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Seungkwan is sprawled on her bed, phone in one hand, scrolling through her Instagram feed. Hansol is sprawled on the bed too, with his head on her stomach. It’s a little uncomfortable but this way Seungkwan’s can comfortably bury her other hand into his hair and his hair is really, really soft - it makes up for it. Hansol is on his phone as well, playing a game that Seungkwan never bothered to learn the name of.
At the third time she refreshes her feed, a new post from Wonwoo pops up. Surprisingly, it’s not pictures of old books. It’s captioned The coffee fairy has arrived, and in the picture, Wonwoo plus two other disarmingly hot girls are smiling at the camera, faces half-hidden behind Starbucks cups. Seungkwan taps on it twice. She recognizes one of the girls - she’s Wonwoo’s Hot Friend, as Seungkwan likes to call her. (She knows her name. She’s actually met Minghao once, but it makes no difference, because the title is still true.) The third girl she’s seen in some of Jihoon’s posts, the rare times Jihoon posts anything that is not aesthetic landscapes and obscure emo poems.
Seungkwan drops her phone on her stomach, careful not to accidentally hit Hansol. The ceiling doesn’t provide her with entertainment, exactly, but her thoughts keep running back to Wonwoo. Wonwoo and her epic love story. Seungkwan’s happy for her, she really is - but she can’t entirely push down the feeling of inadequacy, maybe even a little jealousy? Wonwoo has a job now, a girlfriend, friends who look like they’ve stepped off a Vogue magazine - Seungkwan can’t help but feel a little unneeded. And the thing is, Wonwoo has never even given her a reason to - she keeps doing her best to make time for her, even when she’s busy. Still, sometimes Seungkwan wants to be the coffee fairy, too.
“Hey,” Hansol says, gently taking her hand out of his hair and squeezing it in his own. “Are you okay?”
“Of course,” Seungkwan smiles and tries her best not to make it look forced.
Hansol hums, rubbing her knuckles slowly, like he doesn’t even realize he’s doing it. “You haven’t checked your phone in the last ten minutes.”
The biggest truth Seungkwan has learned since dating Hansol: lying to him is pointless. She sighs. “I was just thinking about Wonwoo.”
“Oh, you haven’t hung out in a while, right?” His eyes look up at her, curious and Seungkwan wants to crawl out of her skin and take residence under his, a little. He smiles at her. “Why don’t we go on a double date with her girlfriend? I mean, I know you like people and I haven’t been able to fulfill your social butterfly needs lately,” he laughs quietly.
Seungkwan blinks at him. The three words almost claw their way out of her throat. “I’ll text her,” she says instead. Hansol kisses her knuckles.
*
Two hours before the arranged meeting time, Wonwoo texts her.
Jihoon just told me she’s stuck at work, she won’t make it
But don’t worry!! I got a temporary replacement, we can still have a double date
You remember Minghao right?
Seungkwan debates whether or not to leave her on read for a few moments. That, however would be a dead giveaway that she’s unhappy about it - and she isn’t, really. Minghao is cool.
She types back, sure, okay.
*
There’s still half an hour before they’re supposed to meet and Seungkwan looks at herself in the mirror. She put extra care in her makeup this time - winged eyeliner, specs of glitter over it, just the right amount of eyeshadow to make her look pretty without actually looking like she tried very hard. It’s - it’s a lot more than she usually does. She takes a deep breath, steps into her only pair of heels and heads for the door.
When Hansol meets her at her building’s entrance, he just stares at her, speechless, without even a hello. It’s his phone clattering to the ground that breaks his trance.
Seungkwan’s heart drops. “Oh my god, I look like a trainwreck, don’t I, oh my god,” they have twenty minutes left, if she’s quick with her makeup wipes and finds something else to wear but oh god, her wardrobe is a mess and -
“What, no,” Hansol interrupts her racing thoughts. “No, actually,” he pauses and - blushes? Seungkwan’s heart melts instantly. “Actually, you look really, really pretty.”
“Oh.” Is all she says. This is the exact thing she would usually make fun of him for but the atmosphere feels too tender, somehow. And she really doesn't want to. She ends up saying a quiet, “thanks.”
*
Everything is going well until Minghao and Hansol see each other and Minghao stares, then stares some more, then, “Hansol?”
