he couldn’t find it within him to do what all his friends dreamt about doing with their own crushes?

Sehun looks at Jongin’s sleeping face. The soft way he rests. All the energy he displays during the day is gone, replaced by an angelic peace. The creases on the edges of his eyes that follow his wide smiles are gone, slow breaths escape through his parted lips.

For an instant, Sehun thinks about kissing those lips. How different it would be. Jongin is nothing like his girlfriend. He’s big, strong, and undeniably, well, male. Sehun doesn’t feel like a giant next to him, doesn’t get the urge to guard him from other boys. But he can almost see it- his lips against Jongin’s, his fingers carding though fine hair. It scares him, just a little. That he could be thinking such things about his best friend. That he’s thinking these things towards anyone at all.

Sehun doesn’t reach any answers in the dark. More like an open ending. He doesn’t know what his feelings are, doesn’t know what they mean for him. But, he thinks he’s okay with that. For now. Maybe he’s just projecting, thinking too much about Jongin coming out to him. Whatever it is, it’s not something he needs to figure out, right in this moment.

And if Sehun deliberately presses his face into the crook of Jongin’s neck, flings an arm over his chest… it’s just because he’s cold, and Jongin’s warm.

—-

Fourth of July. Jongin and Sehun wait outside of Joonmyeon’s house, melting just a little bit in the heat that already dries the early morning dew. Beside Jongin’s car, Chanyeol’s beat up convertible is parked, with Baekhyun yawning in the passenger seat and Jongdae almost asleep in the back. Kyungsoo is supposed to show up soon, and Minseok, who he said he would pick up. Apparently, Minseok lives out of town, in the hills behind the highway.

Joonmyeon’s house is huge- the boys are right. He can probably afford to treat them all to lunch every day. It’s even got a fountain, which Kyungsoo has supposedly thrown Jongdae into at least twice. Chanyeol also tells Sehun that there’s a pool in back, and when Kyungsoo was thrown into that one, he looked like a wet, dying, angry cat. Sehun wishes he could have seen it, but also not really; Kyungsoo’s revenge was and is something else.

For now, they just wait in the driveway. Apparently, Joonmyeon doesn’t have the motivation or foresight to unlock the front door, and he and Yixing are probably sleeping in. Actually, he probably left the door locked on purpose, Jongin points out, because who would want to wake up to Jongdae.

“Think they’re having morning sex right now?” Baekhyun suddenly asks. “They’re taking forever.”

Most of the group winces; they don’t want to imagine their elders’ sex lives, especially when they’re going to have to face them soon, whenever they decide to come out. Jongdae is unfazed, though, and excitedly adds to the conversation. “Penny says they come out and Joonmyeon’s lips are swollen.”

“Nickel.” Baekhyun replies. “We all know that’s what Yixing does more, see.”

Jongdae checks his pockets, probably making sure he has any money at all. “Sure.” He finally says. He turns, yelling at one of the windows on the front of the giant house. “Don’t let me down Joonmyeon! Treat him right!”

Jongin groans, and Sehun reaches a long arm out of Jongin’s window to smack the side of Jongdae’s curly head.

“Uncalled for!” Jongdae shrieks.

Chanyeol turns around, fixing Jongdae with a level stare. “No, definitely called for.”

“All I did was-“

“Talk about Joonmyeon and Yixing fucking?”

“… Yeah. I see your point now.”

Eventually, Minseok and Kyungsoo show up, and Minseok uses a spare key no one else knew about to get into Joonmyeon’s house. Apparently, he trusts Minseok to have a key more than anyone else. Which makes sense, actually. A lot of sense. Either way, when Minseok comes back out with Yixing and and Joonmyeon in tow, not one, but both of them have pink, puffy lips. Sehun doesn’t feel like thinking too hard on what that could mean. He doesn’t know how Jongdae and Baekhyun joke about it- it seems like talking about parents having sex, almost. But then again, Jongdae and Baekhyun can joke about anything.

The boys quickly load up into the cars. Yixing and Joonmyeon had already packed in all the camping supplies they could fit into Yixing’s truck, and Jongin carries the more illicit items in his trunk. Kyungsoo’s car is empty, and much to his chagrin, he has to fill it with people instead.

