Work Text:
Takenaka had gotten very good at ignoring things that he heard. This was made easier by the fact that most of the secrets he heard weren’t related to him or anyone he cared about. The many passing thoughts that were none of his business were in one ear and out the other. However, sometimes, these secrets weren’t so removed from him. Sometimes he heard his closest friends’ thoughts that he knew he shouldn’t be privy to, and he would then spend days wondering if he should bring it up. One such secret had been causing Takenaka a lot of extra anxiety the past few days.
He was, to put it loosely, ‘enjoying’ the company of the Telepathy Club members in the Body Improvement Club room when he first caught on to Kageyama’s secret. He had been watching Saruta play some colorful game on his handheld when the Body Improvement Club burst through the door. Just as sweaty and huge as ever, they all looked happy about an afternoon well spent exercising. Kageyama politely moved his way through the group to go sit down, and gave the slackers a very tired looking smile.
“Kageyama-kun was amazing today!” One of the members said, Takenaka couldn’t recall his name, but his eyebrows certainly spoke for him. “He didn’t trip once while running!” Takenaka looked over at Kageyama, and was surprised to find his thoughts didn’t match with his sheepish smile at all. Takenaka couldn’t place a direct thought, but he felt discomfort come off of him in waves. That’s new. Did he not like this one member? That’s unlike Kageyama - he liked everyone. Takenaka realized he was starring when Kageyama turned the smile to him, and Takenaka could practically see the discomfort he was feeling slowly melt away.
Takenaka coughed, and averted his gaze, trying to hide the fact that he had been trying to read Kageyama.”That’s cool, congrats Kageyama-kun” Inukawa said as he glanced up from his game.
“He’s really improving! I think, by the end of the month, he’ll be able to do forty pushups without needing a break!” Takenaka was trying to imagine what Kageyama would look like doing just one push up but his own thoughts got drowned out by the negative feelings swarming Kageyama again. He steals a look, but it was still that sheepish smile, now slightly obscured by the water bottle he was drinking from. Takenaka wants to telepathically ask if he’s okay but instantly shuts his mind up when he realizes just what this discomfort was.
It wasn’t just any kind of discomfort, it was dysphoria, and that revelation left Takenaka's mind blank.
After getting over the initial shock of accidentally learning that one of his closest friends was also trans, Takenaka spent the rest of the time in the clubroom glaring at his iPod, as if it were the reason behind this sudden shift in perspective. He was doing his best - which wasn’t very good - at detaching himself from the entire room’s atmosphere. A part of him was screaming that he was overreacting, that he was just putting his own feelings onto his friend and had misinterpreted what had been happening. But another part kept bringing up how clear the feeling had been, how this could really only mean one thing, and how he should talk to Kageyama about it before it got out of hand.
Now, as he sat in the same room, a few days later, surrounded by the same people, Takenaka was no closer to knowing just what to say to Kageyama. He had decided that Kageyama was too close of a friend for him to try and ignore it, as it was clearly effecting the way he saw Kageyama and the other wasn’t aware of it. He just had to be careful of what he said - he knew this could easily break their relationship.
“Kageyama-kun? Do you mind staying after club activities to talk with me?” Takenaka slowly looked up at the sweaty psychic, who instantly reacted with anxiety filled thoughts, all varying versions of ‘what did I do?’ and Takenaka winced at his own clumsy words. “Don’t worry about it, it’s nothing you did, I just want to clear some things up.” He waved at the air as if to shoo away Kageyama's thoughts and it seemed to curve the other’s nerves.
“Yeah, that’s fine, I don’t have work today.” The two are eyed by almost every nosy person in the room, but no one tries to pry, and Takenaka silently lets out a sigh of relief. Once the others file out of the room, filled with exchanges of ‘see you tomorrow’, they sit in silence for a moment, both searching for ways to start the conversation, before Kageyama suddenly sits up. “Can I go change? My gym clothes are kinda gross…” Takenaka nods, glad to be given more time to think over his words, and Kageyama is out the door in a moment.
Takenaka mentally prepares himself for the hundredth time, trying to find the words he had rehearsed but failing as he stares out the club rooms single window. Kageyama returns in his school uniform with his bag much quicker then Takenaka thought he would, clearly anxious to get this over with. Takenaka takes a deep breath as he sits across from him, and closes his eyes.
