Archive of Our Own

When he looked back on that day, all those years ago, Adam could recall the strange series of events in perfect and vivid detail. He remembered the hot, scorching sun beating down on the side of his face and the muggy air that clogged his nose every time he breathed in. Adam remembered his father driving down an empty road in an ancient, rustic, dinged up Chevy pickup with cracked leather seats, screaming obscenities in his ears. His father’s hands tightened on the steering wheel, threatening to strike again, and his vitriolic words stabbed into Adam’s brain like someone twisting a knife in a wound.

Adam was only nine years old at the time.

“--You fuckin’ answer me when I ask you a question.”

Adam flinched before shifting his gaze down on his knobbly knees as the leather burned into the back of his thighs. Faint tremors traveled down his arms, and he grabbed a hold of the leather in hopes that the quivering would stop. The car slid to a dangerous halt that lurched Adam forward, and he held out his arms in defense before crashing back into the seat.

“Fine then.” His dad leaned over in his seat, wrenched the passenger door open, and snatched Adam roughly by the collar. Adam squeezed his eyes shut in anticipation of another blow.

“You can walk home you ungrateful little bastard,” his dad spat before shoving him out of the car. Adam’s small limbs flailed in the air before his body skidded across the scalding concrete. Pain exploded down his arm. There was a loud thud and the sound of screeching wheels as his father sped down the winding roads of Virginia. Adam sat up, watching the car fade into the distance.

His arm throbbed with pain, and when he glanced down to examine the damage, he immediately flinched. He had skinned the side of his upper arm; blood bubbled out of the exposed flesh where the skin had rubbed off. Blood also dotted the front of his shirt. Adam lifted up the fabric to find little scrapes across his stomach, along with the aging bruises his father had already left him. Adam gritted his teeth and stood, looking around at the unfamiliar surroundings. There were no houses to run to for help, just trees and stretches of empty road as far as the eye could see. Adam began his long walk home, chasing the direction of the Chevy pick up.

As Adam walked, he pondered what other nine-year-old kids would do in his position. He imagined they would have called for mommy and burst into tears. At the age of three, Adam learned that despite his cries, his mommy would never come to his rescue, but instead, he would be met with her silent disapproval and cold apathy. At five, Adam eventually stopped crying every time his father hit him until he learned how to not cry at all. Adam pulled the sleeve of his t-shirt over the wound, pressing his hand into the shirt. He felt the blood seep through the fabric and into his fingers, wet and sticky.

Adam walked forever with the blistering sun bearing down on his neck and shoulders as blood ran down his arm, caking on his pale skin. His legs grew tired, and his mouth was dry as if someone had stuffed cotton balls down his throat. And the long road ahead of him felt like a reminder that his journey may never end. He would be doomed to wander through the trees for eternity, searching for home.

Clamoring in the bushes next to him distracted Adam from his thoughts. The boy froze, and his pulse started to surge as he slowly backed away from the trees and onto the road.

What was that?

He didn’t ponder the question for long because something huge and white jumped out at him. The young boy stumbled and fell backward in the street. When he caught sight of his supposed attacker, Adam laughed.

The attacker wasn’t very huge, but it was very white indeed. It was a small white rabbit. He suddenly felt silly for thinking a little bunny was a threat to his life. Adam stood and watched it dart across the road and into the bushes again.

Behind Adam, an engine roared to life, and his head snapped back in time to witness a jet black car barreling straight towards him. Of their own accord, his legs locked, and his feet grew roots. He stood in the middle of the road, paralyzed, waiting for the moment of collision.

The car, however, swerved to the other side of the road just in time before slamming into a stop. The car door swung open, and a man scrambled out, frantic looking. He stared at Adam as if the small boy was an apparition. Adam stared back, taking in the man’s sharp dark suit with a hint of distrust. He had never seen anyone in Henrietta dressed so fancy. They stood in a moment of stunned silence, not knowing what to do or what to say.

His impulses screamed at him to run. He knew all about stranger danger. His teachers taught him about it, and once on the playground in third grade, Bryson McCormack told everyone about how his cousin went missing after he talked to a strange man who liked to hide in the sewers dressed as a clown. Hollywood apparently made a movie about his cousin. Adam didn't know how much he trusted Bryson McCormack though.

The man approached cautiously, and when Adam took a jerky step backward, he stopped and held up his hands in defense.

“Shit kid, are you alright?”

Adam didn’t answer, just eyed the man keenly.

“I’m not going to hurt you if that is what you're thinking.”

That was exactly what Adam was thinking. He narrowed his eyes and took a step back, ready to bolt, despite his exhaustion.

