Chapter Text
What in the world...Evan thought to himself as he woke up to some strange noises coming out of the kitchen. It sounded as if someone took all the pans and pots they had and slammed them on the floor. This would not be troubling, as Evan’s mom Heidi was a terrible cook and any attempt at cooking would usually end up being a disaster, but, as far as Evan was concerned, he was supposed to be home alone.
He pulled the covers over his head, too petrified to move. What if there’s a burglar in the house? What if he’s waiting for the slightest noise so that he can come up and kill me? What if he already knows I’m here and is just playing a sick game to make me crap my pants- oh crap, I'm not wearing any pants!! I can't die half-naked!
As Evan began spiraling and hyperventilating, a faint sound of footsteps interrupted his trail of thought.
Yup, this is it, this is definitely it, I’m absolutely going to die. Maybe I could hide in the closet and stay there until death comes.. but that wouldn’t be very practical would it, because the burglar could just open the door easily and find me and end my life anyway but I-
As the mystery man opened the door, Evan let out an involuntary squeal. He started shaking uncontrollably, and sobs escaped his mouth even though he tried to contain them. He realized this was not the greatest survival strategy, but he couldn’t help himself
„What the fuck are you doing, Evan?“
As soon as Evan realized who the „burglar“ was, he pulled the covers down and started shouting at the intruder.
„WHAT AM I DOING?? WHAT DO YOU THINK YOU’RE DOING, JARED? Y-YOU SCARED ME TO DEATH, Y-YOU CAN’T JUST BARGE IN HERE AND D-„
„Yeah, okay, I get it dude, I scared you. Listen, I wanted to make myself some cereal but I can’t find anything in your kitchen. Come down and help me, would ya? I’m starving. “ Jared proposed, as if showing up at Evan's house at 8 in the morning was a normal thing to do.
They did use to visit each other without annoucing it all the time, but that was when they were kids. They weren't nearly as close anymore, and Jared hadn't showed up unannounced in a really long time. Especially not so soon in the morning. Jared usually slept till noon, since he always stayed up until early morning to watch anime or play video games. This whole situation was incredibly confusing to Evan.
"Oh and by the way, I can see your junk. Well, at least now I know what to get you for Christmas - pajamas, because clearly, you don't own any." Jared said with a smirk on his face, turned around and went back downstairs.
Evan snappped and quickly covered himself, but Jared was gone. His cheeks red, he couldn’t believe what just happened. He didn't know whether he was more angry or embarrassed. Who does that? What was Jared doing here?
As furious and humiliated as Evan was, he knew that if he wanted answers, he had to go downstairs and face the intruder. So, with a loud groan, he got out of bed, put on the first pants he could find, and stumbled into the kitchen.
As Evan entered the kitchen, he felt even more furious than before. All the pots from the cupboard were on the ground, the fridge door was swung open and Jared was pulling things out without a care. The kitchen looked like a huge mess. Evan failed to understand how a person could be so messy while looking for a few ingredients.
"w-WHAT ARE YOU DOING JARED" Evan said as he started picking up the equipment scattered on the floor.
No response.
"Jared!" Evan screamed his name, which seemed to have gotten the boy's attention.
"So...you’re here…in my house…why?”
“Will you just tell me where you keep the cereal? I’ve searched every single cabinet and yet it’s nowhere to be found. Don’t tell me you don’t have cereal, Hansen!”
Evan sighed deeply as he tried to maintain his cool. “W-would you please just tell me what you’re doing here? Seriously, you scared the crap out of me.“
Jared laughed at the thought, “Ah yes, I'm gonna need you to be my fake boyfriend for a few hours tonight. Sound good? Great, thanks! I'll pick you up at 8."
Evan's heart stopped. Not only did he almost get a heart attack because he thought a burglar was in his house and was then completely humiliated by Jared seeing his private area, the guy is now telling him to be his fake boyfriend? This was all too much to handle. It was too early, and Evan hadn't had a chance to wake up properly yet, and so much has happened already, and Evan started to feel the familiar feeling of panic creeping into every cell in his body, and oh god how could he possibly handle all of this, ho-
"EARTH TO EVAN! EARTH TO EVAN!" as Evan stopped spiraling and his eyes started to see the world in front of him again, he saw Jared waving his hand vigorously in front of his eyes. It took him a while to feel real again, to get back into his body and his breath to return to normal.
"Jesus man, I hope you're not gonna freak out like that tonight. That would be real hard to explain."
"I-I'm not going anywhere wih you, Jared! You can't just barge into people's houses while they're asleep, make their home a complete mess and then demand to be their fake boyfriend! You just don't do that okay!" Evan shouted, clearly upset.
Jared took a few steps back and looked at Evan with an apologetic gaze. "Look, I'm sorry Ev, okay? I just reaaally need you to do this for me tonight. There's this group of guys that I met earlier this week and they're all gay and so I lied about my sexuality to fit in-..I know it was a stupid thing to do, but they're all so cool, and, well, I don't really have any friends besides you, which is not a bad thing! But I just wanted them to like me. And so I kinda also told them I have a boyfriend.. and now they want to meet said boyfriend.. and since I don't have one.. you know.. I kinda need you to step in and play the part. I'm sorry to drag you into my lies, but can you do it? Please?" Jared said with puppy eyes.
Evan didn't know whether it was the softness that suddenly entered Jared's voice, the truly apologetic look in his eyes, or the fact that he called him "Ev" which was his favourite nickname of all time, but, at last, he sighed, "Okay. I-I'll do it. But promise me this is the only time you'll ask me to do something like that and that you'll never barge into my house like that again."
Jared cleared his throat a few times, turning away from Evan, as if he realised how soft and vulnerable he looked, gave Evan a little pat on the shoulders and mumbled: "Thanks, bro! I'll never forget it. I guess I better get going. Sorry about the mess and I'll pick you up at 8. They want to see a movie so you won't have to talk much, I know you don't,uh... like that. See ya!"
Evan thought it was weird how Jared left so quickly, since he was so determined to find the cereal and have breakfast just a few minutes ago, but he had a lot of mental preparation to do before the big "date" tonight, and so he decided to let it go.
He put some frozen waffles into the toaster, poured himself a cup of tea (not coffee because coffee made him anxious) and started to wonder what he would wear for his "date". He had to remind himself that this was all fake. Jared only asked him because Evan was his best friend. There was nothing else involved. Nothing at all.