Chapter Text
The morning after The Breakup, Betty didn’t know why she was at Pop’s, instead of with either of her two best friends, going through their own breakup in their own ways (Veronica had booked an all-inclusive spa day, Archie was playing twanging guitar in his freezing garage).
Or rather, she did know why, but she didn’t want to admit that she was looking for her ex-boyfriend, and to coolly and logically present him with a list of reasons why his reasons for breaking up with her were utter bullshit.
Or, at the very least, to see if FP was there, to make sure Jughead was okay.
Or, to give her enough coffee courage to go find Jughead herself.
Another cup should do it. Or maybe a milkshake. Or fries. She ignored the Alice-like voice in her head that started automatically counting calories and curled her fingers into her palms, hunting for the tender places in her palms where she had previously broken the skin.
“Yo, Serpent slut.” Betty looked up in surprise to see Toni Topaz swinging into the other side of the booth.
“Don’t call me that,” Betty scowled at the other girl.
“You do the Serpent dance, that’s what you get called. I’ve had people yelling that at me since I was thirteen.” Toni slouched down into the booth, somehow taking up the entire space.
Betty’s instinctive dislike of Toni warred with her surprise at what she’d said. “Thirteen? Really?”
“What, North Side princess has a problem with that?”
“No, it’s just...that’s really young, to be doing a dance like that.”
Toni gave her a look. “Like me at thirteen was younger than you are now. I saw your mama there last night. Did she know you were planning on dancing like that?”
“No, she had no idea,” Betty confirmed.
“You know she had to do the dance too, right? It’s been a female Serpent initiation rite since we were first allowed in.”
“No way,” Betty said. “She would never.” Automatically, a little voice in her head reminded her about the way her mother had strode into the bar, how she had hassled Betty about wearing something more Serpent-appropriate (her mother had offered her an outfit made of vintage black leather and fishnet, which probably had been Alice’s, and probably would have been more comfortable, honestly, than the black lace underwear set she’d hastily purchased at the mall, and warmer to boot). “I mean, maybe, but that was a long time ago.”
“Yeah, it was.” Toni drummed her fingers on the table. “I need your help, princess.”
Betty raised her eyebrows, wishing she had the gift Veronica had of raising just one at a time. “Really. My help?”
Betty expected more banter, but Toni instead met her eyes directly, for possibly the first time since they’d met. “Did you actually enjoy doing the Serpent dance last night?”
Betty closed her eyes, reliving it. It had been an almost out-of-body experience, not quite the same as when she and Veronica had trapped Chuck Clayton in the hot tub -- she still wasn’t clear on all of the details of that night -- but there had been similarities: the feeling of disappearing, of floating, of seeing eyes on her and both glorying and shuddering in the experience. The power of commanding attention. The look on her mother’s face. The look on Jughead’s face.
Her fingernails dug into her palms. The momentary flash of pain brought her back to the present, and Toni staring intently at her. “No.”
“It’s stupid. It’s sexist. It’s ridiculous. And I want to change it. And since you’re the latest Serpent recruit…” Toni drew in a breath and tried to smile. It came out as a grimace, but Betty could see the effort behind it. “Can you help me?”
Betty looked at the other girl and gave her a half-smile. One hand automatically reached to re-tighten her ponytail. “Sure, Toni.”
---
Betty was expecting Toni to have driven a motorcycle to Pop’s, and to have to ride behind her, and to reexperience all the flashbacks of riding behind Jughead that would come back. (Though to be honest, it hadn’t been very often -- twice, at most -- and her memories were far more scary than romantic, as Jughead wasn’t actually very good at handling a motorcycle.)
Instead, Toni walked Betty over to an immaculately-kept silver 2010 Volkswagen New Beetle and climbed in the driver’s seat. Betty’s eyes briefly bugged out, but she opened the passenger-side door.
“This is not the car I expected you to have,” she breathed as she sat down. The inside was slightly less nice -- the plastic vinyl was cracking a lot -- but it was clearly well-loved.
“It’s my baby,” Toni said. “Where to?”
“My house?” Betty suggested diffidently.
“No way,” Toni snorted. “I’m not going to a North Side house. I’ll choke to death on the air freshener.”
Betty rolled her eyes. “Okay, fine. The library?”
“The South Side library,” Toni insisted.
“It’s a worse -- okay, fine.” Betty crossed her arms. “Whatever.”
