Chapter Text
It was night, the shadows grew dark and long along the walls of the small apartment. Its’ tenant had been alternating between pacing and staring at the mostly bare walls since before the shadows had even appeared.
Suddenly though, the man stopped, feet brushing against the well-worn pathway of papers and boxes on the floor. Uncrossing his arms, he eyed the typewriter by the window. A blank page sat there, teasing him, as it had been for months.
But tonight was the night. A night to write.
They always say to write what you know, so he sat down and began to do just that.
And what the man knew, was a story about the Borscht Bowl Club.
However, it is also generally good writing advice to start at the beginning, and the Borscht Bowl Club was not exactly the beginning. In fact, it all started a year ago when Miles Edgeworth moved to Los Angeles from Japan, hoping to clear his head while taking a break from his law career, and a teenage girl fell through his roof.
This was not the biggest surprise to him, as he had committed himself to living a rather penniless existence, and so had rented an apartment to match. The fact that the roof had not caved in sooner was impressive.
That being said, he was mildly shocked when a man dressed as a coat rack entered his room next, looking sheepish.
“Er, sorry about the mess there, pal,” the man, who introduced himself as Gumshoe, apologized.
“It’s okay everyone! The tea set broke my fall!” the falling girl shot them a thumbs-up from the rubble.
Before Edgeworth could retort, another man’s head poked through the newly formed hole. He had a goatee, and appeared to be wearing an obnoxiously pink sweater and an beret. He frowned confusedly at Gumshoe and the girl.
“What are you guys doing down there? We have a lot of work to do!”
“I don’t suppose any of you will be paying for this?” Edgeworth deadpanned, as the girl emerged from the remains of the ceiling, shaking all the splinters and dust from her dark hair.
She shot him a beaming smile, “Hey, don’t be grumpy! When our play gets made, we’ll be rich! After that we can get you the fanciest ceilings you could ask for, don’t worry!”
“A play?” Edgeworth folded his arms, “It wouldn’t happen to be about smashing teapots would it?”
“Nah, that was just an accident,” Gumshoe laughed, shoulders shaking, “Although, now that I think about it, with that fancy getup, you look like someone with good tastes. You should watch us practice and tell us what you think, pal!”
“Great idea, Gummy!”
Edgeworth recoiled at their sudden excitement, “Fancy…? If you’re referring to my cravat, that alone does not mean I am interested in theater- “
As their ability to cave in a ceiling would indicate, the two were a force of nature, and soon Edgeworth found himself whisked upstairs, watching the two run through a scene.
The play was an adaptation of a fairy tale, and involved a lot of dancing sentient furniture, from what Edgeworth could tell. It actually might have been a good story, but it was clear that the writing was abominable. They couldn’t even make it past Gumshoe’s first singing lines.
‘Positive like the sun, forthcoming to the east…’
With a groan, Larry started berating them through a paper megaphone, “Cut, cut, cut! Gumshoe, what the hey, man? That sounds terrible, do it better!”
“Sorry, there, Larry,” Gumshoe’s shoulders sagged, “But it’s these lines, they’re a little awkward, pal,”
“What! Are you criticizing my beautiful writing?”
“Uhhhhh,” Gumshoe looked around desperately, “Kay! Back me up here!”
The three became invested in a loud debate over the lyrics, throwing out suggestions for new lines on top of one another, while Edgeworth looked over Larry’s script silently.
“Confidently like the sun?”
“Absolutely comparable to the sun?”
“the sun…”
“the sun…”
‘Certain as the sun…’
The three spun toward the unexpected baritone voice.
Still looking down at the script, Edgeworth continued, ‘Rising in the east…’
After a moment of stunned silence, Kay burst out clapping enthusiastically.
Edgeworth sang the next line, not breaking his concentration, ‘Tale as old as time, song as old as rhyme,’
Gumshoe grinned, cheering, “That’s it, pal! That’s it!”
