Work Text:
Atsushi’s face lights up like the Christmas illuminations, and Akutagawa pulls a face.
“Ugh.”
Atsushi ignores him and smiles at his favourite customer.
“Good morning, Chuuya-san!”
“Morning, Atsushi-kun,” Chuuya answers with a beam. “Akutagawa-kun.”
Akutagawa grunts in response before asking, “the usual?”
“Yes, thank you.”
Akutagawa heads over to the coffee machine, while Atsushi lingers to chat.
“How’s work?”
Chuuya pulls a face, and Atsushi chuckles, knowing the older man is probably thinking about his boss. He has heard many stories about this eccentric person ever since he started working at Serendipity a year ago.
“Look, it’s not that I hate Poe-san or anything; he’s a brilliant fashion designer, but he gets so antsy whenever we get closer to our deadlines. Get this, just yesterday he wanted to revamp the entire collection because the theme feels wrong. His brain’s what’s wrong if you ask me,” Chuuya complains with a roll of his eyes.
Atsushi, all sympathetic, opens his mouth to answer, but a yelp comes out instead when he gets whacked across the head rather harshly by his co-worker.
“Hey!”
“You’re not getting paid for chitchatting with customers,” Akutagawa snipes before adding caustically, “Jinko.”
Chuuya raises an eyebrow at the nickname and Atsushi flushes.
“There’s nothing wrong with liking tigers!” Atsushi yells, loud enough for the few customers there in the early morning to turn and look at him.
“Not the point,” Akutagawa mutters under his breath before coolly apologising for the noise. He returns to his work, while Atsushi fumes. He turns to Chuuya with a frown when he hears the older man laughing. “Chuuya-san…?”
Chuuya smiles at him indulgently but doesn't answer. “You’ll figure it out.”
Atsushi wants to know now, but Chuuya’s attention is stolen by the tall man who steps into the café. A pretty smile blossoms on Chuuya’s face as he says, “Dazai.”
Dazai’s smile is gentle around the edges as he draws closer to the other man. “Hey, Chuuya.”
Atsushi internally gives a happy sigh at the sight before him. Chuuya and Dazai are not even touching or anything, but it’s so clear how in love they are with each other from the way they look at each other like the other’s the only one in the world, and the way they call each other’s names, voices dripping with sugary happiness. They’re so sweet, and he wants to have something like that some day.
He only realises he’s staring when Dazai raises an amused eyebrow at him. Unlike Chuuya, Dazai and he don’t really talk except for exchanging greetings, so the situation is unbearably embarrassing. Thankfully, Chuuya’s too preoccupied with talking to Dazai to notice his silliness. Atsushi hastily excuses himself to go help Akutagawa… who doesn't need it because he’s already done.
“I ought to file a complaint against you,” Akutagawa grouches before presenting the drinks to their customers. “Hazelnut latte, and black coffee.”
“Thank you, Akutagawa-kun,” Dazai says before he carries the cups to their usual table just in front of the counter where Chuuya is already sitting at.
Akutagawa, for once, is beaming, and Atsushi rolls his eyes. For some reason, Akutagawa has taken a liking to Dazai, not that Atsushi can’t see why. Dazai’s handsome and from Chuuya’s laughter, he’s clearly witty as well, though he sometimes says things that cause the fashion designer to hit him. Also, from his three piece suit and Rolex watch, it’s clear that he’s wealthy.
Atsushi lingers near the couple’s table as he goes about cleaning the other tables, and he catches glimpses of their conversation that puts a smile on his face. They’re the exact reason why he enjoys his morning weekday shifts so much, despite Akutagawa’s constant attempts to make his mornings as gloomy as himself.
“I’ve miss you, Chuuya ~” Dazai says cheerily, and Chuuya sighs in exasperation.
“We just saw each other yesterday.”
“Only for a while. It’s not enough.” There’s a poignant tone in Dazai’s voice, and Atsushi wonders what it means, but it’s gone with Dazai’s next words. “Your hat is awfully awful today, hat rack.”
“You don’t know the first thing about fashion, shitty mackerel,” Chuuya huffs.
“Tall people look good in anything,” Dazai retorts with a pointed look downwards at Chuuya, making the redhead bristle with annoyance. “You’re the exception though. You always look amazing.”
