“This isn’t going to work.”
“WHAT??? WHY NOT??”
Papyrus put one hand to his hip, the other still clutching the bottle of spray paint. He huffed and turned around to give Flowey the old side eye. There was no way this wouldn’t work, but it was important to listen to comments and suggestions!
“You can’t just write “free hugs” on a creepy old alleyway wall and expect humans to fall for that.” Flowey leaned forward in his pot, menacingly as he could manage. Most of the pot and much of his stem had been carefully covered in plastic to keep the aerosol from being blown into his dirt and absorbed into his sensitive root system. It was a little uncomfortable, almost sweaty, and hard to move around. Also, he tried to make a scary face, but the safety goggles Papyrus made him wear ruined the effect. “It’s dumb!” he hissed.
Papyrus met Flowey’s glare. He did not have safety goggles, because he was an adult and far too cool. “WHY IS IT DUMB?”
Flowey chuckled. Poor, stupid Papyrus. Poor naive, stupid Papyrus. It was amazing, really, just how dumb he was. But Flowey could take pity on him, this time. “Because…” he said, voice low, leaning in, as if the obvious answer was some big secret. Papyrus copied, not huffy enough about his idea being dismissed to not get in on the drama of it.
“…hugs….” he drew out the word with a hiss.
Papyrus nodded intently, very interested now, leaning in so close and far he could be easily toppled over. (Flowey’d done that before and it was pretty funny).
…
…
“…Are always free!!!”
Flowey smirked.
Papyrus stood back up, expression skewed, and a finger to his jaw. Poor, naive fool had to have such obvious things explained to him. What an idiot! But he wasn’t the only one, and at least he listened. He was one of the better idiots.
“I SUPPOSE YOU ARE RIGHT…” Papyrus said, considering. (See? A top tier idiot.) “BUT THAT’S ONLY TRUE IN THE UNDERGROUND! WE CAN’T BE SURE THAT THE SAME IS TRUE ON THE SURFACE! THEY MAY EVEN HAVE A HUG TAX! COULD YOU IMAGINE??” He shuddered. The surface had proven this far too hold many backward ideals. He’d crossed half the city at this point and found nary spike trap or puzzle! “BUT I SUPPOSE AN ADDITIONAL INCENTIVE WOULD BE MOST SUITABLE TO LURE THE HUMANS TO OUR DARK, FOREBODING ALLEYWAY.”
Flowey was feeling pretty smug before he realized that he didn’t actually have a better suggestion. So he would just have to tear the whole thing down to look smart this time. “Listen, Papyrus, this whole thing is a dumb idea!! Let’s just go home. Plus this plastic is making me feel gross and I want it off.”
Papyrus frowned but agreed. Perhaps this idea wasn’t his most well-thought-out. He wanted to capture some humans… for humanitarian purposes! It was in his job description as an aide to the ambassador, though he didn’t understand why. It seemed rather counter productive, but he would do what he must as mascot! Surface customs were very strange, indeed.
Oh well! He had not seen many humans in the area at all, anyway. Today would be a failure, but he was certain they would triumph eventually! They would simply have to go home and scheme a new scheme.
A month later, Papyrus and Flowey returned with a better plan, and a white windowless van with spray paint along the side that said:
“Free Candy
(AND HUGS)”