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Kaneki never told Hide where he was going late at night.
The half-ghoul figures that it was best for Hide to not know (though, this logic has backfired completely on him - he really, really should've known better by now), not to let him worry and disturb their child.
Their child.
His Inner Alpha buzzed at the idea of his mate being pregnant with his kid, happy to carry on his genes, but at the same time....
Kaneki was both horrified and terrified.
He didn't want his child to grow up in a cold, ghoul-hating, war-inflicting, world as it is currently. What if his child grows up to be a ghoul? What if someone from Kaneki's past shows up and wants to take revenge on him by going after his family? They'll never have a normal childhood, as much as Kaneki would like for them to have. They'll always be constantly targeted, always hated for being what they are.
And, if not a ghoul, what about completely human? There were still some homophobic people out there. Even if his child wasn't eating human flesh, they were born completely by two males, regardless if one of them was an Omega. What if they grew up being hated for having two dads instead of a mother and a father?
So many things could go wrong, and on top of that, could Kaneki really handle being a father? At this stage of life? He only had his mother at one point, father nowhere to be seen. How on earth was he suppose to act like one with no examples?
"It'll be okay, Neki," Hide had said, laying on his side with his head in Kaneki's lap. "I have a feeling you'll be an excellent father. You're way too protective to let something happen to me, or our child. And then we have our friends at Anteiku, if, you know, ever decide to drop by for a visit."
Kaneki didn't want to go back to Anteiku - not yet. He was still so weak, and that's been proven from the events today when he and Ayato raided the CCG prison.
Things have been going so well too, right before Kaneki met up with their supposed target. Apparently, said target held a grudge (most likely because of Rize), and the next thing Kaneki knew, they were fighting. He had been strong enough to hold his ground, but that wasn't near enough to defeat him, and in the end, Kaneki was smacked into a wall like a bug - like a centipede.
That triggered something in Kaneki.
Stillsoweaknotenoughnevergoingtobeenoughweakstillweakwhywhywhydoesithurtstopitdon'ttouchthemdon'ttouchmeweakKanekikillthemkillkillkillKiLl and then Kaneki felt something growing inside him. It felt like his regular Kagune, but not quite since the appendages were thicker, longer, heavier, and stronger. There were only two, compared to his Kagune, and then he felt something covering half of his face - a single eye in the middle of the mask. At that point, Kaneki was trapped in his own mind.
ThEy'ReGonnaHURTtheMgonNaTaKEthemAwAYfRomMeKilltHemKanekiEaTTheIRfleshmaKEtheMPaYKillEaTFleSH
Nothing else mattered. Nothing else will matter, as he went about the ward, crawling and killing, searching, but not knowing what he's looking for. What he's fighting for.
dOn'TletTheMhuRTtheMKaneki....
Hurt who? A voice quietly wondered in the mist of chaos that was Kaneki's mind. He could still feel HER, her arms around his waist, and HIM constantly pulling, asking, begging Kaneki to let him have a taste, and suddenly, Kaneki was screaming.
"M-Mama...I-I'm sorry Mama....I-I'm so fucked up...." He hiccupped, completely unaware of what's going on until he saw him. Saw them through his one eye of his mask.
"You know, I use to fight crazy ghouls in my life, but you're one of the craziest ghouls yet." That man had said, and Kaneki felt his breathing stagger.
He'sGonnAKILLtHemKanekiifHeFiNdsoUtDon'tLEthimFinDout....
At the time, Kaneki had no idea what the voices - his own, though it sounded suspiciously like Rize's - were talking about until after the deed was done, until he and Ayato were safe, after being kidnapped by the Owl.
Hide.
He honestly forgot the CCG still didn't know where Hide is, and what he's done. They don't know that he's with Kaneki, and has his child. If they did, if they ever found out, there's no telling what they would do to him, or their child.
The thought made his fist clench.
This is why I wanted to stay away from Hide. Not just for his sake, but for my own. He looked out at the open streets of Tokyo, watching life busy by, likely trying to go home before they were caught up in some ghoul's territory.
When Kaneki thinks back to that event, to the raid, it only reaffirms what Kaneki always thought about himself.
He was dangerous. He was a monster that Yamori had made, building off on what Kanou had started. He's considered a high-ranking threat to the public by the CCG, his mind completely altered by the torture he's been put under, and he could barely control his new form he's gotten thanks to eating Yamori. These were all the reasons he needed to pull away from Hide as soon as possible - from everyone. Too late for that now, a baby's on the way. He could hear Ayato say clearly in his head, and truthfully, despite what he thought, Kaneki didn't want to truly leave Hide. He loved him too much, and now that he's pregnant, or soon to be, it's even harder to think about dumping Hide when he'll have to struggle feeding both himself and the baby.
Every time Kaneki thought about leaving Hide, distancing himself from him AGAIN, because he's so fucking scared of what he might do to him - to their child - he always reminds himself that if he were to go right now, he'll not only be hurting Hide, but also their child. He thought about how devastated Hide would be, waking up one day without Kaneki by his side, having to give birth to their child alone, and taking care of said child, alone. He thinks about it, and he could feel his Inner Alpha getting pissed at him, rightfully so. He thinks about this all the time now that Kaneki has Hide back in his life, pregnant with his child, while still having to deal with being a ghoul, and their problems, and realize he didn't, couldn't, wouldn't, give that up. Not for anything. He'll try his hardest to protect his family, or so help him, the entire world was going to burn from Kaneki's rage, sorrow, and hate.
He'll do anything to keep Hide and the others, but more importantly, Hide, safe.
And that's one of the reasons why Kaneki would never let him go.