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“Well, buddy, this is it.”
Ryland swore as he narrowly avoided injuring himself with the sharp edge of his tape roller. “What?”
“This is it. You, me, this apartment.” Alex spun, surveying the state of their now-empty living room. Aside from a few knick-knacks that hadn’t yet been packed up or tossed out, everything was sealed away in moving boxes. “It’s kind of sad.”
Ryland raised an eyebrow. “You’re the one who decided we should move out, remember?” For the past several weeks, Alex had been talking nonstop about how great sharing a house with the rest of the team was going to be; how they’d be able to double, even triple their practice time. He didn’t seem to be having any doubts about the decision.
“I know. I just… we had so many good times here.” Alex moved over to the couch where Ryland was seated, tracing a hand over one of the worn cushions. Lorenzo had arranged for their furniture to be picked up and taken to the new house later that day.
“If by good times you mean you coming home drunk at 2 AM and trashing the place then, yeah, we had a lot of those,” Ryland scoffed. He didn’t look up, too focused on sealing what felt like the hundredth cardboard box. He could practically feel Alex pouting down at him, anyway.
“Aww, Ry. Don’t tell me you aren’t at least a little upset.”
Ryland thought for a moment. It would be easier, certainly, to stay in their apartment. Moving was a huge pain in the ass, and he was already sick of listening to the playlist Alex had insisted on making for the occasion. There was only so much Rush a man could take in one sitting, and that quota had been met hours ago. But as he looked around, he realized just how lifeless the room felt. It was strange, how easily their mark on the space could be stripped away. Their clutter was gone, sure to soon be replaced with decorations by someone who actually had an ounce of interior design sense. He shuddered at the idea of some 20-something couple moving in, carefully arranging furniture like they belonged on an episode of House Hunters.
“I mean, okay,” Ryland answered coolly, waving a hand. “I guess. But a house is just a house, right? There’ll be new memories to make. And finally room for you to store all of your fucking craft supplies so I can stop tripping over them.”
Alex grinned at that, staring dreamily off into space. “Oh man, you’re right. Dude, it’s gonna be so great. Can you imagine? Esports People is gonna be like one big family.”
Ryland sighed, finally turning to face Alex. He looked so happy, so… hopeful, and it was honestly pretty endearing. But before he could respond, Alex was leaping up, doubling back toward the kitchen.
“Oh shit, Ry, I almost forgot! Check out what I found earlier.” Alex retrieved a small shoebox from the kitchen counter, then returned to the couch, plopping down beside Ryland. He opened the box, shoving it into Ryland’s lap. “Look.”
Ryland didn’t have to look to know what was inside, but he peered into the box anyway. He pulled out a few sheets of crumpled newspaper to reveal a goofy, colorful ceramic unicorn. Beside it was a folded note addressed to Ryland that read, “Horny for our friendship!”.
“It was under your bed,” Alex continued. “You remember it, right?”
Ryland nodded. Alex had given it to him as a housewarming present on the day he moved in, along with a bottle of cheap champagne. Ryland had rolled his eyes and called it ugly, but left it on display long enough to make Alex happy. Eventually, he’d relocated it to his room and tucked it away for safekeeping. He would never admit it, but a part of him couldn’t help but love that stupid thing.
“Uh huh.” Ryland cracked a grin. “I mean, I was kind of hoping I’d accidentally leave it behind.”
Alex frowned. “Don’t say that. He needs us!”
“Calm down, dude, I’m kidding.” Ryland reached for the lid of the box, repacking it. “But it would be pretty funny if we just left it for the next people who move in.”
“I was thinking we could set him up in the new place. Let him regain his former majesty.”
For once, Ryland smiled despite himself. “Sure. Whatever you want, Lex.”
Weeks passed, and even after everyone had settled in, living in the new house still proved to be a huge adjustment. It almost felt like a team-building exercise in and of itself; that is, getting used to everyone’s schedules and dealing with the chaos that ensued every time there was a minor disagreement.