Jongdae ends up sliding into Sehun’s seat in the passenger of Jongin’s car, grinning slyly the whole time, while Yixing and Joonmyeon enter the cab of Yixing’s truck, Chanyeol and Baekhyun load into Chanyeol’s convertible, and Minseok and Kyungsoo get into his stingray. There’s only room for Sehun in Chanyeol’s car, which he can’t say he’s looking forward to very much. Chanyeol and Baekhyun together, in a confined space, is a lot to handle.

Either way, he forces himself into the backseat, crammed in with several overnight bags, and the troupe sets off. Yixing leads the pack, under Joonmyeon’s instruction, while the rest of the boys follow.

Chanyeol instantly blasts his radio as loud as it can go, and sings along at the top of his lungs to Jailhouse Rock when it comes on. Sehun isn’t a big Elvis guy, but Chanyeol makes it sound better. Baekhyun too, sings along, and his voice is a higher tone, clearer where Chanyeol’s is rougher. They sound good together.

“Wanna do something stupid?” Chanyeol asks over the music, chancing a glance over his shoulder at Sehun, who shrugs. With Chanyeol, this could either be really lame, or really, really dangerous. Baekhyun grins, and rolls down his window.

“Do it.” He says, already knowing what’s about to happen. Sehun feels a little shiver when he sees the slightly adrenaline-crazed look in Baekhyun’s eyes. Hands tight on the wheel, Chanyeol suddenly changes lanes and accelerates, catching up to Kyungsoo and Minseok. It seems like he wants to do some sort of race, but Baekhyun makes it worse. He hangs his body out the passenger window, and slaps his hands against the window of Kyungsoo’s car. Kyungsoo pointedly ignores him, but Minseok jostles him enough to get him to roll down the glass.

“You’re loony!” Kyungsoo yells, shaking his head. “Joonmyeon’s gonna kill you two!”

Baekhyun just screams, a loud, strident sound that must convey his message, because Kyungsoo sighs and says something unintelligible to Minseok.

“Last time!” He shouts, and grabs a Coke out of Minseok’s hands, passing it over to Baekhyun. Satisfied, the boy slides his torso back into the car, and pops open the bottle with his seat belt hook. He and Chanyeol share a few sips, and then look back.

“Want some?” Baekhyun asks. “It always tastes better when there’s danger involved.”

Sehun just gapes.

—

Other than Baekhyun’s near-death experience, the ride to the beach is relatively uneventful. Baekhyun and Chanyeol, as it turns out, know almost every song on the radio, and sing along to all of them, whether or not they know the lyrics. The time with them goes by incredibly fast but also interminably slow, Sehun thinks. The boys all get to the beach around high noon, and stretch their legs at the last gas station just a few miles from the cove that supposedly no one knows about but the locals. Joonmyeon says it like he himself is a local, all proud, like he’s in the know on some big secret. He looks dejected when the others laugh at him, but shapes up pretty quickly.

Jongin finds Sehun during the chaos of teenage boys grabbing last minute snacks and clearing out the convenience mart, and drags him to his own car. He says that Jongdae is being too annoying, and to send him off with the rest of the sing-along crew. Sehun’s fine with that- any sort of escape from Chanyeol’s renditions of Patsy Cline.

The beach is amazing. Sehun’s never been since he was a child, and the feel of sand on his toes makes his spine melt. He could live on the beach, he thinks. He doesn’t even mind the sand in his hair. The ocean breeze keeps off some of the summer heat, but it’s still warm enough to swim, or lay out on the sand. Earlier, Yixing and Jongin drove their cars right onto the sand, and Joonmyeon’s been unpacking since. Like a dad, he even pulls out a portable grill. Even if he gets some shit for it, the burgers do smell pretty damn good.

Chanyeol and Minseok disappear for a while, and come back with some local girls. Out of all of the boys, Sehun wouldn’t exactly expect the previously heartbroken Minseok, and awkward man-child Chanyeol, to pick up girls. Either way, they seem to be enjoying themselves. Jongin doesn’t pay much attention, and Yixing and Joonmyeon keep sneaking glances at each other. They can’t expose themselves now, which probably bothers them.

