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The doorbell was supposed to ring at 6:30.
For sixty seconds, Tyler watched the hand move around the clock, thinking that it would never hit 12 again, that he was going to die; he might die; he might be dead.
The doorbell rang at 6:31.
Tyler scrambled up from the living room floor so fast that he almost lost his balance.
Be chill, he reminded himself, recovering quickly, sneaking a look at his reflection as he passed by the hall mirror. Chill. It’s just Josh.
There was no need to check his hair - not really. He’s spent the last couple hours in front of the full length mirror in his mom’s closet, fiddling with his outfit, wondering if his shirt hung too low over his hips, trying to make his hair do something - anything - other than what it did every single day. And like every single day, his attempts had been futile, and Tyler had been forced to remind himself that Josh already knew what he looked like - had seen his braces phase, his emo phase; there was nothing to hide behind.
Of course, he’d been around for Josh’s ugly years too, so Tyler supposed it was even. They were coming into their fifth year of friendship, and Tyler was rounding out the third year of his ridiculous, infantile, irrevocable, all-consuming crush. The past three years had built up enough pressure in Tyler’s bloodstream that when finally - finally - Josh had asked him out after graduation a week ago, Tyler had said yes without a single moment’s hesitation, his heart beating a mile a minute with the release of three years' emotional hypertension, or, as the kids call it, love.
Finally (finally, finally), Josh was in front of his door. Josh was blushing, Josh was smiling, and Josh was in front of his door in a baby-blue short-sleeved shirt, and Tyler couldn’t believe his luck.
“Hey,” Tyler said, grinning.
“Hey,” Josh replied, biting his lip, failing entirely to stop his grin from spreading and taking over his face. He seemed unsure of what to do, so without a second thought, Tyler stepped forward and pulled him into a tight hug, relishing the warmth of Josh’s awkward but familiar body. Josh was blushing slightly when he pulled away, but seemed to have relaxed a little.
“Um,” Josh said, gesturing to his car. “Shall we?”
On the outside, Tyler chuckled. On the inside, Tyler did backflips.
“Yeah, let’s go.”
They made their way to the car, and Josh seemed to fight a silent, internal battle about whether or not to open the passenger side door for him, chickening out at the last minute and heading for the driver’s side. Tyler didn’t mind.
“So where are we going?” he asked, as he buckled his seatbelt.
“I, um, I made reservations at this Thai place in Dublin,” Josh began, “but, uh… I don't really know if you like Thai food, so we could definitely go somewhere else if you wanted to.”
Tyler loved Thai food, but that was besides the point. He would have let Josh take him to Burger King. Tyler just wanted to spend time with him.
“That sounds perfect, Josh,” he said, hoping to quell some of the other boy’s nerves, and earning himself one of Josh’s huge, eye-crinkling grins.
Josh swiveled around in his seat to pull out of the driveway, placing his hand on the back of Tyler’s headrest for leverage as he craned to see behind the car. As he was turning back to face front, he managed to smack his hand against the side of Tyler’s head, making them both jump.
Josh looked horrified.
“Oh jeez, God, I’m so s-sorry!” he stuttered, but Tyler just chuckled through his nose, grinning wide.
“It’s fine Josh,” he reassured. “Didn’t even hurt.”
Josh sighed. “Well, this is off to a great start,” he mumbled, and though Tyler assumed he was trying to sound lighthearted, his embarrassment crept through his voice. Tyler reached out a hand to gently squeeze his knee, and he felt Josh tense up at the touch.
“Don’t worry about it,” he said quietly, hoping that Josh would listen.
-
The Thai restaurant turned out to be very fancy and romantic, and Tyler felt his heart rate start to increase with nervous excitement at the sight of all the two-person tables with candles in the middle. He was finally on a real date, with a real-live-honest-to-God boy, and it was with Josh Dun, who he’d been honest-to-God staring at for the last several honest-to-God years.
Tyler was suddenly overcome with a wave of giddy affection, and without really thinking, he reached out and took Josh’s hand, interlacing their fingers together as they waited for the hostess. Josh smiled shyly, and Tyler gave his hand a squeeze. He vaguely remembered hand squeezing as being a Thing that Couples Did - at least, he was pretty sure it was.
“Thank you for asking me out, Josh,” he said quietly.
“Y-you’re, welcome,” replied Josh, grinning sheepishly. “Um. Thanks for saying yes. I was r-really nervous.”
Tyler felt his heart flip over in his chest. He leaned in to whisper into Josh’s ear.
“You didn't need to be. I've wanted to go out with you for a really long time.” He felt Josh’s blush more than he saw it, and gave his hand one more squeeze before straightening up, just as the hostess returned to the front desk.
Josh told the woman his name and the number for the reservation, and they waited for a few minutes as she scanned her eyes down the list. She frowned, and looked back up at them.
“What did you say the last name was?” she asked.
“Uh,” said Josh. “Dun? It was under Josh Dun.”
She ran a finger up the list one more time, frowning again.
“Hm,” she murmured, lips pursed. “I’m not finding your party here. Why don’t you tell me your phone number so that I can double-check on the computer.”
