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It was bound to happen eventually.
Somewhere between all of the air shows and the celebration, Lance had noticed it had been getting worse and worse.
In the back of his mind, it made sense. Keith had this gift, was training to hone it, and getting to know a part of his heritage he didn’t know existed the first moment they’d flown into space on Blue. But then basic training turned into missions, and hours turned to days, and days turned into weeks until Keith hardly felt like a part of the team anymore. Lance felt it more than he’d ever admitted to, out loud at least.
Not that he had time to, but he didn’t know how to bring it up in the first place. “Hey Keith, I know you’re really into learning from the Blade but I miss you and am wondering if it’s just a phase and when you’ll be back?”
Absolutely not.
Half of it was because he knew Keith’s way to vent was to train, another forty percent or so was because it seemed like every time Shiro got a chance to talk to Keith it was always to pester him about leading Voltron and Lance didn’t think it would help if he went up and basically went; “Um, yeah. When are you going to lead, exactly?” considering it wasn’t all Keith’s fault.
The issue with Shiro was another thing Lance didn’t want to talk about.
So he’d just kept watching Keith slip through their fingertips until even Black chose Shiro again. Part of Lance thought Keith did it on purpose. Maybe he did do it on purpose.
Lance sighed, staring up at the Red Paladin armor with a grimace on his face, arms crossed over his chest in thought.
“Lance?” He turned to see Keith standing in the doorway, looking a bit like a deer caught in headlights. Lance felt too tired to start trying to pick a fight.
“You’re still here?” As Keith stepped into the room he turned back to the armor display, eyebrows pulling together.
“Yeah. Just grabbed my stuff. Not that there’s much of it, but…” Keith trailed off. Lance averted his eyes downwards, unsure of what to say. No… unsure of whether he should say what he wanted to say. “You gonna switch to the red armor?”
“No. It’s yours.” There wasn’t as much bite to it as he’d intended.
“Not anymore.” Keith turned towards him, but Lance still didn’t look up from the ground. “... What’s going on with you?”
Lance wished he knew. “Nothing.” Finally, he looked up.
Keith looked good in black, was his first thought. His second thought was that Keith seemed different. Was that what space did to people? Make it easier to realize how much others have changed?
“What’d you come down here for?” Lance was desperate to fill the silence, not comfortable being able to think while Keith was within proximity.
“Dunno…” Keith looked at the Red Paladin armor, eyes narrowed. “Guess I just felt… nostalgic, maybe?” Lance wasn’t entirely sure if that was the right word, either, considering Keith hasn’t acted as a paladin in a long time.
“You look better in black.” Double entendre. Keith gave him a sad smile.
“Shiro deserves to lead.” Lance didn’t believe it coming out of his mouth. “He’s a born leader.”
“I think you need to learn how to accept failure.” Why was he doing this right now? The smile disappeared from Keith’s face, and Lance turned back to look at the armor.
“Excuse me?”
“You know you have the ability to lead Voltron. Black wouldn’t have picked you if you couldn’t.” Lance squeezed his eyes shut. “And yet you just throw it all away, for what? A dumb sword and group of strangers?”
“Don’t act like you know me,” Keith growled.
“I sat in Black for almost an entire hour trying to get something and yet you have it given to you on a silver platter and you don’t take it because you have this fear of failure?” Lance was steaming.
“I’m not afraid of failure-”
“Then what is it? Why did you leave?”
Keith pressed his hands over his ears and squeezed his eyes shut, shaking his head. “It doesn’t matter why!”
It echoed throughout the room, startling Lance into silence.
“You said it yourself that there are too many paladins, I’m just making things easier by leaving.” Keith turned to rush out the door - to leave and not come back this time - but Lance was faster, gripping tight to his arm and stopping him in his tracks. Keith took a shaky breath, hiding behind his fringe.
“I wasn’t talking about you when I said that,” he rasped out.
“You belong on Team Voltron, Lance. I don’t belong-”
“ Don’t-”
“ - anywhere. I never have.”
More silence. The hum of the ship was low.
“You belong here, with me.” No, no no no. When Keith turned to look at him red-faced Lance retracted his hand like he’d been burned. “With us. Us. ” He emphasized, scratching the back of his neck in embarrassment. Keith’s expression softened.
He practically launched himself into Lance, face buried into Lance’s neck and squeezing him tight. It took a moment for Lance to register that Keith was hugging him, voluntarily, and not as part of the entire group.
“I have to go.” Keith gave him a final squeeze before releasing him, and Lance said nothing as Keith walked away.
Yeah, Keith definitely looked good in black.
Something about Keith during the entire mission had felt off.
