Chapter Text
[sends picture]
Unknown: here u go chim chim
Hoseok: who dis
Unknown: what do you mean? It's taetae ♥
Hoseok: okayy, hello taetae! Who's chim chim and why are both of your names double words?
TaeTae: ... ur not chimchim?
Hoseok: D: no.
Hoseok: cute selfie tho! is that u?
TaeTae: yeah it's me, who're you?
Hoseok: i'm hobi. c:
Hoseok: [sends picture]
TaeTae: should u really send ur picture like that to just anybody?
Hoseok: u did so i figured i could as well. or are you a kidnapper... or a creep...??
TaeTae: no! i'm not. i'm just taetae. and chimchim is so clumsy so he tripped and accidentally dropped his phone in the tub so now I was gonna text his new number of his new phone a pic of me for him to look at when he misses me.
Hoseok: oh. i see. bad luck to drop his phone.
TaeTae: yeah. he was really sad. and kookie kept teasing him about it too.
Hoseok: who's kookie? or do u mean cookie?
TaeTae: no, jungkook. he's my bf.
Hoseok: bf??
TaeTae: boyfriend
Hoseok: oh. oh, awesome!
TaeTae: u think it's awesome?
Hoseok: yeah! i wish i had a bf :(((
TaeTae: u like boyz too?
Hoseok: yeah, ofc!! wow, i'm so lucky you texted the wrong number taetae!!
TaeTae: why?
Hoseok: bc i don't have a gay friend!
Hoseok: or, well, didn't use to have one anyway. i've got u now!!
TaeTae: oh, i get it! It's great!
Hoseok: yeah!
TaeTae: yeah,
Hoseok: ... so what's up?
TaeTae: nothing much. waiting for kookie and chimchim to get home from dance practice. u?
Hoseok: wait,, they DANCE?
TaeTae: yeah? i dance some as well, but choosed to focus more on singing, so while they're studying to become dancers or something i'm getting better at singing
Hoseok: OMG!! me too!! I'm a dancer!! or, will be soon, i'm practicing EVERY day!! and u sing?? amaZing!
TaeTae: wow, r u kidding!? awesome!! will let kookie and chimchim know when they get home
Hoseok: u will??
TaeTae: yeah! i can ask if they want to chat as well if u want
Hoseok: rlly??! thank you!!
TaeTae: no prob. not ur fault that u don't have any gay friends. u deserve some. though, kookie's mine so hands off!
Hoseok: okay! okay! i won't touch him, promise!!!
TaeTae: good. :D
Hoseok: okay, i really liked texting with u taetae ur awesome! but i need to brush my teeth now!
TaeTae: okay, bye!
Hoseok: bye!
-
Unknown: You're really too clumsy for your own good. I don't understand how Jin puts up with you.
Hoseok: who's jin???
Unknown: What do you mean? Don't tell me that you've forgotten about your boyfriend now?
Hoseok: i have a boyfriend?? what's his name?
Unknown: Jin!
Hoseok: ... i don't know any jins? who's dis??
Unknown: Are you serious? I don't have time for this Namjoon.
Hoseok: who's namjoon??
Unknown: It. Is. You!
Hoseok: no i'm not namjoon... who's dis??
Unknown: Wait. You're not Namjoon?
Hoseok: no?? and who's jin?
Unknown: Sorry. Must have gotten the wrong number or something. Bye.
Hoseok: wait!! What?
Hoseok: ur just gonna leave like that?? leave me hanging? i wanna know who namnjoon is, and jin, my boyfriend.
Unknown: Ugh. Can't I just leave?
Hoseok: pls don't!!
Unknown: I can't believe I'm doing this... But I meant to text Namjoon, my too clumsy for his own good friend that dropped his phone from the fourth floor, but ended up texting you instead. His boyfriend's name's Seokjin nicknamed Jin.
Hoseok: and ur name is??
Unknown: Tch, I won't give you that. I'm not stupid.
Hoseok: >:( no, ur rude!
Unknown: I'm rude? Wow, as if I didn't know that already. Watch out or I might insult you.
Hoseok: rude???
Unknown: Can I leave now? Are we done?
Hoseok: [sends picture]
Hoseok: i'm hobi. what's ur name?
Hoseok:... hello?
Hoseok: HELLO!?
Unknown: That's you?
Hoseok: yeah yeah, im hobiii, and u??
Unknown: I really can't believe myself right now...
Unknown: Hi, I'm Min Yoongi.
Hoseok: hi yoongi! pleasure to chat with u! sorry about ur friends phone :(
Yoongi: Same. And don't feel sorry for him. Waste of time since he statistically drops a phone every month.
Hoseok: and u still got his number wrong after so many times??
Yoongi: I'm not that good with numbers, okay? What's your point?
Hoseok: ... that's it's great to chat with u!!
Yoongi: Yeah. Sure. Whatever.
Hoseok: ...wait... did you say that namjoon and seokjin were boyfriends?? they're gay!??
Yoongi: Got a problem with that?
Hoseok: no!! no ABSOLOTEDLY not!! wow, NO!
Yoongi: Okay. So why did you ask...?
Hoseok: well, do you have their numbers??
Yoongi: Now I'm really suspicious. Why do you want their numbers?
Hoseok: I'm not a creep, god!! i just want some gay friends to chat with!
Yoongi: And why is that?
Hoseok: do i need a reason?? perhaps i just like gay people! :D
Yoongi: So you treat gay people differently?
Hoseok: i'm gay okay!! happy??
Yoongi: Oh.
Hoseok: what do you mean by "oh"? u don't like gay people, huh??
Yoongi: Just-, why would you say that when my two best friends are gay? It doesn't make sense.
Hoseok: well don't ask me?? i'm not the homophobe!