“Sorry, you’ll have to keep slumming it with me.“ Toni turned the key in the ignition. The Bug sputtered but refused to start. “Come on, baby…”
“You having car problems?” Betty asked, interested despite Toni’s attitude.
“It just does this sometimes. Surprise, surprise, we don’t all get brand-new sports cars on our sixteenth birthdays,” Toni sniped. She tried to start the car a second time, to no avail.
“Nobody got that on their sixteenth birthday on the North Side either," Betty corrected. "Except for maybe Reggie Mantle. But his parents own a luxury car dealership. Are you having issues with your spark plugs?”
"Naw, it just does this sometimes. I can get Fangs’ older brother to look at it.”
“You know a guy named Fangs?” Betty asked, wincing as the car continued to refuse to start.
“Your boyfriend is named Jughead. Don’t judge.” Betty bit her lip so hard she tasted blood. Toni continued to alternately cajole and threaten her car until it finally started.
“You know, if you’re having a problem with your spark plugs, I can fix that,” Betty offered.
“What do you know about cars, princess?” Toni asked dismissively.
A laugh bubbled out of Betty. She was half-surprised to realize she could still laugh, after all.
“My dad’s hobby is fixing up cars, and he has tons of spare parts in his garage. I’ve been helping him since I was a little kid. This would be child’s play.”
Toni gave her a calculating look. “Fangs’ brother will hook me up for free if I flash him some boobs.”
Betty’s eyes nearly popped out of her skull. “Well, I can also fix it for free, and I don’t want to see your boobs. Besides, if we go by my house, I can ‘hook you up’ with some gingersnap cookies, and we can start figuring out your plan there.”
“How did you know that I like gingersnap cookies?” Toni demanded.
“Please. Everyone likes gingersnap cookies. That’s basic.”
“Are you calling me basic?” Betty internally cringed at the other girl’s tone, until she looked caught a glimpse of her face in the rear view mirror -- Toni was actually smiling.
“If the shoe fits,” Betty sniffed in her best Veronica impression. “Or bra, as the case may be. Which again, I have no interest in seeing.”
“Whatever,” Toni scoffed, still smiling. “Which way to the castle, princess?”
---
“I don’t understand why you can’t fix my car right now,” Toni whined -- was that being too ungenerous? Not really, Betty decided -- as they entered the Cooper house. “The boys never wait for the engine to cool down before fixing it.”
“Maybe the boys don’t care about burning their fingers or stripping the aluminium wires, but I do,” Betty snapped back. “It’ll be about an hour until your engine is cold, and in the meantime, we can start planning.”
“Fine.”
Betty led Toni up the stairs from the garage into the kitchen, hoping to avoid her mother. No such luck: her mother was standing over the stove, making -- pancakes?
“That’s an unusual number of carbs for you before noon,” Betty said without thinking. Alice whirled around.
“Oh, it’s -- the best way to handle a morning after...after a night like last night.” Betty looked closely at her mother, noticing that her usually impeccable makeup was drawn with a lighter hand than usual, and her skirt and top were ever-so-slightly clashing. “Your dad is out for his weekly golf game, so you can help yourself to anything. I feel like breakfast in bed for myself.”
“Mom, are you hungover?” Betty asked curiously.
“Elizabeth! How dare you imply that about me?” her mother replied in her usual imperious tones.
“It wouldn't be unheard of after three shots of tequila,” Toni piped in.
Alice’s eyes narrowed. “Who is this?”
“Mom, this is -- “ Betty mentally deleted the words “my friend”, in part because she wasn’t sure if it was true, mostly because she was sure Toni would scoff, “-- Toni Topaz. Toni, this is my mom.”
“Honored to meet you, ma’am,” Toni said.
Alice barely looked in her direction. “Charmed. Elizabeth, if I could have a word…” Betty smothered a yelp as Alice’s perfectly manicured nails dug into her arm and dragged her into the living room.
“Why did you bring this sort of -- of riffraff into our home?” Alice hissed at Betty.
“Toni and I are working on a project together,” Betty said calmly.
“Honestly, it was bad enough when you were just bringing that Jug Head home, but more Serpents? Really? What do you think your father would say?”
A wave of bile rose in Betty’s stomach as her mother -- deliberately -- mispronounced Jughead’s name, turning into anger as she clenched her fists. “I don’t know, Mom, probably the same thing he’d say to you if he knew you were out last night getting wasted at a Serpent bar?”