“What happened to you?” The man asked. His eyes traveled down to his bloodied arm. Then his gaze darted to Adam’s face, more specifically to the dark smudge blooming under his left eye where his dad had hit him earlier. The man’s eyes, blue like arctic glaciers, stared at him fiercely, and his lips curled downward into a frown. “My wife, I bet she can clean you right up, bandage that arm before the mosquitos get to you. We have three little boys of our own, and they’re always getting into shit. If you want to follow me to a farm not too far--"

Adam narrowed his eyes at the stranger, and to his surprise, the man laughed and shook his head. “You’re a suspicious kid. That’s probably smart of you. Here, I can prove it.” The man pulled out his wallet, flipped it open, and tossed the wallet at Adam. It landed at his feet. The boy inched forward and picked it up. In the wallet was a photo of the man and his supposed wife. Adam had never seen a woman more beautiful than she. Her hair, the color of golden sunlight, fell in loose curls, and her smile was just as kind as the soft glimmer in her eyes. She held a tiny baby in her arms, swaddled in a thick blue blanket. The only thing visible was turfs of curly blond hair, just like his mother. In front of the man were two little boys, roughly the same age. These two favored their father much more with their glacier eyes and mops of dark curls. The older boy had his arms slung around the younger brother. Though they looked nearly similar, Adam’s eyes were drawn to the younger brother, whose smile was as wide and boundless as the sea. His eyes were bright and energetic and mischievous. He was the embodiment of pure and uncontained joy. It read in every line and crinkle in his face.

What does suspicious mean?” Adam asked, quietly. He decided that he believed this man about the farm and his beautiful wife and his kids. The stranger smiled, obviously relieved to have gained Adam’s confidence.

“It means you don’t trust people very easily. Can I take a look at your arm?” he asked. Adam nodded, and the man took his arm in his hand to examine the wound. “Not as bad as I thought,” he murmured, before studying Adam’s face. “It looks worse than it is. Aurora could clean that up easily. But your eye--" The stranger raised his hand, and the image was powerful enough to make Adam recoil. At the flinch, the man’s hand stopped in mid-air before jerking his hand away. He carefully studied Adam, his eyes roving all over his face. Something in his fierce expression grew soft

“You’re safe with me, kid.” His voice was quiet as he clasped a gentle hand on his shoulder. “Come,” he said gently, ushering Adam to the car. Adam slowly climbed into the car, pulling the seat belt strap over his shoulders and clicking it in place.

“What’s your name?” the man asked, putting the keys in the ignition. The car came to life in soft purrs, nothing like the obnoxiously loud thundering of the Chevy. Adam closed his eyes and leaned forward as a blast of cool air hit his skin. It felt like heaven compared to walking in the summer sun.

“Adam Parrish.”

“Adam.” The man said. He didn’t say his name like his father said it, with exasperation and spite. Like Adam’s name was something mucky that he stepped in. No, the stranger savored the name as if he was summoning gods from the heavens as if the universe began and ended in Adam. Adam rather liked it. He opened his eyes to find the man smirking at him with a hint of amusement. “It’s a pleasure to meet you, Adam. I’m Niall.”

***

They sped down the road, letting the trees whip by in green blurs. Adam leaned back in the seat, enjoying the cool air on his sweaty skin. The stranger, Niall, reached forward to fiddle with the radio. “What kind of music do you like to listen to, Adam?” he asked. Adam thought for a while before furrowing his brows.

“I don’t know. I’m not allowed to touch the radio in our house,” he said, quietly. Adam expected Niall to probe him more about his home life, but he didn’t. He just simply nodded and listened.

“So I’m guessing that you’ve never heard of Celtic music before.”

Adam shook his head.

“Would you like to listen?”

Adam nodded.

Niall reached forward and twisted the volume knob on the car radio. The soft plucking of strings wafted through the speaker. Adam never heard anything like it and found himself leaning forward on the edge of his seat, listening intently. It reminded him of mornings when thick streams of sunlight would sift through the thick curtains, erasing darkness and bathing the dingy room with softness.

“You like it, huh?” Niall glanced over at him, smiling.

Adam ducked his head and nodded.

“You got good taste then.”

Adam leaned back in his seat, allowing himself to be swept away by the music.

They didn't drive for long, and true to his word, they arrived at a farm, driving up a gravel pathway. Adam sat up in his seat to get a glimpse. The fields were so green and open and wide, stretching far into the distance. On the edge of the field was a thick green forest set against a perfect blue sky. Everything in the trailer park was stifling and cramped like a powder keg threatening to explode. Here on this farm, there was sprawling space and fresh air and room to breathe. Surrounded by dozens of barns sat a huge farmhouse with a large wooden porch that swept around the house. In the distance, Adam could see two raven-haired boys chasing each other around on the field. When the car pulled in, they stopped to watch before rushing forward. Niall, just as eager, climbed out of the car, receiving his boys with wide and open arms. Adam could hear their excited shouting as they tackle hugged their father. Then Niall’s wife walked out unto the porch with the baby, except the baby had grown into a small boy of four or five years. He was holding a stuffed sheep in his arms. When he laid eyes on his father, the little boy leaped off the porch, toddled across the field, and threw himself at his father, clinging to his leg.

