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Jimin knows Jeongguk’s home even before his mate walks through the front door. He can attribute that to the fact that Jeongguk is never late, always walking in right at 5:30pm. They’d been lucky finding a place such a short drive away from Jeongguk’s office.
He’s in the middle of dinner preparation, having gone for something simple today: kimchi soup and bulgogi dupbap. They’re running low on kimchi but Jimin’s already scribbled himself a note to ask his mom to bring some over on her next visit. With the baby, Jimin barely has time to sleep, let alone labour away at making banchan.
The front door opens, the alarm chime ringing throughout the house. Jimin almost dreads seeing Jeongguk, which is awful really, but he feels ugly. There’s baby vomit on his shirt, he hasn’t showered for three days now, and four months after giving birth, Jimin still feels as fat as he had when he’d still been nine months pregnant. It doesn’t help that Jeongguk’s as fit as ever despite giving up the gym to make sure he spent more time at home with Jimin and the baby.
Areum had been particularly fussy today, too. She’d cried for nearly two hours straight and Jimin had been on the verge of hysterics until he’d finally wrapped her up in one of Jeongguk’s shirts and carried her all over the house, rocking her gently in his arms. Jimin had read that the alpha’s scent could have a calming effect on a distraught baby but he hadn’t thought it would be so immediate. It almost annoyed him but he was too relieved to hold onto that, happy that she’d finally fallen asleep.
“Hey beautiful,” Jeongguk smiles, stepping into the kitchen looking dapper and put together in his suit even nine hours later. Jimin glances up from the beef sirloin he’s been slicing into thin strips, giving Jeongguk his best smile. It’s not much but Jeongguk doesn’t seem to notice, eyes stupidly fond as they take Jimin in. He approaches Jimin, his scent sweet and comforting, and yet the second his hand reaches out for him, Jimin flinches back.
Jeongguk looks surprised for a split second, but he doesn’t try again, keeping his distance. Guilt swarms up Jimin’s throat and he’s about to apologise but it doesn’t come out, words jumbling together. Instead, he grimaces, wishes he didn’t feel so simultaneously wound up and exhausted. “Hey,” he tries, attention focusing back on the beef. “How was your day?“
“Not bad,” Jeongguk answers, his voice careful. Jimin doesn’t dare look back up, already feeling absolutely awful for rejecting his alpha like that. Jeongguk shifts to open the fridge, and Jimin’s not sure what he grabs out of it but he steps over to a cupboard. A second later, Jimin hears something being poured into a glass. “How about you? How was Areum?”
“She had a bad day,” Jimin answers, recalling how much her tiny little body had screamed and screamed today. He hadn’t thought it was possible for someone so small to make so much noise. “Started crying the moment you left and I got her to sleep after a bath but then she woke up from that and it was just on and off, on and off. I thought I was going to start crying with her.”
Jeongguk’s moved again, this time closer to Jimin and he can feel his presence behind him. Hands settle on his hips, the touch light, Jeongguk leaning in to scent Jimin. To his horror and irritation, it makes his skin crawl and Jimin’s hackles rise up.
“Jeongguk, stop.” Jimin’s voice is sharp, pushing Jeongguk’s hands off. He steps away, skin still prickling at the touch.
“What’s wrong?” Jeongguk asks, and this time Jimin can hear that hint of hurt, of rejection. Jimin’s too annoyed to feel guilty.
“Nothing,” Jimin answers, unable to quite put it into words. He just ― “I just don’t want to be touched right now.”
There’s a change in Jeongguk’s scent, the warmth seeping out and Jimin regrets the way he’s worded himself but he doesn’t get the chance to backtrack. Jeongguk’s moved away from Jimin completely, about a foot of space between them.
“Right,” Jeongguk says, tone clipped. He doesn’t look at Jimin. “I’m sorry.”
It’s all Jimin gets before Jeongguk walks out of the kitchen, the comfort of his scent going with him. For a split second, it feels like Jimin’s chest is caving in, Jeongguk’s hurt clawing its way through their bond but it’s gone just as fast. Jeongguk had always been good at keeping his emotions from Jimin, always careful not to accidentally upset Jimin with him. He only ever let the happiness, the contentment, seep through.
It probably doesn’t help that Jimin didn’t do anything to hide his annoyance.
