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It was later that day when the Regalia parked before the hill that was leading up to the cliff of Cape Caem and its beacon. The sky was lighting up in vibrant colours, reflecting in the glistening mass of water that spread out at its feet.
Gladio jumped out of the car before it had even stopped. He claimed that he just couldn’t sit in that tight space for a second longer, as Ignis reprimanded him to keep his recklessness to a minimum. They couldn’t have His Highness’ sworn shield scuffed before even having made use of it. Iris giggled at their conversation as Prompto helped her get out of the car, while Noctis still pretended to be asleep.
“Oh, come on Noct, wake up! We’re here!” Prompto pinched Noctis’ cheek, only to have his hand slapped away in lazy annoyance by the Crown Prince. “Ouch! Cut it out man!” The blond rubbed his hand with a pout.
Gladio rolled his eyes and gently shoved his sister aside to get to the car.
“Hey, your Highness. Time to get your princely butt out of there. And I’m sure you don’t want me to help.”
No reaction.
How often had they already experienced situations like this? It should have felt normal by now, but after that long ride everyone’s nerves were a little on edge. Ignis heaved a sigh.
Gladio was just about to rip Noctis out of the leather seat when Ignis firmly called out to him.
“It is alright Gladio. I will take care of His Highness. May I ask you in return to already get our luggage to the shed?” The bulky man rolled his eyes theatrically and started picking up things from the trunk instead.
“Prompto, I was talking to both of you.”
The blond boy, who had started chatting with Iris jerked around his head and let out a sound in protest. Ignis gave him an irritated look. Why did he always have to remind people of what they should be doing and what not? Babbling something about Ignis being no fun, Prompto joined Gladio and both of them started walking up the hill, arms packed with bags and food supplies.
Ignis slid off his glasses and pinched the bridge of his nose. Just a few steps away Iris chuckled. “They’ve got it tough on you, huh Iggy?”
He let out another sigh before putting his glasses back on. “I think it is mainly due to the travel. They are not much different from usual, but the long driving hours didn’t leave my nerves spared either, I’m afraid.”
“Yeah. Gladdy can get really mopey. I’m really impressed how you always keep being so relaxed.”
“It takes some years of training but I daresay I got the hang of it.” Ignis gave her a smile. “Now then, I will take care of His Highness now. Would you please be so kind to show Gladio and Prompto around? And make sure they put away our luggage decently?”
“Sure! Leave it to me.” Iris waved at him as she chased after the other two, who already had walked up half way.
“Well…” Ignis stretched both of his leather gloved hands with a creak of the fabric and turned around. What he saw made him instantly wish for Prompto’s camera.
Noctis was sitting on his usual seat in the Regalia, the one behind the driver. If it was not him driving he was always sitting behind the driver and questioning this was of no use. His head had a slight tilt to the shoulder and his eyes were closed behind his fringe, chest slowly lifting under an even breath. The light of the setting sun painted him in hues of pinks and golds, making him look like a gracious and mystical statuette.
Noctis was the core of Ignis’ life and his life looked nothing less than beautiful in this moment. The way the sun reflected on his pale skin and in his pitch-black hair, making it sparkle in colours of the sweet berry wine they had served at the Prince’s coming of age festivities. The way the wind made it sway. The way his lips curved softly under his slender nose. The way he always managed to prop up his chin one hand while asleep.
Ignis had to remind himself to breathe.
“Highness?”
The chamberlain carefully approached the royal car in silence. He was trying to wake the Prince in a much more affective way than then the other two men had tried before. That much he wanted to offer him.
But Noctis didn’t move. Of course he wouldn’t.
Ignis smiled and huffed out another silent sigh before he bent over from the vacant seat.
“Noct?”
Noctis’ long lashed eyes fluttered open and revealed the most beautiful and deep blue eyes. Ignis felt as if he was being looked at by the night sky itself, gemmed with thousands of tiny golden stars.
“Are they… gone?”
The words came out lazily and in a husky voice. Ignis turned his head around quickly, only to confirm that their remaining companions were nowhere to be seen.
