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Lightning enjoyed the gentle sound of the train rumbling over the tracks, but was never sure if it helped to lull her asleep or keep her awake. It was harder to resist its lullaby so late into the evening. It wasn’t often that she felt the need to stay late, but when she did she stayed for hours to make the most of it. On her way home her body always pleaded with her to get to bed as quickly as she could. The train and its quiet, rolling thunder were so inviting. She had slept on worse than a leather train seat before. If she weren’t already so close to her stop she certainly would have considered taking a short nap.
Instead Lightning sat at the far end of her seat, leaning her shoulder against the side of the train and staring out of the window. Twilight covered the trees as they flew by, shadows blending into an uneven darkness. Lights burned through them like stars from houses in the distance, artificial glimmers under a softer orange sky. The sun took its time setting as the train slowed and approached its next stop. Lightning continued watching through the window while the gears screeched to a halt and the path to the shadowed countryside slid into view. She wished she had decided to take that nap earlier. Her tired legs would have appreciated a longer break before she had to force them to carry her to her house.
Just as she turned from the window to stand her right leg buzzed. It shocked her for only a moment before she realized that it was just her phone. In fact, she had totally forgotten that she had it on her. Combined with her long and busy day at work and her resulting drowsiness, she realized that she had also forgotten to text Serah that she was on her way home, too.
As she expected, the message she received was from her sister, though not in the reprimanding tone she was expecting.
’Hey Sis. Don’t worry about texting back if you’re still busy at work, just let me know when you’re on your way home. I’ve got a surprise for you, so hurry and don’t keep me waiting ;) Love you!’
Lightning reread it as she walked down the aisle and stepped off of the train, finding it curious that Serah would bother to send it so late, given the time. She must have known that Lightning was on her way home by now. Though, Lightning supposed she had stayed later than this on a few occasions. Not that the time mattered, as Lightning was more concerned with the message itself. Serah had made it clear that she only texted winky faces when she had something rather intimate in mind, or was otherwise being flirtatious for the fun of it. The surprise she mentioned led Lightning to expect the former. There was that, plus the fact that she called Lightning ‘Sis.’ Serah liked to play that card to pander when she wanted something that she felt Lightning was perhaps unwilling to give.
If a long night together truly was Serah’s intention, then she must have known that Lightning was tired, too, after staying so late. ‘Sis’ was more of an invitation than an insistence. Lightning appreciated the courtesy, as there were some nights such as this where she truly was too tired to stay up a little later with Serah. She felt bad for not feeling up to satisfying her, even though Serah had insisted on previous occasions that it was perfectly okay.
Lightning’s steps grew heavier as she neared their house, now that she had readied herself to deliver the bad news. Walking up the steps to the door, sighing, Lightning smelled an unfamiliar scent at the door: something sweet. A baked dessert, for sure. Something Serah was making. That must have been the surprise she was talking about. Lightning breathed, relieved. She wondered, then, if a surprise dessert was really deserving of a winky face, but tried to brighten up before she stepped inside. She entered and looked directly toward the kitchen, finding Serah standing in front of the oven as expected wearing a white t-shirt and her favorite red plaid skirt, already undressed for the day in an outfit also easy to undress. Lightning thought of the winky face.
“Hi, Serah.”
Serah turned over her shoulder and waved.
“Good evening, Light. Took you long enough to get home,” she remarked with a smile.
“Sorry. Had a long day at work. Obviously.” She dropped her bag on the couch and placed her heels by the hallway to their room, making the automatic note to bring them in with her after talking to Serah. She couldn’t stand to stand in them any longer. “And I’m sorry for not texting you when I left. I forgot.”
“That’s okay. I’m sorry you had a long day. You ate there, right?”
Lightning nodded. Usually she returned home and one of them, usually Serah, would fix dinner, but on days that she stayed late Lightning ate at work. On such occasions Serah went ahead and made dinner for herself. Still, she felt the need to ask, just in case.