Jimin thinks he might cry, turning back to the beef. He doesn’t think he’s wrong, but he definitely could have gone about that better. It doesn’t help that Jeongguk’s so tactile, that he expresses his love in all the ways he touches Jimin. An arm wrapped around Jimin’s waist here, the briefest touch of his nose against Jimin’s scent glands there.
The crackle of the baby monitor breaks Jimin out of his own guilt, hands scrambling for the device. He’s about to head upstairs when he hears Jeongguk’s voice, soft and quiet. Areum hasn’t even made a sound.
“Hey princess,” Jeongguk’s voice filters through the monitor. “Heard you gave your Mommy a lot of trouble today?” There’s a snuffling sound, followed by Jeongguk soothingly cooing at Areum. Jimin can hear the blanket rustle. “Shh, it’s okay; Mommy loves you a lot. I bet he’s not even mad.”
Jimin’s eyes water, his grip on the monitor tightening.
“Daddy misses you,” Jeongguk confesses, and Jimin can picture them, Jeongguk standing over Areum’s crib in the nursery. Jeongguk had painted it yellow, warm and bright, the peal of his laughter still ringing in the room whenever Jimin closes his eyes and holds Areum close. He’d insisted Jimin sit, rest, let him do the work.
“Daddy misses Mommy, too. But you’re keeping Mommy company, aren’t you baby?”
Jimin can feel the breath lodged in his throat, how he can’t seem to swallow around it. Jeongguk doesn’t say anything else though, and Jimin’s left with his own thoughts and the suddenly overwhelming silence of the house. He turns back to his beef, the back of his hand wiping at the wetness still lingering in his eyes.
It’s confusing. His emotions are always all over the place and four months in, Jimin had hoped things would get more manageable. At least Areum mostly slept through the night now. His shoulders sag, and when he turns around to check on the soup, he finds Jeongguk back in the kitchen.
“Can I hold your hand?” Jeongguk asks, his own extended forward. Jimin furrows his brows but nods, reaching out to take it. Jeongguk tugs him a little closer, mindful of only touching Jimin where he’s allowed him.
Jeongguk starts heading toward the stairs and Jimin tugs on Jeongguk’s hand, unsure what Jeongguk’s doing. He still needed to finish dinner. “Where are we going?”
“You’ll see,” Jeongguk replies, pulling Jimin forward gently.
“I need to finish dinner, Jeongguk,” Jimin huffs, but he lets Jeongguk guide him up the stairs.
“I’ll do it,” Jeongguk says, smiling over his shoulder at Jimin. “I’m the better cook anyways.”
Jimin scowls, ready to yank his hand out of Jeongguk’s but his mate knows him too well, fingers lacing through Jimin’s, holding on tighter. “You must love sleeping on the couch.”
Jeongguk shakes his head, nose scrunched up cutely. “Makes my back hurt, actually.”
“Oh, so maybe you shouldn’t insult your better half’s cooking then, huh?”
“You’re the better half? Really?” Jeongguk’s schooled his features into surprise, laughing when Jimin reaches out to smack him. They’ve made it into their bedroom and Jimin can smell lavender wafting out of the bathroom. He’s as curious as he is indignant.
“I am,” Jimin insists, trailing after Jeongguk as they enter the bathroom. Jeongguk’s run him a bath, his ridiculous collection of candles already lit all over the room. Jimin’s throat closes up, and he has to will himself not to cry.
“Mmm, you’re right. You are,” Jeongguk murmurs, letting go of Jimin’s hand to go check on the water. He’s already brought Jimin a change of clothes ― one of Jeongguk’s old college sweatshirts and Jimin’s favourite pair of sweats. He’d thought those were still in the laundry.
“You didn’t ― ”
“No time for that, baby,” Jeongguk interrupts, turning back around. “The water’ll get cold.”
“But ― ”
“No buts,” Jeongguk tuts, walking over to him. He’s careful about keeping his distance. “I even got the fancy towels for you,” he adds with a smile, pointing to the counter. The novel Jimin’s been trying to finish for the last five months is sitting right on top. “You had a hard day. It’s time for a break.”