“I believe Iris is so kind to keep both Prompto and Gladio busy for a while”, he answered when he strode over to open the door of the Regalia for his prince. Just as the chamberlain was about to pull the handle Noctis let his own hand drop from under his chin and onto Ignis’ leathered knuckles. Ignis could feel the pale and slender fingers tighten their grip just the slightest bit and so he stopped in motion, looking at the man who was sitting right in front of him. Noctis had lowered his head and his night sky eyes were locked onto something invisible at the tip of his shoes.
Ignis pulled his brows together in a worried frown.
“Is… something the matter, Noct?”, he asked gingerly.
Ignis could make out that Noctis was biting his lip through the black strands of hair that were falling into his face. The grip on his leather gloves tightened.
A soft sigh escaped from Ignis’ lips. He stepped closer to the car and set his free hand on top of Noctis’. He had been like that as long as Ignis could remember. Never much of a talkative person. When they had been to the Moogle Carnival in Altissia at the age of eight and ten with the King and his Shield, Noctis would not say a word about what he had wanted to see or where he had wanted to go. But the little tugs on Ignis’ shirt, the soft pulls on his arm and the almost unnoticeable squeezes of those tiny hands had spoken to the bespectacled boy just as any other language would have. And they still used to.
“Noct”, he whispered and knelt down on the side of the car to be able to take better look at his face than only through his bangs.
“Look, I am aware that there is something troubling your mind and I assume that it has to do with our departure to Altissia being close? But I’m afraid you might have to tell me once in a while.”
Noctis turned away his face and Ignis could have sworn that it was not only the sunlight that had tinted his cheeks that moment. His hand was yet gripped tighter.
“Please?”
The black figure in front of him shivered just a bit but put him off as he wanted to offer him his jacket. The prince inhaled deeply and hesitated just a moment.
“Uhm. Can I… Would you mind if…”
Ignis tilted his head in worried anticipation.
“Yes?”
Noctis let out a frustrated sound.
“Specs, can you just… sit down here for a moment? With me?” He almost tripped over the words as he awkwardly gestured to the vacant leather seat next to him, his face still turned away from his most trusted adviser and friend.
Ignis inclined his head, not taking his eyes away from Noctis’ slumped figure in front of him.
“But of course.”
He gently squeezed the slender hand between his own before he rounded the Regalia again and sat down on the seat Gladio usually occupied. Their shoulders and knees barely touched but he could feel the familiar warmth of their bodies radiating against each other under the slowly cooling evening sky. Noctis’ eyes were still glued to his feet, his jaw clenched. Ignis wasn’t sure if he should speak up but after some silent moments had passed the prince still didn’t show any inclination to either speak or move. This was really unusual. It had to be something important then because they always talked about everything.
With a concerned look on his face Ignis reached out and softly placed his hand on Noctis’ shoulder. The younger man unexpectedly winced and yanked his head in his direction. Ignis carefully withdrew his hand again and shot him a sorrowful look. Two blue spheres wide with panic were directed at him.
“Noct, I ah…” He had to turn away his gaze to not lose his composure. He cleared his throat. “Apologies. I didn’t mean to intrude.”
Confused by the mismatch of what Noctis had asked of him before and how he had behaved just now Ignis felt like he might best take his leave. He didn’t want to make the prince uncomfortable by his presence or anything he did. This was not the point in this. Ignis wanted to make him feel at ease.
“I should be starting the preparations for dinner. Please make sure to join us whenever you’re ready, Your Highness.”
He was just turning his legs towards the backseat door, when Noctis abruptly grabbed his wrist.
“Ignis, don’t…!” His voice was urgent and Ignis could feel his hand was trembling. “Please Ignis, don’t leave me…”
The panic was all too visible on Noctis’ face and Ignis inhaled a sharp breath. It made him uneasy to see him like this.
“I was only about to take a look at our accommodations, Your Highness”, he assured with a soft voice as he turned himself towards the prince again.
“That’s not what I meant!” Noctis’ other hand grabbed the button border of Ignis’ shirt. “And cut out the formalities, dammit!” His black hair rustled in movement as he heavily shook his head and flung himself fully into the arms of his adviser, burying his face in his chest.
Ignis froze in place, startled by the sudden and unexpected movement towards him.
“Noct, I—“
“No Specs, don’t! Don’t say anything!” Noctis’ voice was nothing more than a muffled sob, the warmth of his breath against Ignis’ neck.