Adam could faintly hear behind the glass.“Daddy's home! Mommy, Daddy's home!”

Niall was forced to walk over to his wife, dragging two children on his legs with a third trailing cooly behind him. Niall's beautiful wife leaned over the porch railing and kissed her husband sweetly. So this was what a real family looked like, a real and happy family. This moment was the first time, out of many to come, that Adam would feel the deep and painful longing for something he could not have.  

Niall leaned over and whispered to his wife, and their heads turned in sync to the car. Adam’s head ducked out of view. He sunk low into his chair until he couldn’t see anything else.

Moments later, there was loud clunking and shouting before the car door on Adam’s side was yanked open. In the doorway, there appeared three equally curious figures staring at him like a specimen under a microscope. They all had their father’s eyes.

“What happened to you?” one of the boys asked. Adam recognized him as the younger brother in the photo, the one with the wild and infectious smile. He eyed Adam’s face and arm with awe as if it was the coolest thing he had ever seen, and he wanted one too. Like Adam’s scrape and bruise was from a heroic battle with a dragon or ninjas and not his own father.

“It’s not polite to stare,” the older brother whispered as he elbowed his younger brother. The young boy waved him off.

“Bite me, Declan.” He turned back to Adam grinning.

Their baby brother’s gaze grew watery as it landed on Adam. He bit down on his bottom lip before he sat his stuffed sheep in Adam’s lap, frowning. “Mommy says that if you hug Colonel Fluffers tight enough, t-then the ouchy goes away.”

Then they all started talking to him at once, vying for his attention. Adam stared back, paralyzed until Niall shooed the children from the car, laughing.

“You three are like vultures. Gave him breathing room. We don't want to spook him.”

“I’m not spooked,” Adam spoke up firmly, the tips of his ears had gone pink as all eyes landed on him. The younger brother appraised Adam with a fierce glint in his eyes, and Adam held his gaze. He wanted to be worthy of whatever this boy was searching for.

“Of course not,” Niall smirked. He turned his attention to the boys. “Let’s go set the table for lunch while your mom takes care of our guest.”

The boys were reluctant to move but slowly shuffled into the house one right after the other like a line of ducklings. Niall helped Adam out of the car and walked him to the porch where his wife stood waiting. She was even more beautiful in person. Her blonde curls were soft and windswept. Her skin was pale like fresh cream, and her eyes were of the deepest cerulean and very gentle.

“Adam, this is my wife. Aurora.”

Adam felt his face grow warm, and he could hardly look her in the eye as he mumbled, “Nice to meet you…”

She smiled, kneeling beside him. “It’s nice to meet you too, Adam. Would you like to join us for lunch?” On cue, his stomach rumbled in response. Both Aurora and Niall laughed. “I guess that is a yes.”

Adam nodded.  

“We’ll take care of this arm first, and then we can all have lunch together. Does that sound good?”

Adam nodded bashfully before following Aurora inside. His nose was assaulted with the aggressive smell of hickory smoke and lemon cleaner. The house was large and sprawling, with charming antiques and knick-knacks everywhere. Though large, the house enveloped him in a cozy warmth. Adam followed Aurora up the stairs, and all the while, he could feel the lingering and curious stares of the other children following him.

Aurora led him to a bathroom upstairs and sat him on the edge of the tub before she appeared with a first aid kit and an extra shirt. She kneeled by the tub, rolling his t-shirt sleeve back. Her hands froze, and Adam turned his head to see what had stopped her. She was staring at the yellowing and obviously aging bruise on the top of his shoulder.  When she had been caught staring, her eyes flickered to the sheep in Adam’s hand, and her smile brightened.

“Did Matthew let you hold Colonel Fluffers?”

Adam furrowed his brow. He guessed that the small blonde boy had to be Matthew. Adam nodded.

“You know,” Aurora smiled, gently scrubbing away the caked blood. “Colonel Fluffers is magic. Did you know that? If you squeeze him hard enough, you’ll never feel pain.”

Adam didn't believe that for a moment. Magic didn't exist, and this silly sheep couldn’t do anything.  His disbelief must have shown on his face.

“You don’t believe me. Do you?” Her glowing expression never faded.

“Not really.”

“What if I could prove it?”

“How?”

Aurora pulled out a brown bottle, and Adam flinched. He instantly recognized it as hydrogen peroxide. He had used it before. He learned that it cleaned and disinfected wounds, but he hated how it stung painfully on his open cuts and scrapes.

“So you know what this is?”

Adam nodded. “It stings.”

“Colonel Fluffers wouldn’t let that happen on his watch.”