Alice’s mouth dropped open, but only for a moment. “I don’t like your tone, Elizabeth.”
“And I don’t like yours,” Betty responded, jutting her chin out. “If we’re done here, can I go back to my guest? It’s rude to leave her all alone. Though if you want to stay around and talk for longer, I’m sure Toni remembers your drink preferences. She was the bartender, remember?”
Alice’s jaw worked for a moment, and then, without a word to Betty or her guest, she swept into the kitchen, grabbed the whole stack of pancakes, and brought it upstairs to her bedroom.
Betty took a deep breath, consciously relaxed her fists -- the fresh stinging in her palms was already fading -- and walked back into the kitchen.
“I’m sorry about my mom,” Betty apologized. “She can be, um, uptight?”
“No worries,” Toni said casually. “It’s a treat just to meet Alice Hovick in the flesh.”
Betty’s forehead wrinkled. “Hovick? My mom’s maiden name is Harth.”
“It wasn’t when she was a Serpent,” Toni shrugged. “Anyway, Alice Hovick is legendary. People still talk about the stuff she did. She was questioned by the police for hours after Riverdale High got torched in the riots, and never gave up anybody. And her Serpent dance was to Bob Seeger’s ‘Strut’ -- they don’t use that song for the dance anymore, because no one could ever live up to what she did.”
Betty took a moment to process that. “How did the dance even get started?”
“Tradition,” Toni spat balefully. “Back when the Serpents started, they wanted to show off their girlfriends, or something. And now it keeps going because there are never enough female Serpents to change it, because very few girls want to join with that as a requirement, but they keep it because the asshole men in the group get off watching girls writhe around, and there’s no way they’ll get rid of it without a good reason.” Toni bared her teeth in a not-quite smile. “I intend to give them one.
Betty couldn’t help herself. She blurted out, “Why did you ever do it, if you hate it so much?”
Toni gave her a dirty look. “Why did you do it, princess?”
“Because it was the only way -- “ to protect Jughead “ -- to be accepted as a Serpent.”
“Exactly.” After a moment, Toni added, “Mad World, really?”
“I didn’t pick that song, Veronica and Archie did!” Betty defended herself. “Besides, Donnie Darko is a great movie.”
“It’s from Donnie Darko? I only knew it from Billy…” Toni trailed off, but Betty’s head jerked up.
"Wait, you like So You Think You Can Dance?” Betty asked incredulously.
“What? No. Shut up!”
“Sure,” Betty said, unable to control the grin spreading across her face, “it’s just…”
“What, princess?” Toni snapped.
“Do you think Vanessa Hudgens will be a judge next season?” Betty asked sweetly.
“Oh God, I hope not,” Toni replied reflexively. Betty raised her eyebrows, and both girls burst into laughter. A warm feeling grew in Betty’s chest -- finally, friendship.
---
“So what’s the plan?” Betty asked once they were up in her room, along with a platter of gingersnaps. Toni sprawled on her bed, while she stood near the window.
Toni looked around, as if checking for spies, then lowered her voice. “I know FP hates the dance and wants to get rid of it, but he can’t afford to piss off Tall Boy and the others, who all wants to be in charge. But there is one person who FP can’t cross who isn’t an official leader, but she has all the power, so we have to get her on our side. And she’s tough as nails and likes, like, research and shit. Hence you.”
“Hence me,” Betty agreed. “She?”
“Her name’s Penny Peabody,” Toni said. “She’s a lawyer who works for us. She’s gotten most of the Serpents out of jail at one point or another, so everyone owes her.”
“Is she a Serpent, too?” Toni nodded. “And she’s super-old, like thirty or something, so she hates it when people imply she’s weak or had it easy or anything. So we can’t say that.”
Betty tipped her head to one side, thinking. “So female Serpent Initiates have to do the Serpent dance. What do male Serpents have to do?”
Toni gave her a questioning look. “Jughead didn’t tell you about it?”
Betty smiled tightly. “Jughead doesn’t really talk much about Serpent stuff to me.”
