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Anger.
Seething, burning anger was all Hawkmoth noticed from his chosen victim. She'd had an argument with her husband, and she was a mess of emotions. Rage was foremost and he could use that to his advantage. He prepared his akuma accordingly, preparing a name and planning her powers.
He had just figured out something suitable when she came into range of the butterfly. However, that anger had given way to an overwhelming sadness. Before Hawkmoth could decide whether or not she'd still prove useful, the akuma flew into her wedding ring, opening up a line of communication.
He couldn't initially manage a word. The numbness and pain were overwhelming. It wasn’t an unfamiliar sensation, one he'd dealt with personally, but it was unexpected from someone who had been raging just moments before. He took a moment to gather his thoughts, making sure the emotion was exactly what he thought it was before planning his approach.
“Fights with your husband happen often , don't they?”
She tensed upon hearing the unfamiliar voice in her head, worried briefly if she was finally losing her mind. Her panic subsided quickly, though, simply accepting the likelihood that she was crazy without even the slightest protest.
“Yes.”
Hawkmoth took a deep breath, swallowing thickly. “I'm also guessing they don't often end in your favor?”
She shook her head, sighing as she tugged her knees to her chest. “No. He never even considers me being right. He controls everything and I can barely get a word in edgewise. That's okay, though. I'm not exactly the smartest of people. He's always been more successful, so I suppose he would be right more often than I would.”
Judging from the self-loathing and lack of will, he guessed she fully believed that. He had a feeling that if he akumatized her she'd barely even be willing to fight anything, let alone get the miraculous and prove useful. On the flip side, however, he had a feeling that if he took back the akuma and left her alone, she wouldn't make it through the night.
He couldn't believe he was about to do this.
“Him being more successful doesn't necessarily mean he's always right. Sometimes being more successful can even blind people to their faults.” He felt a knot in his stomach as he said that, taking a deep breath to try and calm himself down and not think too hard on words he knew oh-so-well were hypocritical as could be. If he thought too much on where the words came from, she might feel emotions she wasn’t prepared for.
“What’s your name?” He asked after another moment of silence, realizing she might be thinking too much during the quiet, which could be dangerous too.
“ Renée,” she replied after a moment of hesitance. “And you?”
“Hawkmoth.” He replied, having a feeling that wouldn’t necessarily cause too much panic when she was at this level of numbness. After a moment of paying special attention to her emotions,he felt a spike of anxiety before she calmed herself.
“Does that mean you plan to make me one of those...things?”
“Only if you want to. I could give you the power to make him afraid of you for once, after all.”
She was quiet for another minute, contemplating before the numbness took over again. “What would be the point? He’d just go back to how he was before. And then I’d have others scared of me. I don’t think I could do that. Especially if I scare my daughter. The last thing I need is for her to think he’s the less threatening of the both of us.”
“You have a daughter?” That added an extra layer to it all. If she killed herself, then that could lead to a child that was left in the wrong hands.
He knew a bit more about that than he was likely to admit to anyone.
“If you’re afraid of scaring her away toward him, then wouldn’t dying do exactly what you’re afraid of?” He asked, hoping perhaps he was doing this right. He thus far had only been able to talk himself and his wife down from these things. He’d never tried with someone he didn’t know. He only hoped tactics similar to how he convinced his akumas to do what they did could be molded into something that helped for this.
He wasn’t sure why he even cared. He’d just be reversing a lot of this anyway once he had the miraculous. This was probably pointless in the long run.
“I...hadn’t thought about it that way. I feel like a terrible mother, though. I’m too afraid to defend her against him most of the time. She deserves better.”
“Except, legally, he would be considered the first choice for custody if you’re gone. If he’s really as bad as you make him out to be, then killing yourself would be the real way to fail as a mother, don’t you think?”
“How would you know if that’s the failing choice? I’m not exactly the most stable of people myself. She deserves better than both of us.” She protested.
“If you somehow proved he wasn’t a suitable parent for your daughter and then you killed yourself after, then she’d just end up being bounced around in the system and possibly end up with someone who doesn’t care about her at all. You obviously care about her and that’s something she deserves, right?” Hawkmoth was the last person anyone in Paris would expect to talk like this, so the entire experience seemed surreal for both of them.
Perhaps that’s why she took his words a bit more to heart. She went silent yet again, hesitantly letting go of her legs to let them settle back into a normal sitting position. “You’ve thought about this before, I’m guessing?”
This was the moment Hawkmoth went silent, glancing over at the entrance to his lair in the floor. After a few minutes, he finally responded.
“Yes. I’ve thought about it extensively. I have a child too. A child who deserves better than me, so I keep working to achieve that. If I...caved then he wouldn’t have anyone. His mother went missing over a year ago. She was better at caring for him and I’m not going to stop until I find her and get that back for him. I’m not going to kill myself until I can secure that for him. At the very least, I’d say you should stay around long enough to make sure your daughter gets the care and security she deserves. If you need a reason after, then stay just to spite your husband and prove you can do this without him.”
“Without him? I...I don’t make enough money. He pays the majority of our bills and needs. I could barely support myself, let alone my daughter. I wouldn’t be able to leave even if I gained the courage to.” She sighed, glancing over at her purse. “I just...can’t.
He took a deep breath before hesitantly pulling out his phone. “Would you give me your bank information? Or perhaps your Paypal or something?”
“I don’t underst-”
“I’m going to help you. You’ll have enough money to leave and get started for a bit until you can get a good paying job. Your independence will spite him more than anything else you could do. Now hurry up before I change my mind.”
“Is there a catch? I guess I should let you transform me, right?”
“That would be ideal, but I won’t make you. I’d rather not take advantage of suicidal urges. I’d rather work with a normal level of sadness, anger and spite. Now, are you going to let me help you or not?”
“Wouldn’t that reveal who you are? Wouldn't you have your name attached to your accounts?”
“I’m a supervillain . Do you think I buy all the things I need for it with the same bank account I use to buy my groceries? Please .”
She was quiet for a moment before she chuckled a bit at his response. “Okay, let me get my info.”
There it was. Finally , the inkling of a positive emotion. Maybe she'd be fine now. At least, he could hope so.
Hope.
Now,
that
was a feeling to hold on to. No matter who you were.