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It’s too fucking much. There is a threshold of the amount of shit Eggsy is willing to deal with in one day and this really crosses it.
He is tired and his shoulder hurts and all he wants is to go to bed. But he can’t, because Merlin is wearing sweatpants like it’s no big deal.
This entire day has been a mess even though it had started rather promising.
He and Harry had finished up their latest mission in Chechnya last night - in a rather spectacular fashion, one might add.
So they had allowed themselves to sleep in before they made their way to the small airfield just outside the town they had been staying in, where their plane had been awaiting them.
Roughly five and a half hours had been the estimated flight time but in the end, they landed two hours later than originally anticipated. How utterly lovely. I had hoped that would happen.
Eggsy had always thought that with Kingsman having their own jets and all, they wouldn’t have to deal with stuff like delays, but apparently bad weather fronts don’t care about his feelings.
And neither did the airfield manager who was less than impressed by Eggsy’s less than impressive grasp of the Russian language and remained stubborn about letting them leave.
Thoroughly unpleasant man, Eggsy didn’t put it past him that he would fine them for not wearing the regulation yellow reflective safety vest while crossing the apron.
He still suspects if they’d have been on the way to a mission and not back home, Merlin would have found some way to get them take off clearance but since their return didn’t seem to be a pressing issue he’d just told Harry and Eggsy to sit tight and wait.
By the time they had finally gotten back to England and into Kingsman HQ, Harry had offered to let him crash in his guestroom (not that Harry had used the word crash of course) and Eggsy had gratefully accepted.
If there was one thing he was unwilling to deal with today it was London’s traffic and Harry’s place was in short walking distance to the tailor shop.
He had been looking forward to getting out of his suit and into a bed to pass out for approximately a week but when they got inside, Eggsy was confronted with an entirely new issue because in the living room there was Merlin.
Merlin, barefoot, wearing sweatpants and a t shirt - which was unsettling enough on its own, Eggsy had never seen him in anything but his signature sweater and tie combo - sitting on Harry’s sofa with one of his many dogs curled into his side, his fingers gently combing through the dark brown fur.
He looked up when they entered, greeting them with a smile. Smiles on Merlin were rare but not entirely weird and seeing as he was currently cuddling a dog not as suspicious as him being in Harry’s house and oh yeah, also wearing fucking sweatpants.
Eggsy was about to raise the obvious question but found himself being interrupted.
“Hello, my sweetheart!” Harry’s voice had been an irritatingly high and sugary as he stepped into the room and walked over to where Merlin was sitting. Eggsy almost choked on his own breath as he stared in shock.
What the fuck? Did he miss something? No. No way he could have missed this kind of something – he had passed his tests with top marks in perception and thought himself to be not too bad at reading people.
There was no way he wouldn’t have noticed Harry and Merlin being, what, a couple?
Nuh uh. This was not fucking happening.
What was even worse and made Eggsy almost lose his mind was that Harry, bent over the back rest of the sofa, then said, “Daddy’s home again, did you miss me?”
The two point five seconds it took Eggsy to realise that Harry was talking to the dog in Merlin’s lap and not to Merlin himself were easily the most horrifying he had been through in a while.
He exhaled audibly and blamed his tired brain for interpreting the situation immensely wrong, there was nothing weird about this after all.
Merlin had probably stayed here to watch Harry’s dogs while he was out of the country – God knows they are both equally fond of large quantities of them.
That didn’t make the sight of casual Merlin less shocking, but it at least offered a logical explanation for his presence. Eggsy could deal with that.
While Harry was busy cooing at the dog and ruffling through its fur, Merlin turned to Eggsy and congratulated him on the successful mission.
They exchanged a few lines of Smalltalk, exhaustion putting a damper on his usual chattiness. Merlin seemed to understand and didn’t take offense in his short answers for which Eggsy was grateful.
As soon as civility allowed he excused himself to bed, hoping that some rest would stop his brain from being so fucking weird.
After Eggsy had disappeared up the stairs Merlin turned to Harry, who was still leaning over the back of the sofa, giving a belly rub to a very pleased cocker poodle.
“Why yes, Harry dear, I too missed you terribly.”, he said with a raised eyebrow but failing to keep the fondness out of his voice. Harry may have been the most ridiculous fool he has ever met but he was his ridiculous fool.
As soon as that thought manifested in his brain the cliché made him cringe. James had been right, they were disgustingly in love.
Oh well, there were worse things, he supposed.
James’ taste in pretty much anything except men for example.