Chuuya rolls his eyes and looks away, but Atsushi catches the pleased smile on his face. He goes back to the kitchen in a happier mood than before. Even Akutagawa scowling at him doesn't dampen his mood at all. Honestly, he doesn't know why management decided to move Akutagawa to the morning shifts; he is clearly not cut out for daylight. The other used to work the night shifts, but after Atsushi did one night replacement after missing a shift because of exams and met Akutagawa, the older student was suddenly transferred to the morning shifts as well.
“You’re really creepy, you know that?”
“I don’t want to hear that from someone who thinks cravers are still in style.”
Akutagawa growls lowly in his throat but lets the insult slide as he turns away from Atsushi and begins making a sandwich.
“Why are you so interested in them anyway?”
“They’re my aspirational couple, okay,” Atsushi huffs as he crosses his arms and leans against the wall, watching Akutagawa. The older student doesn't respond but Atsushi doesn't mind; Akutagawa isn’t chatty by nature.
When he goes out to deliver the sandwich (Akutagawa likes to keep interaction with other human beings to a minimum), Atsushi sees that Dazai has already left. Chuuya’s staring down at something and when Atsushi moves closer, he sees it’s a drawing of a much younger Dazai. Chuuya traces the face in the image, and Atsushi can almost feel how happy he is from the way his lips unwittingly turn up.
“That’s really nice,” Atsushi says and realises that he should have kept his mouth shut because he’s clearly intruding on Chuuya’s privacy. He rushes to apologise but Chuuya just waves him off.
“It’s nothing illicit,” he says before pausing as if reconsidering his words, but then smiles at Atsushi. “Thanks for the compliment though.”
“It’s really good!” Atsushi gushes, and he isn’t just saying it. All the details are spot on, from the curve of Dazai’s jawline to the light that falls onto him. It’s clear that Chuuya had put a lot of care and thought into it. Once again, Atsushi’s words precede his brain. “Dazai-san looks much younger in it.”
Okay… so maybe Akutagawa does have a point when he said that I tend to run my mouth off…
“This was when we were still in high school,” Chuuya answers, and it’s clear that that period was a blissful one from the way Chuuya sighs wistfully.
Chuuya’s phone rings and he glances at the caller ID before groaning. “Poe bear,” he says, before picking up the call and saying in a cherry tone, “good morning, Poe-san!”
Chuuya hums in response before rolling his eyes at something Poe says. He points at the phone with his free hand and shakes his head, causing Atsushi to giggle.
“Oh yes, I’m checking the materials before I go in today. I’m sure I told you yesterday… yes… yes… oh, from what I’m seeing, the colours are fabulous…” Chuuya winks at Atsushi as he grabs his bag and leaves.
Atsushi’s eyes widen when he sees the sketchbook on the table. “Chuuya-san, wait!”
But the man has already disappeared from view. Atsushi looks around, at a loss of what to do, before sighing and bringing it back to the counter. Akutagawa takes one look at it before turning accusing eyes on him.
“I take back what I said. You’re not just creepy; you’re – ”
“I didn’t steal it. Chuuya-san left it behind.”
“Oh.”
Okay, so Atsushi doesn't have to bring it home either, but he tells himself that it’s because he knows how important it is to Chuuya-san and he doesn’t want to risk it getting lost or damaged.
The contents are nothing he hasn't expected, but Atsushi is still pleasantly surprised to see that the sketchbook is filled with only drawings of Dazai. The knowledge conjures a warm buzz in his chest. The pictures start from their high school years and last through their university years. Chuuya probably has another sketchbook where he keeps the more recent drawings. However, the very last sketch in the book appears to be fairly recent, or at least Dazai is clearly an adult in this one. It features a sleeping Dazai with a blanket draped over him, and Atsushi flushes at the implications of when this was drawn. This one stands out not because it’s relatively new, but because it lacks the fineness of the others, as if it had been drawn in haste.
There are other things that catch Atsushi’s attention too. In particular, there’s a page with Dazai lounging on a sofa, reading a book. But that’s not what interests Atsushi. It’s the wet stains on it – probably wine and water. The page is a bit worn too, evidence that Chuuya had tried to remove the marks, but he probably gave up because he didn’t want to ruin the sketch. Atsushi wonders how Chuuya could so carelessly dirty something so obviously precious to him, and he spends the whole night conjuring up different reasons until sleep claims him.
