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Phil's first thought when he wakes up next to Dan is always about how lucky he is. The younger boy isn't always easy, but he's worth it in Phil's slightly biased opinion.
Brown curls lie over a pale face. Long limbs tangle with Phil's under twisted sheets. Bruised lips are slightly parted as he sleeps. His pale neck is littered with dark hickeys.
He's beautiful and perfect and all Phil's.
"Are you awake?" Phil mumbles sleepily, tracing slow patterns over the back of Dan's hand with his fingertips. Dan doesn't reply, but draws in a deep breath before snuggling closer to Phil, wrapping an arm around his waist. Phil smiles as he kisses Dan's forehead.
Phil lives for moments like these- moments where Dan is too out of it to be brash and cocky, moments where insecurities are non-existent for both of them, moments where Dan is sweet and loving in ways that are different from when he's fully conscious.
"I love you," Phil breathes. Dan hums in acknowledgement, but Phil knows he's not fully hearing and understanding what's being said. "I want you in my life forever, please." Phil draws in a deep breath, blinking back tears. "Don't leave me," he begs, kissing Dan again. "Don't leave me, Daniel," he repeats almost silently as Dan's eyes slowly flutter open.
"What's wrong?" Dan asks, reaching up and wiping Phil's tears away with his thumb. "What's going on?" Dan is fully awake and concerned now, and that tiny pocket of time where Phil can say any- and every- thing without hesitation or fear of judgement is shattered.
Phil suddenly feels incredibly inadequate.
"I love you," he says thickly.
"I love you too," Dan replies, pushing himself up onto his knees. Phil's eyes rake down his body quickly, as of trying to commit every little detail of Dan to memory.
Where his hair parts, how it lies over his forehead, the spacing of the ringlets. The small rosy patch of blush over his jaw, the freckles dotting his cheeks, the dips of his collarbones. The way his chest rises and falls with every breath, where his sides concave just a bit as he moves from chest to stomach to hips, the slight 'V' shape where he transitions from waist to-
"Phil, what's wrong?" Dan's voice gets Phil's attention, bringing him back to the present. Phil sits up, leaning against the headboard of his bed.
"Would- will you ever leave me?" Phil blurts. Dan frowns. "I don't have much to give you, Daniel, and if someone took you away from- I just can't lose you!"
"Phil, I'm not going anywhere," Dan answers. "You're stuck with me for life."
"It's selfish, I know, but I want you with me until the day I die," Phil whispers, letting Dan hug him tightly. "I love you too much to let you go."
"I'm here," Dan assures the older boy quietly. "You have me. It's not selfish- I want you with me always, too."
"Promise you're mine, Dan," Phil pleads, burying his face in the crook of Dan's neck and just breathing in the scent of him.
"I'm yours, Philip- now and then and forever and always," Dan vows, "and you are mine." Phil pulls back, wiping his eyes.
"I love you," he repeats. Dan smiles.
"I still love you too," he teases gently. Phil smiles back. "Feeling a bit better now?"
"I think so," Phil answers. "God, I'm sorry. I just- I was watching you sleep and I had this sudden fear that one day I won't be good enough for you and you'll find a different person you like more than me."
"I will never find a person I simultaneously love and despise as much as you, Phil," Dan replies, winking. Phil laughs as Dan crosses his arms in a mock-stern pose. "Also, don't watch people sleep, you creep."
"I like it when you sleep," Phil begins, "for you are so beautiful yet so unaware of it."
"Did you just quote The 1975 at me?" Dan groans. Phil grins. "You sap!"
"I didn't say anything that wasn't true," Phil tells him, leaning forward and kissing his lips gently. Dan kisses back, letting Phil push him onto his back and climb over the top of him. For a long moment, they just kiss, and finally Phil pulls back.
"I love you, Phil," Dan whispers, running his hand along the side of Phil's face and brushing his hair from his eyes. Phil steals another quick kiss.
"I know."