Lance couldn’t put his finger on it, as Keith dove headfirst into an open airlock to save another Blade member as the mission went awry. He contemplated following after him, grip tight on the console as he attempted to dodge debris that flew out after the former Red Paladin. In the end he slammed the control for the airlock, heart beating quick in his chest as the doors slowly closed until finally Lance’s feet were on the ground again. He stumbled his way over to the window as the airship shook and rattled, explosions going off in the areas that had been planned out.
Had they been fighting for that long? Lance’s eyes gazed hungrily out the window for Keith’s form, watching him grapple with the other Blade member. Out of his peripheral, he could see the Blade’s ship leaving…
Without Keith and his comrade.
Lance’s blood began to boil.
“Keith?” Lance switched through his comms channels, heartbeat erratic. “Keith, are you there?”
No response, and no movement from what little visual he had of Keith out among the debris.
He cursed, running and stumbling back towards where he’d parked Red, heart in his throat as explosions shook purple hallways. Red was growling in the back of his head, the undercurrent making him more and more anxious as finally he found her and climbed into the cockpit, hardly even needing to steer her towards where Keith was floating aimlessly through the rubble. As Red swallowed the two Blade members Lance set her on autopilot to go back to the castle, moving from his seat and scrambling towards them.
The first was dead - neck snapped and lying limp. Lance didn’t look at him for too long, feeling like he might throw up if he did.
Keith’s breathing was shallow and his arm looked broken in two places - it didn’t make the urge to throw up go away.
“Keith.” He went to remove the mask but before he could it phased away, revealing Keith’s face. There was blood dripping from a wound on his head somewhere - it made the color of his eyes seem paled in comparison as they fluttered open.
“Huh…?” Was all he managed before his eyes slipped closed again.
“Oi. No, no no no no. You might have a concussion, don’t fall asleep.” Lance tapped at Keith’s cheek to keep him awake, but it was no use. Keith grimaced at him for a while with his eyes closed, and then after about five minutes or so he was out like a light.
His coms fizzled to life. “Lance? Status report…?” Shiro’s unsure voice, sounding perturbed. Lance sighed, pushing himself up and back to his pilot’s seat.
“We destroyed the ship, but lost a Blade member, and Keith isn’t doing too great. We’re on our way back, now.” He couldn’t look at Shiro as he said it. There was a moment of silence.
“Okay. We’ll get a pod ready. Hurry back.”
“Roger.” Lance slouched back into his chair, glancing over his shoulder to look at Keith to make sure he was still breathing.
Getting back to the castle felt like it’d taken forever, and when he finally arrived in Red’s hangar the whole team was there to greet him. Hunk reeled back the moment he caught sight of the dead Blade member, holding his hands over his mouth as if he were holding back the same urge to throw up Lance had felt. Pidge’s didn’t look phased, but she was definitely shaking as she checked Keith’s vitals. Shiro was still in the hangar, talking to Allura and Coran with his arms crossed over his chest. He kept running his hands through his hair, looking somewhere between stressed and angry.
“How’s Keith?” Lance tore his eyes away from the window, crouching down to look at the screen Pidge was holding.
“He does have a concussion like you thought. There’s some internal bleeding as well. I don’t need this thing to tell that his arm is broken, but… anyways, let’s get him to the pod before it’s too late.” She stood up and scooted out of the way as Lance wrapped Keith’s good arm around his shoulders and hauled him up.
Hunk, finally having gotten over the urge to hurl, rushed to Lance’s side to help carry Keith out of Red. Shiro didn’t look up from the discussion he was having with Allura and Coran - Lance caught him saying something about the Blade, and his tone didn’t sound happy. Lance knew the feeling.
Once they were in the infirmary, Hunk ran off, muttering about something or another and leaving Lance alone with Keith.
Lance made himself take a steadying breath, swallowing thickly as he began to wrestle Keith out of his Blade of Marmora uniform. He was trying not to eye him like a creep since this definitely wasn’t the context to do it, but it was hard not to take in the muscles his previously spindly body had gotten over the couple of months he’d been away. Lance shook his head at himself and forced himself to concentrate, hiking the healing pod suit over his body and, again, struggling to haul Keith to his feet.
“Alright, buddy…” He carefully placed Keith in the healing pod, letting the glass slide shut and sighing as he watched Keith for a moment.
Hunk came back then, squirming in anxiety and holding a water pouch out to Lance with his brows furrowed. Lance took it from him, trying to manage a smile. “Thanks, big guy.” Hunk said nothing, just stood next to Lance and let him lean on his shoulder as they both stared at Keith. “You okay?” Lance asked.
Hunk sighed, crossing his arms over his chest. “Yeah. Just tired of people dying…”
“Keith isn’t going to die.” Lance let out a breath he didn’t know he was holding in when Hunk wrapped his arms around him, enveloping him in a warm hug that seemed to suck the chill right out of Lance’s bones.