When he arrives at Serendipity the next day, Chuuya’s already waiting there. He’s pacing back and forth anxiously, and he’s also slightly drenched from the rain – he must have arrived just before it started pouring. Chuuya grins when he sees Atsushi, and the teen has barely closed his umbrella before Chuuya’s frantically asking him if he has seen his sketchbook.
“I have, I have,” Atsushi says as he thrusts his umbrella into the umbrella stand while he rummages around in his bag. “It’s right here!”
He hands it over, and Chuuya lets out a sigh of relief as he holds it to his chest.
“Thank you,” he breathes out before stuffing it into his bag. “I’m so sorry to have troubled you like this!”
“It’s no big deal,” Atsushi says with a smile before he unlocks the doors. “Come on in! I’ll find a towel for you or something.”
Chuuya thanks him again, and Atsushi feels guilty for looking through his stuff without permission. He sends a silent apology in his head. Unfortunately, the only towels he can find are for wiping the dishes or tables, and he doesn't feel good lending those to Chuuya. He’s about to go out and give him the bad news when he sees Dazai entering. The businessman immediately drops his briefcase, and rushes over to Chuuya. Atsushi stays behind the kitchen doors because even he can tell that this is a private moment. Not that it stops him from eavesdropping.
“Chuuya, what happened?” Dazai asks as he quickly takes a handkerchief out from his pocket and wipes the rainwater away from Chuuya’s face. He brushes Chuuya’s hair with his other hand. “Did you forget your umbrella? Why were you in such a rush, silly?”
Chuuya stays silent, and Atsushi can’t quite place the expression on his face. He looks somewhat touched, but also… unwilling? Eventually, Chuuya smiles tersely, and takes the handkerchief from Dazai as he takes a half step back. “I’m fine. Thanks.”
Dazai looks stunned for a moment, before he coughs and looks away. “Right,” he says as he retrieves his briefcase.
Akutagawa enters then and gives the two men a polite nod before going over to the kitchen. He doesn’t spare the same courtesy for Atsushi. Instead, he asks, “skiving again?”
Atsushi scowls at him but mumbles an apology because he knows he’s in the wrong – it’s past opening hour but the lights haven’t even been turned on. In the end, Akutagawa’s the one who does it, making Atsushi feel guiltier than ever as he makes Chuuya and Dazai’s. The two are already sitting at their table and talking in hushed voices. Atsushi’s eyes stray to their hands resting on the table, and he sees Dazai’s hand inching closer to Chuuya’s, but the redhead pulls his hand away and places it on his lap instead, his lips pursed as he shakes his head.
Aw… they had a fight…
But Atsushi still thinks that it’s incredibly sweet that they still stick to their morning meetings despite that.
“I know you’re enjoying front row seats, but the coffees aren’t going to make themselves.”
Atsushi flushes red, and he looks over to make sure that Chuuya and Dazai didn't hear anything. Thank goodness they’re too engrossed in their conversation.
“Shut up,” Atsushi hisses at Akutagawa anyway.
He pushes past the older one as he goes over to the counter to make the hazelnut latte. Akutagawa grunts but doesn't say anything more. The café gets busier as more people stream in. Traffic is heavier than usual that day, probably because people want to take shelter from the rain. Atsushi doesn't get to say goodbye to Chuuya. He had been hoping to comfort Chuuya a little, but he guesses that would have to wait till the next day.
“Oh, it’s nothing,” Chuuya says as he props himself against the counter. “We’re over it.”
“That’s fast! Well, I guess your relationship must be that strong.”
Chuuya laughs at that, like it’s a joke, though it quickly turns into a growl when a cheeky voice from behind inquires, “and who might be out on a mission to scare the living daylights out of people today?”
“Clearly, it’s your sorry excuse of a face, bandaged freak.”
“And yet I’m petrified by that abomination on your head.”
“It’s a hat.”
“Could have fooled me. Ah, but then again, you’re a hat rack so what else could it possibly be?”
Chuuya growls again and opens his mouth, but Akutagawa brings their drinks up at that moment, and Dazai sidles past him to get them. “Thanks, Akutagawa-kun~”
Chuuya scoffs, and gives Atsushi a smile before heading off to their usual table. Dazai looks after him fondly, and gives the two barristers a smile as well before following after Chuuya.
