Chapter Text
I met you in the dark
You lit me up
You made me feel as though
I was enough
~
"I don't even know why I agreed to come to this," I grumbled under my breath, and watched as Louise did another shot, followed by the sounds of her friends screaming and shouting for more. They seemed to regard me as apart of their group but I don't know if I'd consider them my friends. I saw them at all of these parties I go to, but I can't for the life of me say anything about them. It's not like I hadn't talked to them; they did make an effort the first few times I came, but I guess I was so scared to muck up my words or make a fool of myself that they stopped trying and I ended up as the quiet one in the corner. Plus, by the time I worked up the courage to go and join them, they are beyond drunk and it's impossible to make any sort of conversation. It was better this way anyway, I'm happy with my one friend, no one can hurt me. To be honest, I just want to make Louise happy. She is my only friend after all, and at the end of the night when I drag her back home it's slightly worth it to hear her drunkenly gush to me about how happy she is that I came. Besides, someone has to pay the babysitter, make sure Darcy is safe and tucked in and leave some water and painkillers next to Louise's bed so she can be a mum in the morning.
Tonight I'd been feeling pretty low, even though I had been really excited about this party. I don't know what it was about Halloween but I love it so much. The costumes, candy, theming, spookiness, I love every part of it. Though I wouldn't admit that to Louise; she thinks I didn’t even try. My ‘costume’ was an orange jumper with a spiderweb on it. For my standards, I’d actually put in a great amount of effort. But even with the Halloween vibes, I couldn’t seem to drag my mind out of the self-loathing gutter it had fallen into. I'm not good enough, my whole life is a failure, no one cares about me. Before I could continue down the dark maze in my mind, I felt a tap on my shoulder. I turned around see a familiar face, a 'friend' from my old job, Cat.
"Hi Dan," I saw her smile and I put on my best to match her happy mood, even though I wasn’t at all feeling the same.
"Have you been in the maze yet?" Another reason that I had agreed to tonight is that this party was, in fact, a haunted house that they'd built a maze through. Someone's grandparent’s place full of spooky dolls and old furniture. I had to admit I was actually intrigued by this idea but I had yet to go through the maze, as I didn't want to go by myself. I was just waiting for Louise who told me twenty minutes ago that she was getting just one more drink.
"Nah, I'm just finishing off my drink first," I said, and gave my "bloody" cocktail a shake. It was actually just a fruit punch with red food dye mixed in, but I appreciated the effort. She shook her own cocktail in return. I did wonder why my friendship with Cat never picked up, maybe it had something to do with how the only thing we had in common was the place we used to work. She was a nice person but we never seemed to connect at all, and all of our conversations were just about what we did on the weekend. I turned back to the party and looked just in time to see Louise stumble into me. I lifted my drink up high, not wanting it to spill as she clung onto me.
"Dan! Let's go in the maze," I placed the drink down on the table quickly before I waved to a giggling Cat as I got dragged away. Seconds later, I was met with the entrance to the maze; creepy archway drenched in cobwebs. Beyond that was just darkness, fog, and spooky music. To Louise, I rolled my eyes but internally I knew I was excited. The feel of the cotton cobwebs on my arm dampened my excitement when I realised it was going to be a whole lot more cringeworthy than I’d thought. I felt Louise grip onto my arm a little tighter before she dragged me forward, ready to face what's on the other side. I pushed the cobwebs out of the way and the noise of the party grew faint as we walked down the hallway, the sound of the music out of a little speaker wasn’t really adding to the atmosphere but I still appreciated the effort. After a few more steps it suddenly cut out. My head whipped around to where I thought it had played from. But it had become dead silent, excluding the voices from the party now sounded like whispers drifting around us, and the sound of the creaky floorboards as we continued. Louise gripped my arm tighter, if possible and I wasn’t cringing anymore, the spooks settled in. I took one more shaky step before out of nowhere, a door to our left opened on its own. Louise let out a little excited squeak and we creeped closer to the door to inspect it. Right when she got her face in view of what was inside the door, a loud bang erupted from the other side, followed by a skeleton that appeared out of nowhere. A high pitched scream burst out of my mouth; Louise left my arm as she bolted forward into the pitch black of the next room. I stood frozen, having taken a few steps back, glancing towards the skeleton which looked surprisingly real in the low light.