Hansol’s smile is blinding when he goes to give her a suffocating hug.
Wonwoo stares at them. “You two know each other?”
“Of course,” Hansol beams, “we used to date in high school, she was my first girlfriend.”
The confidence Seungkwan dressed herself in, drew on herself, drains out like water. Minghao smacks Hansol’s shoulder. “You asshole, hasn’t anyone told you it isn’t nice to talk about your exes in front of your girlfriend?”
Hansol makes a face. “Was I supposed to lie?” He then turns to Seungkwan, finally, and smiles that blinding smile again. He gets back to her and tugs her close, tangles his fingers in her hair, effectively ruining it. “I don’t want to lie to you.”
Minghao rolls her eyes and Seungkwan feels a little better, but it barely makes a difference.
*
The thing is, Hansol is not the most touchy person in existence, but he has this weird, impeccable Seungkwan-intuition. Somehow each time she feels bad, even a little bit, he’s already there, hand comforting on her thigh, or hugging her shoulders, or her waist, or just holding her hand, at least.
Right now, however, Seungkwan is not feeling good, and not hiding it all that well, considering Wonwoo’s concerned glances every so often - but Hansol is too busy talking to Minghao, remembering things they’ve done, people they’ve known, situations Seungkwan has never heard of. It’s every bit like how a meeting between old friends should go and Seungkwan is okay with that, really, but looking at Minghao and her long, slender legs currently folded under the table, and her pretty eyes and her amazing lipstick and - it makes Seungkwan want to look at herself in her pocket mirror and compare. She doesn’t. There will be enough time for that at home.
Hansol shuffles closer to her, takes her hand in his - Seungkwan pulls away, under the pretense of taking a sip of her cappuccino.
*
When they’re in front of Seungkwan’s building apartment, instead of kissing her good night, Hansol grabs her hand, concern written all over his face. “Are you okay?”
“Of course,” Seungkwan replies instinctively.
Hansol frowns. “You’re lying.”
Damn Hansol and his ability to read her. “It’s okay,” she says in the end. It’s a half-lie. “I’m just not feeling very good. I’ll be fine after I get some rest, okay?”
“Promise me something,” Hansol asks, takes her hands again. This time Seungkwan lets him. “You’ll tell me if you’re not feeling okay, right? It doesn’t matter what it is. I’ll try my best to help.”
“Okay,” she says. Hansol smiles at her, and there’s her good night kiss.
It’s not a lie, not really. She’ll tell him when she deals with it herself. Whenever it is.
*
“So the double date was weird,” Wonwoo says the a few days later over coffee. She’d texted Seungkwan unexpectedly, wanted to spend her lunch break together. Minghao is nowhere in sight.
Seungkwan snorts. “No shit.” She stirs her coffee absently, watching the cars pass by on the street outside. “It’s weird, I know he’s had exes, obviously, but… And Minghao’s so...”
“Yeah, she is,” Wonwoo smiles. “Jihoon is all weird about her too, although not as much anymore. But this isn’t about Minghao, is it?”
Damn Wonwoo and her mind-reading abilities. Why is Seungkwan so transparent to all the people in her life?
“I just,” Seungkwan starts, because Wonwoo will know if she lies, “it’s just that you have this exciting new life now. And exciting new friends who are all tall and pretty and cool and older than me and -” she takes a deep breath. “It used to be just me and Mingyu, right? Your closest friends, I mean. And one cool, hot person in your life I can handle, but now there’s so many? And we don’t even see each other so much because you work and I’m still trying to find a job and - I just worry you’ll realize you don’t need me soon.”
Wonwoo starts moving as soon as Seungkwan stops talking, dragging her chair closer to Seungkwan’s. It screeches obnoxiously against the café floor and they get a few looks. Wonwoo hesitates for a second, then wraps her hands around Seungkwan and squeezes, hard.
“You idiot,” Wonwoo says quietly, almost like she doesn’t want Seungkwan to hear. She straightens up and puts her hands on Seungkwan’s shoulders, forcing Seungkwan to look at her. “You are an idiot, I love you very, very much and no amount of tall, hot ladies in my life is going to change that.” Wonwoo tilts her head, thinking. “Or short ones, for that matter. How long have we been friends? Did you expect me to forget you just because I have a social circle now? Boo Seungkwan,” she says, voice dead serious, “you are an idiot.”