*
It’s just Atsushi’s luck, really. Okay, fine he’s just dumb, but he forgot his umbrella and is now stuck in the supermarket for who knows how long. It wouldn’t be a problem except that his laptop died and he has an essay to send in an hour. He could risk running home but it’s a fifteen-minute walk and he really can’t afford getting his laptop drenched. Literally. He’d have chosen a more convenient apartment but again he can’t afford it. Atsushi sighs and hopes his professor will be sympathetic and not fail him.
“Jinko, you’re in the way.”
“Sorry,” Atsushi replies automatically and steps aside. Wait a minute... he catches a flash of black and shouts, “Akutagawa!”
His coworker winces at his volume and ignores him in favour of apologising to the other customers. He then turns on Atsushi who’s already mumbling apologises. Akutagawa sighs and shakes his head.
“What are you doing here?”
“Grocery shopping. This is the closest supermarket to my house... though I can’t get back now because of the rain... you see, I forgot my umbrella....”
Akutagawa coughs and it sounds suspiciously like typical. Atsushi frowns but Akutagawa waves him over. “I live down the street. You can stay there till the rain subsides -“
Atsushi is shocked. Akutagawa being nice? He’s about to thank him when,
“- in case you continue to terrorise people.”
This is Akutagawa’s way of being nice, Atsushi knows that, he just wishes the man doesn’t have to be such an aberration. Oh well. A smile still makes its way onto Atsushi’s lips and he grasps Akutagawa’s sleeve.
“Thanks, Akutagawa.”
Akutagawa pauses before he starts coughing and turns away. “Whatever, Jinko.”
Atsushi just laughs and doesn’t see the responding smile on Akutagawa’s face.
When they leave, Akutagawa thrusts his umbrella at Atsushi grabs his bag, saying it’ll be easier to share that way. They still end up half soaked, but Akutagawa lends him a towel and his clothes. They’re about the same size so the clothes fit perfectly. Akutagawa’s apartment isn’t anything fancy but it’s still nicer than his and at least he has proper furniture. Atsushi stares at the television and wonders how long it had been since he saw one.
“You can watch it if you want,” Akutagawa says. “My sister, Gin, usually hogs it so I don’t really use it, but she’s over at a friend’s today.”
“You have a sister?!”
Akutagawa looks affronted and Atsushi flushes. He didn’t mean to sound so shocked.
“I just thought you were an only child.”
“Hn.”
Akutagawa walks to the kitchen, and Atsushi charges his laptop before he rapidly edits his essay. When he’s sent it off to his professor, he lets out a sigh and shuts his laptop. He sees a cup of green tea on the table, and he smiles when he realises that Akutagawa had prepared it for him while he had been busy with his work.
“Is it cold?”
“It’s fine.”
Akutagawa nods, and sits next to Atsushi before he switches the television on. Atsushi raises an eyebrow.
“I might as well watch it when Gin isn’t here.”
Makes sense, except that Akutagawa passes the remote control over to him. And Atsushi knows it’s not because Akutagawa actually wants to watch something; he just doesn't want Atsushi to feel guilty about using someone else’s television because Atsushi is just that kind of person who would. The younger man smiles. Akutagawa could be so nice in the most discreet of ways.
The news is on, and Atsushi is about to flip the channel when he sees Dazai on the screen. Akutagawa looks interested as well, so Atsushi stays on the channel. It’s interesting to know about someone who he sees daily but know almost next to nothing about anyway.
Except that the news isn’t what he expects at all.
It’s about Dazai, youngest CEO in Japan, who’s going to have his first child. He and his wife look happy as they smile for the cameras. Atsushi feels numb as he takes in the scene before him. He’s vaguely aware of Akutagawa looking at him but he can’t find it in himself to care at the moment. Dazai kissing his wife is the last straw, and Atsushi stands up quickly.
“Akutagawa… I… I should go. I’ve imposed long enough… I – ”
“I’ll see you tomorrow, Jinko.”
“Right, see you,” Atsushi says as he all but dashes out of the apartment.
When he returns home, he slides down to the ground and starts to cry. It turns out fairy tales are all lies after all.
*
Chuuya walks into Serendipity, and when he meets Atsushi’s eyes, he smiles tersely and strolls over to the counter. He lets out a shaky breath as he places a hand on the counter.