Yoongi: How did me texting the wrong number end up with me being called a homophobe?
Hoseok: don't ask meee!!! u evil thing, u! u don't like me now?? is that it?? HUH!
Yoongi: Please stop. I'm also gay. Alright?
Hoseok: wait what
Yoongi: You a homophobe or something?
Yoongi: Huh?
Hoseok: noooo!!!!
Yoongi: I'm done here.
Hoseok: no, I meant no as in "noo i'm NOT a homophobe, duh!"
Hoseok: its awesome that ur gay, omg!! i can't believe how lucky i am!! two gay people texted me today!! i now know off six more gay people, hooray! I mean, hoogay!!
Yoongi: ... Okay. I'm not going to count but I think you wrote the word "gay" too many times in that text.
Hoseok: may i get namjoon's and seokjin's numbers?? pleAse!!
Yoongi: No?
Hoseok: PLEASE!!!!!!!!
Yoongi: I already told you no.
Hoseok: [sends picture]
Hoseok: PLEASE!!!!!
Yoongi: That's the same picture from before?
Hoseok: yeah but I'm in bed now and don't look great so it'll have to do, ok??
Yoongi: Ok. But wasn't you in bed on the picture as well?
Hoseok: (not important information)
Hoseok: so i get their numbers?? thank you yoongi! UR THE BEST!!!! *sends kisses*
Yoongi: God, why are you so embarrassing?
Hoseok: ur embarrassed?? lol!!
Yoongi: Please stop texting me now. I have work to do.
Hoseok: at ten in the evening?? ur a #hooker or something!?
Yoongi: First of all, no. I'm not a hooker. And secondly, I'm a rapper. I work on songs all the time.
Hoseok: ur a RAPPER!? OMG THAT'SSS AWESOMEEEEEEE
Yoongi: You think? I think so too.
Hoseok: cocky?!?
Yoongi: Am I?
Hoseok: yes u areeeee! anyway, u can't be better than Agust D. he's the bEsT rapper, mmhmm!
Yoongi: Is that so? Why is he the best?
Hoseok: you haven't heard him or something?? he spits out words like some sickly skilled i don't know what, and his lyrics have deep meaning and he's just sooo bomb ass AMAZINGGGGGG i love hiiiiim! i mean, i love his Music*. his songs. yeah
Yoongi: Okay. I'm trying to make some sense of that text...
Hoseok: Agust D has the D if u know what I mean *wink wink* hohoho
Yoongi: You did not just write "hohoho".
Hoseok: i think i did, hohoho
Yoongi: Okay, I really need to go now.
Hoseok: no wait! ur not only saying that to get rid of me and delete and/or block my number, are you?? :((
Yoongi: Busted!
Hoseok: yoongi!!!!
Yoongi: Okay, no. I need to work on this song. But first...
Hoseok: what??
Yoongi: [sends picture]
Yoongi: Goodnight!
Hoseok: u sent me a pic of Agust D?? thanks!!
Yoongi: No, that's a picture of me. I am Agust D.
Hoseok: whaaaaaaaaat. no. don't fool me, lol. I'm not that easy to trick lmao. hehe.
Hoseok: ur kidding right??
Yoongi: No, I'm not. And I thought that a real fan would know that Agust D's birth name is Min Yoongi, alias, my name. But well, guess I was wrong. Night Hobi.
Hoseok: WAIT!!!!! W.A.I.T!!
Hoseok: ur the REAL Agust D!?!? OMG!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Yoongi: That's more like it.
Hoseok: MY NAME'S JUNG HOSEOK SIR!! u can call me hoseok, hobi, hopie, jungie, boyfriend, anything really
Yoongi: ... Boyfriend?
Hoseok: IGNORE THAT PART IT WASN'T MEANT TO BE WRITTEN PLEASE HELP HOW TO DELETE TEXTS
Yoongi: Okay, ha ha. Think it's time for me to leave now.
Hoseok: NO!
Yoongi: I have to leave now Hobi, or should I say boyfriend?
Hoseok: NOOOOOOOOO, ahhhhhhhhhhh, help, call 911, think my cheeks burned off my face
Yoongi the D boy: You can get Namjoon or Jin to call for you. Here are their numbers:
Yoongi the D boy: [sends Namjoon's and Jin's number]
Hoseok: what omggggg!!!!!!!!! THANK YOU YOONGI UR THE BESTTTTTHHHHH!!!!!<3<3<3<33<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<<3<33 *sends kisses*
Yoongi the D boy: Ugh, please stop with the hearts and "kisses". It's annoying.
Hoseok: annoying, hmm?? so namjoon shouldn't call 911 to help ur burning cheeks as well??
Yoongi the D boy: No. It's annoying. Bye Hoseok.
Hoseok: bye, or wait!
Yoongi the D boy: What?
Hoseok: ... this might sound really weird but for SCIENTIFIC RESEARCH i'm wondering if U have a bf or not?
Yoongi the D boy: Bf? As in boyfriend? I don't. Why are you asking?
Hoseok: u don't!?!? or, ehm, i, mean, i told u?? for scientific, uh, research!
Yoongi the D boy: Sure... Bye Hobi.
Hoseok: bye yoongi aka Agust the D boy!!!!!!!!!!! text me tomorrow or ill spam u until u text me back!!
Yoongi the D boy: Seriously?
Hoseok: it's a PROMISE and hobi NEVER breaks promises!
Yoongi the D boy: And Hobi apparently talks to himself in third person also, wow, you like Gollum?
Hoseok: gollum? from lord of the rings?? should i feel OFFENDED!?
Yoongi the D boy: No. No, never mind. Bye! (I'm literally putting away my phone now so don't tell me "wait" one more time.
Hoseok: okee, bye!
Hoseok: and I'm NOT gollum!!