The chamberlain carefully lowered his arms and gently wrapped them around his Prince’s shoulders, pulling him closer in a gentle hug.
“Well… I suggest that you let it out then?” He let his hand softly move over his upper back in circular motion.
After a moment Noctis slid both of his arms behind Ignis’ back and clenched them around his waist, wriggling his face only deeper in his broad shoulder before he started to speak in a low and broken voice.
“I can’t do this. Specs I… I just can’t do this.” Noctis let out a strangled gasp.
“Ssh, it’s quite alright. I can imagine the whole situation to be very overwhelming.”
“No, Ignis no! Believe me, you have no idea. All this—this whole mess we’ve been going through? Being sent away from Insomnia only to have it completely wrecked the next day out of the blue? Only to get to know that this was a lost game all along, that my… That my father knew of all this. That he sent me away, didn’t even give me a chance to fight by his side. That I will never even get the chance to ask him why. It makes me feel so worthless. I… I could have protected him, I wouldn’t… Maybe I…”
His breath hitched.
“Maybe I wouldn’t have lost him. Gods…”
Ignis stilled his circling hand and brought it up to caress Noctis hair at the back of his head. The prince was dry sobbing and trembling under his touch.
“And now… Now we’re setting off for Altissia, where I will have to marry Luna. Luna! Because of some political issues I didn’t even get the chance to know about before. I never wanted that! And I never wanted Luna to! She… I… I wished for her to be happy, to live a happy life and to marry in love. Not something like… this. Not someone like me. I will never… I will never make her happy. And I know it will never make me happy.”
Noctis’ hands shifted and his fingers dug into the thin fabric of Ignis’ shirt, right under his jacket. Ignis felt a faint sting on several spots on his back but he didn’t mind.
“Look, Noct.” He swallowed and gently ruffled the black hair.
“The wedding is something neither of you expected so it is only natural to feel unsure about it. Maybe reluctant even.” Just the way he himself had felt when he had first heard of the engagement. Ignis had wanted to fight the words of his King, yet he knew that it was beyond his range and capabilities. Even if it had been crystal clear that he would never be that close to the Crown Prince of Lucis the way he wanted to, it felt as if the wedding was ripping him away and throw him into an entirely different dimension. It had taken time to sink in and time to process until Ignis had been able to accept the fact. He knew that he would never have Noct but he was determined to stand by him, make him as happy as he in his position possibly could and cherish the time they were allowed together. Noctis Lucis Caelum was his life and he wanted this life to always be at its best. He would fully devote himself, all too well knowing that he eventually would have to let him go.
Ignis minutely shook his head. The thoughts had been wandering off and he had to force himself back out of his memories and away from the urge to just run off with the man in his arms.
“What I mean is, that you certainly will grow accustomed to it in time. And I am sure happiness comes with that time.” It was not what his heart wanted him to tell but what his head needed him to.
Suddenly Noctis pulled at the back of Ignis’ shirt, having the latter lose his balance. Ignis had to free his hand from the dark locks to keep himself upright. Black eyebrows were tilted upwards in despair and framed the pair of night sky eyes, rimmed with tears. The pale skin on his cheeks looked flushed – Ignis couldn’t tell if it was due to agitation or the lighting. It made his heart throb painfully in his chest.
“No. No…” Noctis’ voice was merely a whisper.
“You… you don’t understand. Don’t you see? As soon as I choose her… as soon as I marry Luna, I…” He bit his lip and swallowed hard. “As soon as I’m with her, I will lose you.”
Ignis was completely put off his stride. He blinked fast and readjusted his glasses. His mind was spinning.
“Ah, I… I’m afraid I really don’t quite understand.”
Noctis let go of his adviser’s shirt and locked his hands on the lapel of his leathern blazer instead. He took a shaky breath.
“When I’m with Luna, this means we’re married.”
“Yes?”
“And, when we’re married, we’re supposed to share the same bed.”
Ignis nodded slowly.
“Yes? I still don’t see what this has to—“
“And this means I will be no longer staying close to you, dammit Ignis!”