“So you’ve found out. Guess you must think I’m a terrible person, huh? Not that you’ll be wrong.” Chuuya laughs again, and Atsushi feels the emptiness in it echoing in his heart.
He shakes his head. “I don’t feel that way, Chuuya-san, I’m just -“ Atsushi cuts himself off, unable to explain what it is that he feels.
“Hey, do you work the night shift any day? I’ll give you a proper explanation,” Chuuya says hastily, and Atsushi wonders why he’s being so fidgety when he realises it’s because Dazai is crossing the street right now.
“Tomorrow night. I end at 10.”
Chuuya nods, and they slip into idle conversation. It’s like nothing has changed when Dazai steps into the cafe. The happiest smile still appears on his lips when he sees Chuuya, and when he speaks the other’s name, it still sounds like he’s cradling it close to his heart. But then Atsushi sees those hidden signs - the barely concealed anguish and hurt in Chuuya’s eyes, the longing in Dazai’s, how they’re not touching but desperately wanting to, how Chuuya leans away when Dazai gets too close, how Dazai has to look away in case he stares too long, how Chuuya keeps throwing furtive glances at Dazai’s fourth finger, where even though the ring isn’t currently there, the mark of it surely is. It’s too much, and Atsushi stays in the kitchen or just clear of their table until they leave.
Akutagawa comes in a whole later, and he pauses in his tracks.
“Jinko... are you crying...?”
Atsushi feels wetness on his cheeks and shakes his head as he wipes the tears off. Akutagawa must find him so weird.
“I’m fine,” he says and shuffles back out.
Akutagawa gives him his space for the rest of their shift but he corners Atsushi when work ends. Atsushi doesn’t protest and he follows Akutagawa home. Truth be told, he doesn’t want to be alone either.
“What’s wrong, Jinko? Does it have to do with the news last night?”
Atsushi laughs dryly. “You must think I’m so weird.”
“Why do you always assume the worst of me?” Akutagawa scoffs when Atsushi has the decency at least look embarrassed. “Look, despite my attire, I’m not inclined to judge.”
“... so you know it’s your attire...?”
Akutagawa gives him a warning glance and Atsushi laughs, putting his hands up in the air.
“So what’s wrong?” Akutagawa asks, Atsushi bites his lower lip.
Despite what Akutagawa said, Atsushi still feels worried. He knows that what he’s feeling is stupid and the reasons are even more so. Akutagawa with his perfect family couldn’t possibly understand. Atsushi steals a glance at Akutagawa and sees that the other teen is flipping through his textbook. He’s obviously only doing so in order give Atsushi more time, and it’s this kindness that puts Atsushi at ease. He exhales in a sigh.
“I’m an orphan,” Atsushi admits, and this isn’t hard because it’s not something he’s ashamed of. “And when I was growing up in the orphanage, all the other children were bitter, and believed that their parents had abandoned them, that they were the accidents, or just not worth it.”
Akutagawa scoffs, but doesn’t say anything.
“Well, it’s not exactly their fault. The Headmaster’s the one who literally beat that belief in them, but... but I believed differently.” Atsushi barks out a laugh. “That’s why I always got the worst of the beatings but it didn’t matter to me. I thought that my parents must have loved me, and I guess....” Atsushi trails off here, because this is the first time that he’s admitting it to himself too.
“You superimposed your parents onto Dazai-san and Chuuya-san.”
Atsushi sighs in frustration. “I know it’s dumb, but when I see them being so happy and in love... well, I just thought my parents must have been like that too. I must have been born from that kind of love... I...” a bitter laugh escapes him, “I’m so dumb.”
“That’s not dumb.”
It’s not the words but the angry tone in Akutagawa’s voice that causes Atsushi to look at him. He’s surprised to see anger on Akutagawa’s face as well.
“Aku – ”
“You’re not dumb, Atsushi. Don’t think that,” Akutagawa continues. “You believed in something and you tried to find what’s missing in your life. You never gave up on hope or on love. So stop beating yourself up over it. What?” Akutagawa snaps in the end when he realises Atsushi staring at him with his mouth hanging agape.
Atsushi shuts his mouth immediately as a slight blush rises onto his cheeks. “... did you just call me Atsushi?”