Adam stared at her skeptically but folded his arm around Colonel Fluffers as tight as he could anyway. It was stupid, and he didn't know why he did it. Aurora dabbed a cloth in clear liquid before lifting the rag to Adam’s arm. Adam winced, preparing for the impending pain, but when the cloth brushed the scrape, it was cool and gentle against the rough red of his skin. He stared at the woman with amazement and then glanced down at Colonel Fluffers.

Aurora shared a secretive smile with him. “I told you. Magic.”

She pressed another damp cloth to his eye to help the swelling. She reached up to gently trace her fingers across the bruise. For the first time since Adam met Aurora, her smile vanished.

“I fell,” he said, quietly. She didn't say anything but gave him a sad smile.

***

Niall’s sons were already noisily eating lunch when Adam walked down in a clean shirt and with a bandaged arm. The room fell into a hushed silence as all eyes landed on him.

“Hey, that’s my shirt,” one of the boys said. He didn't sound upset about it, just pointing out the obvious. Adam tugged down on the hem as his ears grew warm. Aurora gave his shoulder a gentle squeeze.

“It is, Ronan. And it was very nice of you to share your things with our guest just like Matthew shared Colonel Fluffers.”

“Did Colonel Fluffers work?” Matthew shouted across the table, blinking at Adam with a hopeful expression.

“He did. Thanks, Matthew,” Adam replied, and Matthew beamed happily as he chewed on a sliced grape.

“There’s a sandwich for you,” Declan said, pointing to the chair next to the middle brother, Ronan.

Adam shuffled over to the table and took a seat. He watched Niall whisper quietly in his wife’s ear before the two walked into the next room to talk. Adam’s stomach churned as he tried to imagine what they could possibly be talking about. The table grew silent, and to fill the silence, Adam bit into his sandwich. It was ham and cheese, and it was delicious.

“What do you think they're talking about?” Ronan asked, his eyes lingering on the door his parents had exited through.

“Don’t be a moron.” Declan’s eyes shifted to Adam in a not so subtle way.

“Don't call me a moron,” Ronan growled before aiming a carrot at Declan’s head. Declan threw it back.

“They’re probably talking about me,” Adam said, staring down at his sandwich.

“Are you going to be o-our new brother?” Matthew piped up curiously before biting into his own ham and cheese sandwich. His sparkling blue eyes never left Adam.

“No,” Adam said. “I have my own family.”

“Good,” Declan said. The tension in his shoulders ebbed. “More brothers means less Christmas presents.”

“Doesn't matter. Santa isn’t bringing you gifts this year anyway.” Ronan leaned back in his seat and grinned. The comment made Adam chuckle, and suddenly Ronan’s grin was directed at him. “Ignore Declan, he thinks he’s cool because he’s going to middle school this year.”

Declan huffed and rolled his eyes before he resumed eating his lunch.

“Did you lose your family like Alice?’ Matthew asked curiously, munching on sliced grapes.

“Alice?” Adam furrowed his brow.

“Like Alice in Wonderland. It's a book that our dad reads to us.” Ronan explained. Adam had never heard of the book, and it must have shown on his face because Ronan continued to explain. “It’s about a girl who loses her way and falls down a rabbit hole into a magical world called Wonderland.”

“Oh. I’m not like Alice.” Adam said.

“Then how did you lose your family?” Matthew asked. Adam went silent, staring down at his sandwich.

“Eat your lunch, Matt,” Ronan said.

“But--”

Ronan shoved the sandwich that Matthew was holding in his hands into his mouth, effectively shutting him up. Adam let out a relieved breath.

“That's not very nice,” Adam told him. Ronan shrugged.

“Yeah well, you can bite me too,” Ronan said as Niall and Aurora entered the dining room again.

***

After lunch, Niall sent the children away and pulled Adam aside to talk.

“What’s your last name again, Adam?”

“Parrish.”

“I don't know any people around here with the last name Parrish…” He rubbed his chin thoughtfully. “Do you have a phone number that I can call them from?”

“No.” The Parrish family couldn't afford a phone in their house.

“Hm okay then, do you remember your home address then?”

Adam’s face scrunched up in concentration as he tried to remember his home address. He frowned. “I don't know…we live in a trailer. And there is a dog that hangs around it. It’s big and brown. People think that she is vicious, but she’s really nice. I call her Opal.”

Niall smiled at this. “What about your parents? Do you like them?”

Adam turned his gaze down, pulling on the hem of his t-shirt. His ears grew hot as he toed the carpet.

“Did someone from home do that to you, Adam?” Niall gently tapped Adam's bandaged arm.

“I fell,” Adam said, in a quiet voice.  

“Did you fall, or did someone push you?” Niall asked. Adam didn't reply but stared down at the carpet with mild interest. A heavy sigh broke the tense silence.  “How would you like to stay the night? And in the morning,  I’ll take you into town to find your parents… they're probably worried. Is that okay with you?”