Or that horrible atrocity of a suit Harry insisted on wearing sometimes.
Velvet and tartan, who the fuck thought that would be an acceptable combination?
Merlin was convinced if he were to think of the darn thing for too long he’d get a headache.
Harry looked up and at him with a happy smile.
He leaned over to place a kiss on Merlin’s temple.
“Hello Darling, it’s lovely to be back home. And please know that I wouldn’t have hesitated to proclaim my undying love for you the second I entered the house if I wasn’t convinced that we should probably tell Eggsy first before exposing him to the PDA”
Before Merlin could reply anything to that their canine companion made her cravings for more attention known by nudging her head under Harry’s arm and making a sound that reminded Merlin of blocked drain but was apparently highly endearing to Harry, seeing as he turned his full attention back to their ridiculous pet.
Merlin sighed.
They had either adopted the weirdest dogs on the planet or Harry’s choices for their names had made them suffer irreversible brain damage.
“I’m heading to bed.” Merlin gently moved the attention-hogging dog off his lap and got up. He collected his glasses which he had placed on the side table – he hated having to look for them in the morning, so he made sure he always put them next to their bed before going to sleep – and headed for the door.
“Should you feel inclined to leave your mistress here behind and say hello properly I probably won’t kick you out.”
He didn’t have to look to know that Harry was coming after him, there was no way in hell or heaven that he wouldn’t rise to the bait.
That was the reason Merlin had said it after all and if there was one thing he was good at then it was predicting the moves of the unpredictable Harry Hart.
Thirty years of knowing someone does that to you.
That’s why he wasn’t surprised Arms came around Merlin’s waist from behind and pulled him into a tight hug.
Harry pressed a quick kiss to the side of his neck before resting his chin on Merlin’s shoulder.
“Hello Darling” he said again, audibly smiling.
God, he had missed this man.
Merlin leant back into the embrace and placed his hands on Harry’s forearms to keep him from getting the really stupid idea to let go of him again. Ever again
They had been together for more than half their lives but even though – or maybe because of it – waking up without Harry next to him, going about his day without seeing him felt wrong and Merlin dreaded every time Harry had to leave the country for more than a couple of days.
“Come on, let’s get into bed”, Harry said quietly and began to awkwardly walk them out of the room, his feet nudging Merlin’s with every step.
It was admittedly a dumb way to achieve their goal of reaching their bedroom in the foreseeable future, but as long as he didn’t have to let go of Harry just yet, Merlin was quite alright with that.
“You know this might be counterproductive to your plan to not let Eggsy find out about us this way”, Merlin said as he felt a hand slip under his shirt and over his abs.
Harry just gave a hum in response, way busier with manoeuvring them up the stairs without one of them breaking a bone – being plastered to Merlin’s back like an octopus made that task slightly more challenging than normally and apparently required his full attention.
When they reached the top of the stairs Harry finally did have to let go of him in favour of opening their bedroom door and pulling Merlin inside.
He hit the two light switches to turn on the lamp in the bedroom and to turn off the one down in the hallway.
With a thud he closed the door and began unbuttoning his dress shirt. Merlin was way ahead of him but to be fair, he was at an advantage, only having to take off his t-shirt before getting into bed.
He used the forty-two seconds it took Harry to strip down to his pants to activate their alarm system and remote lock the front door with his tablet.
“I’m still surprised he didn’t catch on yet. I mean, he is supposed to be a spy.”, Merlin said, continuing their talk from earlier as he watched Harry saunter (bloody peacock) over to their bed and crawl in beside him.
“Don’t blame him, we’re just so damn subtle, the boy doesn’t stand a chance.”
Merlin snorted out a laugh. Yeah right, Harry Hart and subtlety went together about as well as Chester King and Rupaul’s Drag Race.
That thought conjured up images so disturbing that Merlin was immensely grateful to be pulled into a kiss in that moment.
Harry’s lips were warm and familiar and not for the first time Merlin thought if he would ever succeed in building a time machine (not that he was trying), he’d probably use it to put himself into a moment like this:
Lying warm and happy in his bed, lazily making out with the love of his life. There were not many scenarios that could top this one, he mused.
He dropped his head back into the pillow as Harry let his hands roam over Merlin’s bare chest while he was kissing his way over his jaw to his throat.
“Really fucking subtle.”, Harry murmured as he busied himself with placing a hickey on Merlin’s neck that could theoretically be a tad hard to hide under his shirt collar tomorrow.
Merlin couldn’t find it in himself to stop Harry. It was high time Eggsy caught on anyway.