"Louise!" I called out, hoping that she’d come back. A chill crept up my spine when I realised I was all alone. I took a deep breath and headed forward into the next room. My mind kept telling me to turn around, but I had to finish this, it was just some amateur haunted house, not that scary at all. Whatever was beyond the doorway in front of me was pitch black. Even with the small amount of light currently in this hallway, I could not see a thing. I took a single step inside, one foot still out ready to run at the first sign of danger.
"Louise?" I asked, my voice much smaller than before. It wasn't like this was one of my biggest fears or anything: being alone in the dark waiting for the girl from the ring to grab me. I took a deep breath and stepped fully into the room. As soon as I was fully inside the door, it slammed shut behind me. My vocal cords reached a new high, screaming so loud I was sure I had just laid an egg. I ran forward away from the door, only to be met with a wall that my head collided with. I hissed in pain and put my hands out in front of me, feeling the wall. I trailed my fingers around the room, eager to reach the door and get out. Eventually, they grasped a door frame and I reached for the handle. Of course it was locked. Do I need to find a key, is it the door I just came through? I kept going around the room, until I realised there was only one door in this room. How am I meant to get out?! Where did Louise end up? Can I even get out of here? What if I'm trapped in here all night? I lowered myself to the ground, eager to find a key or some other way to escape. When my hands touched the floor I realised just how panicked I actually was, when I felt my arms shake against the floor. I patted around the edges of the room to look for a key. I got to one corner and felt a real cobweb trail up my arm.
"Nope nope nope," I backed away and went to balance my arm against the wall, only I fell backwards as what I thought was the wall was only a piece of black fabric. My head made it through the gap, hit the floor and I was momentarily confused until I realised I must have found the exit. After I recovered from my little fall I carefully flipped over and crawled the rest of the way through. The room in front of me was once again pitch black, which didn't help my fast heartbeat or quick breath. Remind me again why I was excited to do this? I stayed low to the ground hoping not to bump into any more of the cobwebs; my plan failed when I felt something touch my arm. I froze when I felt someone's fingers wrap themselves around my arm. As if my last scream wasn't loud enough, that one reached a new high. I frantically moved away from whatever had grabbed me, my mind imagined everything from the ring girl to the devil, the movement backfired when our heads collided against each other. I whimpered and my heartbeat went impossibly faster with the jolt of pain to my head.
"Didn't know I scared you that much," they said, laughing slightly before they let go of my arm. Immediately, I scooted away from them until I collided with the wall. My hands felt shaky and I tried to calm myself down after I had heard the voice of the stranger who didn't sound anything like the creepy child or devil or demon that I imagined. Suddenly, a blinding light filled the room, and lit me up. I flinched and covered my eyes with my arms.
"Hey, you don't need to be scared now," the stranger whispered, I took my arms away from my eyes, which I noticed were shaking quite badly. I crossed them over my chest, hoping that if I held them tight enough they would stop. My eyes followed the streak of light, and saw it came out the stranger’s phone. I couldn't see anything behind the light, so I took the opportunity to look around the room, which was now less scary without all the darkness. I saw the gap I had just crawled through behind me and an empty room, minus something that looked to be a bench or a stool in the corner. Everything was draped in black fabric and the only exit seemed to be a door at the back of the room. How the hell did Louise get through this? My eyes then traveled to the figure in front of me.
"I'm Phil, by the way," they said and shone the light more towards himself so I could see. The first thing I noticed was his welcoming smile. It drew me in and made me feel at ease. Then I noticed that his eyes were a pretty shade of blue, only I could get lost in a stranger's eyes in a weird situation like this. I took his outstretched hand, expecting a shake only for him to pull me up off the ground. He pulled me up a little too fast and I stumbled forward into his chest. He chuckled at my clumsiness, wrapped an arm around my shoulder, steered me over to the nearby bench, and passed me a bottle of water. I nodded in thanks and shakily took off the lid. It seemed my body couldn't tell there wasn't a risk anymore.
"I know you have a voice, considering how loud you screamed, but do you have a name?" Phil asked.