Adam nodded. He looked around the living room. Admittedly, he was very curious about Niall’s home and the life he lived here with his beautiful wife and equally beautiful children. They were all so happy together, and Adam just wanted a sampling of what it meant to live in a house with a father whose touches didn't hurt, a mother who was there to bandage up the ouchies, and an annoying sibling who threw food at you and stuffed sandwiches into your mouth.

“The boys are upstairs if you want to find them.”

Adam nodded and made his way out of the living room and up the stairs. The room closest to the stairs was closed and shut off. There was a sign on the door that read ‘Declan’. That was the oldest child. Adam didn't know how to read him. Or any of the brothers as a matter of fact. He thought that maybe Matthew liked him.

“What are you doing just standing in the hall?” Adam startled before he found Ronan, down the hallway, poking his head out of a room.

“I was--"

“Doesn’t matter. Come here.” Ronan cut him off and waved him over. Adam followed him inside and froze in the doorway. Ronan’s floor was littered with toys of all kinds, blocks and cars and action figures that were overflowing from a huge toy chest in front of his bed.

Ronan took the pillows from his bed and spread them across the floor. Adam watched him methodically place them.

“What are you doing?”

Ronan gave him an impatient look as if to ask are you freaking kidding me .

“What does it look like I am doing? I am preparing for the floor is lava.”

“What is that?” Adam asked, and instantly regretted the words when they tumbled from his lips. He felt stupid. Ronan already had to explain Alice in Wonderland to him earlier. Ronan paused, gawking at him.

“You never played the floor is lava?”

“No.” Adam expected Ronan to laugh at him and kick him out because he wasn't cool enough. Instead, Ronan grinned wickedly.

“Be prepared. I am going to blow your mind.”

At the moment, Matthew toddled by with Colonel Fluffers in hand. His eyes strayed to the pillows on the floor before he grinned and jumped up and down in delight. “I wanna play!”

“Can Colonel Fluffers be the rescue victim?” Ronan asked. Matthew handed the sheep to him before removing his socks and shoes. Adam followed his lead and removed his own shoes. Ronan looked around the room, rubbing his chin thoughtfully before he tossed Fluffers up high on his bookcase.

“Okay, so this is how you play…”

Ronan’s explanation, along with Matthew’s excited interruptions, was intense. They had to rescue Colonel Fluffers off the bookshelf, except that the entire floor was lava that could burn them alive. If they touched the floor, they were dead.

“Got it?” Ronan asked after he explained. Adam nodded. All three boys climbed onto Ronan’s bed to start the game. It turned out that Adam was really good at the floor is lava, jumping from one pillow to the next with such grace that even Ronan was impressed. They got to a patch of floor that was scarce with pillows. Both Ronan and Adam barely made it.

“It’s too far!” Matthew shouted, balanced on top of a blue pillow as he glanced at the white one that Ronan and Adam stood on. “Go on without me!”

“No,” Ronan said fiercely. “We’re not leaving without you. You can make it.”  

“What if I fall in the lava?”

“I got you.” Ronan held out his arms.

“I don't know.” Matthew’s blue eyes shimmered with worried as he stared at the far distance between them.

“Think about Colonel Fluffers, Matthew. He needs you.” Adam said. To that, Matthew glanced up at the sheep on top of the bookshelf before nodding with a newfound determination. He stepped back on the pillow to get a running start. He leaped forward, and Ronan narrowly caught him.

“I told you that I would catch you.” Ronan flashed him a daring smile, and Matthew giggled. The blonde stood straighter, and when Ronan let him go, Matthew accidentally stumbled back onto the floor.

“Matthew,” Adam gasped.

“No!” Ronan yelled.

Matthew was a brilliant little actor. On cue, he crumbled to the ground, writhing and moaning. “Ah! The lava got me!” He reached a hand out, and Ronan grasped it tightly. He let out a little fake cough like the actors did in the movies. “Ronan, I’m dying.”

“Matthew, we can’t do this without you.” Ronan squeezed his hand.

Matthew’s other hand touched Ronan’s cheek. Adam held back the urge to point out that Matthew’s hand would have burned off his face if this was real lava. “You must.” Matthew threw in another dramatic cough. “Tell Colonel Fluffers that I love him" Matthew closed his eyes and flopped onto the floor, dead. Adam touched Ronan’s shoulders, and the dark curly haired boy looked up at him.

“He’s dead Ronan. We have to save Colonel Fluffers. It's what Matthew would have wanted.” Adam said bravely.

Ronan stood to his feet and pretended to wipe stray tears. “You’re right.” Together, they hopped from pillow to pillow, catching each other on particularly long jumps. Until they made it all the way to the bookcase where Colonel Fluffers sat at the top. Adam looked over at Ronan.

“How do we get to Colonel Fluffers?” he asked.

Ronan stood in front of the bookcase with a fierce and resolute glint in his eyes as he gazed upon the shelf as if it was Mount Everest, and he was ready to climb it.

