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Anakin shuddered and stamped the snow off his feet onto the mat, then nearly fell through the door. Only the weak made more than one trip carrying in their shopping bags, and he wasn’t weak. No. He was not weak and would not admit that he hadn’t worn a warm enough coat and was frozen solid. He also hadn’t fixed the jeep’s heater and refused to be seen in Ben’s station wagon, which may have also had something to do with it.
Shivering violently, he walked into the warm house, which smelled of the Christmas tree they had recently picked out and decorated. He hung up his coat, put away the things he’d bought, and then spied Ben on the couch in the living room, wrapped in a blanket and reading a book. Charlotte, their black kitty, was on his lap. He looked like the definition of cozy in Anakin’s favorite soft, grey sweater.
“Oh, hello love, come and be greeted,” Ben said, beaming at him and holding his arms open.
Anakin walked over to him and gently picked up ‘Lottie and put her on the floor. She skittered off in distain. Ben had recently become her favorite person, likely because he sat still for longer periods of time.
Sitting down beside Ben, he tried to soak in his warmth. Ben turned towards him and took his face in his hands.
“Darling, your cheeks are so pink…. You’re frozen!” He said with a little frown.
Ben wrapped the blanket around both of them and then put his arm around Anakin and pulled him closer. He rubbed Anakin’s cold hands between his own. Anakin leaned into him and sighed contentedly. This was bliss.
“Do you have to go to Chicago tomorrow?” He just wanted to cuddle here with Ben for about the next century, or at least until summer.
“Love, I have to promote this book, you know that. It’ll be a short trip and then I’ll be home just in time for Christmas,” Ben said, continuing to warm his hands.
“I just, well, never mind.”
“What is it Anakin? Tell me what you’re worried about,” Ben said, ruffling his hair.
“I don’t want a repeat of last year, that’s all.”
“Dear one, it’ll be fine. This year is not the same at all. We’re both at such different places then we were last year.”
“I know, but you don’t do well without supervision. You get stressed and out of your routine and quit eating and barely sleep. I’ve never met anyone with less instinct towards self-preservation.” There. He said it. He didn’t want to think about how he spent the last holiday season sitting in the ICU, watching the monitors and Ben’s still form for any changes, bad or good.
Ben gave him a look that managed to be both mildly affronted and fond. “No one would imagine that such a pretty boy who rides a bike would be such a mother hen.”
“Well, it’s true. And I worry about you.” He imagined poor Ben crammed into the packed plane with snotty, germy people, anxious and uncomfortable. Ben hated flying.
“It’ll only be a few days. I’m sure that I can’t do any irredeemable damage to my person in 3 days.”
“Mmmmph,” Anakin said as he lay his head down in Ben’s lap and snuggled against him. If anyone could do it, Ben definitely could.
“You better come back healthy or I’ll be mad… I have so much planned for us,” Anakin said, in his best stern voice.
Anakin had the Big Plan that he’d been working on for a while… They had to turn out right. They’d also planned out a Christmas eve party for their friends and family. He’d spent the last week decorating in an expresso fueled haze. This would all be perfect for those Big Plans he had. It had to be.
“Anakin, stop worrying. Anyway, maybe I’m worrying about you? You’ll be all alone here eating your sad chicken breasts and veggies all alone, no one to stop you from spending endless hours at the gym.”
“Gotta look good.” Anakin jumped a little as Ben ran inquisitive hands under his tee-shirt.
“For me? I’d love you anyway you want to be. Just be happy, dearest one.”
Anyway, Anakin had to look good for a certain event he hoped would happen… well if the Big Plan worked out. He rolled over onto his back and looked up at Ben’s affectionate face, his eyes a warm blue-grey in the soft light.
“You like having me on your arm like the trophy boyfriend I am,” Anakin said, grinning up at him.
“Oh. Well I here I thought I was the trophy,” Ben said, raising a brow and tickling his sides.
After a little while, Anakin sent Ben to bed, and he’d begrudgingly obeyed. Anakin could tell Ben was humoring him, but it made it him feel better if Ben at least got the pretense of rest. Anakin got on the computer and looked at the weather for the 9th time. There was a snow storm predicted, but it looked like it would hit after Ben left Chicago.
Anakin made Ben a care package to take with him with vitamin C packets, the kind of protein bars he’d actually eat, crackers with peanut butter, his special tea, dried fruit and clementines, and some of the cookies they’d made the other night and put it in his carryon. He’d also made sure that Ben had packed his warm wool socks and long underwear.
Somehow, a hat and gloves ended up in his carryon as well. He was constantly losing them everywhere he went. Anakin was glad that all Ben’s limbs were firmly attached to him, or he’d lose them somewhere.