Edgeworth appeared unaffected by their praise, but it seemed to rile up Larry, especially when Gumshoe chimed in, “You’re really good with words there. Hey, Larry, maybe you two could write the show together!”
This was apparently not what Larry wanted to hear. After fixing his hat and muttering something about ‘unrecognized talent’, he dramatically stormed out.
Gumshoe and Kay however did not seem to be particularly perturbed by this.
“Eh, I liked your writing better anyway,” Kay shrugged.
“I’m afraid anyone’s writing would be better than that man’s,” Edgeworth tapped his elbow thoughtfully, “So that doesn’t say much,”
“Welp, he makes good art for sets anyways, and he left those behind!” she threw one arm around Edgeworth’s shoulder, much to his chagrin, “Welcome to the team, Mr. Edgeworth!”
“Now, just a minute, I haven’t agreed to anything,” Edgeworth frowned.
“But you’re here, and you did so good!” Kay looked up at him, wide-eyed.
“Yeah, and now that Larry’s gone, we need a new writer, pal,”
Edgeworth brushed off their hands gripping at his shoulders, and made to leave the room, “I can’t,”
Kay inserted herself in the doorway, arms outstretched, blocking Edgeworth’s path, “Why not?”
“I’m not a writer,” he said firmly as he attempted to side step past her.
Kay matched his steps, brow furrowed in determination, “Do you believe in Truth?” she asked suddenly.
Edgeworth paused at that, taken aback, “E-excuse me?”
“If you believe in Truth, then you can be a writer,” Kay said slowly, meeting his eyes, “Freedom, Beauty, Truth, and Love,”
The two stared at each other for a long, hard moment. The room was deathly still compared to the chaos from earlier, but not one of them seemed to want to break it.
Surprisingly, Edgeworth relented. With a heavy sigh, he pinched the bridge of his nose where a headache was starting to form.
“Oh, very well then,” he muttered, averting his eyes from the other two, “When do we start?”
“Well,” Kay rubbed the back of her neck, “See, we think you’re great but- ”
“Now we gotta convince Ms. Fey that you’re great,” Gumshoe finished.
“Ms. Fey?”
Kay nodded, “We’re pitching the show to her at the Borsch Bowl Club,”
“There’s a friend of a friend that’s looking to invest in the club,” Gumshoe explained.
“If we’re good enough, we’ll get money to perform the show!” Kay tugged at Edgeworth’s arm excitedly as she pulled him back into the room.
“Problem is, pal,” Gumshoe continued, “Ms. Fey is in charge of the whole thing, and she isn’t going to just put everything in the hands of a newbie writer,”
“How do you expect to get the show approved then?” Edgeworth folded his arms.
But Kay and Gumshoe had an idea for that: a man they called the Blue Diamond.
Phoenix Wright, The Blue Diamond, was the star performer of the Borsch Bowl Club. If they could convince him that Edgeworth should be the writer, then Ms. Fey would be sure to follow along.
Their plan was simple: go to the club the next night and get Edgeworth a meeting with Phoenix. There, he would impress Phoenix with a sample of some poetry, and the job would be theirs.
It would prove to be easier said than done.
…
On the outside, the Borscht Bowl Club looked very tame and ordinary, a simple decrepit old Russian restaurant on an unassuming street near the middle of town. But, if you knew just how to ask, you would be able to go to the basement, where the actual Club resided. Underneath the quiet exterior lied a nightclub and cantina of monumental proportions, drawing creatures of the underworld from all over the country with dancing and music.
Over the last few years, the Club had flourished under the tutelage of Mia Fey and her small group of performers who brought live music to the stage almost every night (or, for an extra fee, one could even get a poker game with them; some performers even offered themselves as an escort to esteemed clients).
The Borscht Bowl Club had grown so that it infested even the very air itself with a pulsing technicolor energy that made Edgeworth’s head spin the moment he stepped inside.