Jeongguk leaves Jimin in the bathroom, shutting the door with barely a sound behind him and all of the day’s exhaustion catches up to him all at once. Disbelief clings to him even as he strips out of his clothes and as he sinks into the heat of the water, Jimin’s relief is tinged with guilt.
Of course Jeongguk had to be perfect about this, too.
*
Jimin finds Areum’s crib empty as he heads back downstairs, hair still wet. He’d almost fallen asleep in the tub but his stomach had growled reminding him he hadn’t eaten anything since breakfast. Areum was probably hungry, too.
“Jeongguk?” Jimin calls as he reaches the bottom of the stairs. The sound of the washing machine carries from down the hall and Jimin can’t believe Jeongguk took care of that, too.
“In the kitchen, sweetheart,” Jeongguk answers, the sound of plates being set down reminding Jimin of his empty stomach.
“You didn’t have to do the laundry,” Jimin says, the table already set. Jeongguk’s scent has filled the kitchen, sets Jimin at ease. The bath’s left him relaxed but nothing quite beat his alpha’s scent.
“I like doing the laundry.” Jeongguk says with a shrug, turning from the stove with a bowl of the kimchi soup in hand. He’s got Areum in a carrier, snug against his chest, the sleeves of his work shirt rolled up. Jimin can see one of his tattoos peaking out. “Come on, let’s eat. I’m starving and little Areum here wants her Mommy.”
“Does she?” Jimin asks, walking over to them both. Up close, he can see she’s awake, her eyes big and round just like her father’s. “I think she misses you,” Jimin confesses, glancing up at Jeongguk. He’s staring at the both of them, eyes fond and Jimin doesn’t understand how. He feels even worse about his little outburst earlier.
Jeongguk must sense it because he brushes back Jimin’s wet hair, smiling softly. “I miss you guys, too. A lot.”
Jimin’s about to apologise but Jeongguk doesn’t let him, tugging him over to the dinner table. “The food’s going to get cold and Areum’s hungry, aren’t you, princess?”
Areum blinks up at Jeongguk, never stilling in her pursuit of sucking on her pacifier. Jeongguk coos at her, kissing the top of her head. Her hair’s longer now and she’s gotten a lot bigger than her birth weight.
They settle down at the table and eat silently, Jimin glancing over at his mate and their child with every bite. This wasn’t any different from any other day of the week, at least, not since Jeongguk went back to work. Before they both used to be zombies, getting through the day on sheer will and parental instinct alone.
But Jimin feels strangely alien to his own life, upset with himself for taking his frustration out on Jeongguk. Even then, a small part of him feels justified. Afterall, Jeongguk got to go back to work and it was Jimin’s choice to be the parent that stays home but well, babies were exhausting.
“You’re thinking too much,” Jeongguk tells him, placing more beef onto Jimin’s plate. “And not eating enough.”
Jimin purses his lips at his plate, conscious of his belly and the girth of his thighs. His breasts have shrunk a little with Areum’s consistent feeding but that doesn’t mean they don’t leave him wanting to cover his entire body up under big, ill-fitting clothes.
“You need your energy, babe,” Jeongguk encourages, concern laced through his voice and sometimes Jimin can’t stand how considerate Jeongguk is. He feels so wholly undeserving of it.
“Sorry,” Jimin mumbles, taking a proper mouthful of his rice.
Jeongguk frowns. Jimin sees it but he feels it through the bond even more so, the way Jeongguk tries to soothe him. For all of Jimin’s confusion and upset, it works. It always does; a little reminder that he’s loved, cared for. Sometimes that didn’t feel like enough but Jimin supposes bonded mates had lower separation rates because when all else failed, the bond was still there.
Jimin may be annoyed and more upset than he’d like to admit, but he loves Jeongguk. He’s not sure anything could ever change that.
Jeongguk finishes before Jimin, starts cleaning up the table as Jimin drinks the remainder of his soup. He listens to Jeongguk fill up the dishwasher, humming to himself, and the day doesn’t feel as awful anymore.
Areum wiggles around in her carrier, little legs kicking and Jeongguk laughs, looking down at her. “Oh, so you’re tired of me already?”
“She’s probably just hungry,” Jimin says getting up. He brings his bowl with him, setting it into the dishwasher as Jeongguk loosens up the straps of the carrier enough to pull Areum out of it. “Hi sweetheart.”