Yixing doesn’t give up though- while Joonmyeon is grilling, he wraps him in a back hug, and whispers things into his ear that make the two laugh sweetly. They chase each other around, share drinks, and Sehun catches looks pass between them that he’s only beginning to notice; they’re something more than camaraderie. Something more than best friends. Something Sehun would have imagined he could share with his ex girlfriend, but didn’t. Love. Sehun wants something like that, someday.

While Jongdae, Baekhyun, Chanyeol and, surprisingly, Minseok, do the absolute most to impress the girls that had showed up (probably for the free beer, if how hard they’re going is any indication), Jongin and Sehun break off. Kyungsoo seems content to lay out and read a book, and Sehun is secretly glad to have his best friend to himself. He and Jongin explore the small cove, Jongin looking like some kind of tanned ocean god while Sehun’s pasty skin is already burning under the sun.

Without Sehun noticing, Jongin has gone quiet. The two are dipping their toes into the surf, watching the sailboats. All the sudden, the moment Sehun looks back to see what’s going on, Jongin is barreling towards him, a force of nature. He grabs Sehun around the waist, and in a fit of athleticism, hoists him over his shoulder and stumbles into the waves. Determined, he drags Sehun’s thrashing body out to sea, until his toes can’t touch the sandy bottom.

“Fuck you!” Sehun laughs. He treads water uncertainly. He’s fine with swimming, but not the best. The ocean is a little bit scary, this far out.
“You looked too hot.” Jongin smiles along with him. He’s treading water like a champ. Sehun remembers him mentioning playing water polo for the school, at some point. Figures, he has to be perfect. “Besides, you looked like you were going to go the whole day without getting wet.”

“Probably.” Sehun admits. “It’s colder than it looks.”

“That’s the Pacific for you.” Jongin shrugs, shoulders visible above the water. Now he’s showing off. Sehun can barely keep his chin out of the water.

A particularly large wave is breaking on the horizon, and Jongin grabs Sehun’s hand. It’s too late to get back to shore, Sehun has to trust him. Right as it curls over their heads, Jongin yanks Sehun underwater, and the water crashes like a drum. The dull thud of it echoes, even underwater. Surfacing with a gasp, Sehun finds himself laughing. He’s never done something like that before. Really, he does all sorts of new things with Jongin. He’s a new experience, something the likes of which Sehun has never met before.

“You okay?” Jongin asks.

Sehun splashes him with some water. “That scared me!”

“But we lived?” Shrugging again, Jongin flips onto his back, like an otter. He’s still holding Sehun’s hand, probably using him as an anchor so he doesn’t float away. A nagging fear of riptides whispers that in Sehun’s ears.

Sehun nods, “Yeah, we did.” Attempting to flip on his back too, he sputters as water intrudes his nose. At his second try, he gets it. He and Jongin float in silence, drinking in the sun that hits their chests and the gentle waves that lift them into the air. Sehun feels at peace. He’s been feeling this a lot lately, mostly when he’s with Jongin. Like nothing can touch the two of them. Their fathers, the world, anything. Everything, They’re safe with each other, free to grow into whatever they naturally become. They’re still holding hands, and it’s an unbreakable bond. They’re keeping each other here, each saving the other from drifting out to sea. Sehun wonders how true that is about the rest of their lives.

They don’t come to shore for a long time, probably too late, actually. The sun has just a few hours left in the sky, and both of the two are shivering, cold down to the bone. Jongin sprints with Sehun to his car, and pulls out to meager shower towels. All he’s got, he explains, but Sehun’s just glad he brought two. Even toweled off, they’re freezing, and Sehun looks disdainfully at his shorts and polo. They don’t exactly scream, ‘warm.’

“Here.” Jongin holds out a pile, pants, a wool sweater and a beat up leather jacket. “Brought extra.” He grunts, not quite making eye contact. His cheeks are pink, probably not just from the cold.

Sehun carefully takes the clothes, amazed that Jongin would even think of something like this, that he would give Sehun his prized jacket. It warms him up instantly, and Sehun feels like a young girl borrowing her boyfriend’s varsity jacket. Jongin’s scent surrounds him, and he feels soft and melty. It briefly occurs to him that this isn’t quote normal, but he and Jongin have long been abnormal, even from the start of their friendship.