“No, he’s not…” Hunk agreed. Still, there was something unspoken there, and Lance didn’t want to hear it either.
Two days passed with Keith in the healing pod. Lance didn’t spend a lot of time in the infirmary, but not for lack of wanting to. Every time he stepped inside Shiro was there, eyebrows drawn together and concern written over his features, looking somewhere between distressed and confused. The truth was, Lance wasn’t entirely sure how to approach him without anyone else around. He’d always been hesitant around Shiro from the beginning. Stepping on eggshells, trying to impress him, taking orders in stride, attempting to prove himself.
Somehow it never felt like enough. It didn’t feel like it was enough for Shiro either, especially since Keith left. He was always up in his head thinking about other things.
And then there was the issue with the Black Lion.
Lance had wanted to pilot Black so badly, but in the end he just… wasn’t good enough? Or something like that.
The thought of sitting in Black for an entire hour sat on his chest, the thought of talking to Shiro turning sour in his mouth.
Keith was already out of the pod when Lance peeked through the window to see if Shiro was still there, but there was no Shiro to be found. Maybe he was getting Keith water? Food? Something else? Regardless, Lance seized the opportunity and stepped through the sliding doors, stopping in his tracks when Keith turned to look at him from where he was sitting down. His hair was disheveled and he looked dazed, and a little bit trapped.
“Hey, sleeping beauty.” Lance greeted, walking to grab the blanket sitting on the console and making his way to Keith, sitting beside him and placing the blanket around his shoulders. Keith remained quiet, looking pensive as he grabbed the ends of the blanket and wrapping it tighter around himself. “... Are you okay?”
It was obvious that Keith wasn’t okay, but they both knew that. It was more an invitation to talk than anything else.
“I should get back,” is all Keith said. Lance’s eyebrows pulled together, watching as Keith stood to his feet.
“Do you want to stay for breakfast?” Lance wanted to ask if Keith would just stay. Stay permanently, or as permanently as someone could up here in space in the middle of a war. Keith looked down at him, appearing torn. “You don’t have to. I just thought-... never mind.” Lance pushed himself to his feet, shoving his hands into his pockets and scratching at the back of his neck.
“No, what were you going to say?” Lance couldn’t read Keith’s expression. It was weird, not being able to read his face.
“I-... I just thought-...” He fidgeted with the sleeves of his jacket, trying to conjure up the nerves to say something, say anything. That the team wasn’t the same without Keith, that he felt like even more of a mismatched puzzle piece without him, that he missed Keith, genuinely.
“Keith! You’re awake!” Shiro wandered in then, and Lance was unsure of whether to be grateful or annoyed at his timing. He took a step back as Shiro wandered further into the room, head down to avoid looking at either of them.
“Yeah… thanks.” Keith took the hand Shiro offered, and the hug too. Lance was jealous of the familiarity between them.
“I’ll go get you some water,” he muttered. Keith’s eyebrows pulled together in confusion but nodded. When Lance turned to look back at them upon his exit Keith was watching him leave.
The ship was ripe with confusion and worry, but mostly confusion.
It wasn’t like Lotor had been their sworn enemy or anything, but he’d definitely been a formidable foe - the heir to Zarkon’s throne, and now all of a sudden he was turning his back on the Empire and trying to join them?
If it was a joke it wasn’t a funny one. They all stood in anxiety as Lotor’s ship docked in the bay, weapons drawn and aiming right at the sliding door. When it opened he didn’t seem concerned, or armed. Keith was quick to begin advancing on him but Matt was quicker, grabbing his arm and holding him back, looking at Keith with thinly veiled concern. The two of them seemed to have a silent conversation - one Lance couldn’t follow - before Keith sheathed his blade.
In the end, Lance was barred from whatever conversation Allura, Coran, Shiro, the rebel captain, Kolivan, and Lotor were having.
The only good thing about it was that he wasn’t alone in being excluded. Keith looked about ready to blow his top, Hunk was chewing his fingernails in anxiety, Pidge was tinkering with Beezer, and Matt was pacing, arms crossed and watching Keith with a close eye. Lance watched Matt, of everyone, for a while in confusion, until finally he stood to his feet and went over to talk to him.
“Hey…” He’d never really taken much time to talk to Matt - part of him was a little bit territorial over Allura - but the older man still gave a friendly smile in greeting.
“Hey, Lance. How are you holding up?” He placed a comforting hand on Lance’s shoulder, and Lance felt all of his anxiety melt under the touch. Is that what Matt did to people? If it was, no wonder Pidge had missed him so much. Every part of him was warm and comforting, like a blanket out of the dryer on a cold day in December.
“Uhm, I’m okay I think. Thanks.” He fidgeted, feeling sheepish for how petty he’d been previously. “Uh, are you okay, though…?” Part of him just felt even worse, since he was technically talking to Matt to check up on Keith without confronting him directly.
