Work Text:
I had a dream last night.
I dreamed of a better place, a stranger place.
I was in a vast hotel somewhere that was nowhere.
I was alone, walking through the thousands of rooms, furnished with care and money.
I saw people smiling there, talking, forming tight bonds with each other. They were one big family. I was there, watching. I saw their shiny clothes and heard the warm tones. I could see the sun shining from them. I looked and they played, ventured deeper into the hotel and its grounds.
Saliva filled my mouth as I watched them eat many delicacies, steaks, sauces, desserts. They always radiated, filled the space with laughter and life. Suddenly my eyes locked with one of them. He was a tall blonde, always surrounded by smiling faces and gorgeous girls, no matter that they were family.
He stood there, among them all, and looked at me.
The smile was still on his lips, the family was still talking all around him.
But for me it became an abrupt silence.
I tilted my head curious about it all and tried smiling back. A boy in his teens came and pulled him back to the others while laughing uncontrollably. He went but I could see his eyes lingering on my steady and quiet form near the border of light and dark.
I always followed them, had always been following them, feeding of the warm radiance. But now he could see me. He glanced at me many times, unasked questions wallowing deep within his eyes. I could see him almost come to me, but every time he tried, someone from his family appeared laughing wildly and pulled him back to play their endless games.
He always went.
He always forgot me.
Until he saw me again and was momentarily reminded.
I wandered around the plains one day. Looked at the blue sky and enjoyed the peace of the place. The hotel was far behind, a monument between tall trees and greens.
I wouldn’t look at them today. Today was special.
So special I wouldn’t see them laugh and play, couldn’t.
Today was dedicated to peace and quiet: warm summer wind and the blazing sun above. The tall grass, almost brown in the ground. My thoughts. Simplicity.
I walked to an old tree near the dense forest. I couldn’t bind my arms around it if I tried. Not even if I had four arms. It was dark brown and full of cuts and bumps. Bigger branches and dark green leaves, slowly swinging in the wind blowing above. I grazed at the surface wanting to feel the tough wood underneath my palm. I relished in the feeling and rested my forehead against the frame and breathed. A bird sang in the air. The grass hummed along with the wind.
My fingers touched a deep cut in the tree and I looked at it carefully. Letters. Words. Running along the surface. Small marks and a smiley. I followed the uneven line of its mouth in silence.
I heard feet shuffling behind, walking towards me in the grass and turned my head from the large frame. He was standing there, the sun right behind him, making him dark and the edges pure white.
He stepped forward and the sun blinded me momentarily.
Another step and he had his light again.
I saw his face. It didn’t hold a smile as it used to: it was devoid of any emotion, pure in a way. Instead, his eyes were full of circling thoughts, so full I had no idea what he thought.
“What is that tree?” he asked eyeing the names and scratches.
I looked at the tree and opened my mouth ready spill words for the wind to carry them.
Nothing came out.
I softly swallowed under his gaze and tried again.
“It is an oak. It is just a tree among the others”, I said slowly, tasting the foreign words, and saw the flicker in his eyes. He thought I didn’t want to share its secrets; that I was ridiculing him.
“But”, I continued grazing the surface softly, “for me, it is my family. We came here once. All of us. We had fun and danced under the sun and the moon. We never left.”
He looked confused so I pointed behind the old oak.
The lines of black, carefully cut stones could be seen among the tall grass. Dozens of black stones side by side, already worn out by time.
I saw the understanding, the horror, the sadness as he took the scene in. Then he lifted his gaze back at me. I could see regret and shame.
“I..” he stammered and took a step back, “I wondered where you were.”
That didn’t explain the emotion now on his face, I thought. So I waited for him to continue.
“I thought you left or.. wanted me to come. I’m sorry”, he said and I was confused.
I looked at the tree and thought for a bit.
“Maybe I did”, I said and smiled towards the sky. A whiff of wind raised my hair to float around for a blink of an eye. When I lowered my gaze he was standing right in front of me.
I looked up and could see my reflection in his eyes: I was smiling, radiantly beaming at him.
I was the sun, the wind, the laughter and life. And I never woke up.