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The choice wasn’t as simple as it seemed to be. And yet, at the same time, it was the easiest decision I had ever made.
I knew what I was going to do the moment he said the words that changed everything:
“Because I’m blind.”
In the back of my mind, somewhere deep down, I had known the whole time. It had been too obvious: the shades, not looking me in the eye, Nardole narrating for him. But I hadn’t wanted to think about what that would mean if he were still blind.
“I’m sorry, I’m blind.”
I’m sorry. He said it so quickly, so flippantly, like it meant nothing. He had lied to me for no good reason. He had lied to me, and now look where it had landed him.
While one half of my mind was already calculating, already working out the choice I had already made, the other half of me struggled to catch up. What he had said didn’t even compute. I stumbled over my words as I asked him, “What do you mean you’re blind, what are you talking about?”
“I lied.”
My grip on my phone tightened.
“I’ve been blind since Chasm Forge. I didn’t get my sight back, I’ve been lying to you.”
He had been trying to tell me all day. But why hadn’t he told me before? The stupid, stupid idiot…
“There’s a combination lock with numbers and…I can’t see them.”
How could he be so stupid? I strangled the phone like it was his neck.
“Oh, you’re an idiot. You are the stupidest idiot ever!”
As soon as the words left my mouth, I saw the choice that I had already made. Weeks ago, the Doctor had told me to make a choice of whether or not to free an innocent creature at the danger of it harming people. I had made a good choice.
This was a good choice.
“But I’m not gonna let you die.”
“No, you have to.”
I knew he would argue, so I started walking back towards where I had left the Monks.
“There’s no choice.”
You bet there’s a choice, I thought as I quickened my steps down the corridor.
“No one else can help me now.”
I can. I’m the only one who can.
“The Monks. The Monks can help you.”
“No. Bill. No, don’t do that!”
“I’m sorry.” I said it like he had; the words came out, but they didn’t mean anything. I was sorry, somewhere, but it was what had to be done. I didn’t have time for regrets.
“I made a mistake, I have to face that! But do not ask the Monks for help! Bill!”
I reached the room with the strange blue strings and paused right outside the door. “Doctor. This planet needs you.” I couldn’t help but wonder if this was what I had been meant to do all my life: save the Doctor. After all the times he had saved me, I owed him anyway. “So, I’m making an executive decision. I’m keeping you alive.”
“Bill. Listen to me, please. I don’t know what consenting allows them to do to you. You don’t know what you’re agreeing to!”
I didn’t even think about the danger as I rushed forward into the room full of Monks. “Can you give him his sight back?”
One of the Monks turned to face me. “His sight can be restored.”
That was all I needed to hear. “Then-then I’m asking you for help. I’m giving my consent.”
“Is your consent pure?”
I still didn’t know what that meant, and I didn’t care. Knowing time was precious, I faced the Monk and pleaded, “Just give him his sight back! You can have the world, just make him see again.” I paused, realising that I hadn’t consciously thought of the fact that I’d give up the world to save him. But he was more important than me, than the Earth, than anyone. Without him, everything was lost. “I consent.”
The Monk’s long, cold fingers rested on my collarbone. “You act out of love. Love is consent. We must be loved.”
I stretched away from the Monk’s icy touch as I felt the world begin to change.
The Doctor’s frantic voice still shouted, “Bill do not make this deal, I forbid it!” He paused. “Bill can you hear me? What’s happening? Bill? Bill?”
My head began to swim and my blood ran cold. I felt frozen, like I would never move again.
“Bill, what have you done?” The Doctor’s voice was filled with a dreadful awe.
I forced myself to look at the Monk. I didn’t know what was coming, but I did know that whatever it was, the Doctor could handle it. He had to. “Tell you what, old man. You better get my planet back.”