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Angelica dosen’t ask about Alexander. All she knows is that he’s is gone and whenever Philip asks for him, John’s hands clench and Eliza look seconds away from crying. So she dosen’t ask. She busies herself with her job and Philip and Louisa and fixing the mess that Alex left. She focuses on pulling her sibling out of bed everyday, not letting them wallow in their sadness for too long. She watches John turn feral, watches him curse and break items around the house and she never lets Philip see.
She can’t keep doing this. Louisa is constantly asking for her and though she never says it, Maria is weary of this battle too.
It’s been three months since Alex has left, and she can’t keep doing this.
After another day of Eliza not coming down for dinner, Angelica goes up to talk to them.
“John’s asking for you.” She says, pushing open her siblings door. They sit up, eyes rimmed red, tear tracks evident on their face.
“He can come get me himself.” They say. Angelica notices the untouched serotonin pills on their side table.
“I can’t keep doing this, Eli.” Angelica says, using Eliza’s old nickname. Eliza dosen’t respond.
“Philip misses you, he misses having his parents there for him.” Angelica tries again.
“I know,” Eliza says almost inaudibly. ”Philip will be two soon. You know on his first birthday, Alex bought him a tricycle? Philip can barely walk yet and he’s already looking ahead. He said no son of his was going to be ill prepared for the future.”
“You talk about him like he’s dead.” Angelica said.
“He may as well be.” Eliza whispers.
Another week passes before John brings Alex back up.
“I miss him.” He says in the middle of washing dishes. Eliza freezes in picking Philip up, setting him down just as fast. They lead Philip to the other room, making sure he’s distracted before going to face John again.
“I know you miss him too, ‘Liza.” John says softly. They wrap their arms softly around John’s waist, laying their head on his shoulder.
“He hurt us. He was selfish.” Eliza says.
“I know. He hurt Philip and he still hurts us with every time we talk about him.” John’s hands clench around a cup. It pains them to see John this angry, this willing to snap at the slightest notion.
“We can’t afford to keep replacing these, my love.” Eliza says, removing the cup out of his grip.
“Sorry, ‘Liza.” He says. He turns in their grip and hugs them tightly.
“We don’t have to like him. We don’t have to even let him back in the house yet. We just need to talk about it.” Eliza says.
“For Philip.” John says.
“For Philip.” Eliza agrees.
“We’re going to try seeing him again.” Eliza says. Angelica tries fighting her smile and fails. She hugs her sibling tightly and holds their face in her hands.
“I’m proud of you.” Angelica says.
“Thanks, Angie.” Eliza whispers.
It’s been four months since Alex has left and Angelica can finally breathe.
John and Eliza agree to meet Alex at a secluded coffee shop, public enough for them to not make a scene, yet private enough to not be overheard.
It’s pouring rain when they finally leave to go see him.
“Ready?” John asks and Eliza nods.
“For Philip.” Eliza says, squeezing John’s hand.
“For Philip.” He says, pushing open the door to the coffee shop.
They’re not waiting long before Alex walks in, rain drops clinging to the ends of his hair. Eliza squeezes John’s hand again as Alex sits in front of them. He looks the same as the last time they saw him. Same scruffy beard that he never bothered to trim, same ink stained hands that Eliza had held. They almost start, it’s like he never left.
“Hey, Eliza, John.” He says. He speaks and Eliza bites their tongue. There’s so many things they want to say to him, so many things they should’ve said months ago.
“You left.” Eliza says. He pauses, and answers them hesitatingly.
“I did.” He says.
“You came for this though. Why?” Eliza asks, barely restrained anger in their voice.
“I wanted to see you both. I’d hoped to see, Philip. He must be so big now.” Alex says, his voice faltering.
“He is. Not that you would know.” Eliza says.
“I miss him. I miss you both.” Alex says.
“You shouldn’t have cheated then.” John snaps.
“I can’t say how sorry I am. I can never express how much I regret hurting you both. I want us to be a family again, I want to be there for Philip.” Alex says, eyes dropping to the table.
“What are you doing now?” Eliza asks.
“I got a room at a hotel, got a job freelancing for a few websites. Just been living, I guess. How have you been?” He asks.
“Angie moved in. She’s been helping out with Philip since you left.” John says, bitterness evident in his voice.
“Well, you did kick me out.” Alex jokes, but his voice wavers. “Listen, I know you two can never forgive me for what I did, but I want to be back in your life. Back in Philip’s life. I don’t want him to just know me as the dad who only shows up on weekends.” He says. Eliza nods and the group falls silent.
“He’s missed you.” John says.
“I’ve missed him.” Alex says, and the table falls silent.
“His birthday is soon.” Eliza says, breaking the silence.
“Could I be there for it? I can just drop off his present and say hi, I swear.” Alex asks, the pleading in his tone is evident.
“You can’t stay. You can talk with Philip and drop off his gift, but you can’t stay.” John says.
“Deal.” Alex says.
The next week Philip turns two. Alex does as he’s promised. He explains as best as he can and gives him his gift. Eliza and John promise to meet Alex later in the week.
It’s a start and that’s all they need.