Toni’s gaze turned inscrutable. “Ooookay. So, the Serpent Initiation process is like...you have a bunch of tasks you have to pass. First, you have to take care of the gang’s dog -- it’s named Hot Dog.” Betty nodded, remembering the dog from her visits to the trailer. “Second, you have to memorize the Serpent rules -- this is actually the task that the most people wipe out on, which is good, because if you can’t memorize six rules, you are way too dumb to be in our gang. Third, you have to get a knife from the rattlesnake’s cage without freaking out -- the rattlesnake has been defanged, so it’s totally harmless if it bites you, but the bites still suck. Finally, you have to run the Gauntlet.”
“Is that an obstacle course or something?” Betty asked.
“No, princess,” Toni said with a wry smile. “It’s the most homoerotic part of the process. You stand in the middle of two lines of gang members, and you have to walk slowly and not defend yourself as each of them punches you as hard as they can.”
Betty gave an involuntary gasp. “That’s awful!”
“I mean, they seem to enjoy it. The hitting and all.” Toni shrugged. “Once you’ve gotten hit by all the boys, you get your tattoo and you’re in. And while I’m sure I hit as hard or harder as any of the guys, I do not want to make that mandatory for the girls, too.”
Betty barely heard her. “Toni,” she said, “that day that Juggie -- that Jughead told me he got injured while riding his motorcycle... had he just run the Gauntlet?”
Toni shook her head. “No, princess. He’d gotten beaten up by the Ghoulies. The day he ran the Gauntlet was the day you broke up with him.”
The world swum around Betty’s eyes, fracturing into tiny pieces. From a distance, she felt the breath leave her body, felt her body fall limp against the wall, sliding down to the floor.
This is all my fault. Everything was all her fault. Jughead being a Serpent, Jughead having driven her away, the chances of increasing civil war between the North and South Side, if only she had been able to handle the Black Hood better, if only she hadn’t given in, if only --
“No, it wasn’t your fault, princess,” Toni said gently. Betty hadn’t even been aware she’d spoken out loud. “Jughead joined the Serpents because it was safer for him if he did, and because he wanted to help the Serpents stay out of dealing drugs and other dangerous things.” She handed Betty a wadded-up napkin that seemed fairly clean: Betty shook her head and rummaged for her stash of tissues. “I pushed him, the other Serpents pushed him, but most of all, he pushed himself. He was already trying to join before the breakup. Don’t assume it’s all because of you.”
Betty managed a watery smile. “Thanks, Toni.”
“No sweat, princess. I need you to hang on with me a little longer." Toni waited until Betty had finished blotting her tears, and then went on. "So, I want to tell Penny that this Serpent dance is sexist and misogynistic, but then I kind of run out of ideas of what to say.”
Betty thought for a moment. “So basically, we need to devise some kind of alternative ritual, that proves that girls are just as tough as the guys, but isn’t performative.” She picked up her a notebook and opened it to a blank page. “So we can make a list, or maybe a Pinterest board…”
“What?”
“Just kidding.” Betty uncapped a pen. “So it really seems like both the Gauntlet and the dance are about expressing vulnerability, to the group as a whole.”
“Huh. Yeah. That, and sexual tension,” Toni agreed.
“So we need something that expresses women’s vulnerability, but in such a way that men aren’t going to be turned on by it. And not something too feminine, so that the men don’t think we’re wimping out.”
“Yeah. Tall order.”
“You know what always helps me think?” Betty said with a smile. Toni looked at her and shrugged. “Fixing cars. And cookies.”
“As you say, princess,” Toni grinned as she jammed a gingersnap into her mouth.
---
Fixing Toni’s car ended up being a lot easier than brainstorming ideas for what they can substitute in for the dance. It was a cool, crisp, early winter morning, the kind that was Betty’s favorite to be working on cars. As Betty suspected, the problem was the spark plugs: Betty asked Toni to help her by cranking the ignition as she checked the spark plug, and was satisfied as it flickered yellow instead of blue. She quickly went through her dad’s meticulously labelled garage and got a pair of brand new spark plugs to sub in, while Toni laboriously filled pages in her notebook.
As Betty worked, she saw Mr. Andrews walking down the street, holding the cane he’d been using (but hated to use). She waved him over.
“This is an awesome car, Betty,” he said once he’d walked up their driveway to the garage. (Betty had pulled out a chair for him, but he refused to sit down.) “Early Christmas present? How fast does it go?”
Toni looked up from the notebook. “It’s not hers, it’s mine,” she said shortly, and went back to writing.
