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Yuri knew two things.
Number one: He loved Otabek
Number two: Otabek was an odd duck.
Otabek had very particular ways of doing things. From how he took his coffee (one spoonful of sugar, no cream), the type of socks he wore (cotton, white, and long enough to peek over his boots to prevent chafing), right down to his nightly ablutions (shower, dress, moisturize, brush teeth, floss, bed, in that order, without fail). He got up at the same time everyday, ate the same breakfast, jogged the same routes, and skated with the same determination to succeed each and every day.
Otabek had hobbies he enjoyed as well; and tackled them with the same methodical dedication he had for everything else in life. Otabek had a passion for music, loved fast motorcycles, was a voracious reader, and could cook reasonably well. Out of all of his interests though, he loved nature most of all.
Otabek was definitely what you would call, an “outside boy”. His life was in the city, but his heart laid in the dense forests, and waterways that lay just outside it’s limits.
Yuri was a self professed “indoor boy”, but he indulged Otabek when he got the itch to get out of town. Yuri shivered through cold camping trips, ruined his shoes hiking through swampy marshes, and sweat through his clothes on long, hot rides through the countryside in the Summer.
Otabek was in his element when he was out of doors, relaxing as soon as he inhaled that first breath of air that wasn’t heavy with the smells of city living. Yuri would gladly slog through mud, sacrifice his creamy skin to the mosquitoes, and comb the snags out of his windswept hair everyday, just to catch a glimpse of that gentle, serene look on Otabek’s face once they were surrounded by nature. Otabek felt freer outside, words came more easily to him, and they had many a heartfelt conversation amongst the trees.
Otabek was Yuri’s rock, the unfailing constant in his life. It steadied Yuri to know that no matter how hectic their lives were, Otabek would remain the same. Up at six am, lunch at twelve forty-five, and in bed by eleven p.m. with his nose in a book. Yuri could set his watch by him (if he ever wore a watch). He knew that if there was one thing Otabek hated, it was straying from his routine.
Lately though, all that had changed.
Now that the weather was warmer, Yuri was actually looking forward to their “wilderness dates”. Otabek however, chose to go out alone, getting up before the sun rose and leaving Yuri to sleep alone. He’d wake up hours later to find a short note laying on Otabek’s pillow.
“Out for the day, didn’t want to wake you, be home later -O”
At first Yuri didn’t mind. It gave him a chance to enjoy his own hobbies. He danced with the stereo blaring, watched movies that he loved (and Otabek hated), shopped with Mila, and tried his hand at different recipes. For awhile, it was nice to have the apartment to himself, but after spending a third weekend in a row alone, Yuri started to worry.
What was Otabek doing with all this alone time? What was so interesting that it kept him away for hours on end? And, as much has he hated to even think it; who was he with?
Otabek would come home tired and aching. The knees of his pants dirty and worn, his arms covered in scratches, and on more than one occasion, bright red rashes on his neck. He’d wave it all away, eager to change the subject.
“What have you been doing?” Yuri asked, as he silently counted the bug bites on Otabek’s arms and legs.
“Nothing, just enjoying the outdoors.” Otabek rubbed a bit of dirt from his arm.
“Alone?’ Yuri asked staring at the ruined state of Otabek’s knees.
Otabek gave a small shrug, but said nothing.
Yuri had hoped for an answer. “What do you do all day by yourself anyway?”
“Nothing really, I just take in the day.” Otabek bounced his foot nervously. “I better go get cleaned up. I sweat a lot today, I must stink.”
Sweating doing what exactly?
Yuri started to speak, but Otabek cut him off with a quick kiss. “Dinner smells great, I’m starving. Let me grab a shower, then you can tell me about your day.” The hasty rush of words pouring out of Otabek’s mouth only worsened Yuri’s fears.
“But I-” Yuri wanted to press for answers, but Otabek was already gone.