The two shuffle over to the campfire that Chanyeol had been working on. According to Jongdae, the guy’s a pyromaniac. Whatever he is, though, it’s blazing bright, and everyone is seated on logs around it, happily eating burgers and hot dogs, while Joonmyeon watches the fruit of his labor proudly. He mentions that he and Yixing brought fireworks, and Chanyeol’s head, predictably, whips up. Yes, definitely a pyro.

The sun is just barely setting, but it already feels later than it is. Full and warm, Sehun leans against Jongin’s shoulder, content to just watch the other boys’ shenanigans. The topic somehow comes back to Baekhyun and Jongdae’s mothers, the first thing that Sehun had ever heard the two argue about, and he gets hit with a wave of nostalgia. His life is truly something special, now. Now that Jongin’s his best friend, that he’s found such a wonderful group of people- a family. Sehun can’t imagine what summer, his life, would have been without that one chance encounter at the lunch bar in the grocery. What would he have done? Sit around, dodge his father’s moods, do chores for his mother all day like a square, a nerd?

He’s even just the slightest bit thankful for his father- for moving his family, not for his manic episode that left them a disgrace. Sehun’s old friends were nothing like this group. They were just passing time together, filling their lives with each other so that they wouldn’t come out of high school saying they didn’t do anything. This is so, so different. This group of people is going to stick with Sehun for life. Even if they fall out of touch, he’s going to remember them all, what amazing souls they are. He’s going to look back at this summer and whatever amount of time he has left in this town with such incredible sentimentality, find his heart beating faster without even meaning to.

Chanyeol rips the fireworks out of Joonmyeon’s hands, and begins to feverishly set them up on the sand, a little too close to the fire for anyone’s comfort. Laughing privately, Jongin helps Sehun up, pulling him by the hand to clamber onto the roof of his car. The chipping matte paint leaves flecks on Sehun’s sweaty palms. Jongin wraps a blanket around the two of their shoulders, and they sit back, pressed side to side, to watch.

The set up is impossibly entertaining; Chanyeol can’t figure out for the life of him how to light the explosives, and even tries to light one of them using the campfire. Joonmyeon looks like he’s going to throw up when he yells at Chanyeol not to do that. Baekhyun ends up joining him on the sand, dancing in circles around Chanyeol’s hunched form and singing some chant he’s probably making up along the way. If Sehun squints, he can see Kyungsoo wishing for death on the other side of the pair.

The first firework goes off as a surprise- Chanyeol mistakenly lights the wick too close to the funnel, and doesn’t have time to run away before an explosion sends a rocket whistling into the air. It lights up in the sky, a beautiful shower of sparks over the horizon. Sehun finds himself murmuring his appreciation. He’s seen fireworks on every Fourth for probably his whole life, but this is different. This isn’t some shitty block party, this is the beach, with his friends, just where they want to be. It’s more weighted, more important.

“Chanyeol’s probably going to die, don’t you think?” Jongin chuckles, his shoulders rising and falling against Sehun. He laughs too.

“If not tonight, then next year.” He agrees. “Did you hear what he and Baekhyun did?”

“Their cola stunt, right?” Jongin asks, “Predictable. They haven’t done that in a while; they were probably showing off for you.”
“What, their negative IQ scores?”

Jongin laughs again, and Sehun’s proud of his joke. “Yeah, probably.”

The fireworks eventually die down, and most of the boys begin to unpack some tents and head to bed. Kyungsoo and Joonmyeon end up helping them all with the contraptions. They make a good team of awkward almost-fathers. Jongin and Sehun just sit on the roof of the car, not really worrying about the tents too much. Jongin’s planning to sleep on his back bench, and says Sehun can take the passenger seat as it reclines.

They talk about everything and nothing, and eventually fall into a comfortable silence. The moon is like a dim sun in the sky tonight, reflecting over the water like a shimmering, silver pathway into the horizon. Stars wink in the velvety sky, and Sehun is entranced. The beach is silent, and it feels like the roof of Jongin’s car is an island, floating by itself in the night. The whole world is just them.

“Hey, Sehun?” Jongin breaks the silence. Sehun glances at him- he looks more than real in the glow of the moon. Otherworldly. Nodding, Sehun waits for him to continue.
“I don’t want to scare you off,” Jongin begins, starting to mumble. “But I think- I’ve been wondering- “ Jongin takes a deep breath. His eyes are wide and Sehun can feel his hands shake where they rest next to him.