“I know you must be tired, but don’t get too comfortable yet, because you’ve got a long night ahead of you,” Serah added confidently.
“Do I now?”
“You did get my text, right? Though I guess it was a little late… sorry.”
“I did. And don’t be sorry. I forgot to text you myself, after all. I thought the surprise might have been what I smelled from the front door but I guess I was wrong. Not that I mind, with whatever it is you have in mind.”
Lightning exhaled silently. Though she wanted it in her heart, a long night was the last thing she needed. Serah smiled at her again. Lightning hoped she sounded convincing. She really didn’t want to entertain Serah with what she had in mind tonight, but more than that didn’t want to turn her down. She strayed closer into the kitchen and found the chocolate cake she smelled. It sat bare on a plate on the counter, and behind it sat a bowl containing smooth chocolate icing. It smelled so sweet that Lightning wondered how she could have forgotten about it after walking in.
“Well, this was supposed to be a surprise, too,” Serah added, seeing Lightning examining it.
"This is your first cake, isn’t it?"
"Yeah. After the success of my brownies, I wanted to try something bigger. So, I figured I would try while you were at work and hopefully surprise you with a nice dessert when you got home. It just finished cooling, actually, so all I need to do is frost it.”
“Well, I am pleasantly surprised. It looks great so far.” Lightning turned back to Serah, who smiled. “So do you,” she added, knowing that in the mood Serah was in, compliments served to incite her more than impress. It was just so true that Lightning wanted her to know.
Serah lifted her arms around Lightning’s waist and fell heavily into her, making her to wonder how long she had been slaving over this cake, but she was kissed before she could ask. Serah slid her arms back to hold her hands.
"We could skip the cake for now, if you want. Or we could save the sex until morning. It's up to you."
Lightning exhaled again, cursing how directly Serah asked. She knew that Serah didn’t want to wait. Lightning didn’t want to turn down such a sweet smile. She wondered if Serah was tempting her with it on purpose and wondered if it was working. Serah wove her fingers between Lightning’s, reminding her of the magic she could work with them. Lightning’s heart begged her to carry Serah to their room right then and there, but her sleepy mind and body were imploring her to get to bed already—without Serah on top of her.
"I'm sure that as much as you want to get me in bed, you also want me to try the cake, so let me have some first. I want to try it myself, and I've been craving sweets lately anyhow."
Lightning offered a knowing glance to prevent shutting down the subject entirely. She would at least be kind enough to return Serah’s flirting.
"You’re always craving sweets. Good thing you've got the sweetest sister on the planet then," Serah said half-jokingly.
"Sugar, spice and everything nice."
That earned a smirk from Serah, who pulled a broad, dull knife from the drawer beside her. As she began applying the icing to the top of the cake, Lightning moved closer and hugged her waist tightly, to prevent blocking her arms but also to comfort her.
“You can tell how tired I am, right?”
“Yeah.” Serah could tell from the moment she walked in, and right now from how heavily she was leaning into her. “Let me guess: you just want to go to sleep don’t you?” She chuckled, surprising Lightning, the pleasant sound absolving her of her guilt.
“If you don’t mind,” she said timidly. “I’m too tired tonight. As much as you know I want to stay up with you, and as difficult as you’re making it to refuse, I wouldn’t want it to be half-hearted. Sorry.”
Lightning held her tighter to let her know she was serious. Serah laid the end of the knife down in the bowl of icing and pushed Lightning’s arms back, only enough to turn in her embrace. Serah’s arms fell loose and easy around her again.
“That’s perfectly okay. Don’t worry about it so much Lightning,” she laughed again. “I’m not upset or anything. Go get some rest.”
Serah leaned in and kissed Lightning again, inspiring full relief in her. Serah parted but Lightning followed, returning the kiss and the affection before finally letting her go.
“Thank you Serah.” Lightning threw a glance behind her toward the cake that Serah resumed frosting. “Now I feel bad for asking, but could I still have a piece when you finish?”