Ben looked in the carryon in the morning and gave him a sheepish look, then ruffled his hair. “All right, mother, I’ll eat my snacks like a big boy. You could just get me those clips that hold one’s mittens to their coat.”
“Hmm, that’s not a bad idea.” Anakin had those when he was about six years old.
Ben swatted him in the shoulder and gave him a disapproving look.
“I told you I have plans for us. You can’t get sick. It’s got to be perfect.” Anakin said, standing firm.
Ben just shook his head and pulled Anakin into a hug, and he just relished his comforting, familiar scent, of expensive soap, the faint apple of his shampoo, and of the cedar packets he stored with his clothes. Anakin loved him so much he didn’t understand it sometimes. He just wanted Ben with him and comfortable and safe, forever. Just that. Part of him knew that he did have to let him go occasionally.
Anakin thought about that as he drove Ben to the airport, begrudgingly driving the station wagon because, well, he wouldn’t torture Ben with the arctic blast of the heatless jeep. Ben, who preferred to not talk much in the early morning, peered out the window till they arrived, clearly lost in his own thoughts. Anakin hoped they weren’t filled with worry about his book promotion. Anakin helped him out, kissing his cheek and running a hand through his soft, thick hair.
“Call me when you get there?”
Ben replied with a kiss to his forehead and a gentle, fond smile and walked inside.
Ben was only going to be gone a few days, and he’d traveled many times before. Why was this so hard? Anakin always had trouble understanding the depth of his emotion and was dismayed at the hot feeling growing behind his eyes. He waved Ben goodbye, then took a deep shuddering breath. He drove to the cell phone lot and sat there for a while, watching the planes take off, wondering which one was Ben’s.
Ben arrived without any problems and seemed to be doing well, though he was possibly the worst (well best, really) at hiding any sort of distress or weakness, deflecting everything with humor, flirting, and self-deprecation. He assured Anakin that everything was ok, that Siri would escort him around like a well-spoken toddler and keep him plied with tea and snacks. He did mention that it looked like snow.
Anakin continued to decorate the house, watch some old movies, maybe have a bit of a cry or two over his favorites, and then did some baking and food preparation. The house was the cleanest it had ever been, and that was a feat in and of itself. Ben tended to clean when he was anxious about something or to calm his mind if he was having writer’s block.
Anakin told himself not to check the weather for the 14th time, but he looked and his stomach sank. That snow storm that he’d been eyeing looked like it was heading into Chicago early. Fuck, he hoped it wouldn’t literally dump on his plans. He felt physically ill. He’d been saving and working hard for this. It had to be perfect.
Anakin worked the night shift and tried to do some semblance of sleep the following morning, frequently checking his phone. Sometime in the evening, he’d managed to doze on the couch for a short while when it rang. Of course, it was Ben.
Anakin could hear the background din of the airport, overhead announcements and bustling passengers. He could hear the angst in Ben’s voice, which had an edge to it.
“Anakin, there’s a blizzard coming... Well, it’s already started here. My flight is cancelled, they all are. The hotels are all full and there’s no rental cars. I bloody hate Chicago.”
“Just stay there. No driving. Please baby, not in this.” Ben hated driving on good days and hadn’t learned till he was in his twenties. He didn’t do well in snow.
“Can’t anyway. I’m just going to have to sit here at O’Hare with the throngs of other disgruntled people till I can get a flight out.”
Anakin had to go through with his Christmas Eve Plans no matter what. No weather or act of god(s) was going to stop him. If he couldn’t have his well-thought out plan A, he’d go for plan B. Better start thinking quick.
“Just stay there. I’m going to come get you.”
“Dear heart, is that safe?”
“I grew up here, remember? I can drive in snow. It’ll probably take about 8 hours. I’ll get to you way faster than you can get a plane out.” Fucking hell, he’d have to take Ben’s stupid wagon. It at least had four-wheel drive.
“If you think so, but I’m worried. Don’t leave until morning, please.”
“I’m fine to drive now.” Not really, he hadn’t slept for shit during the day.
“No, you’re not. And you’ll stop if the roads are too bad.” Ben made this a statement rather than a question.
“Fine. Of course.” Probably better not to fight it too much. He wasn’t leaving Ben stranded at an airport, but he also didn’t want Ben to worry himself sick.
“Try to take a nap and eat, please baby?” Anakin had to ask, he couldn’t help himself.
“Worry about yourself, love. I’ll be fine. Please take care.”
“I will. I’ll leave first thing in the morning.”
Anakin called his dad to cancel their Christmas Eve party, then scrambled to pack clothes for himself and Ben, pack the expensive Champagne and million tea light candles, and the other Very Important items he’d saved for. He checked a few websites and made a million phone calls and found a nice hotel they could stay at for Christmas Eve. Who knew Chicago had a Waldorf Astoria? Well, now he and his credit card knew. Oh well.
