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Jayne looked awfully calm for someone who had three guns pointed at his head.
“She can hear you, you know,” he said conversationally, taking a bite of the protein mash.
Mal blinked at the merc, obviously trying to process what a living dead man was saying. “What the hell does that mean?”
“All the ruttin’, all the sexin’, whatever you want to call it. She hears it.”
Simon’s mouth was opening and closing like a fish out of water, and Mal looked just as gobsmacked to Zoe, who at least lowered her gun. “Why didn’t she come to see me instead? Why you?”
Jayne leveled a look at her that would have had lesser individuals skittering backwards. “She’s kinda crazy, but she ain’t cruel.”
Zoe bit her lower lip and closed her eyes as a fresh wave of grief, compounded by fluctuating mood swings, threatened to get the best of her. Taking a deep breath, Zoe tried to compose herself and nodded. She was in absolutely no condition to help River, not on something that would have reminded her so powerfully of Wash. She felt the weird funny motion what meant the baby was kicking her and smiled. Rubbing the little one through her clothes and skin, she reopened her eyes to find Jayne still looking at her. A small twitch of his eyebrow almost silently asked if his answer went too far. She twitched her head off to the side.
“And she didn’t want anyone to feel like they had to stop sexin’ each other just because it was in her mind too. Iffin’ it provided relief, no sense in stoppin’ it.”
“So why you?” Zoe asked, her hand still absently rubbing the little one.
“Who else?” Jayne answered. “Doc? Out of the question. Mal? She calls him Captain-Daddy, so same. You? No. Inara? Busy, same with Kaylee. There ain’t nobody else on this boat who can help her while everyone is either sexin’ or mournin’ or workin’.”
“That… that just made an absurd amount of sense,” Inara muttered, her silk shifting as she moved forward and gently nudged Mal’s gun down. “If you don’t mind? It’s my turn to clean and I would rather not have to clean blood and brain matter. Doctor, you as well please.”
“She could not wait to come see me?” Inara asked politely, sitting. “I could have arranged-”
“With what funds?” Jayne returned. “We barely got enough as it is to keep Serenity flyin’ so the most any one of us could afford is a whorehouse, but we ain’t been in atmo for long enough.”
Inara shrugged wordlessly and even Zoe had to agree that the merc made a good point. Ever since Miranda, jobs were scarce because people were scared and it probably wouldn’t be long before something boiled over.
Zoe picked up her tea and sat down as well.
“How can she hear it?” Kaylee asked, her face still tinged in pink and standing at the doorway.
Jayne scrunched his eyebrows together, as if he was trying to remember. “She said something about plink-plink-plink-pinball with no paddles to bat it away from the River-hole.” He shrugged. “Once you unwind the crazy, it makes sense. Everyone’s thoughts bounce around inside a hull and there’s no way for them to get out like there is in atmo.”
“Dispersion,” Simon finally said.
“Yeah, that. All I know is that last night she talked more sense in five minutes than I’d heard in almost five years. Usin’ big words and sentences. Me? I heard what she said, and I know when a weapon ain’t workin’ right. She wasn’t workin’ before. She is now.”
“She’s my sister not a gorram weapon,” Simon nearly shrieked.
“She’s a woman with a weapon inside her,” Jayne retorted.
“Jayne-man fixed weaponry, allowing woman-weapon River-brain to work,” River said, startling everyone. “Stop being a boob, Simon. She knew what she was asking and why. Jayne-man understood problem and corrected it.”
“P-p-problem?” he spluttered.
River looked at her brother with a mix of exasperation and affection. Zoe felt a mild pang that the little one wouldn’t have such a relationship as dynamic as a sibling bond. “Hormones, Simon. Blue Hands cut bits, put bits in brain-pan to make woman-weapon, but they left the hormones. Miranda cleared the mind a bit, but the hormones still muddied the clear River waters.”
Kaylee snickered. “So you jus’ been horny?”
“More than simply horny, Kaylee-sister,” she said as she sat unceremoniously next to Jayne, folding her legs under her. “She has been nearly out of her mind with the blood lust and cravings for sex since then, which did not make the intrusive, inadvertent thoughts easier to accept. Now that she has suitable sexing partner that can keep woman-weapon working, everyone may maintain sexual relations without worry for what discomfort it could cause me.” She gifted Jayne with a radiant smile. “Scary Jayne-man still farmboy at heart, insisted that others know and approve of their relationship. She calculated likelihood of injury or casualty at less than fifteen percent, the only reason she acquiesced and took slightly longer nap.”
“Oh, is that what you were muttering about?” Jayne rumbled, affection clear.
River nodded once. “Captain-Daddy would at least let you say few words with gun pointed at you, and you chose them well. She would have been most displeased if Jayne-man was not available to keep woman-weapon properly oiled.”
Zoe nearly spit out her tea at the sly dirty joke buried in River’s words.
“River!”
“Yes, Simon?” she answered, looking as innocent as she could. “Sister-girl has only become sister-woman-weapon and she will marry Jayne-man for many reasons.”
Zoe nearly spit her tea out again. Mal certainly did.
“Reasons?” she finally asked.
River counted them off on her fingers. “Jayne-man is pleasing to her and there is high likelihood of attractive features and healthy demeanor in offspring. Jayne-man cares for woman-weapon carefully, has tended to her emotional needs when others were unavailable. Marriage will be pleasing to Cobb matriarch, who would allow moonbrain River to stay on Cobb farm if anything happens to Jayne-man. Also removes Tam parents from attempting to get girl back.”
Simon looked like he was about to speak and interrupt River when he abruptly closed his mouth. “Oh, I never thought of that one.”
“Of course not. Simon would only be disinherited. She could be called insane and unable to make own decisions, forcefully taken back as they are parental figures. It is not a problem you would have to think about, but husband-law is respected on Core as is the determination of sanity for marriage. Jayne-man is also rather traditional, would prefer the marriage contract for long-term sexing, and she is agreeable as well.”
Zoe had to snort a laugh at the colors Mal’s face had changed. “Let’s face it, Mal. She just destroyed every argument anyone could make and has damn good reasoning behind it all.”
“Told ya she was makin’ more sense,” Jayne said, offering the last bite of the protein mash to River.
“Speech patterns are still odd, but she likes them now. Not so many runny-runny thoughts that swirl together and come out blended. She is clear-headed finally and only needed Jayne-man pill to do it,” she said and then closed her lips around the spoon staring intently at Jayne.
Zoe could practically see the man’s blood draining out of his head. She’d done the same to Wash many times before, and though grief hit her again, it wasn’t as intense. “You might have a bit more calibratin’ to do on a pretty shiny weapon,” she said, almost amused.
“Yeah…” Jayne said, sounding a little dazed.
River smiled and hopped up. “We’ll be in our bunk.”