“Will you still be awake by then?” Serah smiled as she asked. “I’m joking, of course you can. I’ll bring it in when I finish.”
“Okay. I appreciate it.”
Lightning finally managed to walk away without feeling guilty, thanks to Serah’s benevolent patience. She crouched down to pick up her shoes as she entered the hall. A taxing effort, given how tired she was, but she knew she would trip over them in the morning if she left them there. She watched Serah as she walked away, who glanced up from her work and grinned. Lightning turned away shyly, for some reason feeling bashful smiling with her.
Lightning slumped down the hallway to their room, and once she arrived traded her pants for a pair of comfortable shorts, her blazer and blouse for a t-shirt, but found that she couldn’t remove her doubts as easily as her clothes. She climbed in on her side of the bed, pulling the covers up and turning her lamp on, thinking that she should have been leaving her clothes behind while Serah followed her in. She reminded herself that it was okay. Serah said it herself, after all: that she didn’t mind. Serah always said that when Lightning needed her to, and then Lightning wondered why she was always afraid. Sometimes, the thought that Serah was too good for her crossed her mind, as it did now. Serah deserved nothing but happiness. When Lightning found herself incapable of delivering that happiness to her, she always ended up fretting over it, no matter how small the issue, even if Serah didn’t notice. Even when she didn’t care. Serah’s happiness was hers as well.
She wanted to be her best for Serah, and when she couldn’t be her best she wondered if she was good enough. But Lightning didn’t dare to ask her opinion because she already knew her answer. Serah always said it so easily and effortlessly that Lightning always felt stupid for feeling the need to ask.
Lightning exhaled. She felt stupid for worrying so much about it all because she knew it to be pointless. Serah had already told her not to worry, too. Lightning grabbed her phone to set her alarm for the morning, already feeling sleep beginning to crowd out her other thoughts. As the screen lit up she saw the date: Friday. No need for alarms.
Lightning turned her phone off and set it on the far end of her nightstand. At that moment Serah walked in with a small plate and a fork, so Lightning pushed herself upright against the bedframe to accept it, and did so with a sincere smile. She couldn’t help it, seeing how excited and anxious Serah was: her smile slowly escaped the nonchalant mask she wore.
Lightning had to wonder how Serah could still be so nervous about cooking new foods when they always turned out great. With no doubts that this cake would be any different, Lightning sliced into a piece and let it melt in her mouth. It melted a little too easily, in fact, but she attributed that to the cake being freshly baked rather than to Serah’s cooking.
“You really shouldn’t worry about your cooking Serah,” Lightning said. Serah did not react at first, but then smiled, relieved.
“Did I really seem that nervous about it?”
“Just a little. You also shouldn’t be surprised that I can read you so well. Or when you wake up to find more of the cake missing.”
“So it’s good?” Serah’s eyes and her voice softened as she asked, relieved. Lightning found it cute.
“It’s great.”
“Good… I was really nervous about making this actually. There’s a lot to mess up. But I’m glad you like it. You can have as much of it as you want, so long as you save a piece for me. I need to know how it tastes, after all. Do you want me to bring you another before I put it away for tonight?”
“You’re not going to have any?”
“No. I ate a little too much earlier, so I’ll just wait until tomorrow.”
“You’re missing out,” Lightning said while taking another bite. Looking back up, she was pleased to find that she had earned another smile from Serah. “It’s hard to say no to more, but no thanks. If I get another piece, I don’t know if I’ll be able to stop.”
“I would stop you if you wanted me to,” Serah chuckled, surprised by Lightning’s continued praise. “I’ll go put it away then and clean up the kitchen, and then I’ll get in bed.”
Serah left while clasping her hands behind her back, taking long, swinging steps down the hallway. Lightning finished the cake while she waited, glad that she could still make Serah happy enough to put a literal spring in her step, even after letting her down earlier. That was all Lightning needed: Serah’s delighted smile and gentle laughs. Though, the promises of cuddling up soon were nice, too. Seeing Serah happy made her happy, and that was all there was to it.