Nobody spent eight, nine, ten hours a day just sitting in the quiet, not even Otabek could stand it for that long! There had to be more to it. Otabek was hiding something, he knew it.
Yuri tried again at dinner.
“So, did you do a lot of hiking today?” Yuri asked, pushing his food around on his plate, his appetite gone.
Otabek swallowed a mouth full of food and shrugged. “No, not really.”
Yuri fidgeted in his seat. “Then you must’ve gone on a long bike ride. Did you see anything interesting?”
Otabek shook his head, “I didn’t get much riding in.”
“Beka-”
“Tell me about your day Yura.”
Yuri felt his stomach clench. He knew by the sound of his voice that Otabek was done talking about it. Yuri sighed, and rambled on listlessly about what he’d done that day. It hadn’t been interesting. He’d decided to go from room to room, and give them a good cleaning since the weather was nice and the windows could stay open.
Otabek listened. Nodding and asking questions about what he’d done so far. He sounded interested...too interested.
Yuri said little for the rest of the night. They watched TV while Otabek played on his phone, tapping away, only for his phone to ding a few moments later. He watched as Otabek grinned and let out a quiet, almost inaudible laugh.
He’s talking to someone . He never texts like that, except with me.
Before Yuri could say anything about it, Otabek got up and stretched. “I’m exhausted, I’m going to bed. I’m gonna be up early again tomorrow.” He leaned down to give Yuri a quick kiss good night.
Yuri mumbled a solemn “g’night” in return.
Yuri stared at the TV after he left. The show he was watching wasn’t even registering. His mind was filled with questions. Questions he desperately wanted answers to.
Ding.
Yuri looked at the other end of the couch. Otabek had left his phone on the arm. A small white light flashed, notifying him that a text had come in. Yuri could already hear Otabek’s soft snores coming from the bedroom. He knew that Otabek would be dead to the world until his alarm clock sounded.
Yuri reached for the phone, already feeling dirty over what he was about to do. He typed in the first set of numbers that popped into his head: 0301 . The phone’s home screen lit up. He tried to soothe his guilty conscience; telling himself that it was Otabek’s own fault, he should have picked a random set of numbers, not his damn birthday.
Yuri opened the most recent set of texts. It was a group text between Otabek, a woman named Mara, and another man named Alexi
Mara: We still on for tomorrow?
Otabek: Yes! I had a great time today. I’m exhausted though.
Mara: lol, you’ll get used to it. I’m glad you could join us. Tomorrow, same place at 7am.
Alexi: Sounds good, can’t wait to see you both!
Mara: Otabek, you ever going to tell your boyfriend about us?
Otabek: I’m kinda waiting for the right time. I don’t think he’d get it.
Alexi: You sure about that? You’re spending a lot of time with us.
Alexi: You don’t think he’ll get suspicious?
Otabek: It’s fine. He thinks I’m out hiking, or riding my bike.
Mara: Ok if you say so. See you tomorrow.
Otabek: I’ll be there.
Mara: c u then.
Yuri’s heart was racing. Who were these two? He scrolled to a conversation from a few weeks back. One just between Otabek and Mara.
Mara: Glad I could finally meet you face to face after texting for so long.
Beka: Me too.
Mara: Did you have a good time?
Beka: I did. Those photos you sent were amazing by the way.
Mara: Which did you like the most?
Beka: Tits, definitely.
Mara: I’m glad, it took a long time to get just the right shot. I think it turned out really well.
Beka: Gorgeous, the best I’ve ever seen.
Mara: That cock pic you took the other day took my breath away. I’m impressed. You have a talent for photography. I hope you take more.
Beka: Thanks, ;)
Winky face? Otabek had never used a winky face in his life! Yuri was near tears. He searched Otabek’s phone with shaking, clammy hands for the photos, but they were nowhere in sight.
Bastard must have deleted them, or he’s got them in a secret folder.