“I’m just changing out the spark plugs for her,” Betty explained, smiling at Mr. Andrews and the dad-vibes that emanated from him.
“Oh hey, Val, it’s good to see you again. Didn’t recognize with the, uh, the different hair,” Mr. Andrews said.
Toni looked up again. “I’m not Val.”
An awkward tension filled the garage.
“This is Toni Topaz,” Betty said finally. “She’s my friend.”
Toni gave her an amused look. “Yeah, we’ve been braiding each other’s hair and talking about ponies all morning.”
“Sorry, I mixed you up with my son’s -- Archie’s, do you know him? -- his ex-girlfriend. She looks a lot like you, except her hair is uh, different.” Betty frowned: she didn’t think Val and Toni looked alike at all. “So do you guys go to school together?”
“No, I go to school with Jughead. On the South Side.”
“Oh.”
The silence returned to the garage. Betty bent her head over the car engine, looking for something to do to keep her from having to make more conversation.
“Yo, Cooper,” Toni said after a minute. “I think my period just started, and I don’t have any tampons. You got any?”
“Sure,” Betty chirped. “There’s a bunch in our upstairs bathroom, but if you want, you can just grab my purse and go to the guest bathroom downstairs -- it’s just off your right if you go in the house from the garage.”
“Do you have anything for like, a super-heavy flow? When it’s just gushing?”
“Yeah, I’ve got some pads in the inner pocket,” Betty grinned.
Toni picked up Betty’s purse and disappeared into the house. Betty smiled at Mr. Andrews, who had turned beet-red at the discussion. “Sorry about Toni. She can be a little bit blunt.”
Mr. Andrews looked at her seriously. “Is it okay just letting her go inside your house like that?”
Betty tilted her head in confusion. “To go to the bathroom? I think it’s fine.”
Mr. Andrews took a moment to stretch out the arm that had been holding the cane. “I mean, with your purse.”
“I don’t understand what you mean,” Betty said, fighting the urge to dig her nails into her palms.
“I’m just saying, you can’t be too careful,” he said, giving her a meaningful look, like the ones her parents often gave her.
In another world, if it wasn’t Mr. Andrews, if it wasn’t for the trauma of what had happened the last time she’d tried to fix Riverdale, if it wasn’t for the ten kinds of pain she was already in, if she hadn’t been alone and instead had Veronica or Toni with her, she would have gone on the offense, demanded Mr. Andrews speak out loud all the subtext and assumptions and metamessages in his pronouncements.
But instead, Betty smiled back, sweetly, but with her fists clenched tightly. “Agree to disagree.”
After a few more moments of uncomfortable silence, Mr. Andrews told her to give his best to her parents, and hobbled out down the driveway to finish his walk. Betty watched him walk away, lowered the hood, and then wiped down her hands to make sure no oil had gotten into the cuts.
Toni appeared at the doorway. “He’s gone?” she asked.
“Yeah. Sorry,” Betty said, knowing it wasn’t enough. “Did you find the tampons you needed?”
“Oh, my period doesn’t start for another week,” Toni replied blithely. “I just knew it would make that dude uncomfortable.”
An idea bubbled up in Betty’s mind, but she firmly repressed it. “The car’s done, if you want to check it out. How’s your list coming?” she asked instead.
“Badly,” Toni sighed. “But I think I can make a case." She tore a few pages out of Betty's notebook -- Betty winced --and jammed them into her pocket, slid into the driver’s seat, and started the engine, which immediately roared to life. “Nice job, princess.”
“No problem. Hey, do you want me to go with you to the meeting?” Betty suggested diffidently. “For moral support, or to have a punching bag around, whatever.”
Toni gave her a small smile. “I’d like that.”
---
Penny Peabody’s office was in the back of the grossest tattoo parlor that Betty had ever seen, not that she had much to compare it to. In the law office proper, a hard-looking woman in her early thirties with stringy blonde hair sat with her feet up on the desk.
“Penny,” Toni started, and cleared her throat. This was the first time Betty had ever seen Toni really uncomfortable.
“Toni Topaz,” Penny said with a -- Betty cursed herself for the cliche, but it was the only appropriate word -- serpent’s grin. “And if my eyes don’t deceive me, Alice Hovick’s daughter.”
“Alice Cooper,” Betty corrected, in a voice so small and meek even she could barely hear it.