"Dan," my voice came out in a whisper. As soon as I told him I heard the noise of a door slamming shut and a person shrieked. I jumped, confused before remembering we were in a haunted house.
"Quick," he shut off the torch and we were plunged back into darkness. He put his hand on my shoulder, came close to me whispered, and sent a shiver down my spine, "we have to scare them."
"Your eyes will adjust to the dark, then you just grab them on the leg or something," I resisted the urge to whisper back something about consent when his warm grip left my shoulder and I was left sat in the corner. He was right though, after a moment of focusing, my eyes started to adjust and I could see his shadow crouched next to the little gap I'd come through not that long ago. After a moment I heard the person giggle and their hand popped through the gap. At least my entrance would have been a whole lot more entertaining for Phil, could you imagine watching someone fall through backwards? Another hand, followed by a head that darted around the room trying to see in the dark, came through. They didn't look very far before Phil grabbed their arm and they let out a little scream again. Only a second later they laughed and Phil was laughing too. A pang of jealousy shot through me when I realised that that probably should have been my reaction instead of falling into a mini panic attack, even now after I'd had all of that time to calm down, my hands were still shaking. I looked back to the pair when Phil spoke, his voice much lower, trying to create a sense of spookiness.
"Through the next door to escape," he said and they giggled before they stood up and headed to the door. When they opened it, we were flooded with a faint green light, I looked past them and tried to see the next part of the maze. I didn’t get a good look before they walked through and Phil closed it behind them with a slam; they laughed again from beyond the door. Imagine laughing so much at a haunted house, it's meant to be scary! I jumped when I felt Phil sit down next to me. His calm hands found my panicked ones and held them tight for a long moment until I felt them calm. He lit up his phone screen between us so we could see.
"Sorry I scared you before, it's kind of my job,"
"I wasn't that scared,"
"Dan," Phil's tone was stern but warm, "you only just stopped shaking," I scoffed and went to rip my hands from his to cross them over my chest but he only held them tighter. I gave up fighting and resisted the urge to tell him it was only because his hand felt so warm in mine.
"It's cold?" I said but it cames out more as a question. I sighed, and gave into this stranger's way of getting me to open up, "I might be afraid of the dark,"
"I'm afraid of horses,"
"I'm afraid of trees,"
"I'm afraid of the ocean,"
"I'm afraid of -"
"It's not a contest," he said with a laugh, and I was taken aback by the sound as I didn’t think I'd ever loved a laugh after I’d only heard it once. In the way my eyes had adjusted, I could just see his tongue poke out between his teeth.
"So what brings you to the haunted house anyway?" After that, the conversation between us flowed so naturally, it wasn't like chatting with people at my old job where I felt like I was constantly overthinking conversation topics and asking questions about their favourite animal just to fill the silence. Sat there with Phil, we’d jumped from talking about his last trip to Australia to me ranting about my love for condiments for a whole minute. I didn't feel like I needed to try, it had never felt so natural. Even with Louise, she had almost forced our friendship together with constant pestering until I liked her, but there, right then with Phil, I told him things I wouldn't have dreamt of saying to anyone else. Granted, our flow of words were interrupted a few times by people who came through the maze. The conversation took a more serious route after I mentioned I didn't have any friends in high school and he agreed.
"Most people just thought I was weird, and kind of avoided me. Well, they still do," I looked at him strangely, and wondered who had put these thoughts into his head. Only I realised that I’d thought the same thing about myself quite often. I had never felt quite like I ‘fit in’ with others, and from what we’d talked about that night, I could tell Phil felt the same. The only difference between us and the others out there getting drunk, was that we didn't try to fit in. We made our own path in life and didn’t change to meet others expectations.
"I don't think you're weird, just different,"
"Different?" Phil’s face went all scrunched up, his voice came out in a defensive tone. I shook my head frantically.
"Good different!" I said. He was silent for a moment after that, "I'm quite strange myself," I added when I pondered over my earlier thoughts.
"Well normalness leads to sadness," he said and gave me one of his cheesy smiles again. He'd said little phrases like that throughout the night, and I was always fascinated by the way his brain worked. This one stuck with me the most when we picked up our conversation again, something about a ghost dog he had once met. All the people out at the party I met had wanted nothing to do with me once I acted like myself, and done something a little out of the ordinary. But with Phil, it was like we balanced each other out, he made me feel as though I was enough.