“Yeah. I’m fine. Just had a bit of a scare there, you know?” Matt rubbed at the back of his neck, long hair obstructing his eyes as he tilted his head in thought. “I’m more worried about Keith.”
“Oh?” Lance asked innocently, hopping up to sit on the console as Matt leaned against it, hands shoved into his pockets.
“He’s pretty impulsive…” Matt mused.
“Yeah…” No shit, Lance thought.
“I guess I didn’t expect him to go trying to sacrifice himself though, you know? Has he always been like that?”
Lance felt frozen, mouth opening and closing but unable to say anything. Matt winced, glancing down with his eyebrows furrowed.
“I’ll take that as a no, then.”
They sat there in silence, with Matt toying with his gloves and Lance chewing at his lip.
“You should talk to him.” Matt’s gently punched his shoulder in encouragement. “He probably needs someone to talk to.” Lance glanced up to look at Keith. Keith was looking right at him, too. It was as if he could read Lance’s mind, staring straight at him one minute and standing up from the couch and bolting out of the door within the next. Lance scrambled off the console, nearly falling and throwing a distracted thank you over his shoulder when Matt saved him from eating shit.
“Keith!” He almost missed Keith’s mullet turning the corner, but only almost. He bolted down the hallway, quick to catch up to Keith’s stomping tirade and catch him by the arm. Lance knew Keith was faster than him. Maybe he didn’t really want to get away. Maybe he’d been waiting for someone to go after him this whole time. “Keith…”
“What?” He was still facing away, head downturned.
He looked really good in the Blade of Marmora suit. Lance could feel his mouth go dry.
“I-... Matt told me, what you did,” he choked out.
“I didn’t do anything.” Keith swallowed thickly, glancing up from under his fringe to look at Lance. It stole the breath out of Lance’s lungs.
“Technicality.” Lance loosened his grip on Keith’s arm but was reluctant to let go, grip sliding from his bicep to his wrist. Keith’s fingers twitched. “You can’t just-... you can’t just do that Keith. You can’t just throw your life away as if it’s nothing.”
“The individual is nowhere near as important as the mission. The mission always comes first.” It sounded more like Keith was parroting it than actually meaning it. Lance wondered how many times he’d heard that after joining the Blade.
“Without us, there is no mission. Without you. You…” His voice broke, and it was embarrassing because really, he didn’t need to cry over this. Keith was alive. He was fine. He was right here. “It’s just hard to function when you go places we can’t follow you. You’re still a part of this team. You’re still part of Voltron.”
Keith didn’t reply. He only ducked his head to hide his face again. “No, I’m not.” Lance could barely hear it.
“You are. Even if you’re out there in your Blade armor and not your paladin armor, you’re still part of our family.”
Keith’s breath hitched, and then he was slumping over in tears. Lance was floored but still embraced Keith to his chest anyway, holding him tight as Keith broke down in his arms. He didn’t know what else to say so he said nothing, waiting for Keith to ride it out. It took a while but eventually, Keith was just a hiccuping mess, pulling away and wiping his nose on the sleeve of his flight suit. His face was streaky with tears and his eyes were red, cheeks flushed from crying or… something else. Lance wasn’t entirely sure, but it was probably the crying.
“You okay…?” He asked hesitantly. Keith nodded, crossing his arms over his chest defensively as Lance rubbed his back, trying to be soothing. Keith didn’t appear to be tense anymore, all cried out and receptive, even going so far as to lean into Lance’s touch.
“I think so, yeah…” He coughed, the sound wet and sounding just a little bit painful as it escaped him. Without thinking Lance reached over to brush the tears from his cheeks, his hand lingering for a moment too long. Keith glanced up at him, and oh god he’s gravitating towards Lance. Oh, god.
“Hey guys.” Matt rounded the corner, stopping short in his tracks as he noticed their close proximity. They both took a quick step away from each other, faces hot. “Uh, the meeting is over. Just wanted to let you know.” He gave them finger guns, and then an awkward thumbs up, and then he was bolting back around the corner.
They stood there in awkward silence for a moment, Lance searching for words - for something to say that would break the tension between them. “We should uh… probably get back…” He muttered, jabbing a thumb in the direction of the common room.
“Yeah, I guess we should…” Keith rocked back on his heels before grabbing Keith by his jacket, surging forward to plant a quick kiss onto Lance’s lips before pulling away. Lance stood there in awe, frozen in place as he watched Keith walk back towards the common room, face flushed and eyes zeroed in on where the Blade of Marmora suit was hugging the curve of Keith’s ass. “Oh, and Lance.” Keith turned, and Lance’s eyes zoomed up to his face, cheeks red.
Keith smiled. “Thanks.” And then he was gone.