Chapter Text
Neil Josten has only existed for several months, it wasn’t supposed to be a permanent name, this town was supposed to be a stop, a blip on his timeline. But he stayed, he stayed and looking up at the white and orange big top, Neil isn’t disappointed that he stayed he couldn’t be happier to see that what was once supposed to be his destiny and stayed a passion appear in front of him like a dream. The Foxhole Court had come to the sleepy little town that Neil had called home for the last year, it makes sense that the worst Show would be the one that comes to this town, but even if it is not the best it is still a way he could see what he has wanted for so long, even if only for a night. From his perch in a tree near the showgrounds Neil can see the performers practicing what they can without their gear set up, lions roam rubbing against the performers like large cats while a man chases them trying to get them to go back to practicing. Three men practice their acrobatics, while another man watches eating popcorn and ignoring the lioness sat at his side staring at him and his food. Some girls are talking, sat on some crates, one of them throwing knives at a plank set up against a tree, while the crew avoids them although it seems important stuff is in the crates they are on.
His view of the circus performers, and crew is interrupted when they are all drawn inside the tent and away from his sight. Perhaps he should invest in seeing the show if only to stop his obsession with seeing one and wanting to be in one. Though he knows that if he sees this show, if he sees others doing what he so dearly wants to do, he won't be able to stop himself thinking about it more than he does normally, even though his mother would roll in her grave if she knew he was even thinking such things as he is now. But he needs to do this, he needs to see these people doing things that he remembered seeing when he was young remembers doing once and having loved, before his mother ran with him and took him far away from the life his father wanted of him. Even worse, one of the only people who might know him has joined this terrible attempt at a circus, and if he recognizes him at all then it could be more than passion that Neil loses. But even with that risk, even with the full knowledge that he might lose everything, he needs to see the performance done by these people.
So he leaves the tree and the showground, returning to wear he lives to get money to buy the ticket he will need to get into the show. It’s going to be a long few hours to wait until the Show begins and he can finally put his need to see this to rest. Or at least see what he won’t ever have and should never want.
The sun is setting when the gates are thrown open and people rush into the grounds, lights twinkle above the crowd and Neil is marveling at how such a disaster of a Circus could afford to have these things, the booths that line the way to the entrance of the big top, the popcorn that is being passed around in colourful buckets, the lights and the sideshow attractions that draw the crowd while they wait. Balloons are given to children in bright orange and white, fairy floss and bags of sweets are sold to anyone willing to pay more than it is worth but are needed to make the experience complete. Neil breathes in the sweet scent of the circus, the sugar and the salt and musk, all of the perfumes and the wood of the booths, the faint scent of sweat that fills the air as the town’s populace tries to fit into the small space. It’s a heady scent but he loves it, he loves the surroundings that mix to make such a lovely smell. It’s the smells of this place that draws him further in, towards the tent that is off limits until the show starts, he wants to see them, but he doesn’t want to be there when it starts, when he can’t leave and will be stuck watching everything when he shouldn’t be watching at all because he will lose all his resolve to stop his wants.
The tent opens easily, no locks on a structure made of fabric so it was easy to sneak in and hide behind the stands to watch. There is a blond man tangled in hanging ribbons in a beautiful manner, a man identical to him is on the ground practicing with two other men, they must have been the ones he saw earlier tumbling around and lifting each other and leaping into formations that are held up by the darker skinned of the three. Two girls stand on the high wire facing each other, the starkness of their difference appearances making them stand out more, doing things that are dangerous but to be expected from these people who do reckless things just because they can, they jump and move around each other in a dance. Another girl with rainbow hair is throwing knives blindfolded at a target and hitting the centre each time, even when it’s moved further away. A tall man is getting the lions to jump through hoops and not pounce on the three man pyramid that is being made in the center ring. Neil marvels at them, at all these people his age who are doing such amazing things that he wants to so badly join.
A hand grips his shoulder and Neil turns to look at the giant of a man next to him, though he’s probably not that tall since Neil is rather short compared to normal heighted people. The smile on this new persons face is relaxed and calm, and he doesn’t seem angry to find Neil in the tent.