Yuri set the phone down on the arm of the couch, suddenly feeling nauseous.
How could he? He thought they were happy. Sure, they had their arguments, but nothing that would warrant him going off with not just one, but two other people to take dirty photos, and fuck knows what else. Yuri racked his brain trying to figure out what had happened between them. Otabek started going out alone on the weekends about a month ago, around the same time he started talking to this Mara woman. What happened a month ago? Nothing he could think of. Another wave of hot, sweaty nausea washed over him.
Yuri ran to the bathroom, emptying his stomach into the toilet. He curled up on the floor in tears, the flirty texts burned into the backs of his eyelids. He didn’t know how long he laid on the cold tile floor, but his body was starting to shiver. He collapsed onto the couch, the thought of laying in the same bed as Otabek far too much to bear.
He quietly cried himself to sleep.
A few hours later he awoke to the sound of the front door closing quietly. It was barely light out. Yuri rushed out into the hall to find Otabek halfway down the stairs.
“Beka!” Yuri called out, stopping at the top of the stairs, his hand white knuckling the banister.
“It’s early, Yura. I didn’t mean to wake you. Go back to sleep.” Otabek said, making his way back up to him.
“Beka, do you, do you have to go out today?” Yuri’s eyes round and pleading.
Otabek nodded, “I do. I’m just, going out for a ride, before it gets too hot.”
“I’ll come with you! Just give me five minutes and I’ll be ready!” Yuri went to turn away, but Otabek grabbed his hand.
“No, it’s okay Yura. You stay, go shopping with Mila, or go to lunch with Victor and Yuuri. It won’t be very interesting. I don’t want you to get bored.”
“But I won’t be! Not with you. Please, Beka?”
Otabek took him in his arms, and kissed him. For a moment Yuri forgot about his anger. The feeling of his lips pressed against his felt so warm and comforting.
How could Otabek still kiss him with such heartfelt conviction; only to turn around and meet up with other people like it was no big deal? It made his heart ache.
Otabek pulled away, “Not today, baby. I promise, next weekend we’ll do something together. Anything you want.”
Yuri watched in disbelief as Otabek turned and hurried down the stairs.
Yuri slammed the door to their apartment, not caring if it woke the entire building. He threw himself on the couch. Fresh tears running down his pale cheeks.
“Anything I want?” Yuri seethed. “Anything I want? How about the truth you lying sack of shit!” Yuri balled himself up on the couch.
It was over. He’d lost him for good.
There was a time not too long ago, when Otabek wouldn’t have dreamed of leaving without him.
They used to be inseparable, but now…
Yuri laid in bitter silence, until he felt his eyelids droop. He fell into a deep, dreamless sleep. Sleep was good, it dulled the ache in his chest, and let him forget, for a time at least, that his relationship was falling apart.
He roused himself in the late afternoon. His day had been spent sleeping, and fighting off tears and the sick feeling in his stomach. His head felt stuffy, his nose clogged, and his stomach was empty and growling. He dragged himself into the kitchen, forcing himself to eat something. For awhile, he just sat staring at their apartment. They hadn’t lived together for very long, but so many happy memories had already taken place there.
Now, it just felt hollow.
No more movie nights tangled up on the couch. No more cooking dinner together. No more nights spent in utter bliss.
How could Otabek throw it all away so easily?
He clenched his fists and stood, anger bubbling up inside. Fine, if Otabek wanted to end this, so be it. He’d make the break quick and painless. He rummaged through his closet, pulling out a large plastic bin and emptied it of its contents. If he was going to be tossed out with the garbage, there were things he wanted first. He went from room to room, filling the box with various items. He grabbed his grandfather’s chipped orange mug from the kitchen, his favorite movies from their DVD collection, video games they played together (used to play together), and a few books and framed photos from the shelves. He went through the whole house, filling the bin with the items he refused to part with. The only things he could hold onto from his once happy relationship.