After I had mentioned that my celebrity crush was Evan Peters, his demeanour changed and he scooted a bit closer to me even with the limited seating space.
"You know, I don't know if I could pick just one celebrity. They're all so pretty," he said and placed his hand onto my knee. “I quite like Michael Cera,” I could only hope his thoughts followed mine and now I knew he liked boys too. His hand felt warm on my knee but the room felt colder, but the shiver sent down my spine was from anything but the temperature of the room.
"I've really enjoyed chatting with you tonight Dan," Phil said, as he looked into my eyes. I tried to form words together in my head, tried to say anything to stop fixating on how close together we were and how much I liked it.
"It gets hard to meet people who I feel I connect with, especially being an artist, I don't get outside much, you've really made tonight worth it." His hand gripped my knee a little tighter and sent me a clear message. The other hand reached up to my arm. For a second it felt like my heart had skipped a beat and my breath had caught in my throat. It was the first time since I was twelve that someone had so genuinely and openly liked me. Sat there chatting and laughing with Phil, I'd felt truly happy, as cheesy as that sounded. Not that happy everyone gets, laughing at silly videos online or baking cakes with your friends or listening to your favourite music, not that kind of fleeting happy. The true kind of happy I could feel within me that I hadn't felt in such a long time. It felt almost like a wave of emotion crashing over me. It took me awhile to react to Phil's advances and maybe Phil thought I didn’t feel the same, as he moved his hand off of my knee and turned his head away from mine. I quickly grabbed his hand before it slipped off, gripped it tight and pulled his attention towards me.
"This is one of the greatest nights I've had in a very long time," I cursed myself for sounding so gushy but he turned back to me, his face was suddenly very close to mine. It'd been an hour of back and forth of flirting between us. He must want to kiss me as much as I want to kiss him, right? My thought was answered when I felt his other hand come up to touch the side of my face, he held my cheek in his palm.
"Is this okay?" he whispered, his face moved closer to mine. I nodded quickly and waited for him to fill the gap between our faces. Just before our lips touched, a slam followed by a scream from the next room had my head bang into Phil's and not in the way I'd just been imagining. Phil chuckled in my ear, moved away from me and his hand slipped out of mine. I wanted to grab on and not let him go, until I remembered he had to do his job and some person entering this room was expecting to be jump-scared, not to see two emo nerds making out in the corner.
I watched him from the bench as I’d done every time someone came through that part of the maze. It amazed me how he could do the same thing to each person with the same enthusiasm and passion as the last without getting bored. It seemed he just wanted to give everyone the best Halloween experience he could. After he'd slammed the door behind the person leaving he turned back to me. His mouth opened as if he was about to say something. In my head, I imagined it was 'let's pick up from where we left off', but before he could say anything, the wall with the gap people had been coming through was torn down and light flooded the room. My eyes hurt after being sat in the darkness for such a long time, now assaulted by the light.
"Oh hey Phil! That was the last person, we're taking it down now, I did try and text you but-" his sentence came to an abrupt halt when he noticed me sat in the corner.
"This is Dan, he joined me scaring people, they loved it," Phil said casually, "Dan, this is PJ," PJ's smile broadened as he reached his hand out to me. I politely shook it and felt slightly exposed sat there in the corner, very out of place. They chatted for a moment while I awkwardly fiddled with my fingers. After a while, I felt Phil place his hand on my shoulder and I stood next to him. He opened the door we'd watched so many people walk out of before, and I followed him out.
"See you later Phil! Nice to meet you Dan!" PJ said as we left, Phil waved back to him. It was a shame I never got to see the rest of the haunted house, as by the time we walked out they were taking down the decorations from the walls and pulling apart the maze. I was astounded by the amount of effort that they’d put into this. We headed out into the main hall where it seemed like hundreds of people were on the dance floor, the lights flashing, music blasting, a room of drunken fun.
"Shall we get a drink?"
