Chapter Text
It feels like someone punched him in the stomach at first.
Then he’s shaking his head and scoffing, before turning up the volume of his car stereo.
He knows it’s his fault, he brought it on himself months ago when he abused his press pass and made his way into the backstage. It had been nice to see Hoseok and Namjoon, and having that long reminiscing talk with them but he should’ve known better than to trespass into Yoongi’s space like that.
It was evident the moment he walked in with hair still wet from a refreshing shower, that he wasn’t happy to see Seokjin in there. In fact, Seokjin couldn’t remember ever seeing Yoongi this angry.
Maybe because the anger was reserved only for Seokjin, it didn’t fully translate when a few seconds later he spoke to Namjoon and Hoseok “I’ll see you guys back at the hotel” before he walked out of the room, just as swiftly as he had walked in, resolutely ignoring Seokjin. Seokjin excused himself shortly after, apologizing to Hoseok and Namjoon and quickly exchanging updated phone numbers and promises to keep in touch.
Back then he thought it had gone much better than he expected, because he had expected a fight, screaming and maybe even some objects thrown to his face, even for himself to be thrown out of the backstage area under Yoongi’s command.
What he didn’t expect was that months later he’d be listening to his very own breakup song playing on one of the biggest radio stations in the country, while he’s peacefully driving back to work after his lunch break.
So there it is, all the anger he had seen on Yoongi’s eyes months ago, finally out in angry rhymes along with a very catchy melody. None of it is soft; Yoongi's voice sounds on the verge of breaking while he sings about all the hurt and the lies he dealt with, and all the times he cried himself to sleep.
The song finally ends and the radio DJ voice takes its place, praising the song and its brutal honesty, at some point even wondering if it's inspired by a personal experience and who it could be directed to. Not once has Yoongi mentioned his name in the length of the song, but Jin knows very well that it is him he’s talking about.
--
Yoongi turns off the radio when the song ends then picks up his phone but only to nervously twirl it in his hand over and over. He’s usually uneasy on release days, a mix of emotions taking over him but today is a little bit worse than other times, a little more nerve wracking. This is the first time he’s had to face it on his own, the first time he’s releasing music without Hoseok and Namjoon.
But it was simply the better thing to do promoting this album solo, especially this song; Yoongi knew that his bandmates would have thought of it, they’d thought it was a low blow, childish and petty and both would have been completely reluctant to work with him on it. He wonders if any of the incoming messages and calls are from them.
He also wonders if Seokjin's heard the song yet.
--
It all started almost two years from now; Seokjin was a journalist on the payroll of a big music magazine assigned to write a piece on Cypher, the hip hop trio that Yoongi was part of, along with Namjoon and Hoseok. The magazine, arguing that the exposure would be good to the group, had convinced their company to let Seokjin join them on the first couple of weeks of the promotional tour for their new album.
Yoongi thought it was an awful idea from the beginning; Cypher was about to start the biggest tour they’d ever played both in number of dates and venue capacity, they already were too busy making sure every performance was perfect to also worry about him tagging along.
Though Namjoon and Hoseok clearly didn’t share those worries, they quickly agreed to take him in and talk to him about their writing process and sharing with him all kinds of stories from how the group came to be and even some childhood anecdotes. It was Yoongi who seemed to take a bit longer to get used to him; Seokjin wasn’t part of the team that had organically formed through the years of writing, performing, touring and struggling together. He was imposed by the company, a piece that had been forcefully added to the harmonious group and Yoongi was rightfully wary of him.
Yoongi wanted to blame it on Hoseok and Namjoon, because they warmed up to Jin (a name they fondly started to use) so fast and so much that just a few days after he arrived he just felt like a natural part of the group. He could have blamed it on the same Jin, on his shiny eyes and explosive smile, on how stupid beautiful he is. But ultimately he blamed it on himself when he finally realized that his resilience has been wavering little by little. When he realized after a specially exhausting day, that having him around wasn't a complete bother.
“Will you miss me?” Jin asked in a sweet sing song tone.
The night before Seokjin was scheduled to take his flight back home they decided to throw a goodbye party for him, it was really just the four of them downing beer and whatever bottle of alcohol Hoseok could get room service to bring to them, maybe calling it a party was an overstatement; in parties the guests are not supposed to look as sad as they all did, despite the efforts of both Hoseok and Jin who kept trying to make jokes and organize drinking games.
In any other moment Yoongi could’ve grumbled a “no” right away, unafraid of being blunt but maybe the alcohol he consumed was enough to confuse him and mess up his judgement. It didn’t help that Jin and him have been left alone after Hoseok, the good lightweight he is, collapsed on a chair about ten minutes ago and Namjoon offered to take him to his room. It didn't help that Jin was pointedly staring at him waiting for an answer, with a cute drunken smirk on his face.
Yoongi looked down at his knuckles, white from holding onto the beer bottle too hard. He took a sip, because he had to settle his own thoughts and mellow the heat that has gone from his face and spread to the rest of his body. Before his drunken self would start making moves and saying things that his sober self already decided were not allowed.
Although it lacked any heat, he finally murmured “Why would I? I can’t wait to finally get rid of you”
Seokjin scoffed, his smile tinted with some sort of edge that made Yoongi believe the alcohol has gotten to him as well and he confirmed it himself when he spoke, because only a drunk Jin would try to tease him with such an outrageous lie, or be bold enough to admit such a ridiculous truth “I am going to miss you”
Yoongi flinched and took a big gulp of saliva, because the beer has been long gone. He didn't say anything, he couldn't.
“I think that’s enough for tonight” Jin scolded himself under his breath after he tried to pour himself another drink and giggled, “How am I going to take a damn flight in three hours? I shouldn’t have drank this much”
Yoongi’s good sense could probably come up with many reasons why it was wrong for Seokjin to be drinking his weight in alcohol when he was expected to walk through airport security in a couple of hours. He wondered for a while what would happen if he was denied boarding, maybe Seokjin could return to this hotel and stay for another day.
“Are you going to keep in touch?” He asked finally, after a long push and pull in his own mind where his sober self couldn’t beat his drunk self. It had been just a low whisper but Seokjin could surely hear it from where he was sitting, there was no reason for him to crouch forward so far that most of his upper body was propped against the table, his chin leaning on top of the same bottle he discarded just a few minutes earlier.
He also didn't have to whisper his answer, giving a tint of complicity to it “Try and stop me”