He was going through the boxes under their bed, when he saw a large stack of magazines piled high under Otabek’s side.
A stack of magazines under the bed could only be one thing, right? He could feel his cheeks heat up in anger. It wasn’t even because Otabek had dirty magazines. Yuri enjoyed a decent porno mag as much as the next guy. It was that Otabek had kept them socked away, like some dirty secret. Didn’t Otabek know by now that he wouldn’t care? Hell, they could have enjoyed them together! It was no different from watching porn together. They’d certainly done that enough for it to no longer be awkward.
What else was he keeping from him?
Yuri couldn’t take it anymore. He sat on the floor, his back against the bed, and sobbed; the magazines left untouched under the bed. He couldn’t even bear to look at them, they were like a silent slap to the face
He just wasn’t enough for him.
The flood gates were open now. There was nothing he could do to stop the loud, heaving sobs that escaped him. He didn’t even hear the door open.
“Yura?” Otabek stood in the doorway. “What’s wrong? Are you alright?”
“Go away, Otabek!” he screamed, “I don’t want to talk to you!”
Otabek didn’t budge. The sound of his full name spat out in anger made him wince “What happened? What’s with the box?” He took a step forward, but had to quickly dodge the framed photo Yuri grabbed from the box and lobbed at him. It hit the wall, the glass shattering onto the carpet.
“What the hell, Yura?”
“Fuck you Otabek! Fuck you! How could you do this to me?”
“Do what?” Otabek was full on panicking now. He’d never seen Yuri so angry.
“Do what?” Yuri sneered. “I’m not stupid Otabek! I know you’ve been cheating on me!”
Otabek froze, mouth hanging open in horror.
“Nothing to say now, huh? I saw the texts on your phone!” Yuri seethed.
“You read my texts?” Otabek snapped, “Why? How could you-”
“How could I? How could I? How could you!? That bitch Mara sent you photos of her fucking tits! I think my actions were warranted don’t you think?”
“Yura, you don’t understand! Let me explain! I-”
“I understand plenty! I’m not enough for you! That’s why you hooked up with them!” He reached under the bed for the magazines. “That’s why you have these!” He pulled them out, and tossed them on the floor at his feet.
Yuri was expecting to see photos of women with their legs spread wide, and beefy, greased up men in tight jeans.
He was not expecting to see...
Wait, what was he looking at exactly?
Were those, birds?
Otabek dove toward him, scrambling to gather up his stash, but it was too late. Yuri was already rifling through the pile of magazines, his expression growing more confused by the second. Bird Watchers Digest , Bird Watching Magazine, Birder’s World. Some had dog eared pages, others had post it notes stuck on them: “Read article on Hoary Puffleg”, “Try Polistovskie Swamps for Golden Eagle”, “History of Tits pgs 17-19”.
Yuri’s brow furrowed, “Otabek, what the fuck?”
Otabek snatched up a few of his magazines, smoothing their wrinkled covers.
“If you’d give me a minute to explain I would!” Otabek sat back on his heels, breathing heavily.
Yuri waited.
“I haven’t been honest with you, about where I was going all this time.”
Yuri gave a bitter ‘tch’ in his direction.
“I haven’t been taking rides, or hiking alone. I’ve been,” Otabek squirmed awkwardly, “bird watching.”
It was Yuri's turn to look lost.
Bird watching?
He’d seen his share of birdwatchers in and around St. Petersbourg. Funny little middle aged men, with notebooks and big fancy cameras, wearing safari vests, and thick glasses.
Otabek was one of them?
“But who are Mar-”
“I joined a club a few weeks back. I go with Mara and Alexi to, well, watch birds.” Otabek rubbed the back of his head, unable to make eye contact.
“But the photos? Tits, and cocks and…”
Otabek cracked a sheepish grin. “Those are different names for birds, Yura. We all take photos and share them with each other. Nothing more than that. Mara is happily married with three kids. Alexi is sixty and the clubs founder.”