Oh…
Ignis’ green eyes widened in understanding. From the day they had left Insomnia they had been sleeping side by side. No, not merely side by side. Since Noctis had started to experience those severe headache attacks, he had adopted the habit of falling asleep in Ignis’ arms, just the way he had when they had still been children and Ignis had to shield his Prince from another nightmare. Ignis had never questioned it. He had been comfortable with Noctis’ warmth against his own and had allowed himself to indulge in the moment. It always had felt like he was protecting him. Naturally they would have ended up side by side, curled into another when they slept in hotels too.
Ignis sat up straight again, laying down his hand on Noctis’ shoulder and squeezing it just a little. How come he hadn’t realised that he was apparently not the only one, for whom this had had a special meaning on their journey? Only one of so many things…
He forced a smile onto his lips and looked straight into Noctis’ eyes. He had to deescalate this and calm him down or this was going to end in a disaster. He could not let this happen, by all means. He was his steadiness.
“Now, now. I’m inclined to think that this would not change anything in our… relation. You will have to bear with me I fear, married or not. I am your adviser after all and I won’t be going anywhere.”
It’s all for Noct, always for Noct. Ignis repeated this countless times in his head, hoping to convince himself at some point.
“My adviser?” Noctis huffed out a panicked laugh.
“Do you mean all of this means nothing to you? Are you trying to tell me all of your caring was part of your job, right from the beginning?”
Although his mind kept telling him to stay composed, Ignis’ heart was now drowning that inner voice. He answered in a firm and sincere tone.
“Noct, I swear to the Gods that nothing else in the world has ever meant more to me. I…” He hesitated a moment but continued anyways. He couldn’t silence himself any longer.
“I want you to know that you are the only thing that matters to me and that this… circumstance is most unrelated to my job.”
Ignis could have cursed himself for saying this aloud but now it was done and part of him was glad that he did. When he locked his green and affectionate eyes with the royal blue he had to fight back tears himself.
“But… but this means…” Noctis stammered around, softening the grip on Ignis’ blazer, tears glistening in his eyes. He slowly shook his head to let this sink in.
“Why wouldn’t you tell me?”
Ignis only pursed his lips.
“Six, Ignis! You’ve been there for me all along and I could talk to you about everything. I am… scared when you’re not around. I feel helpless and alone and… I can never make it without you by my side! Please, don’t make me do this! I want to stay with you, the way it has always been. I need you! Ignis, I lo—“
Ignis stopped Noctis from talking any further by quickly pressing his gloved palm on his lips. He closed his eyes and inclined his head, a defeated but darling smile adorning his face.
“Some things are not meant to be said out aloud”, Ignis reprimanded him gently.
“Some things are meant to be kept in your heart and never to be let out. As giving them words and names dissolves the moment’s magic.”
When he lifted his head again a single tear rolled down his cheek.
“I only wish I could do more for you, Noct”, he whispered and closed the distance between them to press a firm kiss onto the palm that was separating their lips.
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“Now look at that. Telling us stuff about how he’ll take care of our princess, and there they still are. I thought Iggy was more reliable”, Gladio snorted.
He had come back to the Regalia with Prompto and Iris to check on what took both of them so long. And because Prompto was whining about being hungry.
Iris chuckled.
“I think they’re kind of cute together. Any chance you could still call off the wedding?”
“We’d have to ask Lady Lunafreya about that. Maybe she’ll just say yes if we show her a picture”, Prompto grinned and pulled out his camera.
“His Highness will get sulky, if you take that one.”
“Naaaw, come on, don’t be that way! I love the lighting! And besiiides, we don’t have to tell them at all”, the blond giggled and snapped away to his hearts content.
The photo Prompto took that day would turn out to be Noctis’ favourite picture a few years later. A picture he decided to take with him in the inner pocket of his vest, close to his heart.
It was just both of them, him and Ignis, fast asleep and cuddled together on the backseat of the unmarred and shiny Regalia. Ignis had protectively flung his arms around the smaller man’s body, one hand around his waist, the other in his hair. Noctis had both of his hands crossed over Ignis’ broad shoulders, his head buried in the crook of his neck. The whole scene was painted in warm tones, as the sun sent her last rays of light before the night fell and she had a long time preparing for a new dawn.
The dawn he would now bring.
It was all for Ignis. Always Ignis.