~
It'd been an hour since we had left that little room, but I still found little things I admired in Phil's face every time I looked at him now that I could see him properly. I didn't know what had come over me. It had to be the alcohol, but Phil seemed to have an effect on me where everything I thought about him sounded like something out of a chick flick. Phil giggled in my ear as he pulled on my arm and got me out of my chair from where we'd been sat. He claimed it was his favourite song to dance to and even though I normally avoided a crowded dance floor, I let myself be dragged right into the middle of it. I awkwardly swayed from side to side, bopped my head and watched as Phil unashamedly waved his arms around to the tune. I couldn't help but laugh at his moves. He wrapped his arm around me and I stepped closer. As if the DJ knew, the song switched to something a little slower. The singer was Ed Sheeresee or something along those lines but I couldn’t seem to think with Phil that close, his face next to mine, his arms around me. His lips looked very inviting and I tried to build up some courage to ask if I could kiss him.
"Hey Phil, sorry to interrupt, but you don't know where that Dan is, do you?” PJ appeared beside us, his eyes were frantically glancing around the room.
“He’s right here,” Phil said and I untangled myself from him to give PJ a better look. Phil only then wrapped his arm around my waist, he didn’t want to let go just yet.
“There’s a girl called Louise, she’s quite sick and she’s been asking for you,” my eyes widened, and I stood up straighter with more urgency in my stance.
“Where is she?” I said, the determination to help my friend outshined my drunkenness.
“This way,” he took a step away from us and I took a step to follow halted when I realised Phil’s arm was still firmly around my waist.
"I'll be right back!" I said and gently pried his fingers off me.
“Promise?” he said, quite needily but I knew I would’ve been the same. We were so close to kissing for the second time, only to be interrupted again, I wouldn’t want him to leave me. I nodded and he let go fully. I quickly followed after PJ, pushed through the crowd of people, and looked back unable to see Phil once I’d gotten to the outside of the dance floor. I saw PJ stood next to the girl’s bathroom, awkwardly hovering outside. A girl popped her head out when PJ knocked as I came up beside him.
“Dan?” she asked and I nodded. She opened the door wider and I walked in feeling incredibly out of place in the girl’s bathroom, but I ignored that feeling. I came around the corner and saw Louise knelt over the toilet with her makeup smudged down her face. She turned to look at me, her face lit up.
"Dan!" she exclaimed and awkwardly wrapped her arms around my legs in a weird hug, "I'm sorry I ran off, I couldn't find you again," she said, only her words came out just a little sloppy and I could smell the intense alcohol on her breath even from up here. The girl behind me tapped my shoulder and passed me a makeup wipe and a bottle of water. I nodded in thanks, taking the items and knelt down next to Louise.
"Daniel, I love you," she gushed, as I wiped the mascara off her cheeks.
“You’re gonna have to drink some water, can you do that for me?” I asked, my voice soft and she shook her head frantically.
“Louise, for fuck’s sake, drink some water,” I said, a lot harsher. I’d dealt with a drunk Louise enough times to know that if the soft calm approach doesn’t work the first time, then you have to force her. She took the bottle and sipped it slowly. I sat on the floor with her for what felt like an hour, but was probably only about twenty minutes.
“Are you feeling any better?” I asked, and she nodded, passing me back the empty bottle. I stood and helped to pull her shakily to her feet. I fixed the buttons on her top and brushed the hair out of her eyes to keep her from embarrassing herself in front of all the partygoers out there. I held her shoulders and led her out of the tiny bathroom, nodding a thanks to the girl who guarded the door for us. Once out of the door, I wrapped one arm around her waist and walked us quickly out the exit, practically dragged her behind me. Once outside I sat her down on the grass, I sat with her and picked at strands as she gushed to me about how much she loved me once again. When it seemed like she felt better I pulled out my phone and ordered us an Uber.
In the Uber I looked up through the sunroof to the stars and blocked out the noise of Louise chatting happily to the Uber driver. The stars are lucky to me because as cheesy as it sounds the best things seem to happen at night. At 9pm on a family holiday, I found a private little beach to myself where I could sit and think. At midnight, when I got my school results and finally passed high school despite all the shit I went through. A knock at the window from Louise at 2am when we were kids. And tonight when I met Phil, I thank my lucky stars. It’s only then when we're a good twenty minutes away from the party that I remembered that I left Phil at the party and didn't even get his number.