Akutagawa flushes a deeper red than Atsushi, and growls at him. “How is that the point you focus on, Jinko!”
“Hey, you called me Atsushi! There’s no going back to Jinko now~!”
Akutagawa growls again but says nothing. Atsushi laughs heartily, and he feels a little better even if there’s still that gnawing ache in his heart.
“Hey...”
“Hm?”
“I don’t have a perfect family either. Gin and I, we’re orphans as well. We only managed to get this flat because of a kind man who decided to sponsor us.”
Atsushi’s eyes widen at hearing this, and he feels immensely guilty for assuming things based on their appearances. With a start, Atsushi realises that’s exactly what he had done with Chuuya-san and Dazai-san, and guilt wells up in his heart again. He stands up, and bows to Akutagawa.
“I’m sorry!”
Akutagawa looks startled and it would have been happy if the situation weren’t quite so serious. “For...?”
“For assuming. I shouldn’t have.”
“Oh... whatever...”
That’s Akutagawa for ‘it’s alright’, and Atsushi smiles. He retakes his seat, and is startled by the loud sigh Akutagawa lets out.
“Why are you still looking like that?”
Atsushi worries his lower lip. “I... I’m meeting Chuuya-san this Friday after work.”
A look of realisation dawns on Akutagawa’s face, and he nods. “Well... good luck.”
“Thanks.”
“And... Atsushi...?”
Atsushi smiles at the use of his given name.
“Yeah, Ryuu?”
“... please don’t call me that...”
Atsushi ignores him.
“Don’t be too hard on yourself, and don’t be too hard on Chuuya-san too.”
Atsushi smiles and nods. “I won’t.”
*
Chuuya arrives just as the last customer leaves, but Atsushi can tell from how he’s rubbing his hands together that he has been waiting outside for quite a while.
“Sorry, I didn’t want to interrupt your work,” Chuuya explains.
“You don’t need to apologise!” Atsushi says. “Just let me close the shop up first.”
Chuuya nods, and Atsushi can’t help but notice that he chooses the seat right next to the door. When Atsushi walks back into the cafe after locking the main entrance, he finds Chuuya staring at his and Dazai’s usual seat. He doesn’t even notice Atsushi taking a seat opposite him until the younger one calls his name.
“Oh, sorry, I was just...” Chuuya laughs bitterly as he runs his fingers through his hair. “You must think I’m a terrible person.”
“Not at all,” Atsushi protests, and Chuuya raises an eyebrow. “I mean I was shocked and I admit that I was disappointed but I never thought you were terrible, and honestly, I have no rights to have an opinion on your relationship.”
Chuuya lets out a sigh before he laughs. “You have no idea how happy I am to hear you say that.”
Atsushi smiles, feeling a little better as well.
“I know it’s wrong... I should have walked away, but I love Dazai so much - “ Chuuya’s voice cracks and he takes a sip of the water Atsushi has given him “ – and when he asked me stay three years ago, I couldn’t say no.”
“Chuuya-san... you and Dalai-san... were you... I mean...” Atsushi really doesn’t know how to phrase his question in a way that isn’t rude.
Chuuya seems to understand anyway. “Dazai and I met in high school. I was a transfer student and, god – ” Chuuya rolls his eyes and laughs “ – he was the most infuriating person I’ve ever met.” Chuuya’s smile softens. “But he also loved and cared for me like no one ever had before.”
“So you guys have been together since high school?”
Chuuya shakes his head. “I wasn’t sure if I was gay. I realised I was in love with him our second year in university, but he was dating this other guy. And when he broke up with that guy... well, his parents are very influential and wealthy businessmen, and he’s their only son, so when they told him he was to marry one of their partner’s daughter for the sake of the company, he couldn’t say no. He started dating her.”
“So you guys have never been in a relationship?” Atsushi couldn’t actually believe it but Chuuya simply nods. Atsushi drops his voice. “Have you ever, erm, you know...”
Chuuya laughs lightly, and Atsushi flushes. “We kissed and made out a couple of times, sure, but not when he was in any relationships, except...” Chuuya sighs and the guilt that appears on his face already tells Atsushi what has happened. He thinks back to that last, hasty drawing in Chuuya’s sketchbook. “He was already married, and we were drunk and...” Chuuya shrugs. “That was the one and only time I ever had sex. Pathetic, huh?”
