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In the end it didn’t matter.
He had been on the edges of the outer rim, meditating on a newly obtained Sith artifact. The object had been collected from a smuggler contact on the planet Korriban. Dooku’s money and name came in handy, when his status as a Jedi did not. The relic in question was a holocron, like those in the halls of learning, but definitely not the same, it radiated with dark emotions: hatred, fear, and…obsession.
Yan recognized he was on a slippery slope between the light and dark, precariously lost in the grey, but he had been provoked by a profound need to find out more about the Sith while on his last trip to Coruscant. It was as if someone had whispered into his ear that this was the only way, the only way to save what he thought was a stale and withering Jedi Order. He allowed the holocron to hover just in front of his face, his mind stretching out to connect.
His eyes flew open. He saw everything before him covered in a hazy red, the color of blood but, no not quite that color. He could see through the red veil. There was a sizable man on his knees, flowing brown hair, with streaks of grey.
“Qui-Gon?” Even through his meditation he breathed his beloved former padawan’s name.
Just as quickly as the word was out, the red field disappeared and he heard a young Coruscanti accent scream, “NOOooo!”
Yan twisted and observed a black and red tattooed demon pull a red saber from Qui-Gon’s midsection, the look of anguish on those beloved features unable to burn from his memory. He sensed Qui-Gon slip from the force, their bond, which was once so strong, blinked from existence.
Dooku opened tear-swelled brown eyes, breathless for air as he flung the cube across the room with such a force that it should have fragmented. “Why would you show me this?!” The old man reared instantaneously, pacing the floor of his ship, his emotions at odds. Without another thought, he drew up the duty roster from the Temple and set course directly for Naboo.
How could the Force be so cruel? He was too late, too late to save the one attachment he allowed his lonely existence. One moment in time that he would never be able to live with. It was a memory that he would never release to Yoda’s beloved Force. He reached inside the Theed reactor just as Obi-Wan had cut the dark Zabarak in half and rushed to his fallen master’s side.
Regret.
Yan gazed at his padawan, no his son, as he uttered his last words to Obi-Wan and stole his hand lovingly over his cheek. He could feel the grief and anguish rolling off the young man as he clutched the cooling body and he knew that his grand-padawan would need comfort, but he was fixed in place.
Silent tears slipped down his face and he warily backed out of the palace and crept back on-board his ship. His legacy, his maverick, his flame was… extinguished. They had not spoken in years, but that didn’t diminish the sorrow. They could have gone decades without a word and still struck up a conversation easily. Oh how he would miss the young boy that brought injured animals back to their quarters, who never lived for the future and only the moment. How could he continue on, knowing that the Jedi had abandoned his son to this horrible fate?
“They knew!” The shout reverberated through the hallow ship.
Dooku pulled up the mission report that Obi-Wan had drawn for the Council that were on their way to Naboo for a knighting ceremony and a funeral. “Qui-Gon had told them about the Sith! Yet they sent him alone?” The heartache was overwhelming him, as his thoughts drew him closer and closer to the dark. “I thought they were worth saving, I’m so sorry I didn’t make it in time, Qui-Gon.” The words were hissed as Count Dooku of Serrano denounced his mastership and sent word to the council. He would find the monster behind Qui-Gon’s death, he would join him and destroy the Sith from inside.
Yan Dooku looked to his right, his master, Sidious, seething with anger and hatred as he egged Anakin Skywalker to kill him. How did he end up this way? He meant to find the Sith and destroy them, not eagerly help them. Pain coursed through his body as he examined the young man before him struggle with a life altering decision. “I’m so sorry Qui-Gon.” The words were so low that no living being would hear them. “I failed you.”
Dooku looked over to the unconscious ginger-haired man, knowing that he had failed to look out for his own grand padawan. He should have been there to guide him, to help him with Skywalker. In that instant he saw Obi-Wan’s future, old and worn, isolated like no human should be. “Oh…” The single word was the last thing Dooku said before his head was separated from his shoulders.
In the next instant, Yan opened his eyes and saw a blue sky, the grass beneath him damp and comfortable under his body. After all that he had done in the last years of his life, he surely expected fire and brimstone, not blue sky and the smell of an afternoon shower.
“Master?” The baritone voice was unmistakable, but after years of regret and grief, it could be simple wishing. “You are not mistaken, my Master.”
“Qui-Gon!” Dooku swiftly turned and knelt before the beloved figure. His body in supposition, repenting for his past deeds before the one man that he had ever formed an attachment.
“Please master, I forgave you the minute I saw you on Naboo.” Dooku looked up into the ocean blue eyes of the boy he cultivated and noticed that he was not the older man that had raised Obi-Wan to knighthood, but the young man before his knighting. His hair was shorn and just starting to darken to brown, the padawan braid long and prominent against his tunics.
“You knew, you saw?” Dooku was hauled to his feet, his head hung in shame. “If you saw me, if you knew…” The regret and pain was almost too much for Yan as he sought to protect his own heart.
“I’ve been with you, through it all, my master. I know it started with grief and pain and a good intention, but it was as the force willed it. It had to happen.” There was a far off look in his eyes as pain crossed Qui-Gon’s sharp features.
Dooku couldn’t help the overwhelming emotions and immediately clutched at his padawan, feeling the young man in his arms after so many years apart. He could even smell the living force that was always present with Qui-Gon. “I’m so sorry, I’m so…” The tears fell down the older man’s cheeks as he thought about every bad deed, even raising his own saber to Qui-Gon’s padawan.
“If you require forgiveness, then you have it, but there is no place for regrets, fear and anger here. We are together, in the force, there is no more pain. That is for the living, unfortunately.” Once again, Qui-Gon looked as if he were elsewhere.
“Padawan, are you OK?” Dooku wiped his tears with his sleeve.
“I’m fine, it’s Obi-Wan that I worry for, his padawan has turned on him. I guess we all have our own regrets. I left that child in his hands, not because he needed to be trained, but because I knew that Obi-Wan wouldn’t continue on without a purpose. My oh-so young padawan never met an attachment he didn’t like.” The chuckle startled Yan from his own thoughts.
“You raised a wonderful Jedi, Qui-Gon. For all that we were on different sides, he never wavered in his faith and training. I don’t think anyone could have raised Skywalker better, even you.”
Qui-Gon nodded his head, turning to look in the other direction. “He still has many years ahead of him. They will be full of loneliness and longing. That is the future that I set him up for, but if the force wills it, I will be able to tell him how proud I am of him, how much I have always loved him. I always held that to myself because of our order. I should have told him every day, I should have told you.”
“I knew. Even if I never said it in return, I knew. How can you raise a child from such a young age, care and keep them safe and not form an attachment? That will always be the biggest mistake that the Jedi made, will the next generation learn from our mistakes?”
Qui-Gon sighed and wrapped his arms around his master once again, “Perhaps they will, but if they cling to our same teachings, they are doomed to continue into that dark future. For now, we wait, we watch and we train. We have a padawan to watch over. Are you ready?”
Dooku looked at the out stretched hand, wondering how he could be so easily forgiven. Regret was all he had felt since that day on Naboo, but now there was something else in his chest, a tight feeling of joy. He was once again with his family, the spark of hope for the future being protected by his grand padawan. After years on the wrong path, he was finally where he belonged, in the gentle embrace of the Force and his son.