He felt very out of place in the manic, dancing crowd. In almost no time at all it overwhelmed every sense and made him feel like he was going insane. He was grateful when Gumshoe and Kay steered him by the arm to the back of the room to sit at the bar. He felt much better once he got out of the throng of people.
The Club was dimly lit and surprisingly large, nearly two stories tall thanks to the long basement staircase. It mostly featured a dancefloor, which was almost chronically crawling with people during business hours. A few tables were lined against the wall, but otherwise the main source of entertainment was the cantina tucked in the back of the room, and the large stage in the front. Currently on stage, a young man in a very red outfit was singing with another man wearing skin tight leather who was playing guitar. They played a very fast rock song that didn’t do much for Edgeworth, but he found himself tapping his finger against his folded arms to the beat anyway.
As the song ended, a woman wearing a very form fitting sequined vest stepped on stage.
The once feverish crowd watched in quivering anticipation as she raised her hands for silence.
With a slight smirk, she announced the next song, “The can-can.”
As the music from the bandstand started again, the crowd reached a new level of frenzy. Watching all the whirling bodies and rustling clothes, it terrified Edgeworth; yet he also found himself mystified by it.
He turned as he felt Gumshoe take him by the arm toward a more secluded corner of the bar. Kay was already there, talking to the man in leather that Edgeworth had just seen on stage playing guitar. They both looked up as Gumshoe and Edgeworth approached.
“Klavier, this is Mr. Edgeworth, the one I was telling you about, pal,”
“Ah, our new writer,” Klavier’s smile was white and blinding even in the relative dark of the Club, “Frau Faraday has told me of the plan. You’ve been successful so far in evading Mia. Lucky for you, mein Bruder is the one who is looking to invest in your show. Keep this up, and the job is as good as yours, my friends,”
A sudden hush made Edgeworth turn towards the stage.
The lights had gone dark. But when they came back on, a lone man was sat at a glossy black upright piano underneath a single blueish tinted spotlight.
“It’s him,” Gumshoe grinned, “The Blue Diamond,”
The man wore a midnight blue suit which glittered with small bedazzled diamonds; it almost looked like a piece of the night sky. The tie clip for his bright pink tie also had an even larger diamond that caught the stage lights brilliantly.
He didn’t acknowledge the crowd, instead keeping his head bowed at the piano.
After a moment of tense anticipation, he leaned forward into the microphone balanced on top of the piano, letting his lips barely brush against it.
When he began to sing, Edgeworth’s heart practically stopped.
‘The French are glad to die for love…’
The rich tenor voice carried easily into every corner of the large room as the crowd watched in reverent silence. Edgeworth found he couldn’t look away even if he tried. Even if he wanted to.
‘They delight in fighting duels.’
But little did he know, someone else was to meet Phoenix that night…
‘But I prefer a man who lives, and gives expensive jewels…’
Mia Fey’s investor: Kristoph Gavin.
The band kicked up suddenly. A circular platform the piano was placed on began to spin slowly around in place as all the lights on the stage lit up, throwing Phoenix into full relief in all his glittering glory. The crowd ate it up, cheering widely.
Now properly facing the crowd, Phoenix grinned and began to sing again, voice strong and confident as his fingers smoothly found the keys to start to play along, ‘A kiss on the hand may be quite continental, but diamonds are a girl’s best friend…’
At their table, Klavier laughed heartily.
‘A kiss may be grand, but it won’t pay the rental on your humble flat, or help you feed your pussy cat,’
Phoenix winked at the crowd then.
‘Men grow cold as girls grow old, but we all lose our charms in the end,’
His fingers flew through a glissando with a flourish.
‘Square cut or pear shaped, these rocks don’t lose their shape. Diamonds are a girl’s best friend,’
Meanwhile, watching from the side, Mia Fey and Kristoph Gavin sat at the bar.
Kristoph had been watching Phoenix almost as intently as Edgeworth had the moment he appeared on the stage. He did not take his eyes off him, even when he spoke to Mia.