“Before I say anything, I want to warn you that you might not want me reading your thoughts as we talk, so if you want to block me out that will be totally fine.” He pauses, peaking out to see Kageyama’s reaction. He still had that blank stare and was moving his head up and down slowly. Takenaka reaches for Kageyama’s thoughts, and he really did seem to listen as there’s a void where his mind usually was. “Okay, also, please don’t think I’m jumping to conclusions, or-or grossed out or anything, I just wanted to make you aware of this and see if I can help.” Keeping his eyes open to gauge his reaction since his thoughts were guarded, Takenaka takes a deep breath and decides to get straight to the point.
“I felt something different then usual from you. You were uncomfortable with something, but I think just what made you uncomfortable is what we should focus on.” Kageyama looked like he might be understanding, but there was still confusion. Takenaka figured that was fair, after all he was using the most vague words possible since he was unsure how much Kageyama was aware of. “It was like well uh… you don’t like how people see you, right? There’s something wrong with how people… view you? Does that make sense?” Whether it made sense or not didn’t need to be said, as the slow horror that overtook Kageyama’s face gave Takenaka the answer he needed.
“So, I’m not wrong? There’s something wrong with being… a boy?” Takenaka tried as hard as possible to make his voice sound even and not betray anything, but the way Kageyama was shrinking into himself made him feel bad. Kageyama’s bangs hung over his eyes as his hands were brought to his face - he looked very small. Takenaka stayed silent as Kageyama thought long and hard, and didn’t push anymore - this was clearly important, and Takenaka knew when to keep his mouth shut.
“…yeah.” The reply was so soft and muffled by Kageyama’s arms that Takenaka almost missed it. He was about to ask for more details, when Kageyama's arms dropped, but his face stayed downturned. “I- uh, I have a hard time being a boy, I think.”
“I understand.” Takenaka wanted to be clear, concise - make sure there were no misunderstandings. Kageyama seemed to not be fully aware of what he was feeling, and Takenaka didn’t want to overwhelm him. “Is there something else that’s easier to be?”
“Ah- uh, I guess..?” Kageyama kept his head down, voice shaky. He was still for a second, then he must’ve realized something as his head jerked up slightly and his shoulders straightened. “Wait, you - you understand?”
“Yeah,” Takenaka didn’t hesitate, but he knew Kageyama was asking more then if he just understood the other’s feelings. This was the one thing Takenaka had been dreading, but since Kageyama already admitted to knowing what he was feeling, he felt it would be safe for him to confess something as well. “I’ve felt what you felt - honestly, I still feel it sometimes, it’s hard to get rid of it.”
“So, oh - you’re a girl, too?” Kageyama perked up yet again, voice full of hope. This was exactly what Takenaka had been suspicious of, but the sudden unbashful announcement of it from Kageyama caused him to be speechless for a second.
“Not exactly.” He found his voice soon enough, not wanting to have Kageyama misinterpret his words or his silence. “I already changed how I present to others, I’m a boy.” Kageyama was still for a second, then a clear gasp escaped her lips, realization dawning.
“Oh! I’m sorry, I didn’t realize,” Kageyama quickly said as she sat back in her chair, concern etched on her face. It was kind of sweet of her to get so concerned over Takenaka when he had felt bad for pushing this onto her.
“Yeah, I know, it’s fine, I haven’t exactly told anyone. I’m pretty good at keeping secrets.” Takenaka hadn’t ever planned on telling anyone either, but Kageyama had managed to change his way of thinking many times before, so what was one more change? Truthfully, inside he was bursting with joy over finding someone to share his experiences with, but he knew getting too excited might be a bit much right now, so he kept his body language as subdued as possible. “I just want you to know you’re not alone in this, and to not worry about me telling anyone else.”
“Oh - wow.” She let out a breathless laugh, a weight clearly lifting from her shoulders.”I haven’t even told my brother…” Takenaka was genuinely shocked to hear that - he knew the younger Kageyama cared much for the older, so for her to not see how it couldn’t possibly end badly was surprising. “Honestly, I haven’t even thought about it much - I thought I could just ignore it. But it’s such a - a loud feeling. I’m not very good at thinking about myself but this was so clear…”
Takenaka was far from a professional on this kind of thing, but if it helped her to talk about it, he was all ears. “How did you like, figure it out? I doubt you woke up one day and just thought ‘hm. I’m a girl.’ It's never that clear cut.” She smiled a little at that, and Takenaka felt very glad to see her relax a little more.
