Work Text:
“DICKS!”
Saihara slammed his hands down on the table, standing up, “Alright, what the fuck?!” His voice is exasperated, the detective is genuinely agitated. Ouma finds it fucking hilarious, he repeats himself, “Dicks! Gotta get those dicks!” Saihara takes a breath, pauses, shakes his head.
“I’m only going to ask you this once…” the black haired boy stated quietly,
“What the fuck are you talking about?”
Ouma laughed, “Isn't it obvious? I'm talking about dicks, Saihara-chan. Ya know, penises? Genitalia? Cocks?! BIG MEATY-”
“ALRIGHT!” Saihara interrupted sounding like a scolding mother, Ouma just grinned. The supreme ruler questioned, “Am I bothering you?” Kaito was giggling like a child, acting like no one could hear just because his hand was over his mouth.
Iruma chimed in, smacking her lips as she ate a burger, “Now, why would dicks bother him? Everybody loves dicks!” She screamed, spit flying from her mouth. Tenko leaned forwards, clearing her throat, “Tenko is gonna have to, uh, disagree with that statement.”
“ EVERYBODY LOVES DICKS!”
The inventor screamed, biting into her burger with sass.
“I DO NOT!” Tenko yelled with a mortified expression, hands thrown up in the air. Amami, who was seated next to Saihara, casually turned to him and said in that low voice,
“You don't think you're straight do you..?” His pierced eyebrow raised, eyes filled with pity.
“Wh-what? No! Maybe, I don't know!” The detective grew flustered, cheeks turning ruby red. Amami just laughed smugly, he sounded like a cliche anime villain. “Why are you laughing..?” The detective asked.
The green haired boy looked Saihara in the eyes, “Oh honey, you got a big storm comin’.” With that ominous statement, the fucker just left. Saihara was trying to form a sentence, to ask what the hell that meant but before he could even take a proper breath, Ouma was yelling,
“YEAH, THAT STORM IS HURRICANE DICKS !”
Saihara slammed his hands back down on the table, “No penises shall be anywhere near me, thank you very much!” Amami's voice came from the hall, “That's what they all say!” Ouma snickered, “That's what Momota-chan said.”
Kaito choked, Maki slowly raised her head and looked at the astronaut, “What…?” Kaito cleared his throat, “ MM, LOOK AT THE TIME, GOTTA BLAST.” Maki grabbed his arm, gasping, “ YOU'VE DABBLED IN COCK WRANGLING?!”
Saihara yelled, “Maki, for fuck’s sake!” Ouma started laughing like a maniac at this point, “Succumb to the dick, Saihara-chan!” Finally, the detective had enough and used his scapegoat as a hope to end all of this…
He pointed to Kiibo, “Watch your language, there's a child in the room!”
Kiibo looked up, “Well, c'mon now, even I have a dick.”
Saihara let out a soul baring scream, he hated his classmates more than he hated himself. “Saihara, why are you fuckin’ acting like Ouma didn't grope your ass earlier!”
“HE DID NOT!”