Areum sucks on her pacifier, her little hands curled into fists. Jimin’s heart melts at the site of her as Jeongguk gently hands her over to Jimin. This close, Jimin’s surrounded by Jeongguk’s scent and Areum gurgles, her arms waving up and down, excited.
Before Jimin can say anything, Jeongguk leans in and presses a chaste kiss to Jimin’s forehead, giving him a gentle nudge back toward the dining table. “I’ll clean up. Areum wants her Mommy.”
“She just wants dinner,” Jimin scoffs, but he looks up at Jeongguk, sees so much fondness in his eyes it makes his belly flip flop. Getting up on his tiptoes, Jimin leans in and presses a chaste kiss against the corner of Jeongguk’s mouth. “Thank you, Alpha.”
Jeongguk flushes, eyes widening. Areum’s eyes were just like his.
Jimin leaves Jeongguk there, a dumb smile on his face as he gets back to cleaning up. He wanders into the family room and settles onto the couch, setting Areum down next to him to get his sweatshirt off. There’s a blanket draped over the back of the couch that Jimin wraps around himself before getting Areum back into his arms. She gives Jimin a toothless grin once Jimin weens her off her pacifier and Jimin smiles down at her, giving her a little tickle under the chin.
“Daddy says you’re hungry, hmm,” Jimin murmurs, bringing her up to his right breast. She doesn’t latch on until Jimin tilts forward, his nipple dangling by her mouth. Once Areum starts on her dinner, Jimin lets himself lean back, relieved at the way her suckling helps to alleviate some of the soreness starting to come back into his breasts. Her weight settles against his belly and Jimin runs a hand up and down her back.
“Is that good, princess?” Jimin whispers to Areum, pulling the blanket up around her, too. He knows she’s gonna keep him down for at least thirty minutes, and kind of wishes he’d thought to turn the T.V. on.
As his eyes fall shut, Jimin feels the couch dip next to him. When he peaks through an eye, he finds Jeongguk next to him, staring down at Areum. He leans over, a finger brushing against her cheek.
“How’re you feeling?” Jeongguk asks, hand carding through Jimin’s hair. Jimin almost mewls at the sensation and Jeongguk must sense his satisfaction because he starts petting Jimin’s hair, soft, delicate touches that render Jimin defenseless.
“‘M’okay,” Jimin answers, eyes tracing the features of Jeongguk’s face. When they’d met, Jimin had been so adamant about not settling down with some alpha and having his babies but Jeongguk had been so eager to please, so attentive. It’d have been hard for anyone to say no to spending the rest of their life with someone who loved them so much.
“What?”
“Nothing.”
“You’re staring,” Jeongguk tells him, amused.
“I think I’m allowed to stare at my Alpha,” Jimin retorts, eyes slipping shut as Jeongguk’s fingers find their way to the base of Jimin’s neck, digging small circles into the muscle.
“Is that right?”
“Mmhmm,” Jimin hums, squeezing Areum a little tighter when a soft sigh escapes him. She continues suckling, unaware and disinterested in her parents flirting. “Feels good.”
Jeongguk continues, and before long, Jimin’s switching sides, Areum looking a little bewildered and frustrated that her meal’s been disrupted. “Shh, Mommy’s got you,” Jimin soothes, getting her to latch onto his left nipple. She’s even quicker this time, eager to keep eating and Jimin settles back against the couch.
The bond pulses with warmth and sometimes Jimin wishes he could just sink into it, completely engulfed by Jeongguk. He can tell Areum’s getting sleepier the fuller she gets, and he starts patting her back softly, hoping to get her to sleep. They usually tried to get her to go to bed for the night by 7pm, which was fast approaching.
“I’m sorry for snapping at you,” Jimin says, Jeongguk’s head resting on Jimin’s shoulder as he stares at Areum, two fingers smoothing down her hair. She’s suckling less and less.
“I’m not mad,” Jeongguk replies, sitting back up to look at Jimin. He can’t help reaching out to cup Jeongguk’s face in a hand, heart full of love.
“That doesn’t mean I can just snap at you.”
Jeongguk doesn’t look happy with the response, like he wants to fight Jimin, but he doesn’t let him, continuing on. “You always apologise for everything.”