Seungkwan stares at her, feels her eyes prickling and man, if she starts crying now -
But Wonwoo isn’t done. “And don’t even get me started on the job thing. Did you think I’d think less of you just because I currently have a job and you don’t? My life is looking up, yes, but that’s just one more reason to keep you in it.”
Seungkwan sniffles. Sentences suddenly seem very hard to form and she sniffles again. “What the fuck, I thought you were supposed to be the awkward one in this relationship.”
“Well,” Wonwoo laughs, “you’re the idiot in this relationship, I had to gain some skills to balance it out.”
“Stop calling me idiot,” Seungkwan grumbles. At least the sniffles died down.
“Okay.” Wonwoo grins, eyes crinkling in that way that makes Seungkwan want to pinch her cheeks, even though she’s younger. “Idiot.”
Seungkwan kicks her chair.
*
Time to face the music, Seungkwan tells herself and texts Hansol. He says he can’t stay over because he has to get up early the next day but he’ll definitely come for pizza and movies, and Seungkwan sets up a delivery for half an hour after he’s supposed to come.
“You’re feeling better,” Hansol states as soon as she opens the door.
She laughs, “I told you it’s not that bad.”
They have all the time in the world for serious talks - right now, she just wants to cuddle.
The movie is a little boring but Hansol is very warm and Seungkwan doesn’t mind one bit. The pizza finally arrives, too and as Seungkwan climbs up the stairs back to her apartment, thinking about Hansol waiting for her, about the boring movie, and tells herself Hey, my life isn’t bad at all.
Hansol is predictably glued to his phone when she gets back and she pays him no mind, but before he turns it off and turns to her - Seungkwan sees the name on the message thread. It’s Minghao. Suddenly all the confidence, all the comfort she’d managed to achieve today, all the determination to talk - it all drains away and she’s left standing there, staring at the paused movie, boxes of pizza in one hand.
It’s okay, it’s normal, they’re friends, she repeats to herself like a mantra but her brain helpfully supplies images of Minghao, of how well her dresses fit her, of how cool she looks with short hair, of how long heels make her already long legs and - she leaves the pizza on the coffee table and forces herself to smile, snuggles in Hansol’s arms before he can see how fake it is.
So much for dealing with it.
*
so remember how we got over my insecurities today, Seungkwan texts Wonwoo that same night, after Hansol has gone home, because if she doesn’t let someone know she might combust.
Wonwoo’s reply isn’t immediate, but it’s also not two days later, so Seungkwan counts it as a win. yes?
apparently we didn’t
Wonwoo calls her two minutes later. “What happened?”
“Well,” Seungkwan starts and tries really hard not to sound as irrationally whiny as she does in her head, “tonight Hansol came over and - and he was texting Minghao, like, a lot?”
Wonwoo is quiet for a few seconds. “Did he ignore you for her?”
“No!” Seungkwan hurries to defend because he didn’t, not at all. “No, just… I mean, he hasn’t given me any reason to doubt him, I’m just being,” she wonders how she should finish this sentence. “I’m just being an annoying girlfriend?”
Wonwoo heaves a deep sigh. “That’s it. I’m staging an intervention, you’re meeting me for lunch tomorrow.”
“Two days in a row?” Seungkwan laughs but it sounds watery even to her own ears. “You’re going to spoil me.” Then, hesitantly, she adds, “Won’t your friends mind?”
“ Boo Seungkwan. You are my friend too, we talked about this. Tomorrow,” Wonwoo repeats again and Seungkwan can just imagine her waving a finger like an elementary school teacher.
“Okay,” she says in the end. “Tomorrow.”
*
When Seungkwan gets there the next day, it’s not Wonwoo that’s waiting for her. She has almost decided to just turn away and pretend she never came, but Minghao spots her and waves her over. Seungkwan swallows, steels herself, and goes to sit on the chair across Minghao.
“I didn’t expect to see you here,” Seungkwan says carefully.
“I know,” Minghao smiles. It’s unfair how pretty she can be, on top of smoking hot. Life is not fair, Seungkwan thinks. “I convinced Wonwoo it would be better if it was me staging the intervention.”