Atsushi shakes his head.
“I’m terrible. Dazai cheated on his wife with me. I don't care that it was an accident; it shouldn't have happened.”
Atsushi can see that the incident is still one that tears Chuuya up inside, and he doesn't know what to say to comfort him. He doesn't condone infidelity, of course not, but Dazai and Chuuya just made a mistake once… right?
“I know his wife, you know. I attended his wedding. I refused to be his best man, and he never asked, but I knew that he wanted me there so I went. I was supposed to leave for Europe immediately after the wedding but he chased me down and told me not to leave.” Chuuya laughs and shakes his head. “I should have left instead of letting this drag on for so long.”
“And now his wife is pregnant...” Atsushi says hesitantly
A sad look crosses over Chuuya’s face. “Look, I never expected him to be celibate for me, especially since he has a wife, but... it was still shocking to find that out from the news.”
Atsushi gasps. “He didn’t tell you?”
Chuuya smiles thinly. “He tried, but no he didn’t.”
“Does he know that you know?”
“Of course he does. The news is plastered all over the news.”
Right.
“Chuuya-san... so what are your plans?”
“I’m going to do what I should have done three years ago.”
Atsushi’s eyes widen. “What do you mean?”
“My sister opened a fashion company in France a few years back and she wants to expand it so she asked me to go over to help her. I was going to reject her initially, but I’m leaving on Monday afternoon.”
“So soon?!”
“I was packing but then I realised I didn’t really have anything I want to bring with me.”
Atsushi’s eyes stray over to the familiar notebook that sticks out of Chuuya’s bag but looks away quickly before Chuuya can notice.
“There’s the house and I’ll admit that I can’t bear to let it go, but, well – ” Chuuya slides a key over to Atsushi “ – I’m giving it to you.”
Atsushi gapes at the key for a full minute and only Chuuya waving his hand in front of his face brings him back to his senses. He pushes the key back to Chuuya and shakes his head frantically.
“Chuuya-san, this is too generous! I can’t!”
Chuuya waves his concern off. “Look, I don’t want to sell it, so why not have a live-in housekeeper maintain it while I’m gone? I only ask that you let me stay there for free when I visit Japan.”
“But – ”
“The title deed will still be in my name. Stop rejecting me, Atsushi-kun, and please go make me a black coffee. Treat me to it and we can call it even.”
Of course they can’t. A black coffee as payment for an apartment? But Atsushi doesn’t want to argue with Chuuya, especially when the man is so determined. It’s only when he’s halfway through making the drink that he realises that this is Dazai’s drink. Chuuya takes a sip and his face immediately scrunches up. He takes another sip and shivers slightly before placing the cup down.
“Oh god, this is so bitter. How does he drink it?”
“... Chuuya-san... you’re crying...”
Chuuya touches his face and laughs. “So I am.”
Atsushi is at a loss of what to say but he offers some tissues to Chuuya. As the older man dabs at his eyes, he sighs heavily. The tears won’t stop, and when Chuuya looks at Atsushi, he can see the turmoil and torment in the blue eyes.
“Atsushi-kun, I’m not telling him anything. I’m just leaving. I’m afraid if I see him, I’ll second-guess my decision. And... Oh god, Atsushi-kun, please tell me I’m doing the right thing. Please.”
Atsushi has never seen Chuuya so desperate and sad before. The Chuuya-san who walks into Serendipity every morning is cheerful and each step he takes brims with confidence. He never looks unsure of himself, and he’s always so full of life and expressions when he chats with Atsushi. And Atsushi’s heart twinges at how that Chuuya is now pleading him.
“It’s okay, Chuuya-san, you’re doing the right thing.”
“Thank you, thank you, Atsushi-kun.”
There are tears in Chuuya’s smile, and it’s a sight Atsushi will never forget.
Monday rolls around, and it’s as if nothing has changed. Atsushi is still expecting Chuuya to walk into the cafe with his bag slung over his shoulder and with a radiant smile on his face. He is still expecting Dazai to stroll in right after and tease Chuuya about his hat and height. He is still expecting them to banter and joke around with love in their eyes. Then he feels the weight of his new key in his pocket and realises that those days are over.
“Jinko, are you okay?”