Josh nervously repeated his number, and Tyler could feel him tense up through their joined hands as he stared desperately at the hostess, pleading with his eyes.
Tyler knew what she was going to say before she said it, and hoped that Josh wasn’t going to react too badly.
“Alright boys,” she finally said, “I'm sorry about this, but it looks like your reservation didn't go though. Could have been a glitch, or just someone being lazy. Let me just run and check with the manager.” And with that, she disappeared back across the restaurant and through the swinging doors to the kitchen.
Once again, Josh looked absolutely horrified.
“Tyler, I'm so sorry, this is all my fault,” he stammered, and Tyler moved his hand up to rest on Josh’s shoulder, looking him in the eye.
“Of course it’s not,” he assured him. “The restaurant screwed up, it's their fault! I'm sure they can find room for us, and if they can't, we’ll just go somewhere else. It's no big deal.”
Josh sighed in frustration. “But you said this place was perfect, and-”
“Josh,” Tyler cut him off. “Literally any place is perfect as long as it includes you, okay?” He knew how corny it sounded, but it was absolutely worth it for the way Josh bit his lip and smiled after he said it. On a whim, Tyler swooped down quickly and pecked Josh on the cheek, and both of their grins doubled.
After what felt like an eternity, the hostess reappeared to tell them that she could squeeze them in at the back. She led them to a candle-lit table near the doors to the kitchen, and yeah, it wasn't the ideal location, but it didn't matter at all to Tyler, because he was sitting across from Josh in a fancy restaurant and, possibly for the first time ever, he was allowed to simply stare.
“Hi,” Josh squeaked as soon as they had settled in, and Tyler grinned hugely.
“Hi,” he echoed. “So. Thai food, huh? That’s my favorite.”
“I know,” said Josh, and then immediately blushed. “I mean… well, I asked Michael what your favorite kind of food was. I hope that isn’t-”
“Not at all,” Tyler cut in, smiling outwardly, while feeling like his insides were dancing the tango. This boy.
“Anyway,” Josh went on, his voice gaining some confidence. “I’ve, uh… been here before, and I always order the duck curry…”
Tyler sat back, watching Josh launch into a long debriefing of the various pros and cons of almost every menu item, and barely listening to a word he was saying. He was already planning on just ordering whatever Josh did, so he chose instead to focus on the shape that the corners of his mouth made as he spoke.
“...and yeah, the… the orange chicken, if you don’t like spice,” Josh finished, and blushed immediately for no apparent reason.
“Spice is absolutely fine,” Tyler said, trying to sound reassuring, with a smile to match.
Josh grinned confidently, maybe for the first time all night.
“Cool, yeah,” he agreed. “Spice is good.”
As it turned out, Josh did order the duck curry, smiling and looking at his hands when Tyler confidently told the waitress that he’d be having the same.
Fortunately - now that the major snags were out of the way - Josh seemed to loosen up considerably, chatting animatedly with Tyler while they waited for their food. As promised, the duck curry was delicious, but Tyler took his time eating it, wishing that he could sit here forever, sandwiched in the dark corner by the kitchen and watching the way that the candlelight glinted in the metal of Josh’s nose ring.
I want to hold his hand, Tyler realized, the impulse flooding his consciousness fast enough to make his head swim. I wonder if he’d let me hold his hand over the table.
Casually, making sure there was no pause in his conversation, Tyler let his left hand rest on the table next to him - a little too close to Josh to be pure coincidence. He could tell right away that Josh was receiving him loud and clear, his cheeks turning slightly pink at the appearance of Tyler’s waiting, outstretched palm.
When the conversation came to a lull, it was clear that Josh was in silent crisis across the table. He was twisting both his hands together in his lap, flicking his eyes back and forth between Tyler’s hand and his plate, until finally - in one swift and sudden motion - Josh went for it…
...and missed, quite impressively.
Tyler registered the coldness seeping over his jeans before he even realized that Josh had knocked his water glass into his lap. He looked down to see a puddle of ice cubes between his thighs. Slowly and awkwardly, he spread his legs to let the ice fall through and clink against the floor, the sound awkwardly loud in the quiet corner of the restaurant.
“Oh my God,” he heard Josh yelp, and he looked up to see him staring at Tyler with wide eyes. “I just - I spilled the... and now -”
“Oh,” said Tyler, somewhat in shock from the feeling of ice cold water drenching his crotch.
Josh seemed speechless with horror, both hands in his hair. He looked as if he might be about to cry.
“It’s alright, really, it’s just water!” Tyler insisted hastily, smiling reassuringly and grabbing at a napkin to dab at his jeans. “It’s not like it’s, you know, maple syrup or anything! It’ll be dry in no time.”
“I’m so…” Josh whispered, voice hoarse, “sorry. I’m so clumsy, God, I -”
“Joshie,” Tyler said… and then, used the only tactic he could think of to make him feel better. “Baby boy.”
Josh immediately quieted, mouth opening and closing wordlessly, before he blushed even deeper than he had all night.
“It’s okay,” he whispered again, feeling his own heart start to race at his boldness. What was that?
“Okay,” Josh whispered in response.