“We’re here because -- “ Toni bit her lip, looked at Betty briefly, and then pulled out the crumpled papers from her pocket and began to read, shifting her weight back and forth as she spoke. “We want to formally protest the Serpent dance as an initiation rite, and replace it with something more appropriate. We think that the Serpent dance is sexist and misogynistic, and it’s hurting our ability to recruit new women into the Serpents. We suggest that it be replaced with something that is, that is, less performative and less reliant on the male gaze, such as public speaking, or car repair, or any of a number of activities that could demonstrate an initiate’s vulnerability as well as their commitment to the Serpents and showcasing their skills and talents that will help us all grow stronger and better, as in unity, there is strength.”
Penny looked amused. “Very interesting speech, Toni,” she said. “Utterly compelling. But I’m not the head of the Serpents, FP is. Why are you coming to me?”
Toni met Penny’s eyes. “Because you’ve got leverage over FP and all the senior Serpent guys. You could do it. They can’t.”
Penny gave a short bark of laughter. “True. They all do owe me favors. I could use that to get them to change the initiation rites. But if I call in favors from my friends for this -- well, that’s doing a favor for you. Is it okay if you owe me a favor or two, down the line? Between friends.”
Toni relaxed, but Betty’s insides curdled, remembering similar conversations with Cheryl Blossom and how they'd ended up. “No,” she said firmly, before Toni could speak.Toni jabbed her with an elbow, but it was too late. “This isn’t about favors between friends. This is changing gang law. This is a professional request to a lawyer and a leader.”
Penny raised her eyebrows. “Well, well. She speaks.” Penny swung her legs off the desk and planted her feet on the ground. “Now, listen to me, Betty Cooper. I saw you dancing last night, and you didn’t seem to mind then. We’re not changing our ways just because some North Side princess got her panties in a twist while pole dancing. And you don’t seem to have a problem bending and spreading for your little Serpent princeling, either. So I don’t understand what your objection is here.”
Just a few months before, a speech like that would have turned Betty into a pile of tears and goo on the carpet. But Betty Cooper had been through so much in the last few months, from confessing her feelings to Archie Andrews to uncovering Jason Blossom’s murderer to telling off the whole town at the Jubilee. She’d stood up to her mother and the Black Hood and to Cheryl Blossom, all of whom were equally terrifying. A South Side lawyer was nothing in comparison.
Betty calmly met Penny Peabody’s glare. “I chose to dance last night,” she said. “But I don’t like doing anything because a man tells me to do it. And I don’t think you like it either. If you get the Serpent initiation rite changed, you’ll be able to recruit a whole crop of female gang members from women who wouldn’t bother with the Serpents before. They’ll support you over FP and Tall Boy. You’ll be their queen.”
Penny held Betty’s gaze for a long moment. “That’s a lot of talk. If the initiation rites were changed, would you support me as leader of the Serpents over -- Jughead Jones?”
Betty jutted out her chin in an unconscious imitation of her mother. “Who?”
Penny gave a full-on belly laugh. “You’re a stone-cold bitch, aren’t you? But before we can change the initiation rite, we need something really good to replace it. What do you have?”
Toni opened her mouth to give their ideas, but Betty shook her head. “Honestly, I like the dancing. The dance is about power and vulnerability, but in its current form, it’s too exploitative. It doesn’t empower women, it excites men. What we need to do is modify the dance, so that men are disgusted and it can fully center women. So we need to incorporate something that will disgust the men -- keep the focus off of our bodies and onto the feminine principle inside of us.”
“And that is…?” Penny prompted. Betty took in a deep breath.
“Menstrual blood. We paint our faces with our own blood. The men will be disgusted.”
“So will the women,” Penny pointed out after a moment.
Betty smirked. “Not necessarily. All of the male Serpent rites are tricks. Hot Dog is adorable. The six laws they have to memorize aren’t even fifty words long. The rattlesnake isn’t poisonous. We’d control the blood application process. If initiates don’t want to, they don’t really have to paint their faces with menstrual blood -- but the men will believe it’s real, and be too disgusted to get off on the dancing. It crosses a taboo. It gives us back the power.”
“It’s true,” Toni breathed. “We don’t tell the initiates how easy any of the tasks are until afterwards. Some of the guys in the gang still don’t know the snake had its poison sacs removed.”
“Exactly. And if women do want to use their own blood...more power to them.”