“I think I love you.”

What?

Sehun pauses. Jongin… loves him?

“I don’t know… I don’t know what to say.” Sehun finds himself replying. He really doesn’t. He knows that Jongin means he loves Sehun as more than a friend. He loves Sehun like a boyfriend loves his girlfriend; actually, he loves Sehun like Yixing loves Joonmyeon. Like a man can love another man. Can Sehun love another man? This friendship with Jongin is something different, something Sehun has never had before. He and Jongin take care of each other, support each other, sleep in the same bed and hold hands and share clothes. They do all the things Sehun would think he would do with a girlfriend… boyfriend…

“I didn’t know you felt that way.” Sehun finally says. Jongin lets out the breath he had been holding. His eyes are still wobbly, a little bit reddened. Sehun wants to hold his hand, make him feel better, make the tears go away.

“I thought, you know,” Says Jongin, “I don’t know if you meant to, but it seemed like you felt similarly- maybe not love, but maybe, uh, more than friendship? I’m sorry for saying love, that’s a lot, I’m sorry-“

“No, uh.” Sehun reaches out to touch Jongin, but chickens out halfway, changes the course of his hand to scratch the short hair on the back of his neck. “I’m just confused.”

“Can you trust me for a minute?” Jongin asks after a stretch of silence. Perplexed, Sehun nods. “I don’t want to scare you away, just, close your eyes and stay still.”

Obliging, Sehun trusts Jongin. He shuts his eyes, and waits, every inch of skin oversensitive, working to figure out what’s going on. A warm hand wraps around Sehun’s own, Jongin’s other hand cupping Sehun’s cheek. Jongin’s breath fans across Sehun’s face, soft and feathery. Sehun knows what’s going to happen. He knows. But it nearly knocks him over when it actually does. 

Jongin’s lips, the very ones that Sehun’s thought about at night, press gently to Sehun’s. Every nerve ending in Sehun’s body explodes, his heart stills, his brain empties. All he knows in the entire world is that Jongin is kissing him right now and everything about it is perfect. Jongin’s lips feel like they were meant to be against Sehun’s, like the sun is meant to set over the sea and the moon is meant to shine onto the earth.

So why is it so terrifying?

Jongin breaks the kiss, pulls back from Sehun with a small smile on his lips. Sehun’s fear must show too plainly on his face, because Jongin’s smile quickly dies. His eyes, which were so bright before, dull, regret setting in. He’s afraid too.

“Sehun, I’m so-“

“I need to…” Sehun mumbles. He scrambles to get off the car, nearly falling on his head, and ignores Jongin’s apologies. Every part of him wants to go back, kiss Jongin senseless, but something inside of him is so afraid; it felt too perfect- everything about it was too disconcertingly perfect. Sehun shouldn’t feel this way about Jongin, but he does. His heart is betraying how he thought himself to be and he feels the two ends of his psyche pulling and tearing at him, a rag doll clutched between two fighting children.

Sehun wanders up the beach, shivering at the loss of the warm blanket, Jongin’s body heat like a furnace. The night has brought in the cool air that blows over the ocean, and it’s thick with marine fog and salt. He’s stumbling, bare feet dragging in the sand, when he falls to his knees. The cold sand shifts under him, and Sehun finds tears pricking in his eyes.

Is this him? Is he gay? Is he really one of those people his parents hate, is he really going to have to hide this for the rest of his life?

Even more, is he in love with Jongin?

What he feels for Jongin, he’s never felt before. It’s grown from quiet admiration, to happy companionship, to something more. Sehun knows he can’t just run away from this- it would be one of the greatest regrets of his life. But what can he do? He doesn’t know what he feels, why he feels it, or what it could possibly mean were he to decide to go with his gut, to admit to loving Jongin, loving a man.

He knows that it’s normal. Yixing and Joonmyeon love each other, Yixing and Joonmyeon still live happily. But is Sehun really like them? He’s so used to fitting the mold that his father has set out for him that he has no idea what to do if he maybe doesn’t anymore.

Safely, he can say that he doesn’t hate Jongin. In fact, he probably likes Jongin a lot. Too much. And safely, Sehun can also say that Jongin feels the same way, maybe more so. But nothing seems safe about this. It’s new, it’s scary, it’s something Sehun will have to hide from almost everyone in his life.