“Actually, it was because of my job - oh!” She sat up, and reached into her school bag. She pulled out a small flip phone, and he could see her eyebrows knit as she navigated the many screens. “I actually had my master take a photo when I- here.” She turned the flip phone around and showed an image of herself. Takenaka instantly noticed the bright girls uniform she was wearing, and the twin braids he assumed were clipped to the back of her head. He had a hard time making out her expression because of the image quality, but she looked happy.
“See, we had a job at an all girls school, so my master had us sneak in as students.” She spoke as she pointed to various parts of the photo - when mentioning her master she pointed to the finger present in the corner of the image. “I actually got in, but the girls there were so scary, I don’t think I want to ever go back… Oh, but Master was proud of me exorcising the spirit on my own, so I asked him if he could take a photo of me to commemorate the moment. I usually don’t like getting my photo taken so I thought I was happy to leave the school, but really I just liked wearing the uniforms.” She laughed a small laugh again, and Takenaka was shocked to hear them in such close succession. She really has been keeping this bottled up for far too long. “Master thought it was a little weird to take my photo, but I’m really glad I asked him to.”
"That's a pretty sick backstory, if you ask me." Takenaka gave a small nod to show his approval, sitting back in his chair as she put the phone away. She shook her head at his words, then looked like she wanted to say more, pausing to think out her words.
“Can I ask you…? How did you realize you’re a boy?” She looked like she was asking for the biggest secret in the universe to be explained to her.
“Oh, uh -“ Takenaka faltered, not expecting the conversation to be turned back on him. But it was only natural, he supposed, that Kageyama would want to ask questions now that she was aware she knew someone similar to herself. “I’ve felt out of place for a long time, but no one else around me felt it, so I wasn’t sure if I was just imagining it. Just like you said, I thought it would go away if I just ignored it, but it never did.” Takenaka paused and scratched the back of his neck, knowing just where his story was going. He hadn’t ever told anyone this, but it was a distinct memory that he had gone over a few times before just incase he ever did meet someone he could tell it to.
“Until one day, I felt that usual feeling of wrongness, but it wasn’t coming from me. Someone else was feeling what I thought was just a made-up feeling. It might have been rude of me, but I was so caught up in understanding this feeling that I dove into their mind, and well, long story short, I figured it out.” Takenaka paused to let his words sink in, then crossed his arms and continued. “That thing you felt earlier, its the same thing I’ve felt - when you’re not comfortable with how others see you? It’s called dysphoria.”
“Oh, huh…” Kageyama shifted in her chair, mind clearly working through what had just been said. “I didn’t know there was a word for it…”
“Yeah, there’s a lot of stuff you probably don’t know.” Takenaka uncrossed his arms, noticing the tension previously suffocating the room already dissipating. This was getting easier with every word exchanged. “Nothing against you just - this is all pretty new, right? You’re not really taught this kind of stuff.”
“Yeah…” Kageyama's words continued to be slow and drawn out, her thinking evident to anyone, telepath or not. She put a hand to her chin, and tilted her head slightly, eyes focused on Takenaka. “Can I ask you more about this?”
“Yeah, anytime, but," Takenaka checked the clock on his phone, and winced, "I should head home now, my mom might worry.” He apologetically shrugged and stood up from the table, grabbing his bag as he stood.
“Oh! Okay." Kageyama jumped up as well, her hair bouncing with the movement. Now that Takenaka was paying attention to it, he was pretty sure her hair was just slightly longer then it usually was. "Is it alright for me to text you if I think of something?”
"Yeah! Feel free to, I'll try to help as much as I can." Takenaka mustered the most genuine smile he could get, and was glad to see it got his message across as Kageyama's shoulders lowered just slightly. As long as both of them walked away with their hearts not beating too fast this whole conversation could be considered a success.
"Thank you for talking to me, I didn't expect something like this to happen, but I'm glad it did." She scratched at where her bangs reached the top of her ear, and tugged her school bag a little higher. Her lips had been slightly upturned for most of the conversation, and Takenaka was thanking the stars she wasn't taking any of this badly.
"It was no problem, and me too." Takenaka had never expected becoming a fellow trans teen's confidant, but he wasn't complaining. "Good luck with... you know." He gestured vaguely towards Kageyama, hoping she would pick up on what he meant. She seemed to get it after a moment and nodded slowly.
"Thanks, you too," She returned as Takenaka headed out the door.