“That is...not what I expected to hear from you, Betty Cooper,” Penny said finally. “You’ve given me a lot to think about.”
“Just a professional suggestion,” Betty reiterated. “From one Serpent to another.”
“Sure,” Penny smiled again, that snake-like grin. “I hope to see a lot more of you. With your clothes on.”
Betty’s eyes briefly bugged out, but she smiled and waved goodbye quickly.
---
Betty and Toni kept silent as they walked through the tattoo parlor, but once they were outside in the crisp air, Toni gave an excited “woop!” and gave Betty a hug.
“We did it, we did it -- you did it, really -- that went so much better than I ever expected it to!” Toni said sincerely. “Menstrual blood, what. I nearly fell over.”
“You gave me the idea,” Betty said sincerely, feeling a laugh bubbling up. “I wouldn’t have known getting rid of the dance could even happen, if not for you.”
“Serpent girl power, yeah?” Toni flashed a V-sign, which made Betty nearly double over in laughter.
As they walked towards Toni’s car, high on their win they ran into the person Betty had been hoping and dreading seeing all day. Jughead Jones, Serpent jacket on, was staring at her, his face frozen.
Betty stumbled, breaking her step as Toni waved blithely at Jughead. “Hey Jug! On your way to meet the Snake Charmer?” Toni called out.
Jughead ignored her and strode directly to Betty, grabbing her shoulders with a fierce grip that almost hurt. “Why are you here?” he hissed at Betty in a furious whisper. “With her?”
Last night and this morning, Betty had envisioned approximately three thousand different versions of how her first post-break-up moment with Jughead would go, and practiced over and over the way she would respond, the warmth she would project, the logical order of facts that would explain to him why he was wrong and why they had to stop pushing each other away. She would show him how sincere she was, and he would have to believe her. She’d imagined tears. She’d imagined -- hoped for -- soft words and embraces. She’d never imagined that she would be as angry as she was right now.
“You’re not the boss of me,” Betty replied, shaking off his hands, “and as you’re the one who dumped me, you have no reason to care about where I am or who I’m friends with.”
“Not Toni,” Jughead said exasperatedly, his first acknowledgement that Toni was even there. “Penny. The Snake Charmer. Why are you here?”
“None. Of. Your. Business,” Betty spat back.
Jughead ignored her. “Did she try to get you to -- I don’t know, what did she tell you about me?”
“That’s your problem, Jug,” Betty spat. “You’re always assuming it’s about you. Toni and I had Serpent business with Penny, and it doesn’t involve you.”
“Serpent business?” Jughead sounded shocked. “You’re not a Serpent, Betty.”
“Yes I am,” Betty said, just as Toni said, “yes, she is.”
Toni linked her arm through Betty’s. “She’s the kid of a Serpent and she did the dance. She’s in. I’ll be taking her shopping for leather jackets later.”
“Shut up, Toni. Betty, I’m trying to keep you safe and away from all of this.” His eyes were all-absorbing, like a gravity well. “Leave here. Leave me. It’s the only way to protect you.”
“If you haven’t noticed, Jughead Jones, I haven’t been protected from anything on the North Side, either,” Betty said in quiet, measured tones she only vaguely recognized as being like Veronica’s. “Not everything in my world is in reaction to you. So before the next time you see me on the South Side, get your head out of your ass, and your beanie too.” Without another word, she walked to Toni’s car, which Toni hastily unlocked, and got inside. Toni followed.
Through the rear view mirror, she saw Jughead gesture, start to walk to the car, and then hastily reverse himself and stride into tattoo parlor instead.
“Good last words,” Toni said. “Well, ‘and your beanie too’ isn’t the most threatening phrase ever, but it’s definitely going to give him something to chew on.”
In response, Betty cried until she was empty.
Toni sat besides her and patted her shoulder, offering another wadded, mostly-clean napkin. “It’s okay, princess. It’ll be alright.”
“He broke up with me last night,” Betty sobbed. “He thinks it’s protecting me to break up with me. How can he protect me when he’s the one hurting me?”
Toni gave her an awkward, one-armed hug. “Your prince will definitely come back, princess. I know he is like, totally, crazy in love with you. Even when we made out, he was still saying your name.”
“Thanks, Toni,” Betty said, returning the hug. Then her brain caught up to her ears. “Wait, what?”
tbc