Chapter Text
The door slamming had started up again.
Evan Rosier had been minding his own business and watching a CrashCourse video in preparation for the phys lab he was meant to teach in half an hour. He was hungover and cranky because Marlene dragged him, Lily, Mary, and Fabian out to Beech Street the night before to hit every single bar before 3 am met them puking in the backseat of an Uber on their way to Lily’s place.
Of course he’d left his headphones at home and Lily’s weren’t sitting at her desk like they usually were and the bio grad office was empty so he didn’t think anyone else would mind. He’d forgotten about the math grad office across the hall full of uppity assholes.
The scarred up one that Marlene had nicknamed Werewolf had stood up surreptitiously, glared into their office, and then slammed the math door so hard that the office hours sign hung crooked.
Evan huffed in annoyance.
“Damn, it’s not even 10 a.m. and they’re already slamming the door?” Marlene snorted as she entered the office carrying two cups of coffee and a pastry.
“It’s hot,” she said as she plopped one cup on his desk and settled into Lily’s chair next to his.
“It was Werewolf this time. He’s got a thing about Youtube, ” he grumbled, hissing when he took a sip of the hot black coffee. “Fuck, this is hot.”
“If only someone had forewarned you,” Marlene said mildly as she rolled her eyes.
“Is Lily in yet?” Evan asked, glazing right over Marlene’s sarcasm.
“She’s upstairs dealing with the chemistry department. The lab is missing the good pH meter and so she’s after the usual suspects,” she said and gave him a knowing look.
“That greasy bastard still thinks he can do whatever he wants. She’s going to be in a foul mood today.”
He nearly groaned at the idea. Lily was a hardass when she wasn’t hungover and arguing with Snape. She was going to be a nightmare.
“Hence the pastry that I’ll be leaving on her desk.” Marlene waved it in the air.
“So, was I completely obliterated last night or did it look like Fabian and Mary were hooking up at that last bar on Beech last night?” Evan squinted at Marlene.
“Oh no, they totally were. Lily said Fabian and Mary were still snuggled up together on her couch when she left this morning.”
“They’re either going to be dating and insufferable or they’re going to be ignoring each other and insufferable.”
“You forgot option number three. They could secretly hook up and fight like usual and still be insufferable.”
“Quit, I’m still queasy from last night. If I puke it’s going to be in your trashcan,” he threatened with fake gagging noises that caused real bile to slither up his esophagus.
A rasp on the door caused both of them to glance up and stare in surprise. Doe Eyes, as Marlene had named one of the other math grads, was standing in the doorway. He frowned when he looked at Marlene in Lily’s chair before glancing down at a book he was holding.
“Uh,” he mumbled intelligently. Marlene and Evan shared a look.
“I, well, this is Lily’s desk, right?” He asked as he stepped in, gesturing to where Marlene was sitting.
“Lily?” Evan asked, surprised that he was on a first name basis with Lily when none of them knew any of the math grads except Dorcas Meadowes. They only knew of her because Marlene was insistent that she was Aphrodite incarnate and they were all supposed to spy on her to see if she dropped any clues that she was into the fairer sex.
“Evans?” he added unsure.
“Yeah, this is her desk,” Marlene confirmed with suspicion evident all over her face.
“I saw this book the other day and I thought she might be interested in it. She’s studying stress and reproduction in zebrafish, right?” he asked as he smoothed his unruly hair down with his free hand.
“Yeah, she is,” Marlene agreed, sharing a sideways glance with Evan.
“Cool. I’ll just, well, I’ll just leave it here for her then.” He sat the book down gingerly in front of Marlene, gave it a pat, and then swept across the hall in a hurry.
“That was weird, right?” Evan gauged Marlene.
“Super.”
“Cool.”
Evan’s watch buzzed in alarm and he glanced down.
“Shit, I’ve got class in a few minutes.”
“Same,” Marlene glowered at the clock on the wall above the shared bookcase.
“I never finished my CrashCourse,” Evan groaned.
“Just do one of the Kahoots and when they totally bomb it, tell them you want them to find the answers themselves and provide citations.” Marlene winked at him before snatching her keys off the desk.
“I love a good pre-programmed pop quiz first thing in the morning,” Evan said blandly.
During the Kahoot he quickly wikipedia’d the lesson of the day and it went fine. He forced the students to look up any answers he wasn’t quite sure of himself and everything went swimmingly. The students hated him, he hated them. Everything was at a perfect equilibrium.
“Kahoot?” Marlene asked once he was back in the office.
“Bombed it, made them do the work,” he confirmed with a swift nod of his head.
“Awesome.”
Lily hurried into the office just behind Evan looking rather frazzled. Her usually neat, straight hair was a tangle of waves pinned back from her face and her face was burning with livid rage. She looked positively wild which was reassuring to Evan. There was something soothing about watching Type A personalities be as human as the rest of the world.
“Everything okay, Lils?” Marlene asked with a crease of her forehead and downturned lips.
“Severus is being an absolute asshat, my students are literal garbage fires just waiting to happen, and Lockhart tried to hit on me in the lounge.” She huffed as she dropped into her chair.
Evan wanted to print out a meme that said “*existential crisis intensifies*” and paste it on her wall later today. He scribbled the idea into his planner.
“Ew.” Marlene added helpfully.
“Say the word and we’ll start Operation Fungus Among Us 2.0 in his sample fridge,” Evan suggested only half seriously which caused both Lily and Marlene to burst into a fit of giggles.
“Can you imagine?” Marlene snorted as she did, in fact, imagine.
“That would be brilliant,” Lily said.
“Uh, Lily, do you happen to know Doe Eyes? He left you something on your desk.” Marlene remembered the book suddenly. Lily bit her lip in puzzlement before noticing the book and grinning.
“James,” she said simply before stroking the cover of the book with her palm.
“James,” Marlene repeated shooting Evan a quirked eyebrow.
Lily suddenly flushed and pulled her hand back.
“Remember the asshole that spilled his coffee all over my shirt right before I had to teach last week?”
“How could we forget after the enthralling half hour tirade you subjected us to,” Evan said dryly.
“Well, that was James,” Lily said as if that explained everything. It most certainly did not.
“You didn’t mention that he was Doe Eyes of the math department,” Marlene accused.
Lily shrugged, but was saved by Fabian and Mary finally coming in the office for the day. If Lily looked frazzled they looked entirely unraveled.
“And what hour do you call this?” Marlene demanded in a motherly tone that made Evan cringe. He scribbled down a reminder to call his mom today in his planner.
“Shove off. We just have office hours today.” Mary blinked in annoyance.
“Can we dim the lights in here?” Fabian protested meekly, ignoring Marlene’s teasing.
“Yeah, maybe a little mood light?” Evan joked causing both Mary and Fabian to blush.
“Actually, let’s turn the volume down in here too.” Fabian groaned before collapsing into his chair and tucking his head into his arms.
Evan rolled his eyes, but caught a flushed Doe Eyes–James–walking out of the math grad office. It didn’t escape his notice that his eyes were set resolutely on the pretty redhead sitting beside him or that her own eyes were following after him.
“I think I’m going to go get some coffee,” Lily murmured suddenly, “Anyone want some?”
“Please and thank you,” Mary muttered next to Fabian who raised up two fingers in response.
“I’ll be right back,” Lily said as she hurried out of the office.
“We could be good friends and not be nosey,” Marlene addressed Evan after Lily slipped out.
“Or we could investigate.” Evan grinned devilishly.
“We could,” Marlene agreed. They both hopped out of their chairs and stalked out of the office toward the lounge.