Work Text:
“No, Dad don’t leave! NO! I need you! Please! Please stay! You bastard, don’t leave me!”
“Like Mom did!” The words echoed unspoken in his mind. Leonard’s heart broke as he reversed out of the driveway. If he stopped to say something to Joanna, he would never be able to leave. Anyways, Jim would take care of his daughter while he was gone.
Leonard knew that needed to get help for his problem, and being around Jim would only make his road to recovery longer. If Leonard relapsed, the guilt he would feel for letting Jim down would only cause him to drink more. If Jim wasn’t around, he would only be letting himself down, and that he could deal with.
However, Leonard couldn’t think of where he could go. Most of his friends he had met through Jim, and Christine Chapel was away on her honeymoon.
Just as he was coming to terms with the idea of sleeping in his car, he remembered a colleague he had worked with on a couple cases when he was at the hospital, and he still kept in touch with her. Leonard pulled out his cell phone and searched for Carol Marcus’ address.
--
When Leonard finally found Carol’s house, he pulled into her driveway, shut off his car, and made his way up to the front door. He took a deep breath, and knocked. He didn’t know Carol very well, but the few times they had spoken over the years they had sort of clicked, and Leonard hoped she wouldn’t be overly upset at finding a drunken man on her doorstep.
He waited anxiously until the door opened, and he could see the surprise on the woman’s face.
"Doctor McCoy. What are you doing here? It's quite late-"
"I'm sorry Carol, but Jim...he's...I didn't know where else to go," Leonard choked out, before he broke down, all his guilt and sorrow and anger finally catching up to him.
"Oh, Leonard, what happened?" Carol reached out and touched his shoulder. "Come inside, I'll make you some tea."
Leonard sniffed, and nodded, not being able to form words at this point. He walked into the small townhouse and took a seat at the kitchen table.
He sat staring at the grain in the wood until Carol returned with a tray containing two mugs of tea, some milk, cream and sugar.
"Now, tell me what's happened, love," Carol asked softly, adding a splash of milk to her mug.
Leonard took a deep breath, calming himself before he told Carol his story.
"Jim, my…” Leonard trailed off as he considered this. “Partner, and I have been having....problems. I like to have a drink now and then, but ever since I lost my job a few years ago, the amount I’d drink has been on the rise. I'd forget little things, like picking up milk and coming home with a new bottle of bourbon instead. Jim would always shake his head, and even though he would never say anything, you could see the hurt in his eyes,” Leonard paused, staring into his tea as he fought to control his emotions.
“Leonard, you don’t have to continue-”
“No, it’s fine. Eventually, I started to stay away for the whole night, because I couldn’t face the disappointing looks he’d give me when he thought I wasn’t looking. I’d always catch the flash in his eyes briefly and that would usually cause me to drink more because of the guilty feeling. And then one night I forgot to pick Joanna, my daughter, up from her dance class,“ Leonard looked up to meet Carol’s eyes briefly, ashamed of what he was admitting. She had a look of concern on her face, but she quietly waited until Leonard continued.
“Jim was away at a seminar, and I just stopped at the bar for one drink while I waited for Joanna. I don't even know how long I was there, but the next thing I know the police are at the bar looking for me and I have 10 missed calls from Jim. Apparently when I didn't show up Joanna panicked and the dance instructor contacted the police. They thought I was missing," Leonard chuckled darkly, taking a quick sip from his mug.
“Jim told me he'd had enough of my drinking, and he said that if I did it again we were done. I don’t want to lose him, he is my better half. I managed to quit cold turkey for three months. Things were looking up; my daughter seemed to like being around me, Jim and I were getting along better than ever, and I even applied for jobs at a few smaller clinics out of the city,” Leonard looked up to meet Carol’s eyes briefly. She gave him a soft smile, and took a drink of her tea.
“But earlier, I was on my way to the pharmacy to pick up some insulin for my daughter, when one of the clinics I had applied to called my phone. They said they were impressed with my resume, but I wasn't quite what they were looking for. I knew they were talking about the lawsuit, and all those months of being sober flew out the window, I was just so...angry, I couldn't take it anymore. I went into the first bar I saw and drank. Of course, when I showed back up at home 4 hours late smelling of alcohol, Jim threw me out, and well...here I am. I hope you don't mind me showing up out of the blue but I had no where else to go."
"Oh Leonard it's fine! You can stay here as long as you want!" Carol stood, placing the empty cups back onto the tray and putting it in the sink. "Come, I'll show you the guest room."
Leonard got up, and followed Carol to a small bedroom in the back of the main floor that had a double bed, a chest of drawers and a desk in the corner.