“We climb up,” he said as if it was that simple. He put a foot on the second shelf and started to climb up one shelf at a time. Adam and Matthew watched with bated breath as Ronan crawled up. When he got to the top, he sat on the bookshelf like a king surveying his kingdom, proud and rightful. Adam couldn't ever remember being so impressed by something. Ronan was impressive.

“Catch.” He dropped the lamb, and Adam held out his hands before he caught Colonel Fluffers in his arms. Ronan climbed down from the shelf. They hopped back from pillow to pillow until they were safely on the bed. Adam was breathless when they made it back, gasping for air. Ronan passed Colonel Fluffers back to Matthew.

“That was amazing!” Adam panted heavily. His face was flushed.

“I told you so.” Ronan grinned back. He started to climb off the bed. “Do you want to see something cool?” he asked.

His blue eyes were lit with a wild spark. Something about Ronan was too all-consuming and overwhelming and infectious. It was impossible to say no to him. Adam felt a grin spread across his face.

“Sure.”

“I wanna come,” Matthew said, starting to climb down the bed.

“You can't,” Ronan said, and Matthew pouted.

“Why not?”

“Cause you’re not old enough.”

“Aw, that's not fair. You’re just hogging Adam all to yourself.” Matthew whined.

“I promise we’ll be back soon. Go bother Declan or something.” Matthew sighed, sadly. His curls drooped a little as he walked out.

“We’ll bring him a plum when we get back. He loves plums.” Ronan said as if Adam knew what he meant by that. He followed Ronan outside. They walked around the farmland with Ronan leading. The boy looked so at home under the powder blue sky. They charted the land like two explorers until they got to one of the large barns. Ronan pulled the door open and ushered him inside. Adam expected to see cattle, horses, and other lived animals, but instead, they stumbled upon a menagerie of strange junk piled up on each other.

“What is this?” Adam asked, picking up an oddly shaped glass lamp.

Ronan shrugged, looking around before he rummaged through the pile. “Isn’t it cool?”

Adam didn’t reply. He tugged on the lamp string, and to his surprise, the lamp lit up in his hand. “What the--" Adam’s eyes grew wide. He turned the lamp over in his hands. He was only nine, but he understood the basic principles electricity. This shouldn't be possible.

“How?” Adam asked. “What is this?”

“Magic.”

“Magic isn’t real.” Adam sat the lamp down.

“Ya-huh.”

“Na-uh.”

“Ya-huh.”

“Na-uh.”

“Then how you explain this?” Ronan had an ordinary gray scarf in his hands. He wrapped it around Adam, and the fabric brightened, slowing shifting through colors, from a deep magenta to a fiery red and then to baby blue. Adam had no words. He couldn’t explain it. He swallowed thickly, slipping the scarf off his neck. It went back to its bland gray color. He looked up at Ronan, eyes wide and incredulous.

“How did you find this stuff?” Adam asked.  

“We didn’t find it.” Ronan shrugged. Adam understood perfectly. They didn't find this stuff. They made it.

“So your entire family is magical?” Adam asked.

Ronan didn't say any more about it, but he went back to rummaging, making it clear that the conversation was over. But Adam had so many questions for him. About their family. Adam dug through the wonders with him. They took turns showing each other the treasures they found. Adam found a miniature white dwarf. It was as if someone had plucked it out of the night sky with their fingers. Adam marveled at the fact that he held a piece of the universe in his hands. Ronan riffled through the junk and picked up a tiny box. Adam peeked over Ronan’s shoulder as he opened it. Inside there was a silver pocket watch with an intricate design of weaving tree branches and thorns and leaves and vines. In the center of it all was a raven with a red, gleaming eye. Ronan pressed the top and the cover snapped open to reveal an elegant clock face.

“The handles aren't moving.” Adam pointed out. The clock's hands were frozen in place. Ronan fiddled with it, winding the handles but they refused to move. Ronan shook it. The pocket watch remained unphased. “Maybe it doesn't work.”

Ronan shrugged his shoulders and slipped the watch into his shorts anyway.

“Let’s go pick some plums,” Ronan said, grabbing Adam’s hand and pulling him out of the barn. They ran around the farmland and found a plum tree. Ronan climbed it, plucking a few fat plums. He tossed one to Adam before they laid in the fields together eating plums and watching the clouds as the late afternoon breeze hit their skins.  Eventually, Declan and Matthew joined them out on the field.

“Where did you two go?” Declan asked, standing over them with a suspicious look.

“None of your business,” Ronan replied coolly which made Declan narrow his eyes.

The older brother’s eyes shifted to Adam. This brother was the most intimidating by far. Though he seemed to be around Adam’s age, he gave off an air of maturity that Adam wished he had. Declan’s cold and piercing eyes never strayed from Adam, searching for a sign or giveaway of their family secret. He knew that Adam knew.

“Do you want a plum?” Adam stretched out his hand and offered up a plum in a peace offering.