Of course, not everything was different. Ryland still shared a bathroom with Alex, for one, which meant that he was treated to hearing whichever songs Alex decided to belt out in the shower on any given day. He still found Post-it notes stuck to the bathroom mirror, adorned with little smiley faces and stupid motivational quotes written in Alex’s scrawl. And on rare days when Alex woke up early to cook breakfast, he’d still leave a freshly-brewed pot of coffee waiting for Ryland. Except only now that coffee was subject to being snatched up by Sam or Ash long before Ryland could make it down to the kitchen.
But that wasn’t the only thing. It seemed like whenever Ryland tried to spend time with Alex alone, they were interrupted in some way, and he was quickly becoming frustrated. It wasn’t that he didn’t like hanging with the others, but with everyone’s intense personalities, it was exhausting more often than not.
Alex, on the other hand, seemed hardly bothered. It was like he was thriving off of the team’s energy, thrilled to have so many people around. He didn’t seem to be affected by the move in the slightest. And, if Ryland was being honest with himself, it stung a little. He missed their quiet apartment, the nights where neither of them would need to say a word, content with only each other’s company. He would never admit it, though. How could he, when Alex was so happy?
It was a lazy Friday evening when Alex approached Ryland in his room, one hand hidden behind his back. “Hey, Ry. You busy? I was thinking we could watch a movie together.”
Ryland looked up from his laptop, trying to mask the surprise on his face. “Uh, sure. What movie?”
Alex grinned and revealed what he’d been hiding: an old, battered VHS case. “Fox and the Hound?”
“Dude, where the fuck did you even get that? Who still uses a VCR?”
“Lorenzo set one up downstairs,” Alex chirped, clearly excited. “He’s got this huge case of movies. It’s awesome!”
“Yeah, if you’re living in 1995.” Ryland stood, stretching his arms above his head. “Whatever, let’s go.”
Once they were downstairs, Ryland headed into the kitchen to make popcorn while Alex went to rewind the tape. They settled in quickly, seated together on the couch with the lights dimmed. Movie nights had been common in their apartment, although they were usually the product of Alex making puppy eyes until Ryland begrudgingly agreed to join him. This wasn’t how Ryland had been expecting his night to go, but it was nice to do something familiar. Maybe things were looking up after all.
They were ten minutes into the film when they suddenly heard commotion from the others. Then, as if on cue, Sam popped her head into the living room, grinning wickedly. “You guys aren’t gonna believe this. Lorenzo actually beat his high score at Gauntlet. He’s, like, freaking out.”
Alex practically leapt off the couch, heading toward the doorway. “No fuckin’ way. Really?”
Sam nodded, and then she was taking off down the hallway, motioning for Alex to follow.
Alex turned back to Ryland, his expression apologetic. “Can we put the movie on hold for two seconds? I gotta go congratulate him. Team morale and all.”
Ryland tried to ignore the twisting feeling in his gut, nodding quickly. “Yeah, sure, go ahead. The team needs you, coach.”
Alex beamed, and then he was gone too, whooping as he headed off to find Lorenzo.
Ryland reached for the remote, pausing the movie with a huff. So much for some alone time. He pulled out his phone and began scrolling aimlessly through Reddit, trying to convince himself he wasn’t upset. But after a few minutes of moping, and with no Alex in sight, he grew bored. He turned his gaze to the coffee table, where Alex had placed that stupid little unicorn from their apartment. Suddenly, an idea began to form in Ryland’s mind. It was a little crazy, but he had to do something. He had to try.
One week later Ryland was seated at the kitchen table, fidgeting with the hair tie around his wrist. His eyes kept darting to the clock, figuring that Alex would be home any minute now.
Ryland had asked Ash to get Alex out of the house for a few hours that afternoon, so he had enough time to put his plan into action. Ash had agreed, but only on the condition that he owed her a couple bottles of expensive booze. Considering how much money he’d spent a few days prior, Ryland sincerely hoped that this would be worth it. Just then he heard the sound of the front door opening, along with Alex’s telltale chatter. It wasn’t long before Alex spotted Ryland in the kitchen, greeting him with a wave. Oh no, Ryland thought, here it comes.