“Yeah, because I’m supposed to take care of you,” Jeongguk says, taking Jimin’s hand in his own. He kisses it before letting go, offering to take Areum from Jimin. She’s out, Jimin’s nipple having slipped out of her mouth.
Jimin lets him take her, frowning. “So I can’t take care of you?”
“That’s not how I ― ”
“You said,” Jimin starts, squeezing the blanket around himself immediately, always self-conscious of his body around Jeongguk lately. His heart squeezes in his chest and apparently, he was still on the day’s emotional rollercoaster. “You said we’d always be equals, that just because I'm an omega ― ”
“Jimin,” Jeongguk interrupts, his voice breaking Jimin out of whatever spiral he's headed down. “You already take care of me. You’ve ― You’ve given me everything I could have ever asked for and more. I just want to take care of you.”
Jimin opens his mouth, words failing him, and Jeongguk leans in to kiss him, sweet and chaste.
“Let me put Areum in her crib, yeah?”
Jimin nods, falling back against the couch. He watches Jeongguk disappear from the room, contemplates not putting his sweatshirt back on but he doesn’t want to worry about Jeongguk seeing him. Everything felt like a constant barrage lately, one thing after the other with no time to breathe in between.
He slips into his sweatshirt just as Jeongguk returns back to the room. Jeongguk settles down right next to Jimin and this time he doesn’t push him away, face burying into Jeongguk’s chest as soon as he’s comfortable. Jeongguk pulls him into his lap easily, arms wrapping around Jimin’s waist.
“I want you to tell me when it feels like too much,” Jeongguk instructs, kissing the top of Jimin’s head. “I need to know if you’re overwhelmed.”
“Okay,” Jimin mumbles, breath hitching when Jeongguk’s hand slides up against his bare skin under his sweatshirt. He almost wants to push Jeongguk’s hand away but he doesn’t, a hand fisting into Jeongguk’s dress shirt instead.
“You know I’ll love you no matter what, right?”
Jimin’s throat feels like it’s closing up so he manages a jerky nod, finds himself inhaling in Jeongguk’s comforting scent until he doesn’t feel like running off to hide in some corner away from everything. “Me too.”
Jeongguk kisses his head again and this time, Jimin pulls back to look at him. He feels bad for ever ― for ever resenting him. Jeongguk is his strength. Jimin cups Jeongguk’s face in his hands and kisses him, deeper this time, thankful.
Jeongguk kisses back, and it’s everything Jimin needs, Jeongguk’s hand inching up his back, exposing his skin to the cold of the room. Jimin gasps when Jeongguk gives his lip a little nip, tongue sliding in past his lips.
The way Jeongguk holds him, tender and possessive, has Jimin melting in his hands. He doesn’t know how he could forget the effect Jeongguk has on him. Jimin breaks the kiss first, unwilling to part away from Jeongguk entirely, pressing smaller kisses on his lips.
“You’re so beautiful you know that?” Jeongguk murmurs to him, stroking Jimin’s cheek. “Love you so much.”
“Love you more,” Jimin insists, smiling, kissing Jeongguk again. This time Jeongguk doesn’t tease, is more impatient, tongue slipping back into Jimin’s mouth. He leaves Jimin breathless, a hand squeezing his ass, bringing him even closer.
“Missed this,” Jeongguk breathes, sucking on Jimin’s upper lip as he pulls back just slightly. He lets both his hands rest at Jimin’s waist, the one petting Jimin’s flank as he stares at him, hearts in his eyes. “Missed you.”
“I’m right here,” Jimin assures, kissing Jeongguk again. They hardly ever got any time to themselves now and maybe Jimin needed this, needed Jeongguk wanting him like this. He lets his arms wind around Jeongguk’s neck, kissing him open-mouthed, lewd and wet. Jeongguk growls when he bites at his lip, and it leaves Jimin simmering in a pleasant warmth all over.
“Thank you,” Jimin says sweetly, a little overwhelmed by just how much he loves Jeongguk. He hopes Jeongguk can feel it through the bond, see it in his eyes.
“For what?”
“For taking care of me, Alpha.”
Jeongguk’s smile is so big and wide, Jimin’s left dazzled, heart picking up speed. The bond seems to pulse between them and Jimin knows they’re going to be just fine.