“Okay,” Tyler replied under his breath, his burst of confidence dissipating into a blush to match Josh’s.
Although his pants were still quite damp by the end of their meal, Josh’s horrified expression had lessened considerably.
The waitress put the check down in the center of the table, but Josh snatched it away, despite Tyler’s protests, pulling his wallet from his back pocket.
Slowly, Tyler watched Josh’s go from nervous to almost nauseated as he fumbled inside the folds of his wallet, and Tyler thought he heard him muttering “oh God, oh God…”
“Josh,” he said, reaching out to lay a gentle hand on Josh’s arm, but only succeeding in making him jump and look up at Tyler with a white face and wide eyes. “What is it?” he pressed.
“It’s, uh, I think-” Josh broke off, his forehead crinkling in frustration. “I forgot my credit card at home. I took it out to order and now I don’t know what to do, and this isn’t supposed to be happening, everything is going horribly and I’m so sorry, Tyler, God, Jesus, FRICK!” And with that, he hid his face in his hands, sitting back and hunching his shoulders.
Tyler felt his heart slowly breaking at how upset Josh was. He wished that he could communicate how fine it was, that it didn’t matter to him at all, but Josh seemed dead-set on the idea that he had screwed everything up.
“It’s okay, Joshie, I promise,” Tyler reassured him in what he hoped was a calming voice. “I have my card, I can just pay, it’s no big deal.”
Josh snapped his head up, looking at him with wide eyes. “No, no, no, I can’t let you pay, Tyler, please,” he insisted frantically. “I’m the one who asked you out, I should pay…”
But Tyler was already pulling out his wallet and placing his card in the little plastic slot, just in time for the waitress to come and take it away, despite Josh’s protests.
“I’m sorry,” Josh breathed, looking down.
“Don’t worry about it,” Tyler pressed. “You can pay next time.”
That got Josh’s attention.
“Next time?” he said, with the tiniest bit of hope in his voice.
“Yes,” Tyler said firmly, smiling slightly. “Next time.”
-
To Tyler’s immense relief, the drive back to his house went off without a single snag. He figured that statistically, they must have run their bad luck out by now. Nevertheless, Josh remained quiet almost the whole time, and Tyler could tell that he was still beating himself up for all the little things that had gone wrong.
When they finally arrived, Josh insisted upon walking him up to the door. Tyler found himself hoping beyond hope that Josh wasn’t going to be too flustered to try and kiss him, because truth be told, he’d been thinking about this moment ever since Josh had asked him out. It was going to take more than a few awkward mistakes and unplanned slip-ups to ruin it for him.
Unfortunately, as they reached the front stoop, Josh seemed more frustrated at himself than ever. He was biting his lip and barely breathing, and Tyler suddenly realized with alarm that he was holding back tears.
“Josh,” he whispered in alarm, reaching out to where Josh’s hands were fiddling with his jacket, and taking one of them in his own, interlacing their fingers. “I had a really nice time.”
Tyler heard him sniff. “You don’t mean that,” he said quietly.
“I do,” Tyler countered immediately. “I mean it, Josh.”
Josh finally looked up at him through watery eyes. “But this…” he huffed out a breath. “This was supposed to be perfect, I had it all planned out, and then I forgot - and you had to - and now I’m… oh God, I’m crying, and you probably -”
“It doesn’t matter, Josh,” he interrupted. “I got to spend the night with you, and I loved every minute of it. The only thing I don’t love is that you’re upset.” He reached up to cup Josh’s cheek in his hand. “Please don’t be upset,” he added in a hushed tone.
Josh nodded gently, biting his lip again. Summoning every ounce of boldness he had, Tyler leaned over to whisper in his ear.
“Can I please kiss you?” he breathed, and he felt Josh shudder slightly against him, and then nod.
Tyler pulled back a few inches, just enough to look briefly into Josh’s deep brown eyes before softly pressing their lips together.
It was so much better than anything he had imagined. Josh’s mouth was impossibly soft against his, and his cheek was impossibly warm in his hand, and Tyler never wanted to stop bringing their mouths together, again, and again, and again. He felt Josh arms wrapping timidly around his waist, and a shiver went down his spine at the contact.
Tyler waited for something to go wrong - waited for a bird to come along and shit on one of their heads, or for some neighbors to yell at them, or for the porch to spontaneously catch on fire - but nothing happened. Nothing went wrong. The universe granted them this.
When they broke apart, Josh was breathing heavily and looking completely blissed out, and Tyler wondered briefly if he had just been his best friend’s first kiss. But he didn’t have any time to think about it any longer, because before he could breathe, Josh was leaning in and reconnecting their lips, and everything other than the feeling of their mouths moving against each other fell away into the dim evening.
They might have stayed there all night, might have forgotten where or when or who they were, had the porch light not suddenly flicked on, startling them both away from each other just in time for Tyler’s mother to open the door.
“Oh, there you are!” she greeted cheerfully. “It’s nice to see you Josh. How was the date?”
Josh opened his mouth to say something, but Tyler beat him to it, without hesitation.
He looked straight at Josh as he spoke.
“It was perfect.”