“Dude! Ash took me out for lunch at this new bar, and they had all these funny names for the drinks, and the Lakers were on, and they were sucking in the beginning but then they won, and–” Alex finally cut himself short, sensing Ryland’s exasperation, and clapped him on the shoulder. “You should’ve come with us!”
Ryland waved him off. “Nah, man. I was busy.”
“Busy with what?”
Ryland hesitated. “I, uh, I actually have a surprise for you.”
“A surprise?” Alex frowned, suspicious. “You hate surprises.”
“Yeah, but you don’t.” Ryland stood. “Just… come down to the basement with me, okay?”
“The basement?” Alex still looked a bit wary.
Ryland nodded, and led the way downstairs. When they reached the bottom step, he told Alex to close his eyes. He took Alex’s hand, leading him toward the middle of the room.
“Okay, you can look now.”
In front of them was a shiny new five-piece drum set, the color a sparkly bright blue. Ryland had spent the afternoon unboxing and assembling it, and he hoped he’d set everything up correctly.
Alex was frozen in place, his mouth hanging slightly agape. When he spoke his voice was quiet, unsure. “Ry? What’s… what is this?”
Ryland cleared his throat, staring down at his feet. “You, uh, you talk all the time about how you wanted to learn to play the drums. And I know you were planning to fix up that broken set we had in the old place, but it was pretty much trashed, and we never really had the space for it anyway…” He trailed off, shrugging his shoulders. “You’re, just, like, always pushing us to follow our dreams and shit, so I figured it was about time you had your turn.”
Alex didn’t say anything for a long time. It was so uncharacteristic of him not to speak, and for a minute Ryland almost thought he’d made a mistake, doing this. But then Alex was pulling him into a hug, squeezing him tighter than should be humanly possible.
“This is the nicest fucking thing anyone’s ever done for me.” He paused, drawing back. “You’ll learn with me, won’t you?”
Ryland blinked, the question throwing him off guard. “What do you mean?”
“Take drum lessons with me, man. Or… or if you don’t want to play the drums, you could get your own instrument. We can make music together.”
Alex’s eyes were practically sparkling, and Ryland felt his heart skip a beat. He thought back to when he was younger, when his parents had insisted on enrolling him in cello lessons to ‘get him off of the damn computer for once.’ He’d pretended to hate it, but actually enjoyed playing the instrument much more than he’d thought. But that was years ago. Now, he could barely remember how to read music, let alone play anything.
Ryland was reluctant, but knew deep down that he couldn’t say no. That was how it had always gone, hadn’t it? He could never say no to Alex. “Yeah, I… I guess I could give it a shot.”
Alex smiled wider, if that was even possible. “Cool. I’ve missed spending time with you.”
“What?” That wasn’t what Ryland had been expecting to hear.
“You know…” Alex replied, “We haven’t gotten to hang out much lately.”
“I thought that was kind of the point,” Ryland blurted, before he could stop himself.
It was Alex’s turn to look shocked. “Huh?”
Ryland swallowed, refusing to meet Alex’s eyes. He figured he might as well let it all out now. “It’s just that– you seem so much happier with everyone else around. I thought that maybe you finally realized how miserable it was to hang with me all the time. That you could do so much better.”
Alex furrowed his eyebrows. “What are you talking about, Ry?”
“You . You’re normally all… clingy and shit. But now you’ve got Sam, and Ash, and Lorenzo, and everything’s great. You don’t need me.”
Alex’s eyes widened, realization dawning in his features. “So you were jealous.”
Ryland froze. “What? No. That’s– why would I be jealous?”
Alex was grinning like he’d just made a grand discovery. He motioned to the drums. “I get it now. You did this ‘cause you missed me, too.”
Ryland said nothing, instead desperately trying to ignore the sudden burning sensation on his face.
Alex pressed on. “You thought I was pushing you away?” he asked, to which Ryland responded with a noncommittal groan.
“I was trying to give you space, man,” Alex explained. “I didn’t want to, but I thought– I know how you get when you’re around people for too long. I figured it would be easier for you to adjust if you had some alone time.”