“I want one!” Matthew chirped, and Ronan handed Matthew one.

Declan stared at Adam for a beat or two longer before he took the fruit and laid in the grass with them.

They spent the rest of the day outside, laying in the grass and playing in the fields until Aurora called them in for dinner.

Adam couldn't remember ever being so happy before.

***

After dinner, they took turns taking baths and getting ready for bed. Adam borrowed a pair of Ronan’s pajamas since they were the closest in size, while Aurora threw his clothes in the wash. After their encounter with the magical menagerie in the barn, Adam couldn’t help but look at the farmhouse in a new light. He started to notice things that you couldn't catch unless you were paying attention. There wasn't a single outlet in the house yet all of their appliances and electronics worked just fine. There were strange masks and seemingly useless knick-knacks everywhere. Adam wondered what their functions were. Niall caught Adam staring at a large, purple, and iridescent egg.

“What’s on your mind?” Niall asked, studying Adam curiously. His ears grew warm at getting caught.

“Uh, nothing really. This is just a really cool place,” he said.

“Maybe you would like to come back and visit us at the Barns? I think the boys would like that.”

Adam smiled at the thought of returning. “ I would like that.”

Matthew ran into the living room, sporting his footie pajamas. “Daddy! Are you going to read us a story?” he asked, dragging a book in his hands. He dropped it on Niall’s lap.

“I’ve already read Alice in Wonderland to you. Are you sure that you want me to read it again?”

“You haven’t read it to Adam,” Matthew said, glancing back at him. Niall looked up, his glacier blue eyes trained on Adam. In his eyes, Adam could see all three of his sons. He could see Matthew’s  bright gentleness and Declan’s piercing confidence and Ronan’s wild passion.

Niall smiled at Matthew. “Hm, you’re right.”

They all climbed up the stairs to Ronan’s bedroom. Ronan insisted on Adam sleeping in his room for the night. So Adam and Ronan slipped under the blankets together. Declan laid across the floor on his stomach while Aurora pulled up a bean big with Matthew and Colonel Fluffers nestled in her arms, the two looked like a pair of twins. Niall sat on the edge of the bed with Alice in Wonderland in hand. As he opened the book to the first page, the air grew calm and still. Everyone rose in their seats, leaning forward, waiting with their breath held. Niall looked up, taking in all of their faces with the faintest of smirks playing on his lips. His eyes were bright and alive.

“Chapter one, Down the rabbit's hole. Alice was beginning to get very tired of sitting by her sister on the bank, and of having nothing to do: once or twice she had peeped into the book her sister was reading, but it had no pictures or conversations in it…”

Niall's words washed over them gently like ocean waves lapping over the shore. Everyone lingered on his every word, and every now and then, he would pause to make sure that he still had them hooked. They were with him every time. However, by the end of the chapter, Matthew was falling asleep. Niall sat the book on the bed and lifted a sleeping Matthew from Aurora.

“I think it is time for bed.” Matthew clung to him, burying his face in Niall’s neck.

“But I’m not even sleepy,” he yawned.

“Yes, you are.”

Matthew didn’t fight him anymore. He turned to Adam and Ronan and gave them a sleepy smile. “Night Ronan. Night Adam.”

“Night, runt.”

“See you in the morning, Matthew,”

Matthew looked over his shoulders. “Night night Declan.”

“Goodnight,” Declan stood to his feet. Aurora kissed his head before the older boy left.

Niall looked at the two boys, and smiled.“Goodnight, Ronan. Adam.” He said before he carried a half-dozing Matthew out of the room. Aurora stayed behind and kissed each boy on the head before she turned out the light. In the darkness, Adam reached up and touched the spot where she had kissed him. He couldn’t remember ever being held or kissed by his mother before, and this strange woman, who didn't know him, gave it so freely. The thought made his chest ache, and his eyes prickle with tears.

“Adam…”

“Yeah,” he said, his voice heavy with emotion. He felt something being pushed into his hands. Adam brushed his thumb over the small round object. It was the pocket watch from before. Adam pressed the top. It flipped opened and the clock face glowed with a soft light. The time was still frozen. The hands had not moved from earlier. Adam wondered why.

“I want you to have it.”

“Ronan, I couldn’t--"

“Don’t be a loser, and just take it.”

“I wish I had something to give you back,” Adam said.

“Well, bring something when you come over next time.” Ronan paused. “There’s going to be a next time, right? You’re coming back?”

Adam smiled. Now he was sure that both Ronan and Matthew liked him. He still couldn’t read Declan. Two out of three wasn't bad. “Yeah, I’m coming back.”

Adam closed the pocket watch and clutched it tightly in his hands. His hands trembled. It was the first time someone had ever given him something, and Adam felt his chest crack open. Something wet slide down his face, and when Adam reached up to wipe whatever it was. He realized that it had been tears.