The tears spill over, and run down Sehun’s cheeks. He cries quietly, chest heaving and shoulders shaking while the ocean crashes just a few feet from where he sits.

He doesn’t notice someone coming up behind him until he sits down, wraps an arm around Sehun’s shoulders. Thinking it’s Jongin, Sehun recoils, but freezes when he sees Yixing’s soft face looking down at him with concern.

“Jongin came to me and Joonmyeon and said he was worried about you. He didn’t tell us why, but I can guess.” Yixing explains. Hugging him isn’t an option; Sehun’s trapped in the elder’s grip and pressed tightly to his chest like a child. Jongin’s worried? Shit, of course he is. He’s too good, too sweet, too caring. Of course he would give Sehun space, but still get someone to help.

“Jongin told me he l-“ Sehun gulps down a sob. “He told me he loves me. And kissed me.”

“You kissed him?” Yixing asks, surprise evident in his voice. “Jongin didn’t tell me that. Did you like it?”

Sehun’s too confused to think on it, too scared to say he did. “I don’t know.”

Yixing purses his lips, thinking. “Well, have you kissed a girl before?” It seems like he’s changing the subject- sure, Sehun’s kissed a girl, but what does this have to do with it?

“Yeah, I have.” Sehun admits. “It was weird though. I don’t think I liked her how she liked me.”

“Did it feel like that with Jongin?”

Sehun shakes his head before he can think too hard on it. Nothing about kissing Jongin felt wrong. It was nothing like kissing Sehun’s ex girlfriend. It was new and different, yes, but it wasn’t bad. It was a kiss, a kiss that felt good and right and unexpectedly tender.

Yixing watches Sehun, the wheels turning in his head. He obviously is trying to think of the right way to say what’s on his mind.

“It’s scary, isn’t it.” He finally says, releasing Sehun from his hold and looking him in the eyes properly. “I was scared to death when I realized I loved Joonmyeon.”

“I don’t know if I’m even… that way.” Sehun responds. He’s searching for something in Yixing’s eyes. Understanding? Compassion? It’s there, he knows. Yixing is here for Sehun. No matter what he might say, how he might fuck up talking to him.

“I’m going to be truthful with you, Sehun.” Yixing sighs. “You and Jongin behave a lot like Joonmyeon and I did when we first met; do, even now. It’s been obvious that he loves you, you just haven’t noticed.” Sehun opens his mouth, but Yixing holds up a hand to stop him. “But you, too, have been reciprocating. I don’t know if you know, if you even realized, but maybe you were too scared or in denial or something.”

Sehun nods, thinking. “So I don’t even know what I’m doing?” He asks. “Does it really look like I love Jongin?”

“Are you asking me that as if you don’t really love him?” Counters Yixing. “Sehun, you’re kidding yourself.”

Sehun supposes he is. He might not be sure of what type of love it is, but he can surely say that he does love Jongin, like a brother, like a boyfriend, something. Jongin is the most important person in his world, has been for a while. Sehun would be stupid to think this isn’t love.

“I don’t know what to tell him.” Sehun finally says. “‘Hey, Jongin, why don’t we, what, start dating? Before I even know if I feel the same way about you? You love me but I’m too chickenshit to figure out if I love you?’” Sehun imitates himself.

“You’re not too chickenshit.” Yixing shakes his head slowly. “You’re just inexperienced. You were raised to think all of this is wrong or even not real and now it’s hard to get rid of those past prejudices. It’s the same for most of us.”

“Us.”

“Us. Us who don’t fit the norm. Who don’t match up to the man and woman model. It’s a lie to say you aren’t at least dipping a toe into that world.” Yixing purses his lips.

Sehun straightens his back with a start, wipes his eyes. “I should talk to Jongin, shouldn’t I?”

Yixing sagely nods. “It would certainly be bad if you didn’t.”

Sehun draws his mouth into a line, standing up and offering his hand to Yixing. The two walk back together, Sehun dragging his feet while Yixing urges him along. Sehun gets the hem of his pants soaked by a rogue wave, and Yixing laughs at him. The sound echoes off the cliffs, something too happy for the turmoil Sehun is feeling in his heart.