"It's not much, but-"
"No, it's perfect. Thank you so much Carol, you don't know how grateful I am for this.”
"It's no trouble! Bathroom is across the hall, and my bedroom is just up the stairs to the left. Feel free to help yourself to food tomorrow, I have a bit of an early start in the morning.”
Leonard nodded, and shut the door behind Carol. He stripped down to his boxers, and crawled into the bed. He looked at the right side of the bed, the side Jim usually occupied in their home, and wondered if he missed Leonard as much as Leonard missed him. Alone in the unfamiliar bedroom, Leonard McCoy did something he hadn’t done for years; he cried himself to sleep.
---
When Leonard awoke the next morning, his eyes were sore, his mouth felt like it had been stuffed with cotton, and his head was pounding. It took him a moment before all the memories of the previous night came rushing back to him. He sat up slowly, and made his way into the bathroom across the hall.
He saw that Carol had left some clean towels on the countertop. After a quick shower, he found some Advil in the medicine cabinet, and made his way back into the kitchen, finding a note on the countertop, along with a key:
Leonard,
I will be at work until about 6:30, but I wanted to remind you that you are welcome to help yourself to anything you find. I will be going to the shop later today, so feel free to write a list and I can pick some things up for you. Here is the spare key to the house in case you want to go out.
I think you should call Jim and let him know where you are, and that you are okay. He's probably worried.
My work number is 364-6778 so feel free to call if you need anything.
Carol.
"If Jim was gonna be so worried about me, he shouldn't have kicked me out in the first place," Leonard muttered, and set himself about making some food.
After a small breakfast of eggs and some toast, Leonard checked the time. It was 11:30, and he knew that both Jim and Joanna would be gone from the house today since it was the middle of the week. He hadn’t been able to grab any of his things from the house before he left, but he had his key and figured if he was quick he could be in and out before anyone would return home.
Quickly getting his coat, he hurried out the door.
Since it was still before lunch, there was hardly any traffic. He made it across the city in record time, and soon found himself standing on the porch of the house.
Quietly opening the door, Leonard made his way inside, and froze.
Sitting at the island reading the paper was one James Tiberius Kirk.
They stared at each other in silence for a few minutes before either of them spoke.
“Leonard,” Jim started, something flashing in his eyes before an emotionless mask fell across his face. “What are you doing here? I told you-”
“I know what you told me. I thought no one would be home and I just wanted to grab some stuff, since I kind of had to leave in a hurry last night,” Leonard snapped, instantly regretting his tone of voice when Jim's face fell.
“Leonard,” Jim sighed, pinching the bridge of his nose. “I can’t deal with this right now, just...just get your stuff and leave.”
Confused by Jim’s emotionless voice, Leonard nodded, and moved into the master bedroom.
The bed was unmade, with the blankets nearly pushed off the bed. There was one of Leonard’s recently worn t-shirts being used as a pillowcase, and a wave of emotion rose up in him.
Fighting back the threatening tears, he turned to the closet and grabbed a duffel bag from the top shelf. He stuffed whatever clothes he could find into it and made sure to leave a couple of t-shirts in the hamper.
After grabbing a few things from the bathroom, he walked back out to the kitchen to find Jim leaning over the sink. Leonard cleared his throat, and watched Jim quickly wipe his eyes.
“I told you to get your things and go,’’’ Jim sniffed, but didn’t turn around.
“Sorry,” Leonard was unsure of what to do next. He wanted to wrap his arms around Jim, hold him close and tell him everything was gonna be okay. But Leonard knew that wouldn’t do anything to help their situation. So, he grabbed the pad of paper that was lying next to the phone and jotted down an address and phone number. “Look, Jim, I’m staying with an old colleague of mine, Carol Marcus. I’ve written the address and number here, and you know my cell. I guess I’ll see you around then.”
“See you,” Jim said, his back still to Leonard. Leonard frowned.
“Jim, I-”
“I said, you need to leave. I don’t want to see you here, or anywhere near me, again,” Jim’s voice was cold as he left the room without looking at Leonard.
Leonard stared in shock at the place Jim had stood moments before. He had rarely heard Jim use that tone of voice, and never had it been directed at him.
Leonard grabbed his bag and after a moment of hesitation, he took his house key off the ring and left it on the counter before heading out the door.
He barely made it to his car before he broke down. Leonard gripped the steering wheel as sobs shook his body. This is it, he thought to himself. You have lost the one good thing in your life, the one person who would ever truly love a damaged and broken man.
Leonard sniffed and wiped his face on the sleeve of his coat, and looked up in time to see the curtains of the master bedroom flutter closed.
Taking one last look at the house, Leonard backed out of the driveway, and drove off.