Yuri sat in shock, his brain trying to wrap around this new information.
Otabek wasn’t cheating on him. He just had a secret hobby. A weird, secret hobby.
“Why didn’t you just tell me?” Yuri breathed, hurt at being left in the dark.
“I dunno, I felt weird. There aren’t a lot of guys my age in the club. Actually there’s no one my age, and I thought maybe you’d make fun of me for doing it. It’s not the coolest hobby, not like making music, or motorcycles. I was embarrassed, I guess.” Otabek’s eyes were still trained on the floor. He looked up when he heard Yuri burst into high pitched, relieved laughter.
“Fuck, Beka.”
Otabek softened at the sound of his nickname.
“You stupid moron! Why would I make fun of you? For fuck sake, I thought you were cheating on me!” He gestured towards the bin full of stuff. “I was packing up and getting ready to storm out of here you pinhead!”
Otabek lifted his eyes, still casting a wary glance. “So, you don’t think it’s weird? That I have an “old man’s” hobby?” He gestured a set of finger quotes.
Yuri brushed a few blond strands from his sticky, tear stained face, “No, why would I? It’s no weirder than anything else you do. Besides, you’ve seen my phone. I have more pictures of random cats I meet on the street than I do of myself.” He exhaled sharply, “I should be pissed that you assumed I’d make fun of you, but honestly, I’m too relieved to care.” Yuri got up and walked on his knees, throwing his arms around Otabek. “Don’t ever hide shit from me again, Beka.”
Otabek wrapped his arms around him. “I’m sorry Yura, I should have told you sooner. I can’t believe you thought I was cheating on you.” He took Yuri’s face in his hands, worrying over his puffy, bloodshot eyes. “Yura, I would never!”
Yuri felt a warmth in his chest start to grow. “You better not.” Yuri sat back, wiping his face with his hand. “Fuck, I made a mess didn’t I?” Yuri helped organize the magazines into a neat pile, and tucked them back under the bed. Otabek got out the vacuum to clean up the glass.
After things were cleaned up they laid on the bed. Yuri laced his hands with Otabek’s. “So, tell me about your day?”
Otabek smiled, thrilled to finally be able to talk to him about it without trepidation. “We went to Nyzhneswirsky Reserve and I finally got to snap a picture of a pair of black storks.” He pulled out a slim digital camera from his pocket, and scrolled through dozens of photos of birds before settling on a pair of elegant storks with jet black wings, and bright red bills.
“Holy shit, you took this photo?” Yuri squinted, marveling at the fine details of the birds feathers.
“I did.” Looking more than a little proud.
“Beka, Mara was right, you are talented!”
Yuri snapped his mouth shut.
Oh yeah, he forgot about that bit.
“I’m sorry I broke into your phone, Beka. I was a mess the other night. I thought you were cheating on me, and I just...lost my head. I won’t do it again, I promise. “ He cracked a wry smile, “but you know, if you want to keep me out of it, you need to find a better pin than my birthday.”
Otabek chuckled, “I’m a little disappointed, but I’m not mad, Yura. I get why you did it. It’s partly my fault for not telling you. I can’t say if the tables were turned I wouldn’t have done the same thing.”
They laid quietly for a moment, until Otabek’s stomach started to gurgle and growl.
“You hungry?”
“Starving.” Otabek laughed, clutching his stomach.
***
A few weeks later, Yuri was alerted to a new Instagram post from Otabek. He was at the gym, wearing a black sleeveless shirt that Yuri had given him a few days before. Emblazoned on the front, in bright blue letters, were the words “Bird Watching Gives Me Cheep Thrills” with a little yellow bird in the middle. Otabek was smiling.
#allthebirds #oldmanhobby #idontcare #twitcher #bestgiftever #thanksyura
Yuri knew two things.
One: He loved Otabek
Two: Otabek was an odd duck.