And just like that, Seungkwan’s thoughts take a sharp turn towards elaborate ways to make Wonwoo suffer.
It must show on her face, because Minghao quickly holds a hand up. “Don’t be mad at her! All she really said was that you have boyfriend troubles. I just put two and two together. Hansol has been talking to me a lot, lately.”
Oh. Seungkwan’s not entirely sure how to feel at this. “Really?”
“Yes,” Minghao replies and she’s smiling again and it’s unfair. “He’s been talking a lot about you, actually. He’s really worried, you know.”
Is he? Seungkwan blinks at her. “Really?” She repeats because - really?
Minghao laughs. “Really. Actually that’s mostly what we talk about, him gushing about you while trying and failing to be cool about it, and me whining about my guy troubles, which he doesn’t get at all.”
“I just,” Seungkwan flails her hands a little, and Minghao smiles at her again. “You’re just so cool? And I’m not? And he has dated you and -”
“And now he’s dating you.” Minghao interrupts before Seungkwan has time to make it worse - or be mortified that she just spilled her insecurities to an almost-stranger. “Don’t do that to yourself. My relationship with Hansol didn’t work out for a reason. We work way better as friends, even if we didn’t quite think so back then. We’re not the same people anymore.”
Seungkwan laughs despite herself. “Are you going to tell me you weren’t as cool then?”
“Of course not,” Minghao grins. “Well, Hansol is just as uncool now as he was then, but I’ve always been amazing.”
Now Seungkwan laughs, really does and Minghao looks very pleased with herself. “Are you going to tell me the story of you and him?”
“Nope,” Minghao says, still looking pleased with herself. “You’ll have to ask him about that.”
“Yeah, right,” Seungkwan snorts. Even the idea of that conversation makes her cringe. “That’s going to be one hell of a talk.”
Minghao shrugs. “Or,” she starts, a mischievous glint in her eyes, “you could promise me another coffee date and I’ll think about sharing some embarrassing stories. Embarrassing for Hansol, of course.”
“Of course,” Seungkwan repeats, smiling. “Why do you want coffee dates with me though?”
“What can I say,” Minghao twirls her teaspoon. “You’re cute, maybe you bring out my latent mother instincts.”
Seungkwan narrows her eyes. “I am one year younger than you. And you’ve dated my boyfriend who is also one year younger than you.”
Minghao shrugs again. “I’ve never claimed to be a good mom.”
“Deal.” Seungkwan says before she can talk herself out of it. Minghao beams - she’s still unfairly pretty but... Seungkwan doesn't mind it as much anymore.
*
As soon as Hansol opens the door Seungkwan throws her arms around him and squeezes as hard as she can. He seems a little taken aback but takes it all in stride.
“That’s unexpected,” he grins when she finally lets go of him. “But definitely not unappreciated.”
Seungkwan rolls her eyes. “And people think I’m the mushy element in this relationship.”
“But you are!” Hansol exclaims and ducks into the kitchen before Seungkwan’s half-hearted slap can reach him. “Um,” he starts hesitantly when Seungkwan follows him and sees the distinct lack of food. “See, I tried to cook, but...”
Seungkwan bursts out laughing before she can stop herself. “Aw, at least you didn’t set the kitchen on fire.”
“Your faith in me is astounding,” Hansol says flatly. “But I love you, so I already ordered Chinese.”
Seungkwan looks at him, currently trying to dig out glasses out of his cupboard. “I love you too,” she says quietly and reaches up to kiss his cheek before moving to the living room to unceremoniously flop on the couch.
*
“Oh, Minghao says hi,” Hansol says suddenly, looking at his phone. None of them are paying much attention to the movie - they should really let someone else pick movies for them. Or stop making out long enough to actually try and see what the movie is about - one or the other.
“Nice,” Seungkwan tells him and waits for the pang of jealousy. It’s not as bad now but it’s still there. It won’t go away that easily - Seungkwan, however, is determined to not let it affect her anymore. “Tell her we should hang out soon.”
Hansol stares at her, phone forgotten in his hand. “Since when are you two even friends?”
Seungkwan bites back a smile and shrugs. “We bonded over embarrassing stories of you.”
Hansol’s indignant Hey, goes unacknowledged.