Lightning happily finished the cake and set the plate on her nightstand. She would take it out and clean it in the morning when she woke up. From the kitchen she heard the faucet running and the clanging of metal bowls, pans and utensils. A few cabinets closed, a light switch was flipped and the light coming from the living room vanished, and Serah returned a minute later, turning the light off in the hall as she entered. Lightning slid forward to lie down while Serah walked around to her own side of the bed and climbed in next to her, quickly hugging her as promised. Lightning, however, could only think again about the clothes separating their skin.
“I know that this isn’t exactly the kind of contact you were hoping for-”
“Just hug me already Light.”
Lightning complied, wondering if she had finally made Serah snap with her repeated apologies. But Serah still smiled, despite rolling her eyes.
“You know,” she continued, “you shouldn’t be so nervous about turning me down when you’re not up to it.”
“You could tell?”
“Of course, silly. You shouldn’t be surprised that I can read you so well either. Besides, you’ve never been a very good actress to begin with.” Serah found Lightning’s free hand and laced their fingers together, softly and securely. “You shouldn’t worry about these things so much either.” Her gentle voice seemed to tug on Lightning’s heart and it beat bashfully in response, knowing that she was right.
“I know. I’m sorry.”
Serah laughed. The pleasant sound exacerbated Lightning’s worry this time, making her wonder what else she said wrong.
“Stop apologizing already. I’m just trying to make you happy. If going to sleep early is the way to do that then I don’t mind. Don’t feel bad, please.” Serah’s lingering smile studied Lightning, waiting for her to apologize again for apologizing, but she never did. Lightning caught her tongue as the word was falling out. Serah squeezed her hand. “I love you Lightning.”
“Love you too.”
Lightning returned the squeeze and the smile to let her know she got the message. Lightning wanted to tell her not to worry so much either, that she was already happy, that she was just trying to make her happy, but found the words suddenly unnecessary. She let them go and clinged tighter to Serah instead. Serah pulled her arm from around Lightning to hold her cheek, moved forward and kissed her. Just like they would have if Serah had gotten her way earlier. Serah still loved her. Lightning felt stupid for expecting anything different and relaxed, trying to treasure this kiss as she did every other, despite feeling like it was Serah’s attempt at shutting her up already. It was: after years of loving Lightning, Serah knew that pushing happiness onto her lips was the easiest way to get it to her heart as well. She parted and shut her eyes.
“I’m serious Light.”
“I know.”
“Goodnight, sweet dreams, all that. Relax.” Serah draped her arm over Lightning’s side again, holding her close and comfortable to help her drift off. Lightning wove her arm under Serah’s, around her side too, and closed her eyes with a deep exhale.
“Thanks Serah. You too.”
Serah really was too good for her. She had cured her concerns so effortlessly, yet as soon as she had, a familiar anxiety began a slow burn within Lightning: a yearning affection that often overcame her heart when it ached for Serah. Lovesickness.
Lightning now owed her for her love in addition to her lust, as well as the cake, and all she wanted was to make it up to her. Lightning could easily reciprocate Serah’s feelings, but she got stuck on what she could do for the cake… the thought of taking Serah out for dinner crossed her mind, but so did another possibility just as quickly. She turned back over and grabbed her phone to set an alarm for seven-thirty. She thought that Serah should appreciate not having to fix breakfast for once, or waking up first for that matter. Breakfast in bed plus the promises of special room service a little later would be perfect. Thankfully, Serah was a morning person and wouldn’t be too tired to decline Lightning’s offer.
Lightning wished it was tomorrow. She wished she could do it all at that moment.
She exhaled again, calming her heart. Relaxing like Serah told her too. She needed to go to sleep. Her chance would come tomorrow. She would have the entire weekend to spend with her, after all.