Though the roads were snow laden and slippery and visibility was terrible, he was able to make decent time. His dad had taught him that the key to driving on icy roads was ‘butt proprioception’. You feel the car slipping in your ass first and then pull out of the skid. It was true, and his ass was sore. Sitting for hours straight also did that.
It ended up taking nine hours, but he got there, sore butt and all, arriving at the airport in the late afternoon. He pulled up and picked up a disheveled, ever so slightly frantic Ben. He’d made his hair stand on end and his face had the pale, pinched look that Anakin didn’t like.
“Fuck, Anakin, I’ve been so worried… I’m so glad to see you, my perfect, dearest love” Ben said, leaning into him as they hugged. He stepped back and placed his bags in back of the car, then rubbed his thumb across Anakin’s cheek. “You can’t possibly drive for another nine hours.”
“God, no. I got us a hotel room. It won’t be the Christmas we’d planned, but it’ll be good. We’ll order a bunch of room service and drink champagne.”
“Thank you so much, love. That’ll be nice.” It took him a while to get that out, as if he was lost in thought for a minute. Ben did look a bit exhausted and glassy eyed as he looked out the window.
“I can tell you haven’t eaten all day. Don’t even try to lie.”
“Anakin… I’m fine. I’ll just be glad to leave this airport.” His stomach betrayed him by letting out a loud grumble.
“Here. Eat your biscuits.” Anakin had anticipated this and brought a packet of his favorites. Anakin hoped he’d perk up a bit. He had the Big Plans.
The room he’d somehow managed to get was amazing… He’d never stayed anywhere like it. There was a fireplace with a fire going and a spectacular bathroom. Anakin shepherded Ben inside and set their bags down. There was a massive bathtub, which would allow him a moment’s distraction. Anakin knew that he should be exhausted, but he’d drank liters of coffee on the way and was still buzzing. Plus, there were the Plans.
“All right. I’m going to shower quickly. You take a bath while I set up a few things, ok?” Anakin said, kissing Ben’s cheek. He’d brought some soft, comfortable clothes for him to wear and set them in the bathroom.
After his shower, he left Ben in blissed out heaven in giant bubble bath, even though he was massively tempted to join him. He set up the candles around the room and ordered a feast for their dinner. The fire was crackling. He sat on the couch and centered himself. What would Ben say?
Ben emerged from the bathroom wearing a fluffy robe and looking pink and damp and adorable. The food had just arrived; thank all that be that Ben took long baths. Anakin poured them both champagne. Maybe if he plied him with alcohol…
They enjoyed their random feast of lobster, and steak, and fries, and bruschetta, and some kind of deliciously iced spice cake while watching the snow fall outside. Anakin put the room service cart in the hall and poured more champagne, then sat back beside Ben on the couch in front of the merry fire.
“Are you trying to get me drunk? I’m pretty easy so you really don’t have to. Should know that by now.” Ben sighed and threw his arm around Anakin’s shoulders. “You did rescue me and procure this fine room and refreshments, so extra easy,” Ben said, leaning against him.
“No, just trying uh, help you relax.” Come on Anakin, try to be romantic.
“I’m plenty relaxed, but if its sex you want, I’ll be ready in about an hour. Too full for fucking at the moment.” Ben closed his eyes and settled like he was going to fall asleep.
“No! Wake up. No sleeping. We have to talk” Anakin shook him vigorously. He needed to get the romance started, and Ben was not cooperating at all.
“Mmm, ok, I’m awake. What is it? That sounds ominous.” Ben looked at him with wide, concerned eyes.
“No, not like that.” He pulled Ben towards him and pulled him into a kiss. “Like this.”
“That’s not talking.”
“No. Ok fine. Ben Kenobi, I love you and…” Oh God, what if he said no?
“Yes?” Ben tilted his head and pursed his lips in anticipation, clearly a bit lost.
“I, I want to spend the rest of my life with you. It’s the only thing in my life I’ve ever known for sure. I don’t know how to ask this so I’m just going to do it. Marry me. Be with me.” He opened his palm and held out the rings in his hand.
“Oh Anakin….” Ben’s eyes were so wide and bright.
“You can say no if you want but please say yes. I know you’ve done this before and it hurt you so bad but please try again. Please try with me. Please.” Anakin felt the tears coming to his eyes. He wiped his cheek and turned away to look out the window. He couldn’t bear Ben’s face right now.
Ben gently touched his cheek and turned Anakin’s face back towards him, cupping it in his hands. “Oh Anakin, you startled me is all. I wasn’t expecting this. Yes. A thousand times, yes.”
They kissed, and all was well. Though unconventional, it was the best Christmas ever.