“When do I get to meet him?” the man asked.
“After his number,” Mia replied quietly, watching Phoenix work the crowd, “I have arranged a private meeting just for you two,”
Onstage, during the bridge of the song, it became a mash-up, ‘We’ve come too far to give up who we are. So let’s raise the bar and our cups to the stars,’
Phoenix shot a hundred-watt smile to the room, ‘We’re up all night ‘til the sun, we’re up all night to get some, we’re up all night for good fun, we’re up all night to get lucky…’
A few stools down, Gumshoe ducked closer to Edgeworth, “I got you a private meeting just for you and Phoenix, totally alone,”
“Alone?” Edgeworth frowned.
“Yeah, pal,” Gumshoe nodded, “Totally- “
“Alone,” Mia assured. Kristoph adjusted his glasses thoughtfully as he watched people begin to throw gifts to Phoenix on the stage, everything from flowers to actual diamonds.
Apparently satisfied, Mia excused herself from the table. She slipped through the crowd and up to the stage, just in time to meet Phoenix for the next verse.
The piano and the drums took on a heavy beat.
‘There may come a time when a lass needs a lawyer,’
‘But diamonds are a girl’s best friend’ Mia joined in, sashaying around the piano to join Phoenix at the bench.
‘There may come a time when a hard-boiled employer thinks you’re awful nice-’
Phoenix and Mia suddenly locked eyes, grinning.
‘But get that ice or else no dice.’
Mia took the next line, sliding one arm around Phoenix’s shoulders.
‘He’s your guy when stocks are high, but beware when they start to descend…’
With a suggestive wink, she pulled Phoenix down by his tie behind the piano.
…
Gumshoe had gone to the bar to order a round of drinks, seeing how nervous Edgeworth looked. His consideration however did not do anything for his clumsiness. As he was walking back with a full tray of drinks, he tripped over his own feet. As he looked up, he was met with the sight of a very wet and angry Kristoph Gavin and his equally wet and angry bodyguard.
…
Out of sight behind the piano, Phoenix leaned toward Mia as they began to change costumes, “Is Mr. Gavin here?”
“Of course, everything is set for you to be his escort tonight,” Mia gave Phoenix a reassuring grin.
Phoenix grunted his thanks as Mia’s sister Maya slipped on stage to help ferret their old clothes away, “Nice. Which one is he?”
…
Gumshoe meekly stammered apologies as he blotted Kristoph’s suit with a Kleenex. Kristoph did not look impressed.
…
Mia snuck a glance around the piano before turning back to Phoenix, “He’s the gentleman that Gumshoe is waving that handkerchief at. Hopefully the big lug doesn’t scare him away,”
…
Desperate, Gumshoe sought out Edgeworth.
“I’m gonna need to borrow this, pal,”
Edgeworth grabbed his wrist before he could pull his cravat off. His glare was nearly as vicious as Kristoph’s.
…
Phoenix glanced around the side of the piano. He only looked briefly, but through the blinding spotlights he was able to spot Gumshoe’s usual trench coat and a fluttery thing that looked like a handkerchief.
“Alright, got it,” he told Mia as he traded his jacket for a powder blue waistcoat, “Do you think he’ll invest?”
“After a night with you, I’m sure he will,” Mia nodded assuredly, trading her own black vest for a platinum colored one.
Phoenix shimmied out of his pants, exchanging dark blue for white, “What’s his type? Submissive gentleman? Playful Jock? Strong and Silent?”
Mia shook her head, “Maybe not quite…”
“Charming Cavalier, then?” Phoenix suggested as he checked his hair while Maya held a mirror for him.
“That should do it,” she chuckled, “Just remember we’re all counting on you, Phoenix,”
On the other side of their makeshift veil, the crowd grew restless as a trumpet wailed in the band.
