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“This is all your fucking fault!” Mo shouted over his shoulder, throat aching parched from strain. It was the least of his worries though as survival had become a chess game, each move requiring careful calculation. A pity, as strategy was never his strong point.
The words were torn from his lips, tousled and scattered among the flurries whipping him with a vengeance. He sneered imagining they at some point smacked into He Tian, point blank, punishment for their current predicament. Shivering he trudged along, legs weighty like logs as he waded through almost knee-deep snow.
Thinking back, he should have said no when He Tian had proposed the offer to join him in the mountains for a weekend trip. Mo wasn’t the type that travelled, content with what his hometown had to offer, a homebody.
Snowboarding: that had been the selling point. Something he’d always wanted to try, had revealed once or twice in casual conversation but never seriously considered. He’d felt the earth turn on its axis, the stars aligning for him to make what was a wish, reality.
Reality was a cruel bitch, with no mercy.
The pair had taken to the intermediate slopes the second day after no longer finding the beginner ones challenging. Mo was a natural the instructor had said, and He Tian had been experienced, of course.
Now, he couldn’t even find the damn snowboard, he’d lost it in his panic when an unexpected storm had overtaken the pair. It had left them stranded and exposed with low visibility, no provisions. It was never meant to be a day trip. They’d managed to make it to the tree line and were now hiking in the direction of a cabin He Tian swore he’d seen on their way down.
Mo glanced back again and could barely make out He Tian who lagged several meters behind him, moving at a slow but steady pace. It didn’t make sense to move at a creep when time was a constant buffer, set to force them into an undesirable timeline. He Tian had ignored his insistence that they move faster, told him to conserve his energy.
Anger fueled by lack of understanding had given him the momentum to fling himself at the He Tian, fists at the ready. Even in the moment, it astonished him how quick his temper could boil over. How far he could drift from reason in seconds. Fists had flown but with no real strength behind them, blows landing dully, arms easily caught up, crossed, body pinned to He Tian’s chest.
“I need you to be rational,” He Tian had murmured in his ear, “you may not understand how serious this is but we don’t have time for games.”
“You think I don’t know that,” Mo hissed, “It’s your fault we’re out here to begin with.”
He’d scoffed, but Mo couldn’t mistake a twinge of hurt in his voice. He’d released him, let him stumble, trying to regain his balance.
“You don’t think I have our best interests at hand? You think I want to die out here!?”
“At the pace you’re moving? We might as well dig our graves.”
“Look,” He Tian had spat, a hard edge to his voice “this is beyond you, this is beyond me. If you want to live, I advise you stay with me.”
So, Mo had done the most logical thing in his headstrong capacity, go on ahead.
His name had been shouted, he could hear the anger in He Tian’s voice but the faster he moved, the fainter it became.
Endless evergreens dotted the left side of his view, to the right an infinite wasteland. Mo paused, hands on his knees to catch his breath, dizziness clung to him, but he only felt it when he stopped moving. He flexed his fingers, numb with cold, hard to bend. He straightened, feet moving forward on their own accord, the feeling in them lost some time ago. It went on like that for another hour. He was exhausted, swaying, their destination seemingly no closer than when they first began. Each breath became a gasp, pain wracking his chest as he fought to breathe. A look was cast over his shoulder but he was alone, nothing but the swirl of frost around him. Realization that he’d stopped shivering some time ago, resounded emptily.
Not until he felt the cold press of snow against his cheek did he realize he’d fallen. He made an attempt to push up, limbs shaky, but there was nothing stable for him to gain purchase on. He slid deeper, snow up to his neck, and it was warm, he should rest for a bit…
He Tian passed him within minutes, heart thumping painfully in his chest when he saw the yellow parka barely surfaced in a sea of white.
‘I told you to pace yourself’ he wanted to scream though the words would fall on deaf ears. ‘You can’t go fast at this altitude.’
Deft hands unzipped the yellow fabric, pulled down the sweater at the neck. He placed an ear firmly against Mo’s chest, felt his own heart stir when a faint heartbeat whispered back to him, all the confirmation he needed.
“Thank God,” he breathed, replacing the material. He squatted, pulled, tipped Mo’s unconscious body onto his shoulder. There’d been worse circumstances, this one won’t conquer him.
About a mile out a sturdy wood building hunkered down against the wind, the most entrancing sight He Tian’s seen this whole trip. Feet planted firmly, he bounced Mo to where he rested comfortably on his shoulder, dug his heels in and set out.
Mo gripped consciousness in stages. He recalled He Tian’s frantic face, inches away from his, but the words are garbled. He faded.
The next time he awakened, warmth was the first thing he sensed. Flashes of yellow and orange gleam and he saw a fireplace to his right radiating heat to warm his chilled skin. A thick but rough blanket encased him and a travel down his body revealed he was clad only in boxers.
‘What the fuck happened?’
He moved to sit up but a hand pressed to the middle of his chest pushing him back down.
“You still need to rest and thaw out a bit, go back to sleep.”
He could see He Tian eye him warily, a cigarette balanced in the press of his lips, body folded Indian style, naked from the waist up. It was humorous to Mo, given the circumstances. Was there a mini mart out here, how did he always have access to a cigarette, let alone a lighter? Obedient for once, more out of circumstance than habit, he laid back down, head pillowed on his arm watching the flames leap and dance. His eyes drifted closed just to sate their dryness, relief from the warm air of the fire but when they closed again he didn’t have the strength to open them.
The next time he came around he felt minutely better, more conscious of his current state. He flexed his limbs beneath the blanket, testing that they were all in working order. To his left he could see He Tian, eyes closed, chin resting in his hand, chest rising and falling evenly, but he knew better.
“Can I get up now?” he croaked, voice rough with disuse.
He Tian cracked open a bloodshot eye, blinked, then looked lazily in Mo’s direction. Feigned nonchalance but failed in the rigidness of his body, the barest waver in his voice when he spoke. Mo would have missed it had he not known better.
“You can get up whenever you want, but it’s warmer under that blanket.”
Mo considered, stayed put.
“…Can you come here?” he asked, voice low.
He Tian’s eyebrows rose at that. A beat passed, a breath released, his body creaked as he unfolded, clearly having held his ‘bedside’ position for hours. He moved forward in increments, clearly expecting the invitation to be recanted, a realization that made Mo’s heart ache.
When they were both beneath the blanket Mo shifted, turned on his side, facing the fireplace. He Tian curled easily around him like water, filling each and every crevice.
“I’m sorry,” Mo whispered. Cleared his throat, tried again, “I’m sorry.”
Don’t be,” He Tian said shuffling closer. “We’re fine.”
“It’s… not fine,” Mo said, he could feel angry tears welling. “I should have listened to you, I almost got us killed.”
“But you didn’t.”
There was silence as Mo turned that over in his head. It was not reassuring, he knew he’d acted irrationally.
He Tian spoke. “Once the storm passes we’ll be able to make it back to the resort. I’m sure rescue teams will meet us mid-way if not sooner. They’re very efficien-”
“I told you this was your fault,” Mo cut in bitterly. “…as if you had any control over the weather. I almost died out there,” he said, voice cracking on the word “because I’m so damn stubborn.”
“I’d never leave you in harm’s way,” He Tian said “as long as I can do something about it. Have I not shown you that before?”
“Why?”
“Why what?”
“Why do you look out for me? Why do you go the extra mile? Why did you save me?” Mo gasped desperately, trying to reign in his frustration.
Feeling movement behind him, Mo looked back as He Tian rose up on an elbow to peer down at him, face twisted with emotion so unlike his usually stoic nature.
The words are a wake up call.
“…because… I love you.”