Adam hadn’t cried since he was five, and that was from his father laying a hand on him. And yet, no one had hit him. They had only shown him affection and warmth and kindness. He wondered if he had been wrong about telling Matthew that he wasn’t Alice. Maybe he was own Alice, suddenly dropped onto this magical farm with Niall and his beautiful wife and his strange sons. Whatever Wonderland Adam had been dropped in, he wanted to stay forever.

“Thanks, Ronan,” he sniffed, wetly. If Ronan noticed Adam’s crying, he didn't say anything. He rolled over in bed and went to sleep instead. Adam fell asleep with the watch clutched tightly in his hands.

Breakfast the next morning was a solemn affair, quiet and depressing. When it was time for Adam to leave, they spent fifteen minutes hugging and exchanging goodbyes. Matthew cried so hard that Aurora had to carry him back in the house.  

In the car, Niall and Adam listened to the Celtic music, neither talking. It felt more like Adam going to his execution rather than home. Adam pulled out the pocket watch that Ronan had gifted him before flipping the top up.

Adam sucked in a swallowed breath. The hands were finally moving, unlike yesterday. Adam marveled at it before the face of the watch grew misty like a crystal ball. A message appeared in the glass.

Seven years. One month. One week. Four days. Two hours. Eighteen minutes. Five seconds.

The mist clouded the glass again, and the message vanished. The time returned, and the hands kept ticking.

***

Adam hardly slept last night, and when he did sleep, his mind drifted to the beautiful farmhouse with the blue skies and the open fields. That had been seven years ago. That was so long ago that Adam wondered if he had dreamed it all. His hand drifted across the carpet and under the bed, and he pulled out a tattered shoe box. Adam flipped the lid open and groped blindly until his fingers hooked on a chain. He pulled the pocket watch out to study it. Adam, over the years, had perfectly preserved it. It was his only reminder of that day. That there was a man with an impeccable suit and a fast car, and he lived on a farm with his beautiful wife and children. Adam flipped opened the face. The time kept ticking, and no strange messages appeared on the glass. Adam used to check all the time, hoping for the hands to slow or for the glass to grow foggy.

As the years crawled by, he stopped hoping.

Adam was just a nine-year-old child with a large imagination. Back then, the smallest displays of kindness felt like magic.

Adam pulled the blankets back, and a blast of chilly morning air hit his skin. It was enough to tempt him to crawl back into the blankets. His bones ached with exhaustion. They groaned in protest, but he forced himself out of bed anyway. He glanced at his alarm clock. He still had forty-five minutes until he needed to get up. He could steal a few precious minutes of sleep if he wanted to. However, the nerves that were settling in the pit of his stomach told him that sleep wouldn’t come easy.

Adam stood and shuffled over to the small closet in his room. There was only one outfit that hung in his bare closet. His hand reached for the crisp navy blue blazer. Adam spent all last night ironing sharp creases into the jacket until it was perfect. Adam’s fingers brushed against the golden insignia on the left breast pocket.

Aglionby Academy.

Today was the first day of junior year, and Adam had finally done it. He was an official raven boy, and in two years, he would be studying at Harvard or Brown or Yale, and the past sixteen years of his life wouldn’t matter anymore. Adam took his time grooming and dressing in his uniform, obsessively smoothing out the smallest of wrinkles. He still had plenty of time when he finished and decided to leave the house early. He could walk the campus grounds again, familiarize himself with the buildings and classes.

His hand was on the doorknob when he heard his mother’s solemn voice call his name. Adam turned to her. He didn't expect her to be awake. Her tired brown eyes raked over his uniform in faint disapproval as if she couldn’t produce the energy to be totally disapproving. She never looked like she had the energy for anything. It was as if life had sucked out the rose in her cheeks and the light in her eyes. Adam caught himself wondering if he was the reason for that.

“He’s not happy about this,” she said, quietly.

“I know.” Adam swallowed thickly, eyes flickering away from her.

“Sometimes I think you like doing this to us, hurting us on purpose,” she said. Her voice lacked any heat and emotion, and yet the words strung like acid in a wound. “You should go before you’re late.”

She shuffled out of the living room, leaving Adam alone with his thoughts. His mind strayed to the family on the farm. Adam had long since forgotten their names. More specifically, he thought of the man’s wife. He wondered if she sent her boys off to school this morning with warm smiles and embarrassing kisses. He wondered if they were still as happy as he remembered. He liked to think so.

Adam twisted the knob of the front door and let himself out. He squinted against the morning sun, and in the distance, he could see that mangy mutt, Opal, trudging along the edge of the trailer park. When Opal spotted him, she galloped over happily, and Adam bent down and gave her an affectionate scratch behind the ears. Then Adam mounted his bike and went to school.

Inside the trailer, under the mattress, tucked in a tattered shoe box, the watch’s glass grew misty.

One hour. Fifty Minutes. Twenty Seven Seconds.