“A successful theater show here at the Club…” Mia continued, “It could bring in quite a bit of money. Money we could do a lot of things with, Phoenix,”
“Yeah,” the man agreed, suddenly quiet, “A lot of things…”
Shaking the stray thoughts from his head, he plastered back on his performer’s smile. He and Mia stepped out from behind the piano with a flourish, to thunderous cheers.
‘Because that’s when those louses go back to their spouses,’
Phoenix stepped off the stage and into the crowd.
‘Diamoooonds- ‘
He headed straight for the bar.
‘Are a giiiiiirl’s- ‘
The other man was talking to Gumshoe. He hadn’t noticed Phoenix just yet, unlike almost everyone else in the room.
Beeest-’
The man finally looked up, their eyes suddenly lock.
‘Friend.’
Edgeworth is only barely aware of the fanfare from the band as the song ended. Now, he was a very serious man that absolutely did not get starstruck or flustered, thank you very much. He had operated under the assumption he was asexual for years now, with no desire for relationships. No, his shortness of breath was surely caused by sensory overstimulation from all the lights and questionable music. Phoenix’s diamond studded waistcoat and small sly smile, so near, and so quickly, were merely the straws that broke the camel’s back. That’s all.
Phoenix ignored the breathless stare, “You were expecting me?” he asked lowly.
“Um…”
“Oh, hey, Mr. Wright, have you met-?”
Phoenix waved Gumshoe off before he could finish, his eyes never leaving Edgeworth, “I’ll take care of him, Gumshoe,”
Before Edgeworth realized it, Phoenix had taken him by the hand. The next moment they were on the dancefloor.
A woman in a very yellow outfit was on stage now singing another fast-paced song. Luckily for Edgeworth, this one had set choreography, so he merely had to follow the crowd rather than feel like a total fool trying to dance under his own pitiful imagination.
As awkward as he was sure he looked right now, Phoenix did not seem to mind. Despite the fact that they were in the middle of a squirming mass of dancing people, he only seemed intent on Edgeworth. Phoenix’s eyes never seemed to leave his face, and he was very aware of the fact that Phoenix always seemed to be touching him in some way.
His skin bristled when Phoenix suddenly leaned in close to his ear to be heard above the music, “Having a good time?”
“I…suppose,”
Phoenix didn’t seem put off by his lackluster answer, chuckling softly, and continued guiding Edgeworth around in the dance with one hand resting against Edgeworth’s lower back.
“It was nice of you to take an interest in our show,”
“Yes,” Edgeworth finally began to find his voice again, “It does sound rather interesting. I would be happy to be involved,”
“Oh yeah?”
If Edgeworth were still practicing law, he would’ve personally sued Phoenix over that grin.
“That is, assuming you like what I do, of course,”
“Oh, I’m sure I will,”
Okay he would definitely be suing for that grin.
Edgeworth cleared his throat.
“Perhaps, that is, Gumshoe thought we could, ah, do it in private?”
“Oh?” even Phoenix’s eyes, which had remained only half-lidded the whole night, raised a little at that.
“Yes, the, uh …private poetry reading,”
“Poetry…” Phoenix laughed more hardily at that, “I’ve always liked poetry,”
Back at the bar, Gumshoe and Kay watched Edgeworth intensely as they danced. Both wore grins that Edgeworth would have found ridiculously embarrassing.
"So far, so good, Kay,"
"Yeah! Mission accomplished, Gummy,"
The two shared a high-five as the song ended. Phoenix and Edgeworth joined the crowd in applauding for the band while the next song was prepared.
Phoenix touched Edgeworth on the shoulder, leaning in close enough to brush his ear with his breath, “Meet me in the Warbaa’d in about an hour. We’ll have your private poetry reading there,”
Before Edgeworth could even ask what Phoenix could have possibly meant by ‘meeting him in the Warbaa’d’, the man had slipped back through the crowd toward the stage. He found himself standing there, feeling very bewildered and a little lost, wondering just how he had gotten himself into all this.