“The Show doesn’t start for another hour, man. Why not go enjoy the carnival outside? It’s more entertaining than watching us practice.” Neil startles when he notices the small blond behind the tall man.
“Or he could try what we do if he thinks he should be in the practice. How about it? Want a chance to do something you’ll never get the chance to do because you’re not one of us?” Such a blank expression on this tiny person’s face, and such a dull empty tone that it’s a shock when he grins widely and gestures to the ribbons that he’d been using. “Come on, you know that you want to.”
Neil starts to back away but he trips over a lion and lands on his back, looking up at one of the acrobats who smiles at him kindly. “You should, Drew won’t take no for an answer. And he can be very persuasive when he wants something.” After being helped up by the smiling man and left to the blond who is called ‘Drew’, Neil goes over to the silken ribbons and watches Drew climb them and do something complicated before falling in a dramatic and graceful fashion that has him twisting and twirling down to the ground. His hair shines gold in these lights as he falls, he’s gorgeous but Neil doesn’t swing and it’s against the rules anyway, so he snaps himself out of it and watches the small man land in front of him and motion to the ribbons, assuming Neil to be able to do what he just did.
It is much more difficult than it seemed, and when he’s at a good height he realises he doesn’t know how to do it without hurting himself, but he tries. As he tries to twist himself into the ribbon his leg gets caught and he starts to fall, but he catches himself on some sort of bar as he starts to fall which swings away from the ribbon and through the air, it takes all his composure not to let go as he flies. The air whips past him, too fast as he holds onto the bar in his grip tightly to avoid falling, and dying. His body knows what to do, even if his mind has yet to catch up, he did this once when he was younger, the day before his mother took him away but he had seen it for years before that, he knew how to do it but he’d only done it once himself, a few sort of attempts on the run that was more about survival than it was for his wanting to practice. He lets go at the height of his swing and reaches blindly for the new bar which was further than he thought and at the wrong angle, his heart misses a beat as his fingers brush it and he misses it with one hand. Twisting just enough to get his second hand to catch, and he’s flying again, moving through the air gracefully, the sounds of shock from below him not registering as he flips through the air to get the last bar before the platform that will lead him back down to the ground.
Once he is safe with his feet on solid ground again does he allow himself to think, to realise what he’s done and to look at the people who just witnessed what he did, what he shouldn’t be able to do as an untrained civilian. It is the oldest person in the tent, the Ringmaster, David Wymack, who breaks the silence that has fallen over his performers. And he manages to break it in a way that should have been left in peace because the way his performers respond is not at all positive.
“I want you to join my Court, we need another trapezist and aerial artist, we can’t have someone up there alone much longer, Andrew needs a partner, and you have talent, it’s not like you’re untrained, or at least without some sort of practice before. And you have no better option than this, you need our help, I can see it in your eyes you need this.”
The feeling of flying, of falling through the air but knowing that he will always be safe again, it’s probably safer than running, than trying to find new places to hide away from the watchful eyes of his father’s men and becoming a new person each time. This is his best option, but it’s dangerous to do this, it’s dangerous to be in the eyes of the public, even if it is only small amounts of people who see this Circus perform because they won’t ever live up to the standards of the Raven’s or the Trojan Circus. Later he’ll blame these words on the adrenaline, on the high he got off the flying.
“I’m Neil Josten, and you’re right, this is the best option.” That’s all he gets to say before the uproar starts from Andrew mostly, the others putting in their complaints of a new person, someone else they have to try and fit in when they’re still working on Kevin, when it’s such a mess already. Someone who isn’t trained yet and can’t possibly do this the way they need him to.
“I won’t work with him, he’s not trained. I might have a death wish, but I’m not going to let his inaptitude at what you want him to do be the reason I fall during a show. If he stays he needs to practice, a lot. I won’t perform with someone who isn’t prepared for any of this. Do you understand?” The question is directed to the Ringmaster, but it is said while looking straight a Neil with a disapproving stare.
“He is one of us now. He is a Fox.” Everyone nods, the girls smile at him, as do a few of the boys, but they all look scared. For him? Or because of him. Either way he’ll find out enough about them to be able to figure it out. But after tonight’s performance.
The feeling of falling doesn’t leave him at all that night.