Atsushi smiles at Akutagawa and nods. “I’m fine, Ryuu.”
“Don’t call me that,” Akutagawa complains but there’s no heat in his voice, and Atsushi’s distracted by Dazai’s entrance. Akutagawa seems to realise this is a private moment, for he retreats to the other corner of the counter.
“Atsushi-kun, good morning,” Dazai says pleasantly, and he scans around the cafe. With a small smile, he turns back to Atsushi. “Chuuya’s late today.”
Atsushi doesn’t know what face he’s making but Dazai’s eyes widen, and he places a hand on the counter. His hand curls into a fist. Atsushi has never seen him look so shaken.
“Oh.” Dazai laughs bitterly. “So I guess you know everything. You must think I’m horrible.”
Atsushi shakes his head. “You were just in love with the wrong person.”
Dazai shakes his head and his voice is soft as he says, “No, Chuuya’s not the wrong person. How can loving him be wrong? It’s the only right thing I’ve done in my life.”
“Chuuya-san... he’s leaving...”
“Right.” Dazai clearly doesn't want to talk about this. Atsushi doesn't blame him; they’re not as close as he and Chuuya are after all. “Can I have a hazelnut latte?”
Atsushi nods and goes to make the order, feeling strangely melancholic as he does. Dazai grimaces when he takes a sip, his face scrunching up just like Chuuya’s a few nights ago.
“It’s so sweet. How does he drink this?”
Atsushi can’t help but laugh. Dazai raises an eyebrow.
“I’m sorry. It’s just... Chuuya-san ordered your drink the other day, and he said the exact same thing.”
Dazai chortles at that and shakes his head fondly. “He would, wouldn’t he?”
The look of affection on Dazai’s face is immediately replaced by pain as he glances towards his table and sees another couple sitting there. He must have come to the same realisation as Atsushi, and the barista can’t stand the distraught look on Dazai’s face.
“Dazai-san, if you head to the airport, you might still have – ”
“It’s okay, Atsushi-kun.”
“But – ”
“He chose not to tell me; the least I can do is respect his decision.”
“Dazai-san – ”
“He’s not giving me a choice this time, just like I never gave him a choice before.”
Atsushi falls silent at that. But you love each other so much, he wants to say, but that’s unnecessary. Who knows it better than the two of them?
“I- I shouldn’t have married her. I’ve let both of them down,” Dazai whispers and it’s clear from his broken voice that this is the first time he’s admitting it. He closes his eyes and when he opens them, they’ve lost their shine, even if he does look determined. “But I’m not going to let my future child down.”
“Dazai-san...”
“I wish I had talked to you more, Atsushi-kun, you seem like a nice guy. Goodbye.”
Atsushi watches wordlessly as Dazai leaves. He hides in the kitchen for an hour as he cries for the loss of a love that had lit up the lives of not only two but three people. Akutagawa doesn’t say anything as he covers for Atsushi, and they spend the rest of their shift in silence. When Atsushi leaves work that day, he can’t help but feel like it’s really the end.
Atsushi doesn’t see Chuuya or Dazai at the cafe again after that.
*
It’s been a year since Dazai last stepped into Serendipity, and Atsushi still feels a pang of sorrow in his heart whenever he looks at that table by the corner. Sometimes he feels like he can still hear Dazai’s soft tones and Chuuya’s laughter but they’re just figments of his imagination.
Gloved hands slip into his, and Atsushi turns over to smile at Akutagawa.
“Slacking off and making me close the store again. You’re a terrible worker, Jinko,” Akutagawa says and despite the blank look on his face, there isn’t actually any bite in his words.
“That’s what a boyfriend should do,” Atsushi says sweetly, laughing when Akutagawa flushes slightly and turn away.
“Tch.”
“Well, let’s go! I want to see the illuminations!”
“Yes, yes, they aren’t going anywhere, you know.”
As they walk down the streets, Atsushi swears that he sees a couple across the road. Their hands are held tightly in each other’s, and the man with red hair is laughing at something the brown haired man whispers into his ears. But then he blinks and the image disperses.
“Atsushi?”
“I’m fine, Ryuu. Hey, look, the illuminations are up ahead!”
Atsushi drags Akutagawa towards the beautiful decorations, a smile on his face.
Chuuya-san, Dazai-san, I wish you all the happiness in the world.