When they reach the cars and tents, Yixing breaks off from Sehun, returning to Joonmyeon and stumbling a little in the dark. Sehun kicks some sand onto the still smoldering fire and glances towards Jongin’s car, where it’s parked a ways away. Jongin is probably inside of it; he’s no longer on the roof or anywhere around it. Sehun takes a breath, steadying himself.

He taps on the backseat window of the red Ford, startling Jongin, who whips his head up and wipes frantically at his eyes. Sehun feels his stomach fall out when he realizes that Jongin had been crying too. Because of him. Because he couldn’t stay and talk to him like a normal human being.

“Hey, Sehun.” Jongin pops open the car door, sliding across the bench and making room for Sehun. The wool blanket is wrapped around his shoulders. It’s cute, Sehun can’t help but notice. “I just want to apologize-“ He quickly says, “I shouldn’t have told you that- You aren’t-“

“I might be.” Sehun interrupts him. Jongin stills, reddened eyes shining wide and bright in the dark of the cab. “I had to take a minute to think, you caught me off guard.” Explaining himself, Sehun reaches out to Jongin, holding his warm hands in his own. “Jongin, I love you too.”

Jongin breathes in sharply, a soft smile breaking out on his face.

“I don’t know how-“ Sehun tries to continue, but gets caught up in the giddiness of the moment as well. “I don’t know just how I love you Jongin, but I want to try with you. I want to be your boyfriend, if you let me. I want to try loving you.”

A tear rolls down Jongin’s cheek, and he lurches forward to wrap Sehun in his arms. He smells like ocean and sweat and campfire and something so Jongin that Sehun feels at home instantly. This is what he wants, now he knows. He wants to be with Jongin, he wants to be as close to Jongin as he can. Jongin is where Sehun feels safe.

Jongin pulls his head back, an uncertain look in his eyes. He glances at Sehun’s mouth. “Can we… try again?” He asks. “I know you don’t know if you’re… or not, but are you okay with-“

“Yes.” Sehun cuts him off, leaning into Jongin and ending his discomfort with the soft press of his lips. For the second time, his body erupts in fire, lightning arcing from his fingertips that card through Jongin’s hair. They don’t take it any further than a chaste brush, but as they sit there, in the back seat of Jongin’s car, wrapped in each others arms and breathing gently, feeling pure light and love flow between them, Sehun can’t help but feel like this is the best moment of his life.

Sehun loves Jongin, Jongin is a man, Sehun is a man too. Their love will not be easy, they will not be able to be like the other couples in the world. They will face hardship, their parents won’t approve, the world won’t approve. At least, not now. But their future together is still real, and bright. Their world is endless, anything they want they can reach.

Yes, Sehun is in love.

—

Jongin and Sehun tumble out of the car in the morning, both of their joints creaking like they’re old men. Sehun’s got a major crick in his neck, and Jongin is rubbing his lower back, and yet… Waking up wrapped up in Jongin was all so worth it. He feels giddy, young and in love like he’s never felt before. Shyly, he and Jongin link hands as they walk to rejoin the group at Yixing’s truck, where Chanyeol is fiddling with the grill while several hungry boys watch.

At the same time, Joonmyeon and Yixing appear. A look shoots between the two of them, and back to Sehun and Jongin. Joonmyeon grins to himself, cheerfully shooing Chanyeol away and whistling while he cracks some eggs into a pan.

“Wow, Yixing, you must have treated him well last night.” Baekhyun crassly remarks, slapping his friend on the back. Yixing smiles gently, looking at Sehun as if to ask for permission to say anything.

“He can do wonders with his legs.” Joonmyeon sing-songs. A collective groan rises up from the rest of the group. “But that’s not the point.” He points at Jongin and Sehun, at their joined hands, and coos. “My babies have finally gotten together.”

The group is silent for a moment, before Kyungsoo comes to his senses. “Pay up.” He says, holding out a hand. Dejectedly, Jongdae, Baekhyun, and Minseok pass him a few crumpled bills, and he grins and holds them to his chest.

“Congratulations.” Chanyeol finally says, and it breaks the dam. The whole group of friends explode into chatter, surrounding Jongin and Baekhyun and yelling about how it was about time, or that Jongin better treat Sehun right, or how Sehun needs to take care of Jongin. Sehun laughs, caught up in the moment.

Jongin meets his eyes, and everything is right.