Ryland looked sheepish. “That’s– oh. That’s actually... really nice of you.” He paused, biting his lip. He didn’t really know what to say. “I mean, I appreciate it. But I’m also, like, down to spend time with you. Just for the record.”
“That can be arranged.” Alex replied, still wearing a dreamy smile.
Silence settled between them, and it was only then that Ryland realized they were still locked in a loose embrace. Alex’s hands were curled into the fabric of his hoodie, Ryland’s resting awkwardly around Alex’s middle. He could smell something fruity on Alex’s breath– likely some sweet, sugary drink he’d ordered at the bar. Any other time, he would’ve pushed Alex away, grumbled about him being too touchy-feely. So why couldn’t he bring himself to do it now?
“What are we doing?” he settled on asking instead, searching Alex’s face cautiously, curiously.
“Spending time with each other. That starts now,” Alex answered, like it was obvious. He didn’t seem to have any intention of moving. “Gotta make up for the last few weeks.”
“Oh. Okay.” Ryland shut his eyes, trying not to focus on Alex’s goofy grin, or the way his curls so perfectly framed his face, or the stupid way he liked to roll his T-shirt sleeves that somehow still managed to look good on him. Alex’s words from earlier suddenly rang in his mind. Jealousy. Is that really what it had been all along?
He opened his eyes to find Alex still staring at him, looking equal parts hesitant and expectant. He was worrying his bottom lip between his teeth. “Ry…”
It happened before Ryland could stop himself. He leaned forward, brushing his lips over Alex’s, gently, like all of this could come crashing down at any moment. And then Alex’s hand was on his cheek, and he was kissing him back, and Ryland was floating and feeling… something . He didn’t know what. But it was intense, and right, and for once Ryland knew he should listen to his gut rather than the ever-present doubt in the back of his mind.
“...Um,” was all Ryland could bring himself to say when they finally broke apart, slightly breathless. “Uh.”
Alex blinked owlishly, looking dazed, flushed, and content all at once. “Holy fucking shit, Ryland.” A beat passed before Alex pulled him into another tight hug. “I’m not dreaming, right?”
That snapped Ryland out of his reverie, and he suddenly felt very vulnerable. Oh god. He’d just kissed his best friend. His best friend who, up until now, he’d had strictly platonic feelings for. There was a slight panic rising in his chest, and he tried to gently nudge Alex away.
“Alex.” No response. Ryland tried again. “Alex. Hey, c’mon. You ever gonna let go?”
Alex shook his head, burying his face into Ryland’s shoulder. His hair tickled Ryland’s face, and he wrinkled his nose, turning his head away.
“Don’t you want to check out your drum kit?”
“Nope. This is your fault. I’m staying here forever now.”
Ryland sighed but didn’t protest further, knowing it was useless to try. He wasn’t sure how long they stayed together, wrapped up in each other’s arms, but it was enough time for him to calm down, to reflect on whatever the hell had just happened. He’d been caught up in the moment, maybe, but strangely didn’t regret what he’d done. And, judging by Alex’s reaction, it had been a pretty good decision. They would need to talk later, he knew. But for now, he leaned into Alex’s lanky body, keeping him close.
Ryland woke late the next morning. He was still groggy as he shuffled into the bathroom to brush his teeth, where he’d heard Alex come and go about half an hour earlier. Running a hand through his hair, he pulled open the cabinet drawer and began rummaging around for toothpaste. It was then that a new, yellow Post-it note on the mirror caught his eye.
Went out to buy more shampoo. Text me if you need anything.
Then, at the bottom, adorned with a winky face and a tiny, misshapen heart:
Dinner at 7?
Ryland smiled, a warmth spreading through his chest that was unfamiliar and yet all-too-familiar all at once. He peeled the note from the mirror and folded it, stuffing it into the pocket of his sweatpants.
Things were different now, that was for certain. He had no idea what was still in store for him, for the team, for the future. But he had Alex, and that was more than enough.
He was home.